Poly?

[boxersboy75]

I have a friend who posted a personals ad stating he'd like a group or polyamorous relationship. This may be a stupid question, but does that mean he's bi?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Poly can be a myriad of combinations. 1 male could be bi, while one is straight, the female could be bi with a straight male and bi male companions, even a female. She could be interested in male #1 but not male #2 or have a partner all of her own and she only does things with the female. The two males could have a relationship outside of the females. There are a million possibilities.

 

[Naughty Teacher]

If he's your friend, why not ask him?

 

[boxersboy75]

If he's your friend, why not ask him?

Not sure if it'd go over well or not as he doesnt know I saw the post.

 

[KennF]

Not sure if it'd go over well or not as he doesnt know I saw the post.

Well, if you saw his post, then he was open to the conversation. You must have seen it in a place he was interested in the same as you.

*nudge, nudge*

 

[Naughty Teacher]

So, talk about the topic, not the post. For example, "It's too bad about Supernatural. I'd date both of those guys if I could"

 

[AlteredEgo]

Does it mean he's bi? No. Could he be bi? Couldn't anyone until you ask him or her? Ask him.

 

[boxersboy75]

Naw I came across it on a singles website. He doesnt know I saw it, and his photos are cropped to hide its him; but it very much certainly is.

 

[KennF]

Naw I came across it on a singles website. He doesnt know I saw it, and his photos are cropped to hide its him; but it very much certainly is.

So what? He posted it. You recognized him.

The fact that he is poly-amorous means he's willing and open to being in love with more than one person. It doesn't speak to his sexual orientation. But it does say that he is open-minded. So... I still say...go for it and ask.

 

[concupisys]

ugh.... poly is so lame.... it (along with trans, omni, neutral, sapio, etc, etc, etc...) is junt one of these new sexual boutique trends that bring an air of political correctness to something that is OBVIOUSLY not politically correct.... i can accept the relationship(s) for what it is (they are), but seriously: it's just another way to call oneself a narcissistic slut that we are forced to deem socially acceptable, lest we be PHOBIC....

fuck that shit.... i'm just a slut, and i actually have the guts to admit it.....

 

[Mellow]

ugh.... poly is so lame.... it (along with trans, omni, neutral, sapio, etc, etc, etc...) is junt one of these new sexual boutique trends that bring an air of political correctness to something that is OBVIOUSLY not politically correct.... i can accept the relationship(s) for what it is (they are), but seriously: it's just another way to call oneself a narcissistic slut that we are forced to deem socially acceptable, lest we be PHOBIC....

fuck that shit.... i'm just a slut, and i actually have the guts to admit it.....

Wow... I don't think I am as upset as I should be. I kind of dig your irreverent disposition, regardless of how you misrepresented the poly lifestyle. To be clear, a slut engages in sexual congress with multiple partners without social influence and common standards (which sounds like freedom to me, man, slut on). Poly is a lot of what you said, plus the benefit of loving consideration granted to those in any long term relationship. Just my two Lincolns.

 

[concupisys]

i get that..... like, i'm a slut, but i don't just lay with strangers.... that's just not safe.... my shamelessness is prevalent because i would never lay with someone who i don't respect or couldn't be good friends with.... we can swap loads and then go for a beer after, so there is a balanced combination of platonic and carnal.... the only difference really is that i don't feel the need to place a label on my sexual lifestyle because labels = limitations..... but when you have one guy/girl with multiple 'loves', it (to me) feels like there is something deeper underlying within the lifestyle.... like maybe they weren't held enough as a child or something....

i think if we simply lived our (sex) lives without the boutique labels and their unwritten rules with honesty and respect, there would be much less misunderstanding, fear, insecurity and hate in the realms of sexuality and gender.... if a person knows who they are and has the guts to be themselves without having to learn a whole new vocabulary just to explain and justify it, we'd be spending a LOT more time loving each other than judging each other.....

because let's face it: as soon as you place a label on yourself, you immediately open the door to be judged..... and if you can't face it: move to fucking disney world.....

 

[Mellow]

because let's face it: as soon as you place a label on yourself, you immediately open the door to be judged..... and if you can't face it: move to fucking disney world.....

Brother, I couldn't agree more.

 

[AlteredEgo]

but when you have one guy/girl with multiple 'loves', it (to me) feels like there is something deeper underlying within the lifestyle.... like maybe they weren't held enough as a child or something....

Or maybe they have a capacity you don't.

 

[LeftCoast]

I hate to contribute to the hijacking of this thread, but if you are going to advertise a product, you have to put a label on it. And back to you, boxersboy, maybe opening a dialogue with your friend would help you to learn more about him. Maybe he's exploring a fantasy or just curious.

 

[concupisys]

Or maybe they have a capacity you don't.

i will thank you to leave your personal attacks in your head.... this is a discussion, not a shit slinging contest.... you are welcome to disagree with me, but save the insults for the playground....

 

[KennF]

ugh.... poly is so lame.... it (along with trans, omni, neutral, sapio, etc, etc, etc...) is junt one of these new sexual boutique trends that bring an air of political correctness to something that is OBVIOUSLY not politically correct.... i can accept the relationship(s) for what it is (they are), but seriously: it's just another way to call oneself a narcissistic slut that we are forced to deem socially acceptable, lest we be PHOBIC....

Um... I'm not even sure how to respond to this. I feel like I'm reading a piece of hate literature and thinking or it must be a weird attempt at reverse psychology.

First, you slam someone's lifestyle as "lame" and then throw a bunch of others into the same disrespect pot. Next you say you accept them, but qualify it, as if you are joking that you don't accept them. Lastly, you call the people, you've slammed and dis'd, as narcissistic and slut-ish and that they should accept those labels or be considered scared of accepting.

I have to presume you've got some weird sarcasm in there somewhere. It does read well in this type of expression, because on the surface, you sound horrid. And that is not the read I get from your other posts.

Poly-amorous people have been around a LONG time, and it isn't some "boutique" trend. I've known a couple of poly-triads for more than a decade. I can tell you, they are in no way "trend-y". They each formed loving committed bonds with multiple people at the same time.

 

[concupisys]

thanks kenn.... i also know plenty of 'poly' triads, and have known them for longer than a decade as well.... but they don't classify it that way because they take a more existential approach to living the lifestyle and actually don't like calling themselves 'poly'.... to them it's just a unique kind of relationship that they have, and they have made it work for them.... 'poly' IS a boutique label; especially in the wake of this newfound sexual revolution that seems to be going on in our society.... it exists just like all the other labels as a means for people to identify with others.... problem is: in many cases, people see the labels and the surface of their meaning and miss the point of them completely.....

given the replies to my previous comment, them i'm happy to say that it's done EXACTLY what it was intended to do: provoke independent thought, and expose the ignorant REAL haters.....

i don't discriminate when it comes to ignorant douchebaggery..... i hate all ignorant douchebags equally......

 

[KennF]

@concupisys First, thank you for clarifying. I didn't think were as hateful as your message came across.

I do, however, question your conclusion. While your approach is designed to attack "labels", which most people on the forum have agreed are societal constructs that do as much (if not more) harm than good. You are assuming that the people who respond are the only responses. You created responses that you never saw and don't know their reaction.

At least in this thread, you ignored the OP and their situation, and, if I had not been confused by the mixed messages, I would have just assumed you ignorant and lumped you in with several other crackpots on the site. I am glad I didn't.

Second, in your original response, you said "poly is lame" and called it a "boutique trend", instead of attacking the label as a boutique trend. While the triads you know resent the word, the ones I know are quite different. They want to create a label so that they can create the understanding so that they can gain the same political movement and progress that others have achieved.

If society doesn't have a label to classify then they are unique and lack political presence. At some point, the legal system and cultural norms need to adjust. They don't adjust in a vacuum.

 

[concupisys]

i can totally understand that perspective..... it tends to be the most common one, as everyone is looking for whatever ____-graphic they identify with to be a bart of the systematic processes that the legal and government systems have created.... to most, it's only when those systems have acknowledged them and re-written the legislation and laws to include them that they feel they have been 'accepted'.....

that is not the case with me.....

i couldn't not give a flying crap what the government or society thinks of me.... i don't want special treatment because i'm not of the majority rule.... i don't require advocacy above what me standing up to the system on my own two feet will allot me..... frankly: they don't know, and will most likely never know..... i have never voted in an election or even registered to vote.... ever.... politics and laws do not speak for me..... i speak for myself..... i don't need any excuses to feel victimized by others because i won't let them victimize me..... i can, however, victimize myself, and try to play that card as a means to 'get' things that i either don't need or don't deserve.....

ultimately, what my statements have been trying to provoke and express is not hate or discrimination..... it's INDIVIDUALITY.... it's OWNING yourself and having the guts to show all that societal bullshit pile that i can make it in this world WITHOUT THEM..... it's about ME TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME, and carving out my own version of happiness, success, and satisfaction OUTSIDE the boundaries and limitations that society and our governing forces are dishing out like dog food.... why? because by living it that way, THEY CAN'T CONTROL ME.....

i apologize if my previous comments offended anyone, but offense is not the intention..... if i wanted to be offensive, trust me: you would know..... i don't tip-toe around that kind of thing..... if i leave a shit pile for you to step in, i will make sure that my name is written on every piece of corn that's laden in it.....

otherwize: carry on girls.... this discussion is awesome.....