I have and am dealing with a bad porn addiction, I watch everything from extreme fisting and screaming bottoms to the boring ones from men.com and stuff. Being a bottom myself I love feeling a thick cock stretching my hole feeling cum dumped inside me. I am ashamed of it and embarrassed, I literally watch it like a movie. Not even to jerk off anymore. Twitter is my main source of addiction. I’ve been better nowadays but I’ll log on here and there. I’ve found a new little porn haven looking at men’s feet.
I have the same exact problem as do thousands of other men gay and straight do. So please don't feel alone. I always felt like something was wrong with me "mentally" as a small child because I've had sexual thought since I was 5 years old and now I'm 40. And I don't mean the cutesy stuff that 5 year olds want to know where babies come from. At that age I used to have sexual thoughts about hot teen and college jocks the same way a grown man would have. I didn't get horny over it cause I hadn't reached puberty yet. Not until I was 11.
But earlier this year I decided it was time for a change and to erase about 90% of the porn pictures and videos I've had on my laptop for several years. It took me about 6 months to let go of it all because I felt like I was ripping a part of my body away giving it ALL up.
I was taking my sweet time combing through every single picture and video trying to pick and choose which ones I wanted to keep and which ones I wanted to get rid of. It was such a complicated process for me because instead of just hitting the delete button on ALL of it, I was trying to compromise with myself on why I should keep certain ones. Feeling like I was going to miss out on something if I let go of it all.
I didn't realize how much of it I actually had until I spent hours on my computer going through all of these random pics and videos deleting one after another and it took me 6 months. But what help is I realized I can't have any of those guys in the videos, and I much prefer the real thing in person instead of a bunch of videos I had seen a million times over. Plus most of those videos we're 5 to 10 years old, so none of those hot guys probably look like that anymore. Don't get me wrong I still like sex and looking at hot guys but I wasn't adding anyting to my life by having all of that stuff.
But no matter what you believe in, there's nothing wrong with having sexual thoughts and feelings because as human beings we are all programed that way. But for mental health reasons it's best to have some type of balance and drop it and walk away from it all.