Poor Relationship With Father Made You Gay?

Growing123

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Do you think that there is a link between having an emotionally absent father and being gay?

I sometimes wonder if I would have had more confidence with women had I had a more nurturing father and that this self esteem would have led to deeper attraction. I think that I was looking for a male to desire me as my father emotionally rejected me by being distant and sidelining me. I know that straight guys can experience the same but I think that an initial genetic susceptibility to homosexuality can potentially be offset by a supportive, encouraging father.
 
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bravesoldier

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Do you think that there is a link between having an emotionally absent father and being gay?

I sometimes wonder if I would have had more confidence with women had I had a more nurturing father and that this self esteem would have led to deeper attraction. I think that I was looking for a male to desire me as my father emotionally rejected me by being distant and sidelining me. I know that straight guys can experience the same but I think that an initial genetic susceptibility to homosexuality can potentially be offset by a supportive, encouraging father.

My thoughts are if you're gay you were born that way. An emotionally supportive father to guide you and teach you guys things can create a much more well rounded masculine boy, but if the gay gene is present, it is present. Just my opinion.
 

OKCLane

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Pardon my convoluted response. I volunteer in juvenile corrections to help young men achieve a GED. There is a clear correlation between felons and a lack of education. Average intake score for adults entering the system was the 4.6 Grade when I was last (2010) volunteering in adult corrections.

How does this relate to your post? Most of the boys/young men I deal with come from single parent homes, typically female as head of household. A gay boy is rare. A boy with no father or male role model is the norm.

An absentee father is more likely to have a role (I don’t want to say causes) bad behavior and poor choices, than contribute to a gay son.

I believe we are born gay. I don’t know if there is a gay gene, that’s a topic for other threads. Sorry to take the long way around to answer your question.
 

englad

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No, apart from anything else I had an excellent male role model in the house. He was my grandfather, not my father. I think my gayness is completely unrelated to my relationships with either.

With all due respect, the framing of the question in a tired homophobic trope (often vomited out by right wing evangelicals) smacks of a fair degree of self-loathing.
 

keenobserver

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Do you think that there is a link between having an emotionally absent father and being gay?

I sometimes wonder if I would have had more confidence with women had I had a more nurturing father and that this self esteem would have led to deeper attraction. I think that I was looking for a male to desire me as my father emotionally rejected me by being distant and sidelining me. I know that straight guys can experience the same but I think that an initial genetic susceptibility to homosexuality can potentially be offset by a supportive, encouraging father.

I'm inclined to come down on the side of 'born gay.' I was fairly close to my father at the time realized I was gay. I also have had similar experiences with young people as @OKCLane. Your experiences may be a factor, and I say this because no single genetic marker has been linked as definitive. It also may be a factor when you weigh sexual fluidity in the equation. I see more and more people being attracted to both sexes and all sexes, so I assume even if genetics is the main factor other issues might play a role.

I have always been confident around women - I just had no desire to be intimate with them. When I was in college I was intimate twice with women who asked me to, as a friend and I was still closeted and felt I could not refuse, since both were a one - off. It was the only two times I had to 'work' at sex. For me, not a good experience. Still that is all anecdotal and hardly science. I would be interested if anyone could recommend some current, non-religious material on the subject. I have not seen too much to go on.

I would also caution that there are situations that have no "why" to them - they just are, and looking for a 'why' or 'cause' can really be counter productive to your own health and well being. It makes as much sense to dwell on bigger issues like "Why have I not won the Mega-Millions drawing yet?" - that causes me more worry than 'why am I gay.'
 
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1225108

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No, I'm fairly sure this has nothing to do with it.

I'm gay. And sexuality isn't that big a deal actually... Basically it's just a matter of taste. Some like green, some like red. Some like girls (straight men and lesbians), some like men (straight women and gay men) and then there are bisexuals with an eclectic tastes. Good for them for liking people in general and not sticking with one gender as a possible date, mate or partner.

Wondering what 'makes' people gay implies or presumes something 'went wrong' or that being straight is normal.
When you're ok with falling for either men, women or either why wonder about the supposed cause?
It's just love and sex man.

Besides that nothing 'made' me gay (I just got lucky) nobody who knew my dad could in their right mind blame him for not being there for his wife and children.
He passed away last February by the way and there are lots of moment I just go 'thanks Dad' when I remember him.
And I especially mis teasing him as one does a friend one loves.
 
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1225108

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No, apart from anything else I had an excellent male role model in the house. He was my grandfather, not my father. I think my gayness is completely unrelated to my relationships with either.

With all due respect, the framing of the question in a tired homophobic trope (often vomited out by right wing evangelicals) smacks of a fair degree of self-loathing.
Indeed.
 
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sxh5704

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I like many others who have weighed in feel that you can't help being born gay anymore than you can help being born with brown hair and brown eyes. I don't think fathers, good ones or bad ones play a role in 'turning their sons gay'. You are who you are, I knew at a very young age that I liked dicks.
 

Brodie888

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I'll blow this one out of the water very quickly. If emotionally absent fathers cause homosexuality, then all your siblings would also be gay.

On top of that, there are probably more absent fathers than there are gay people on this planet so that's a second strike.
 

Notaes

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I have gay friends. I have had gay employees that lived their fathers dearly. My opinion is that I think there is genetic factor here that makes the difference whether one is straight or gay. I enjoy my gay friends as much as my straight friends. Don’t treat either any different. I don’t think an absent father makes any difference! Just my thoughts!
 

TobinDarren

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Do you think that there is a link between having an emotionally absent father and being gay?

I sometimes wonder if I would have had more confidence with women had I had a more nurturing father and that this self esteem would have led to deeper attraction. I think that I was looking for a male to desire me as my father emotionally rejected me by being distant and sidelining me. I know that straight guys can experience the same but I think that an initial genetic susceptibility to homosexuality can potentially be offset by a supportive, encouraging father.

it is an interesting question. i am not aware of any researches on it so i can not say for sure.

but i always thought could be a contributor, not sole determinant.

but that is just my opinion.

opps, i guess those crazy women on this site is going to start bark again because i just aired my personal opinion

too bad they can't post here. not mine problem, i didn't make up the rules.
 

muskokan

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once again the (im)moral right raises its head and spews out garbage. Nature vs nurture! my biological and my step father both were present during my formative years and into my present point. I have 4 male sibs as well as a sister and they are all straight. In the extended family there are at least 1 gay person in every generation as far back as i can remember(cousin, uncle, great uncle you get the point) so the argument of a genetic marker has much credence in our family.
 

TheBiGuy101

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You can become paranoid questioning everything, I know I have a good father and a loving family, but still questioned his emotional presence during my childhood years. I questioned experimenting with others, and wondered if that’s what made me interested in men as well as women. But in the end, I am who I am and can finally be happy with it.
 
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622675

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Sexual interest in the same sex is most likely an inherited attribute or set of attributes. However, the nature of an individual’s upbringing may lead to more or less freedom to develop your own personality.

What I am trying to say is that if you are interested in guys to some degree to start with, and your environment allows you to experience or act on your interest, then you may develop more fully and more quickly with a happier result (Check out Maslow Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs)

The nature of your relationship to father or mother may either slow down your development or speed it up. Worst-case situation is that either their influence or your lack of self-confidence will result in an unfulfilled life for you. You only have a certain amount of time to work things out.

All that said, science and technology may soon overtake the nature / nurture discussion.

How CRISPR lets us edit our DNA
 
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Ellen10

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In my opinion, no one is born gay with all the respect, you aren’t born with a list of things you like to eat or watch because feelings changes all the time (either the person in front of you change (got older or more attractive but for the point i want to make they change their personality) or you’ve changed). Sometimes you got a crush on hot and attractive person but once they have opened their mouth and you see there ugly personality you’re going to get turned off… so my point is that if your personality lacks of “men character “in your life your probably going to search for it in your partner, not all gay guy are like this but everyone go their own reasons and must of us aren’t able to idenfie them
That’s just my opinion so I really don’t mean to effend anyone
And I’m sorry for my bad English I hope you can understand what I was trying to say