Private aftermath of premature ejaculation

[AlteredEgo]

I'm not sure why, but the small handful of dudes with which I have recently (in the past 90 days or so)had sexual contact have included:

1) Long-time friend who came surprisingly fast, much faster than in the past, during intercourse. In his case, there is a long history of mutual satisfaction, AND I'd already had an orgasm from oral sex (though I would have liked to fuck long enough to have another).

2) A guy I had been out with a couple of times. I gave him a handjob for a brief period, but my hand kept getting too dry, so I added my mouth. Less than a minute later he came.

3)A guy with whom I went out a few times invited me over to hang out and watch TV. He guided my hand into his pants, and since we were not alone in the house (but were alone in the living room), I pulled his penis out, but covered it with his shirt. I wrapped my hand around the shaft and he became fully erect, I gave a few strokes but found his precum was insufficient lube. I wet my hand and stroked twice. He immediately got up, went into the nearest bathroom, then ran upstairs and came back in a new outfit and wouldn't resume snuggling or kissing. When asked about the wardrobe change, he said only that his shirt had gotten wet. When pressed later, after I left, he said he'd ejaculated. The next day he asked to be platonic and I declined to remain in contact. I only have his word to go on. I never felt pulsing in my hand, I never observed any signs of heightened arousal. I never saw semen. If he really did have an orgasm, I have never seen a faster one. Ever.

4) Agreed to exclusivity regarding sexual contact even though we were not a couple. I still wanted to explore dating options with other men, but agreed to limit contact to hugs and kisses. First sexual encounter: 10 second blowjob. Second chance: could not maintain erection once wearing condom. So, another 10 second blowjob. I hung out with him a few more times but wasn't sufficiently interested in him as a person to continue dating and work through whatever his sexual situation is.

I have questions. If you've ever experienced premature ejaculation with a partner, what was the context of the encounter, and what did you think about after? What did you think about yourself, your ability to perform, your partner and her reaction, and the encounter itself? How do women generally respond to you in the aftermath? How long after do you find you think about what happened?

 

[MisterVIP]

Two times.

1) My very first shot at intercourse. I consider it premature because I came before she did, and we were at it for about 10 minutes PIV. I was disappointed because of that, but also surprised I made it that long for a first timer, but still more disappointed. Her saying, "Oh! So close!" kind of didn't help that feeling, but I think I was harder on myself about it than she was. She wasn't a virgin. She was pretty cool about it and did say how great it all felt as she'd never been with an intact guy before (and no condom - stupid, yes).

2) Saw a massage therapist a few times, she's seen me nude and gave me happy endings on a couple of occasions. None of those were very quick. She took her time and it was a long, slow build-up. But one time, I wasn't responding as I usually did with her handy work and she asked me if she could kiss it. I said okay, and kiss it, she did. It wasn't long before was in her mouth. Next thing I know, I'm squirting without being fully hard, like she did some sort of magic trick. I was bummed, but she was totally cool, and reassuring, said sometimes those things happen and dwelling on it can make it worse than it is. She also said she doesn't do that with her clients, but that she was very attracted to me, in case I couldn't tell. She asked me to come back to see her anytime. I didn't. Bummer.

I don't really think too much about the first PE situation. The massage one, I think about from time to time, because something like that hasn't happened before or after that incident. And she was pretty hot too.

 

[AlteredEgo]

She asked me to come back to see her anytime. I didn't. Bummer.

Why not? It crossed your mind, right? So, what thoughts prevented you from going forward?

 

[MisterVIP]

Why not? It crossed your mind, right? So, what thoughts prevented you from going forward?

Despite her being totally cool about it, I was embarrassed and worried about a repeat "failure", even though she's worked me over before (without oral) and I held my own every time.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Despite her being totally cool about it, I was embarrassed and worried about a repeat "failure", even though she's worked me over before (without oral) and I held my own every time.

Is there nothing anyone could have said to you or done for you to ease that embarassment enough for you to arrange to see her again?

 

[Wave85]

Hey AE - I think I view it as premature ejacualtion any time I cum before my partner even if we have been having sex for a while. I try very hard not to let that happen. I will say that in certain positions and at certain times I am much more sensitive - I will tell my partner if I am hyper sensitive so she knows and sometimes will just stop if I am approaching climax - hold a very strong Kegel for a couple seconds - that usually will enable me to have sex nearly endlessly after for those partners that want that. Some women I have been with could only cum if I came first in which case I would not stop - I remain hard for a while usually after cumming so even though "premature" by my definition - it really isn't. So I guess I am saying that communication before and during sex is key and there is no shame in being ultra sensitive from time to time and saying it. The only time I think about it after is if I misread my partner. But I talk about that with her afterwards and find out what she likes.

 

[MisterVIP]

Is there nothing anyone could have said to you or done for you to ease that embarassment enough for you to arrange to see her again?

At the time, probably not.

Looking back on it now, I probably wouldn't need much convincing if I had it to do all over again. She did seem genuinely interested in me and in seeing me again.

 

[TexanStar]

@AlteredEgo

If you've ever experienced premature ejaculation with a partner, what was the context of the encounter, and what did you think about after?

Accidental might be a better term than premature. I don't recall any cases where we started having sex and I finished very rapidly. I can remember at least one circumstance where I was being straddled in the front seat of a car while we were making out to pass some time, and she was grinding against me and ended up pushing me over the edge.

What did you think about yourself, your ability to perform, your partner and her reaction, and the encounter itself?

It was more humorous than anything. We were out on a date, and she got a kick out of knowing I was walking around a bit messy.

How do women generally respond to you in the aftermath? How long after do you find you think about what happened?

For me, that was more of an isolated incident, so it didn't lead to anything above and beyond a funny story to tell.

I have been on the receiving end. My ex wife developed some issues around premature orgasm (less than 10 seconds until she was cumming). It was a contributing factor to sexual incompatibility between us and interfered with physical intimacy between us (she was the one & done & lose all interest afterwards type).

 

[554279]

A couple of times with the wife.

Usually had something to do with the shit state I was in and once when I was so horny I was ready to run up the side of the walls.

Because it was with the wife I shook it off and we acted like it was one of them things. Sounds a lot like your 1) scenario.

Not sure how it would have went with anyone else.

 

[AlteredEgo]

The only time I think about it after is if I misread my partner.

What do you mean?

It was more humorous than anything. We were out on a date, and she got a kick out of knowing I was walking around a bit messy

I used to try to make that happen on purpose, and succeeded a few times. I didn't find it funny though. For me, it was arousing.

 

[Ocine]

Never been premature, but I don't have alot of experiences, and a bit late when I started (25 yo... yeah :/ ) So I can't really tell, maybe because I often edging when I masturbate and that give me a good "resistance"
But also never had a speed handjob or blowjob, so maybe I would come faster....
Also, I waxe my penis in an institut, and I remember she told me that I have a good control, because im always soft, or sometimes semi hard, and she told me most men generaly get hard during the waxing....

Anyways If I one day I would have a premature ejac, I think I wouldnt mind (depends alot of her facial expressions and reactions though), I generaly can go for a second round... and anyways, why when a girl have an orgasm fast, its nice and you are a god, but when its a guy, its a shame or hes a looser...

 

[Wave85]

What do you mean?

I mean, for example, if she wanted me to continue even if I came first, but I stopped because I wanted to ensure that I didn't, and broke the rhythm for the benefit of longer sex, then I feel badly - it can be any misread AE



I used to try to make that happen on purpose, and succeeded a few times. I didn't find it funny though. For me, it was arousing.

 

[185248]

In the years of sexual activity...which still continue... I would have to be a fibber not to have experienced moments of I don't know if it could be called premature...but quick sexual release or ejaculation.

I apologise for this, but I am told to shush up, why? Because the stimulation, the thought, the feeling of the warmth, the kisses of passion...sometimes win. Not always, sometimes they do. We are all human.

On the other hand I have kissed a woman and it has, as I've been told, sends messages straight to there...shivers, tightening of thighs, gripping of arms or hands are indications of enjoyment and release.

I would disregard this as bull, except it has not been the once, nor with the same partner.

Having said this, I would never leave a partner feeling it is their fault for a bodily function which is not always in our control.

It has never happened often, at times when it does it is usually due to a physical body. wishing release...sometimes I wish I possessed more words in these circumstances.

For the times it has happened, I have never been made to feel incompetent, yet the partner, my love now, and those I have been with in the past, do not treat it as their failure, or mine, but a victory of their passion, warmth of their touch, our passion and the moment which won.

After all, those who are confident within themselves, do not succumb to the now and then defeats of being the human animal

 

[AlteredEgo]

For the times it has happened, I have never been made to feel incompetent, yet the partner, my love now, and those I have been with in the past, do not treat it as their failure, or mine, but a victory of their passion, warmth of their touch, our passion and the moment which won.

After all, those who are confident within themselves, do not succumb to the now and then defeats of being the human animal

I would never say or do anything to intentionally make a partner feel weird or inadequate; shit happens. I find it surprising, I may even find it inconvenient, but I try to be encouraging.

The only one who I think felt insecure about it was the one who changed his clothes. I barely touched him, but I had been stimulating his mind for days, and we'd been kissing on and off for about half a movie with commercials. He'd tried to get me to straddle him, which I didn't want to do unless we went to his bedroom (because other people could walk past at any time and be made uncomfortable). I barely touched him. I don't see how that could be anything but fantastic for my ego. He'd said a few things before kissing me that gave me the impression that I intimidate him or make him nervous. He expressed concern that I might pull away if he tried. He expressed this concern repeatedly. I wondered if he had some kind of recent trauma. He's pretty hot, and had been a complete gentleman through several meetings. I wasn't looking to life him up or anything. Just wanted to arrange to play together while we both bide our time for better matches. He's hung up on an ex. She still hangs around his family. I'm not stupid enough to get seriously entangled. So I'm not sure why he seemed so nervous, or why one instance of premature ejaculation should change things so drastically. My exes, whom I polled the next day, all said he was just embarrassed, and could not tolerate risking that again, much like in @MisterVIP 's story. I'll never know though. I wish I had tried to get real communication from him before I deleted his number and blocked him on social media. Oh well.

The first guy I mentioned was willing to talk to me about it. He said he was just really excited. He always makes passes. I'm rarely available and in his city at the same time, and he was used to me saying no, so a yes was thrilling. *shrug*

The one who progressed to intercourse but couldn't stay hard? I couldn't think of a way to ask about how quickly he came from oral sex. He seemed to have kind of a sensitive ego. Besides, he never left me hanging, so it wasn't worth mentioning outside of my own curiosity about such things.

The other guy? Honestly, I was jacking him off out of curiosity in the first place. Little by little we mutually ghosted. He would have been ideal as a fuckbuddy to keep me sexually satisfied while I date men I'd prefer to get to know well before becoming too physically intimate (guys I might like to get serious with). I didn't say anything. He didn't reciprocate. I didn't care and had to leave. The reason I thought he'd be an ideal fuckbuddy is I didn't want to date him, that seemed mutual, there was a mutual attraction, and he lived down the street from me, was a manager at my favorite neighborhood supermarket, and yet, in 4 years we never met each other. No reason to assume I will ever run into him now. It wasn't meant to be.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Of course, now I have to be extra well-put-together when I go to that supermarket, just in case. That is a downside.

 

[185248]

I think sometimes, we as the opposite sexes place to much emphasis on what happens between us sexually.

We tend to place too much importance on right and wrong in sex, right and wrong between two consenting partners this is.

There is, and are so many things which stimulate the human sexuality, mind, touch, scent, communication, eye contact..the list goes on. We are a pretty complicated bunch, and we made it this way.

I think at times we wish we could control how we make others feel, whether that be curing their sadness, making them laugh our applying or sexuality against theirs to make them feel good.

Casual sex, sex with a long term partner is still a union between two people, and we are talking only two, not more. You can build up a persons confidence, but at some point, maybe, you need to walk away and the rest is up to them to learn, and you from the experience.

You have been left with an experience, and so have they. it's up to each if they learn from it or disregard it. I feel every experience comes with it's education. Some choose not to lean, that is the part that is only in control of the individual.

I'll ask you AE, what have you learned, was it something positive, or negative. Will you deal with them as positive influences in your life or negative?

 

[Wave85]

Of course, now I have to be extra well-put-together when I go to that supermarket, just in case. That is a downside.

Lol! Sometimes not put together well can be even sexier .

 

[185248]

Of course, now I have to be extra well-put-together when I go to that supermarket, just in case. That is a downside.

Always search for the best produce if you are going to consume it, is all I can add

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'll ask you AE, what have you learned, was it something positive, or negative. Will you deal with them as positive influences in your life or negative?

The only right or wrong I see was whther or not there was open communication. I see a lack of communication as a missed opportunity.

The o ly lesson I see to take away is something I already knew. Very nervous people are often insecure, and sometimes there is no way to assuage deep insecurities.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Lol! Sometimes not put together well can be even sexier .

I never leave the house busted. But I also try to never run into anyone I've been on dates with without presenting myself just as well as they've always seen me.

Always search for the best produce if you are going to consume it, is all I can add

Luckily, the only things I buy at that store are produce and nuts, and he manages Frozen Foods.