potential boyfriend and STI's

[Beanie]

ok iv been seeing this guy now for a good 2 months and things are going fine and dandy (well ish but thats another thread i got to start) and then he rings me up saying "i had sex with this guy 2 weeks ago and i might have an STI"

of course i try to keep my cool but inside im going nuts! iv never had anything like this and i dont intend to start now, i always have protected sex etc.

but the thing is i dunno what i should do, like i say we are in no way exclusive thats how come we are potential and not boyfriends. shall i say fuck him and dont see him again? forgive him? what??

any more info you need just ask, thanks

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

If you're worried about it both get tested. I've done this with boyfriends/partners.

When you said you were seeing each other does that mean that you were boyfriends, just dating/getting to know each other, did you have a closed or open relationship, or it was not defined at this point?

 

[eastbaydude]

ok iv been seeing this guy now for a good 2 months and things are going fine and dandy (well ish but thats another thread i got to start) and then he rings me up saying "i had sex with this guy 2 weeks ago and i might have an STI"

of course i try to keep my cool but inside im going nuts! iv never had anything like this and i dont intend to start now, i always have protected sex etc.

but the thing is i dunno what i should do, like i say we are in no way exclusive thats how come we are potential and not boyfriends. shall i say fuck him and dont see him again? forgive him? what??

any more info you need just ask, thanks

I'm not getting it? What are you concerned about?

He may have an STI but you "always have protected sex". Shoudn't be a problem. You should be OK.

He fooled around with someone else. "we are in no way exclusive". If you're not exclusive, isn't it OK or even expected that he's screwing around? Why does he need to be forgiven?

If you'e pissed off that he was dumb enough to get a STI, that's worth talking about.

Sounds like you need to come to terms with where the relationship's going.

Or, maybe you ought to listen to and take your advice from Beyonce..

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

 

[dolfette]

you say you're not exclusive.
and the guy has been honest.
give the poor sod a chance.

 

[D_Ellerby Eatsprick]

So you need to go get tested, even if you had protected sex. But don't go nuts over the waiting. Nothing you can do until you know the results.

And you and this fella need to have a chat and find out where the relationship is going. If you guys were seeing each other - he should have been upfront about sleeping with others. (And not have told you two weeks later???)

Although this fella was honest, I would have preferred to know if he was sleeping with other people upfront instead of finding out two weeks later. Nothing like "Oh by the way I slept with two men two weeks ago."

 

[StormyB]

If you really, really like him then maybe ya'll can work something out but if you know you are not with him for a long-term relationship then don't risk it (You know you gotta be careful now days, don't fuck around and get that ninja) :no:

 

[B_CoffeeWithCream]

So let me get this straight? You have an open relationship, you have not said how you want it closed, and then when he goes and has sex with another guy or two and says how he may have an STD, you get mad and angry that he had sex with other men? Get tested and evaluate if you even want to have an open relationship with anyone anymore since it is obvious that you cannot handle one with all of the work and communication that goes into having one.

 

[Rubenesque]

While I agree with what's been said, ie, you're not exclusive so expect it etc. It would put me off if a guy I was seeing was the kinda guy who has unprotected sex!

 

[hung]

Get tested and be up front, open and totally honest with your next potential partner.

Too much to loose if you get anything.

This partner appears to be testing you. The ball is in your court.

Partners, male or female sometimes want to challenge others and sometimes that is done to ascertain if someone is getting serious about them.

I hope this helps.

 

[Beanie]

ok let me clear up a few things, we wernt in an open relationship we were still in the 'getting to know each other' stage, and hes already told me he wants to be with me and i said i wanted to wait because i didnt think it was fair that if we wernt compatible a couple of months down the line then i didnt want to have all that baggage of breaking up and possibly not at least staying friends.

i am angry because he had unprotected sex with this guy and could of caught anything from him and then passed it on to me. ok we did you protection during sex but none during oral or anything else.

im also angry because if he wanted to be with me so much and get to know me and cared for me so much then why is he fucking around? it just casts the whole thing in doubt and lost my trust. its just making me made that he wastn completely honest with me and told me what was happening with him, in my opinion he should of told me if he was going to wait for me to make a decision on our relationship and be with only me or tell me if he was going to be seeing other guys while he was still single.

just to be on the safe side and have my mind at complete rest im going to get tested, i just so happen to be going to the clinic anyway so i will ask for a test.

again, if you want to know any more info just ask.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

What sort of unprotected sex did he have? Anal sex? Oral sex? Rimming? As far as getting tested goes you are doing the right thing, is he getting tested too?

As for the relationship that's up to you and between the both of you.

 

[Beanie]

he had unprotected anal sex, and he is getting tested just after me. i would like some more advice on the relationship side if you guys can give it please?

 

[Beanie]

bump

 

[eastbaydude]

OK, here goes. Since there was nothing "official", he was not "officially" in an exclusive realationship and shouldn't be chastised for screwing around. I'd suggest you let that go.

As for maybe getting an STD, he was upfront and told you. If he was sneaky and dishonest, he could have gone and got tested and never said anything about it all. So, he seems to be honest and trustworthy.

Now, the unprotected anal sex thing, I'd say that was stupid, pretty damn stupid or at least pretty damn poor judgement. If you're considering calling it off, let it be for stupidity. If you can get past that, you're on track.