Post-coitus no-no's

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Scarlet, Mar 3, 2012.

  1. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

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    So I moved a few months ago and I decided to find someone outside of a relationship to have fun with. Met a friend that claimed he was as thick as his wrist, and I wanted to call his bluff; he was right. We had a blast the first few times. It was a bit of a stretch literally because I'm definitely not used to sex, let alone big ones, but I eagerly adjusted. However, he was not used to the female attention and got full of himself. (He was a bit of the loner, geeky type... as my friends generally are. lol)

    The last, and I mean LAST, time we got together, he pulled back and looked at me afterward. The next words that he said made me want to punch him in the face.

    "Wow, it's like the Grand Canyon."

    This was followed by a self-satisfied chuckle and I proceeded to kick his ass out. I actually, due to my old birth control, I had to be stretched out medically in order to have pleasurable sex. Even knowing how small I am, it still bothered the hell out of me.

    He was stroking his own ego and now he can stroke something else... all alone.

    So yeah, just wanted to vent and remind you all that as much as you may want to gloat at times, do not do so in this manner. But I guess I'm just ranting because I have faith that you'll have more sense than this. lol

    -rant over-
     
  2. dolfette

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    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
     
  3. MickeyLee

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    what kinda BC were you using?
    :eek:
     
  4. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

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    The standard pill (Orthrotricyclen) for a long period of time. It messes your body up sometimes. Like a false menopause. GASP.
     
  5. D_Yul_Tied-Karroll

    D_Yul_Tied-Karroll Account Disabled

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    I feel like saying "is that the grand canyon?" is the female equivalent of saying "is that a mike 'n ike?". Good for you for kicking his ass out. I wish there was a 'slow clap' emoticon like the wiserhood commercials for this instance....
     
  6. MickeyLee

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    shrinky dinking of pink bits should be the first side effect on the warning label

    post coitus no-nos
    thou shall not drink the last beer/eat last of take out
    just because I let you play with my vagina doesn't mean you can play on my game files.
    don't use my toothbrush. you should have planned ahead.

    Jenny has a pretty strict screening policy.
    has helped us avoid the more unpleasant afterglow moments
     
    #6 MickeyLee, Mar 3, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2012
  7. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

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    Thanks babe. And you never have to worry about the Mike n' Ike comment. And if you do, it's a last ditch attempt to insult you. In other words, nice package. lol

    1. I bought the beer, more than likely. And the food. BACK OFF.
    2. Bring your OWN memory card or laptop. If you erase my files, I erase you.
    3. Just ew. Goes without saying. lol

    And how'd you know my name? :)
     
  8. Remington

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    Some people have no tact.

    Good riddance.
     
  9. D_Giggleswick_Broadwood

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    The guy's clearly a fool...
    I feel I should say something about bigger isn't always better and quality not quantity... but you knew that already...
    Anyhoo, his loss...
     
  10. D_Bubba_Butter

    D_Bubba_Butter Account Disabled

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    What stopped you?
     
  11. B_BronzeEagle86

    B_BronzeEagle86 New Member

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    I find the story hilarious due to the fact that I understand where he was going with it but just not appropriate. Ur friend obviously suffers from way too much from over exposure to porn scenes with the gaping hole fetish. Not good for real life.
     
  12. FullKilt

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    Terribly uncivilized. Good for you for correcting him.
     
  13. Endued

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    Maybe he was suggesting you are a natural wonder? It could be that!
     
  14. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    he should have said that then.
     
  15. erratic

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    Good on you for kicking his ass out. I don't know why people think that sort of puerile porn-speak is actually hot.

    As for me, the biggest no-no I've ever experienced was when I got dumped right after. Like, seconds after his ejaculation. He was like "Honey, you're great at this, but I don't think we're right for each other." I still hadn't gone off. And it was right after we started the "moving in together" process. Not cool. Not cool at all.
     
  16. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Holy FUCK! Ok i would have punched him in the face for ya!

    Good grief some people are hopelessly stupid.I agree that he probably watched to much porn and thought hem instructional videos on the proper things to say before during and after sex.

    Know your audience, is what i would tell him (after I had punched him in the face! lol) It's like...I love being called a slut, but, save for one person, NOBODY better call me a whore. That's instant ass kicking.So while there may be women (and men) who lie to know how much they have relaxed and opened up, one should never assume that. God, wasn't he taught these things?

    Good for you for throwin' his sad ass out!

    Oh and "jenny" is Mickey Lee's nickname for her womanly bits :smile:
     
  17. dolfette

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    the worst thing a guy said to me, seconds after sex, 6 weeks after i gave birth to his child?

    ''i slept with your sister''
     
  18. MickeyLee

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    ^^ this is true fact


    i hope the collective "fucking scumbag" hatred focused on this man by all of LPSG's membership has resulted in his genitalia spontaneously imploding.
    *kicks him in his karmic nuts*
     
  19. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    *gets on cleated , steel toed, custom made nut wrecking boots...* Ok do ya want me to monkey stomp his sorry ass?:mad: What a fuckwad!
    I can't recall your nick for your boy's bits, though. I hate to remember i can't recall something...but I CAN'T!

    And Dolf's ex's balls were squished, kicked, imploded, exploded, cut, mangled, mauled, shredded, chewed on by a badger, dipped in acid, and finally jettisoned into the heart of a distant star that went super nova and then collapsed into a black hole.
     
  20. MickeyLee

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    Princess Sparkle
    he's not exactly thrilled
    bwahahahahahaa

    ML inner dialog leading to Buster's bits being named:
    ohhh pretty cock.
    hmm is it my pretty pony or my little pony?
    *hums My Little Pony theme song*
    Princess Sparkle was a loverly pony.

    *ML giggles*
    *Buster throw out eyebrow arch of concern*
    Buster: what?
    ML: nothing *more giggles.. while holding his cock*
    Buster: giggling isn't conducive to erection duration *cranky pants pout*
    ML: i can't help it.. i was thinking you have a pretty cock
    Buster: pretty? pretty?
    ML: gorgeous. thick. ultra-suckable cock. but mostly pretty.
    *pause*
    ML: and then i was thinking about My Little Ponys
    Buster get this 'OMG a crazy woman has a grip on my penis' look.
    ML: i named your cock Princess Sparkle! *beams with pride*
    Buster: .............

    ML wins!!! the boy's peen will forever be known as Princess Sparkle!
     
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