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deleted464787
Guest
Hi all, got a question for you guys. Figured it could never hurt to get some women's perspective on this.
So lately, Ive been seeing this new girl. Were not THAT serious yet. We've had sex a few times, and we've actually gone out and dated a few times... social distancing has really put a huge damper on that, and theres no doubt in my mind that had it not been for COVID-19, we wouldve gone on a lot more dates, and gotten involved a lot more, at least sexually. She still lives with her parents, and is borrowing their car and I live on my own, so the few times we're able to actually meet up (whether it be to fool around, or just because we cant bare the loneliness and absolute MUST see each other) I drive over, and she sneaks out and we just hang out somewhere private. But thats not really the point of this question.
Lately in my discussions from her, Ive been getting a lot of these red flags. Shes starting to use the words "I like" or "I want" an awful lot. Like... A LOT a lot... lol. Now, first of all, Im a huge advocate for people telling their partners what they like. As long as the lines of communication are open, that sounds like a recipe for a healthy relationship. But with her, she never really seems to ask what I want, or like. Her focus has been very big on her. And I dont even know if shes that conscious of it. Normally, when Im dating a girl, I try to be a huge people pleaser, so Im happy to give someone want they want relationship-wise, as long as its not something that would be to my detriment--theres a famous saying "Its not useful to help someone else if its only going to sink you in the process."
Most requests I can handle, if theyre within reason. We dont get to see much of each other as it is, so I typically try to call her first thing when I wake up, and then again as soon as I get off work, and on my way home from work. Its not the same as seeing someone in person, but its the least I can do. One of the things she has asked for recently is for me to start calling her so I can have full conversations with her at work. Without going into detail about what Im doing... I typically work 9-10 hour days. I have no designated lunch breaks--I can take time away for lunch at my own peril, but every minute Im not actively working, the work piles up, and those 9-10 hour days can EASILY become 11-12 hour days... and Im salaried so I get paid the same whether the work gets done in 8 hours or 12. Heres the kicker though. I supervise people--for safety and quality. Im the one doing the planning for all the work, and Im the one making sure conditions are safe to do it. So if I take any kind of break, Im still on site actually doing my job. If someone gets hurt, or god forbid--dies--while Im on site, the first questions theyll be asking is "where was the supervisor when this happened." If the answer is "I was distracted because I was having a 20 minute long conversation with this girl Im seeing..." I'll quickly be out of a job, at best. And in these difficult times, with whats going on in the world today, Im thanking my lucky stars that Im an "essential worker" and that Im even lucky enough to still have a job.
Ive explained all this to her, and she says she understands, even though shes still visibly irked by it. And this is just an example of the type of things she asks for.
The crux of this question is... Im experienced enough in relationships to know where this is going. Ive been in this situation many times before, and Im always the first one to give in just because I absolutely hate making the person Im seeing unhappy.
Do you think most women would be offended if a man were to word it "I think Ive been undervaluing myself, and overvaluing you lately."? Because that is totally how Ive felt about relationships like this in the past, and its definitely what Im feeling now. It has nothing to do with what shes doing... and it has everything to do with what Im doing.
How do you tell a girl "I need to take a step back and give myself some attention before I can afford to give more to you?" And bare in mind, shes not a bad person by any stretch. The problem is more with my handling things than with her. I just want to be able to tell her that without making her think Im saying "I matter more than you."
So lately, Ive been seeing this new girl. Were not THAT serious yet. We've had sex a few times, and we've actually gone out and dated a few times... social distancing has really put a huge damper on that, and theres no doubt in my mind that had it not been for COVID-19, we wouldve gone on a lot more dates, and gotten involved a lot more, at least sexually. She still lives with her parents, and is borrowing their car and I live on my own, so the few times we're able to actually meet up (whether it be to fool around, or just because we cant bare the loneliness and absolute MUST see each other) I drive over, and she sneaks out and we just hang out somewhere private. But thats not really the point of this question.
Lately in my discussions from her, Ive been getting a lot of these red flags. Shes starting to use the words "I like" or "I want" an awful lot. Like... A LOT a lot... lol. Now, first of all, Im a huge advocate for people telling their partners what they like. As long as the lines of communication are open, that sounds like a recipe for a healthy relationship. But with her, she never really seems to ask what I want, or like. Her focus has been very big on her. And I dont even know if shes that conscious of it. Normally, when Im dating a girl, I try to be a huge people pleaser, so Im happy to give someone want they want relationship-wise, as long as its not something that would be to my detriment--theres a famous saying "Its not useful to help someone else if its only going to sink you in the process."
Most requests I can handle, if theyre within reason. We dont get to see much of each other as it is, so I typically try to call her first thing when I wake up, and then again as soon as I get off work, and on my way home from work. Its not the same as seeing someone in person, but its the least I can do. One of the things she has asked for recently is for me to start calling her so I can have full conversations with her at work. Without going into detail about what Im doing... I typically work 9-10 hour days. I have no designated lunch breaks--I can take time away for lunch at my own peril, but every minute Im not actively working, the work piles up, and those 9-10 hour days can EASILY become 11-12 hour days... and Im salaried so I get paid the same whether the work gets done in 8 hours or 12. Heres the kicker though. I supervise people--for safety and quality. Im the one doing the planning for all the work, and Im the one making sure conditions are safe to do it. So if I take any kind of break, Im still on site actually doing my job. If someone gets hurt, or god forbid--dies--while Im on site, the first questions theyll be asking is "where was the supervisor when this happened." If the answer is "I was distracted because I was having a 20 minute long conversation with this girl Im seeing..." I'll quickly be out of a job, at best. And in these difficult times, with whats going on in the world today, Im thanking my lucky stars that Im an "essential worker" and that Im even lucky enough to still have a job.
Ive explained all this to her, and she says she understands, even though shes still visibly irked by it. And this is just an example of the type of things she asks for.
The crux of this question is... Im experienced enough in relationships to know where this is going. Ive been in this situation many times before, and Im always the first one to give in just because I absolutely hate making the person Im seeing unhappy.
Do you think most women would be offended if a man were to word it "I think Ive been undervaluing myself, and overvaluing you lately."? Because that is totally how Ive felt about relationships like this in the past, and its definitely what Im feeling now. It has nothing to do with what shes doing... and it has everything to do with what Im doing.
How do you tell a girl "I need to take a step back and give myself some attention before I can afford to give more to you?" And bare in mind, shes not a bad person by any stretch. The problem is more with my handling things than with her. I just want to be able to tell her that without making her think Im saying "I matter more than you."