Porn and social media impact on body image

bpk1234

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So I am 25 years old 5'8ish 140lbs. Up until this past summer I was 120lbs when I finally decided to make a change and start gaining mass and muscle. So I got a trainer and gained 20lbs in lean muscle mass. My trainer has helped me immensely with building my confidence. Helped me realize that its how you feel not how you look.

I do still have my body image issues and I never expected the gym to make them magically disappear but help me find new ways to like myself. I started following my gym on instagram and it opened a whole new can of worms... the algorithm thought Id have interest in fitness influencers. I compare myself constantly and it just eats me alive. Porn and social media have drilled a horribly inaccurate depiction of what men in real world look like. I'm certainly not hung with flawless skin and abs. I know Im making a very false comparison. Ive gone as far as blocking porn websites, deleting social media and it worked for about 4 days.

Anyone else have a similar experience? How do you cope with it?

I have some pics on my profile if you want to see me.
 

Alex22876

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Don’t benchmark against people online. You know the reasons: they are augmented by photoshop type tools, they workout 3 hours a day, that is their job, etc.

If you need to benchmark yourself, and I don’t think that is all bad, go to your local coffee shop or grocery store or something. Those are the real people.
Keep in mind (I am going to make up your demographics) but you work 60 hours a week at a real job and you have family responsibilities and a limited amount of funds to spend on “health” items. If you compare against others in a similar way, you will realize that most of you are doing pretty good given all the shit going on!

there is nothing wrong with using a little friendly comparison to nudge you to be better, but keep in mind you don’t know all the details of the other person: those that look better might spend tons of time at the sacrifice of other pleasures of life or those that don’t look as good might have family or health issues.
 

batnballs67

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I definitely agree with Alex. You aren't seeing guys with that are representative of majority of guys, even those who work out regularly.

Benchmark against the guys at your gym. Change there and shower there. You will realize how good you really look. (Nice pics, btw) Some guys just never get huge and that is just a genetic difference like beard thickness. Celebrate the differences, man!
 

bpk1234

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Being huge was never a concern of mine. I went into the gym with the goal of gaining weight in muscle. I much more content with the fact that when I started I could dead-lift 20lbs and now I'm up to 250lbs.

Unfortunately, my gym does not have open locker rooms only private bathrooms with showers so I never get to see anyone naked. Not to go off on a tangent, but what I do find comfort in are the women who are always at my gym. They have conversations about how some men think they look so good and reality they don't its just the Y chromosome. As a gay man it is fascinating to me the difference in what women value as attractive and what men value as attractive.
 

batnballs67

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That's too bad that you don't get a regular locker room, but it is what it is. You've got a place to work out! Even if you aren't seeing guys completely naked, you probably get a decent idea of their physiques in workout clothes.

I think there are definitely differences between men and women's observations of each sex.
 

CaptainRugby

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Real topic. Obviously I can’t compare to previous generations, but porn plays a huge role in male body image, I’d say most guys (at least younger) feel they have a small dick if they aren’t pornstar big, and a lack of male interaction means lots never really see normal guys. Steroids are popular to get huge quickly, and so many younger guys expect to be like a film star.

I’ve known quite a lot of body image problems, making guys self-harm, take drugs, etc. One of the worst reactions is guys who use porn and the internet in place of real relationships, I’ve known guys who would wank 4 times a day but never talk to a girl in person. Sad times.
 
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deleted11254011

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It sounds like you already know that reality and fantasy/ unrealistic ideals do not match up.

In reality, more often than not for most, be okay with the good in comparison of the best. Otherwise, it will be a very lonely endless chase of an ideal that does not exist outside the meta verse.
 
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deleted15329811

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I know guys like me are essentially shunned every where not a lot of people like the big chub bears! We are a niche market from Black Friday to New Years Eve! I was walking through Walmart not bothering anyone and going about my business and some old bitch walks past the aisle, looks at me and says Oh my god are you fat! Let me tell you that felt good <that's sarcasm BTW! People think us big guys are jolly all the time...we are not, sure some guys are but you never know who you are getting! We have feelings you know we are human. It's needless to say that I have a lousy body image.
 
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ItalTony9

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I know guys like me are essentially shunned every where not a lot of people like the big chub bears! We are a niche market from Black Friday to New Years Eve! I was walking through Walmart not bothering anyone and going about my business and some old bitch walks past the aisle, looks at me and says Oh my god are you fat! Let me tell you that felt good <that's sarcasm BTW! People think us big guys are jolly all the time...we are not, sure some guys are but you never know who you are getting! We have feelings you know we are human. It's needless to say that I have a lousy body image.
That is awful that someone came up to you and said that! Often times, if one looks 'sweet' and gentle, people see that as an avenue to criticize. its really disgusting and im sorry that happened to you
 
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deleted15329811

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I don't look sweet n gentle I don' look rough n gruff I'm just a normal chub bear usually found in jeans and a comfy tee summer its shorts and a tee it was summer so shorts and the tee were uniform of the day and sandals, just pushing my cart and getting my items out of left field with her old bullshit! And people just assume that I am lazy and I eat shit that isn't the case I am big because I have been on steroids for years on and off for asthma! In '18 I needed a course of them and with eating only 2 meals a day no snacks and drinking water and crystal light gained 16 pounds in 2 weeks! It is a never ending battle pushing a rock up a hill! Oh you need to loose weight and exercise more, you exercise more and have a flare well you need to rest and take it easy here is prednisone here is the weight you lost plus a few extra pounds! I can't wait til this broken foot is healed and start using my Total Gym!
 
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deleted16192141

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From your pictures, I think you look great. Of course, when it comes to body image issues, I know it won't help. Since you're already doing muscle training, your physique is going to be very aesthetic because of your ectomorph genetics. Stuff like shoulder to waist ratio will make you feel blessed. Good luck, and always give your best.

I'm an endomorph and have been dealing with disordered eating for some time to the point that even gaining muscle used to scare me because it made my weight go up on the scales. But I'm starting to come to terms with my body type
 
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deleted15329811

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From your pictures, I think you look great. Of course, when it comes to body image issues, I know it won't help. Since you're already doing muscle training, your physique is going to be very aesthetic because of your ectomorph genetics. Stuff like shoulder to waist ratio will make you feel blessed. Good luck, and always give your best.

I'm an endomorph and have been dealing with disordered eating for some time to the point that even gaining muscle used to scare me because it made my weight go up on the scales. But I'm starting to come to terms with my body type
Thank you for the kindness! Not doing muscle training yet waiting on that green light!
 
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deleted16192141

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...Excuse me while I die of embarrassment
MGKSKSFKSS it was hard for me to say it too, you know! But I'm new here and haven't been in forums since high school so I guess it's my fault for not quoting
 

Sagittarius84

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Not to undermine OPS thought process; because I do think porn and social media are instrumental in forming unrealistic body standards, but it seems.... non productive to reaffirm the ubiquity and variety of average male bodies, when no demographic of average men are reliably secure or desired within the mating and dating hierarchy. I'm not entirely convinced there isn't some value in chasing unrealistic standards of the masculine expression, when most men are looking to capitalize upon that to form relationships, and most individuals whom are interested in men express unrealistic preferences for them to fulfill.
I liken it to income: earning more doesn't automatically make you a better catch, but it will inevitably inspire a wider swath of interest your way.
 

bpk1234

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Not to undermine OPS thought process; because I do think porn and social media are instrumental in forming unrealistic body standards, but it seems.... non productive to reaffirm the ubiquity and variety of average male bodies, when no demographic of average men are reliably secure or desired within the mating and dating hierarchy. I'm not entirely convinced there isn't some value in chasing unrealistic standards of the masculine expression, when most men are looking to capitalize upon that to form relationships, and most individuals whom are interested in men express unrealistic preferences for them to fulfill.
I liken it to income: earning more doesn't automatically make you a better catch, but it will inevitably inspire a wider swath of interest your way.
With all due respect....

Why would I want to chase something that is unachievable with any normal lifestyle? There is no value in chasing something so toxic when I am already not content with myself.I'm lucky I get to the gym 3x a week. Those capitalizing on the unrealistic standards are part of the issue. I don't really want a guy falling in love with me because I have a lot money or abs.

My intent with this post is that I am trying to be happy and content with my own body. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you but you seem to be uncovering all these rabbit holes I am trying to get out of.
 

Sagittarius84

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Why would I want to chase something that is unachievable with any normal lifestyle?
I mean Christians seek to be like Christ, though that is an impossible task ultimately.
I'm sorry, none of this was meant to derail your progress, nor stop you from embracing yourself...it's just in my experience, men(regardless of sexuality) have to become or build something in order to be desired. I don't necessarily think that is right or fair; not going to prevent me from raising my son to maximize his opportunities by leaning to what the market demands...and a lot of times it not about being selected solely due to "money or abs" but rather the time, dedication and discipline necessary to build those assets or muscles that comes off as attractive.
Ultimately like the explorers of old, I don't think it's bad to aim for a horizon you'll never actually reach, but for what you're bound to discover along the way.
 
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deleted18388141

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I deleted the apps of social media..
It changed my life, those things made my life shit...
now I do exercice, talk to people, don't have a phone in the hand....
if i want social media, i go from the computer and guess what : who cares about likes and ikes, i go rarely to see messages when i know i want to talk to someone...
that s a horrible thing social media..
porn.. i use it less and less