Porn that doesn't belittle - and is HOT

dolfette

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how did i miss this gem?
That would scare me too. If she's had trauma, it may be good to stay away from those as well. She may seem into them, but that may not be a good thing.
you are aware that this is an adult we're talking abut, yes?

newsflash: women who've been raped? we're not imbeciles, we're not children and we've not lost the ability to make choices for ourselves. it's up to us how we express ourselves sexually, not up to some well meaning muppet who thinks that having a penis and having sex with us qualifies and entitles them.
 

MickeyLee

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how did i miss this gem?

you are aware that this is an adult we're talking abut, yes?

newsflash: women who've been raped? we're not imbeciles, we're not children and we've not lost the ability to make choices for ourselves. it's up to us how we express ourselves sexually, not up to some well meaning muppet who thinks that having a penis and having sex with us qualifies and entitles them.

you
are
awesome
 

dolfette

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you
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awesome
well it pisses me off. one arsehole ignores our right to make our own choices and suddenly every other fucker feels justified in doing the same. i wonder what the psychology is behind that fuckeduppery.

you are awesomesauce too xx
 

MickeyLee

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ohhh, Ms. Dragon.. Camille Crimson
*brain combines two thoughts.. brain short circuits*

grmmffssttthhhhzzzz
buh lrbzty appfftt

translation: awesome suggestion
 

Guy-jin

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how did i miss this gem?

you are aware that this is an adult we're talking abut, yes?

newsflash: women who've been raped? we're not imbeciles, we're not children and we've not lost the ability to make choices for ourselves. it's up to us how we express ourselves sexually, not up to some well meaning muppet who thinks that having a penis and having sex with us qualifies and entitles them.

dolfette, go ahead and tell me where I said women who've been raped are imbeciles, children or unable to make their own choices.

I used the term "may". As in, it "may not" be a good thing. For example, it may not be a good thing to self-medicate with alcohol. Or show a rape victim rape porn.

Nowhere did I say that he should dictate to her what type of porn to watch. You jumped to that conclusion needlessly.

Seriously, some of you jump all over people for saying the most innocuous shit. Not everything is an affront to all women, folks.

Fucking hell, I've been here so goddamn long. Have you ever seen me say what you implied I said or anything even remotely like that? Ever?
 

Guy-jin

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Hmmmmm. Who are we to judge what is or isn't a "good thing" for someone else's sexuality? :rolleyes:

Thus the use of the word "may".

I suggested that maybe a female victim of sexual trauma involving porn in the past showing an interest in femdom porn and such could be related to that trauma and that therefore it may not be a good thing (for her).

To clarify: It may not be good for her because it may be related to the trauma, and tying that kind of violent emotion in with her arousal. I'm not judging BDSM. If you're into that, fine. If she's into that, fine. But if she's into it because she was forced to watch it while being raped (or whatever happened), then no, I'm not so sure that's leading to a healthy mental state.

I'm not judging anyone. But you guys sure as fuck are judging me.

I'll leave out the dickish smiley.
 
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MickeyLee

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*blink*
back handing an idea is not the same as back handing the person expressing an already back-handed idea.

the lady in questions knows she's got some no-go areas. she also knows what forms of sexual expression she's friendly with. if her porn taste were approaching pathological, express some concern. proceed with caution.

what's so awful about cfnm porn? orgasm denial is standard kink... is edging with a swirl of domination. is cfmn/orgasm denial rape porn? *asking cuz i don't know, least not from dude perspective.* i know heaps of folks with histories of sexual trauma using sexual role play to reclaim a feeling of power/purpose. actual rape = bad. power exchange all consensual like = good.

self medicating? she's not avoiding sexual contact/relationships.. porn isn't her "instead of" is something she's enjoying with her partner. she doesn't wanna watch a woman treated like a fuck sleeve with a built in voice chip. kinda healthy if ya ask me. :shrug:

eta: i was posting while ya was posting.
urm, which smiley is the dickish smiley.. i always use :13: cuz it looks so damn smug
oh.. the eyeroll... nevermind.


eta: asking cuz i'm still under the impression that Mr. Guy works with brains/behavior.
 
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Guy-jin

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*blink*
back handing an idea is not the same as back handing the person expressing an already back-handed idea.

the lady in questions knows she's got some no-go areas. she also knows what forms of sexual expression she's friendly with. if her porn taste were approaching pathological, express some concern. proceed with caution.

what's so awful about cfnm porn? orgasm denial is standard kink... is edging with a swirl of domination. is cfmn/orgasm denial rape porn? *asking cuz i don't know, least not from dude perspective.* i know heaps of folks with histories of sexual trauma using sexual role play to reclaim a feeling of power/purpose. actual rape = bad. power exchange all consensual like = good.

Nothing is wrong with CFNM, femdom, BDSM, et cetera. What could be problematic is if she finds herself fascinated or enthralled with it because of her own past trauma. In a way, it could prevent her from "getting over" that trauma internally.

Or not.

That's why I said may.

self medicating? she's not avoiding sexual contact/relationships.. porn isn't her "instead of" is something she's enjoying with her partner. she doesn't wanna watch a woman treated like a fuck sleeve with a built in voice chip. kinda healthy if ya ask me. :shrug:
But she seems like she may want to watch porn that treats a man like a piece of filth. Again, it's fine if that's what gets her off. I'm not saying he should stop her.

But if they're watching porn together, don't they both get a say? Seems like she's enjoying x-art and such as well. What's the harm in going down that route instead?

And I'm not saying it's at all a big deal. My original statement was a quick off-hand remark that got blown out of proportion, not some kind of psychoanalysis of her. I have no idea what her mental state is.

But if you're going down the path of violent/dom/whatever with a rape victim, it can have fairly obvious risks, can't it? I just don't understand why suggesting that got negative responses. Misunderstanding? Or am I actually a complete misogynist but never knew it?

eta: i was posting while ya was posting.
urm, which smiley is the dickish smiley.. i always use :13: cuz it looks so damn smug
oh.. the eyeroll... nevermind.


eta: asking cuz i'm still under the impression that Mr. Guy works with brains/behavior.
:stupid2:

(I feel bad posting that smiley, actually.)
 

dolfette

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am i supposed to take seriously a post which makes a comparison liking porn where the woman is the one wearing clothes to self medicating with booze?
 

MickeyLee

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I think I get it. flip the gender... some dude with a history of sexual trauma inflicted on him by a woman find out he can only get off on porn if the female performer is subjected to humiliation of the bad variety. any of the "destroyed" porn so popular in the straight porn sub-forum. ooky shit.

there is a possibility that said dude's interest in ook porn isn't sexual. no fun/happy kink. is sorta deflective/projective. is the violence fueling an emotion/sexual response?

in the OP the words I'm a little a afraid of how much was used for how much OP's ladyfriend likes fem-dom/cfnf/denial porn.... I took it as "she gets all hella frisky" not "I fear for my safety and the safey of my penis"

a hostile overly aggressive reaction to any porn might a sign that further harm is taking place... that grrr-rush is hiding real damage that someone hasn't dealt with yet. self medicating?
 
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MickeyLee

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can tottally Ms. Dolfette's grump.. too many folks treat anyone with a history of sexual abuse as being forever bruised. like one moment ever defines a person. is dismissive and further victimizes.
:frown:
.
 

dolfette

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so anyone else being consensually sadistic is ok,
but people who have been abused are different.

bdsm is only for ''normal'' people.

it's none of our business why she digs it. maybe she liked it before she was abused and maybe she wasn't, but as long as it's consensual then it's not our place to judge. it's up to her. she's expressed an interest in that and, as long as her partner isn't being pushed to watch/partake in anything he isn't ok with, she's an adult and it's up to her. everyone has a cause for their kink if you look hard enough.

she didn't come here and ask us to judge her tastes based on her past. her bf came here and asked for porn that fitted her tastes.
 

dolfette

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can tottally Ms. Dolfette's grump.. too many folks treat anyone with a history of sexual abuse as being forever bruised. like one moment ever defines a person. is dismissive and further victimizes.
:frown:
.
these small judgements, the constant stream of ''maybe you should/shouldn't, dear, because... well... you know... with your past...'' is just a constant reminder that, in the mind of society, you're a broken little dolly.

no other victims of crime are expected to be defined by it forever.

well... except murder.
 

lovinglife

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perhaps "passion-hd," "danejones" "joymii" or "eros exotica"
Definitely these. Passion-HD, x-art, and joymii are all extremely hot, erotic videos that dont belittle. I love these videos because honestly... the throat fucking, anal gaping stuff is a turnoff for me. I am all for a chick taking a big cock and enjoying it to no end, but I dont need to see the inside of her anus or her gagging.
 

Tattooed Goddess

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Oh boy, if some of you got into my head you'd never want to get into my bed. It gets pretty crazy with my intelligence and creativity and desire for power and to give over power to certain people in the inner sanctums of my trust, my psyche, my mind....my mindless sexuality at times. It has nothing to do with my past and everything to do with how I'm wired. I try to associate with those wired similarly so we can all benefit from it. Whether or not you are a giver or a taker in this area, one shouldn't be analyzing so much WHY they are a giver or a taker per se, but how to pair up with someone willing to give them what they want and what they need. ;)
 
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D_Tanya_Hardon

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duderino

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Wow - I am glad I checked back in. This is a spirited debate; I have to agree that (even I - her boyfriend) can't possibly analyze WHY she enjoys the femdom genre - and it is a get-turned-on-by, not a threat to anyone's anything; I get turned on by it too, as I do by being physically tied up to the four corners of the bed. And the fantasy of being in said position and examined or evaluated or something by clothed females... yikes. sorry. Back on topic.

Sexual abuse (and abuse in general - physical, proximity to violence or verbal) can manifest myriad anomalies in an adult. As a child of an alcoholic family I have spent the better part of two decades turning some defense-mechanism/survival-mechanism - turned - character defects into assets. One thing, though, that's new is that I've realized I can't blame my own actions on those of my childhood stewards. I am my own person, responsible for my own actions. Period. I CAN stop the cycle of violence and bullying if I choose to do so. Empowering. Embracing the past, acknowledging it, and then moving on and working on changing myself for the better.

I don't feel comfortable commenting on the back-and-forth here; everybody has his and her own experiences and perspective and I have no business judging. We are who we are. Well, we are what we do.

I only read the last page but what is this bit about drinking? Self-medicating?