Premarital Sex in America

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by petite, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. petite

    petite New Member

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    I found this review for a book called Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying. I thought it was thought provoking and worth sharing with the membership of LPSG, so I'm including a few quotes from the review, but I encourage anyone to read it in it's entirety. The amount of focus in this book on gender differences is the reason why I chose to put it in Women's Issues.

    In it, the author proposes a theory occasionally proposed here.

    The reviewer then goes on to point out problems with this theory.

    The book also focuses on the effects on individuals of our culture's expectations for how men and women are supposed to behave.

    It also describes the effect of liberal or conservative beliefs on choices and consequences.

     
    #1 petite, Apr 8, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2011
  2. Ramsey

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    Pretty interesting stuff, thanks for sharing. I've got to let it percolate now. Unless of course you need some sort of service or product before my sexually based answer...
     
  3. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    America is an amazing conservative place! My country, Australia, moved on from ruminating over pre-marital sex about 40 years ago! My observation is that women have a sex drive albeit that it's generally less strong than the male sex drive. Nontheless, women get horny, they want sex, they get great pleasure from sex, so they have sex. This sex, of course, is a non-issue in a society where marital status has nothing to do with sex. About half of Australian marriages are de-facto, where couples live together for more than a set period of time, while the majority of legalised marriages started as de-facto marriages anyway. I don't know how many virgin brides there are, but it wouldn't be many.
     
  4. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Interesting thread Petite!

    I liked this part:

    It reminded me of the 'First Date' thread of a few months ago. It seems to me that people are so busy worrying about what they SHOULD be doing or are expected to do (in part because of conflicting scripts), that they forget to think about their own desires and values. I think we should have sex with a person when it feels right to us (and to them of course!), and that is something that I would teach my own (as yet, hypothetical) children. The most important thing is to be congruent with ourselves.
     
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    Oh, thank you!

    I agree with you in theory, but in practice, that section described my experience with dating. Ideally, I would never worry about what I should or shouldn't do, but I fell so short of that ideal! All those scripts did create a constant background noise that confused me and made me doubt myself, or made me feel vaguely and indefinably guilty sometimes. True to my little liberal heart, I attempted to behave like the liberated female I believed myself to be, but I really did have doubts and felt the insecurity that not having a script brings.

    I felt that way even on my first date with my husband, especially actually, because I was already deeply in lust and I wanted so much more than just sex with him. I don't know why, I suppose because it's so clich├ęd and it sounds so adolescent and naive, but I'm a little bit embarrassed to say that I fantasized about marrying him before we ever went out on a date together! I never do that, but he inspired those thoughts in me, and that made me feel much more nervous about every little thing I did. All the time, I felt insecure about what messages I was giving him, trying to anticipate how my actions would be interpreted by him, based upon the script I believed he had in his head. It was confusing, and in the end, it felt easier to attempt to follow scripts like, "No sex until the third date." I totally failed to do that and it didn't matter, and I'm glad that it all worked out the way that it did. But I would be a total liar if I didn't admit that I felt nervous and insecure about every choice I made! Looking back, all that anxiety simply heightened my feelings of satisfaction when I felt like we clicked.
     
    #5 petite, Apr 11, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2011
  6. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    That sure is some thought provoking material. I'll have to take the time and read it in its entirety. Thanks for the great info!
     
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