Post Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jerkywerky, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. jerkywerky

    jerkywerky Member

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    So me and my partner have been apart for 4 months now and speak on a day to day basis via fonr or Instant messenger.
    the relationship lasted 3 years and i would say was my first serious one.

    however its been mentioned to remain as friends with benefits, as in we would meet for sex sometime yet continue to have a steady friendship. We will always be mroe then just friends but im concerned as to how this is gonna pan out and have now confided in youg uys to help me out.

    to be frank..is this a good idea for fun, laughter and stuff or is it bad. My ex is very close to me as i am to her. im just not sure how it will be.

    Any replys to this thread is highly appriciated.
     
  2. melis

    melis New Member

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    Sex with an ex can be wonderful, since you both know what please the other. However, it is also emotionally risky - in my experience, one will often want or feel or hope more than the other. If that is you or your ex, I'm not to say. Either way, one of you is up for getting hurt again. Are you prepared to get hurt again? Or, if it's the other way around, are you prepared to hurt her again?

    You've been together for three years. A breakup is never easy. Especially if you remain friends, and you still care for the other person on some level. And there's always that "what if"-factor. Have you asked yourself why you still speak every day? I mean, surely speaking every once in a while is fine - but speaking every day, that implies - at least to me - that at least one of you wants more than friendship.

    What are your expectations? What are her expectations? Do you truly know?

    I think that at some point, you need to let each other go and look ahead. Frankly, a friends with benefits situation might work better with someone you have less of an emotional attachment with. That's just some of my thoughts, though.

    All the best to you.
     
  3. Phil Ayesho

    Gold Member

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    Its a minefield.

    You really want her back or she does...

    If that's a real possibility, and if its what you want, fine...

    But if it isn't... if getting back together is out of the question, then pinch it off and let it go.


    I hear a lot about "friends with benefits" but, sociopaths aside, I don't believe it is possible for men or women to entirely divorce their heart from their loins when it comes to someone they once loved.

    It complicates your emotional life tremendously. And it only delays the process of grieving for the relationship.



    On another perspective... you are young...you imagine the future is limitless.

    Its not.

    Both of you have a very limited time to find a mate that will go the distance.

    Every hour you spend with a woman you have no intention of staying with is an hour you have stolen from her search for the man who will.

    And vice versa... but remember that youth is more precious to women than to men. If they ever will have babies...and most will want to... they only have so much time for that to happen.... a very brief window.

    And no man worth a shit should deny a woman that...


    If you ever loved her.... let her move on.

    carry your own water.
     
  4. melis

    melis New Member

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    Hey, thanks for getting me depressed, Phil... Other than the going-on-thirty meltdown you just caused me, you are so right...
     
  5. jerkywerky

    jerkywerky Member

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    wow such detailed words. heh

    The relationship has ended...it has no grounds to stay on anymore since our paths are now dividing.

    I know that if say to her no sorry i dont think its a good idea will completley jepoardise the fact i kinda say yes at spare of moment. I havnt seen her in 4 months and as i said, am worried of our first meeting.

    she agreed with me she wants it to end on good terms fo good, and one final meeting will classify that. neither one of us is using the other.

    our windows of oppitunniy is wide open and inorder to move on we need proper closure. I moved away for business and we broke up since ive been gone.

    its such a difficult situation

    thank you guys
     
  6. jerkywerky

    jerkywerky Member

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    Going on 30 meltdown...really shouldnt be happening. 30 is not old! trust me :D
     
  7. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    There is a reason you broke up to beginning with and thats because you weren't good together and "just benefits" isnt going to make it any difference except for the worse by complicating things. And sex is always better without complications

    Leave the past to the past and look elsewhere
     
  8. melis

    melis New Member

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    Meet, talk, close. Closure doesn't necessarily include sex, you know. :wink:


    Thanks - it was no big crisis, though. Guess all the talk of 'elderly' women and milfs on here is getting to me... I've seen more than once here that 29+ is just that :eek:
     
  9. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Sorry to hear that your relationship with your girlfriend didn't work out.

    You mentioned moving away because of business. Did you two break up because neither one of you like dealing with long distance relationships? If so I can understand.

    My opinion is if you break up with someone and are not in a serious relationship with that person......the sexual relationship part of the relationship needs to end too. Or why break up at all?

    For me the reason why the sexual relationship should stop is because it will get in the way of both of you meeting new potential relationships.

    It isn't fair to a new love interest if you are still all involved with your ex. And it might cause problems with any future relationships.

    Cut the ties that bind and go be footloose and fancy free.....that is my opinion.
     
  10. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    whenever I've done this in the past...someone always gets hurt badly...
    one thinks it's for fun and the other thinks you're reconciling at some point. One starts dating someone else and it gets really UGLY.

    Move on and date some other women...really let each other go and then see if you can be friendly again. Though if you're sleeping together - you're not done. One day you'll either be back together or it won't be fun. If you still love her and are really done with the relationship, then man up and let her go and so you both can move on.

    I've just seen this situation turn out worse, it's like delaying a bad ending.
     
  11. jerkywerky

    jerkywerky Member

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    Thanks for all the replies guys, Ofcourse i would like to hear more of what has happened to you guys in the past. It seems alot of you know what the heck your on about :)

    keep posting :)
     
  12. Phil Ayesho

    Gold Member

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    No slur on aging women intended... just that, if a woman does not have a baby by a certain age, it starts to become more and more difficult for her to conceive.... Women trying to get pregnant for the first time after age 34 often find it nearly impossible... medically expensive, and genetically risky for the health of the child.


    Young people... men and women... tend to look at life as a well they can draw from without limit and at their choosing...

    But that is not the case.

    20 years goes by fast... options begin to narrow... more and more people become married, start families... careers heat up and the opportunities to meet new people decline.

    Mating-wise... men who achieve are just hitting their stride at 40... but a woman at 40 is at the end of her reproductive life.

    For a man to hang with a young woman he knows he is going to leave at some point is simply wrong... its stealing something precious from her that can never be reimbursed...

    Believe it or not... you will only stop and actually watch the entire sunrise, what, maybe 7 times in your entire life?

    Life is a performance artwork of finite length...

    Think about everything you do from the perspective of beauty; of import, meaning, and the impact it will have on those who witness the artwork that is your life.

    A grand gesture... a beautiful moment... saying or doing the right thing at the right time in the right way...
    this is how you make your performance artwork, your life, beautiful.
     
  13. Gonzo3

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    .......................Some times it works some times not, its all trial and error i finished with my ex partner of 8 years,12 years ago we are now very close and speak daily by phone,i know it sounds strange we are closer emotionally now as friends than we where as lovers ,we have never had or wanted sex with each other (well i haven't) since breaking up. sex can be a barrier to friendship........GOOD LUCK :smile:
     
  14. D_Adoniah Sheervolume

    D_Adoniah Sheervolume Account Disabled

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    wow phil, eloquent!

    i've had sex with an ex--it went fine. one just has to be very clear, to oneself as much as with the other, that it is what it is and to not emotionally invest.

    guess i'm weird: am on pretty good terms with all of my exes.

    all this said: don't expect it to be the same. you (or the other) may even be disappointed with how things turn out!
     
  15. jerkywerky

    jerkywerky Member

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    Ill be returning to back upstate in the next 3 weeks so...that will be the time when i needa be clear on whats gonna happen.

    but i do appriciate all your replies, it means alot.

    if you have been in my situation please explain your experience as im intrigued to hear different sides.

    thanks
     
  16. Chick&2DicksUK

    Chick&2DicksUK New Member

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    Have been parted for 6 years from my ex.

    Hated the thought of her so much I could've heaved for a very long time.

    Now when she comes around she tries to get in close - misses Bud, I guess (which drives my lady insane).

    Funny thing is, despite my undying hatred for this gal who cost me over £500,000, I'd do her again - partly for old time's sake and partly cuz she's still "hot".

    Yer, I know. I am shallow.

    Yer, I know. I am shallow.

    Any love is good love!!!

    She's a swallowing cum-whore, too, which don't hurt. So if I don't, someone will, so might as well be me.
     
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