Pretending to be positive?

BarefootGuy

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I hooked up with a guy several years ago and met him again a few years after that initial meeting as travels allowed. I was coming back through his city and reached out to him prior and I thought he wanted to meet up again. When I arrived in town, I made a call and he said that he had a work emergency and that he would call me back. After several attempts on my end, I never heard anything more. I had to leave town, even though prior to arriving, he seemed like he was glad I was coming through.

When I arrived home, I received an email and he apologized and said that he had been drugged and sexually abused a number of weeks before and now found out he was positive. He had found out just prior to my arrival in town and that was why he did not meet me because he was dealing with that. I was very understanding and supportive as I could be not being his his city. I checked on him often and tried to encourage him.

I was searching a website prior to traveling to a nearby city to where he lives about a year later and I came across his profile. I did some researching since it did not mention his diagnosis and was pretty specific about his sexual preferences and everything I could read indicated that the story is not true that he told me. I really believe he is still negative (which I am 1000% glad about) because of what a mutual friend then said who would know.

I did feel even at the time that it was an extreme story as to how it happened. I am an adult and I would have been fine with "I just did not want to see you." I would never make up that about me to avoid seeing someone.

Do you think that is an OK way to sever ties quickly by making up something like that to a "acquaintance with benefits?"
 

keenobserver

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I hooked up with a guy several years ago and met him again a few years after that initial meeting as travels allowed. I was coming back through his city and reached out to him prior and I thought he wanted to meet up again. When I arrived in town, I made a call and he said that he had a work emergency and that he would call me back. After several attempts on my end, I never heard anything more. I had to leave town, even though prior to arriving, he seemed like he was glad I was coming through.

When I arrived home, I received an email and he apologized and said that he had been drugged and sexually abused a number of weeks before and now found out he was positive. He had found out just prior to my arrival in town and that was why he did not meet me because he was dealing with that. I was very understanding and supportive as I could be not being his his city. I checked on him often and tried to encourage him.

I was searching a website prior to traveling to a nearby city to where he lives about a year later and I came across his profile. I did some researching since it did not mention his diagnosis and was pretty specific about his sexual preferences and everything I could read indicated that the story is not true that he told me. I really believe he is still negative (which I am 1000% glad about) because of what a mutual friend then said who would know.

I did feel even at the time that it was an extreme story as to how it happened. I am an adult and I would have been fine with "I just did not want to see you." I would never make up that about me to avoid seeing someone.

Do you think that is an OK way to sever ties quickly by making up something like that to a "acquaintance with benefits?"

I never understand why, in a situation where one person does not return the feelings of another that they cannot simply tell the truth and be done with it. This guy is not worth your time, or your concern and affection. Why he did it I have no idea, but it is what it is. It's not "alright." Cut him off and move on.

Good luck to you.
 

hung_8x6

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This reminds me of a similar experience I had a few years ago. There was this bisexual guy (with a girlfriend and toddler) who I would see quite regularly. We were pretty much fwb. He even spent a New Year's Eve with me instead of with his girlfriend. During the times we would hang out, he would struggle with his sexuality, thinking that he needs to come out to his girlfriend and his family. One day he called me up and told me he had herpes, and that I was the one who gave it to him. I have never had an outbreak and thought maybe I was a carrier. I immediately went to the doctor to get tested for all STDs and came back clean on every one of them. I came to the conclusion that he made up the story, or contracted it from someone else.

A couple of years later our paths crossed again and he confessed about making up the story and apologized. He said it was because he was struggling with his sexuality and coming to terms with the fact that he likes sucking dick and getting fucked.

It would have been much easier if he had told me he didn't want to mess around anymore, or simply stopped contacting me. I'm not sure why he felt the need to make up a story to sever the ties. Honesty is the best policy.