Private aftermath of premature ejaculation

[185248]

The only right or wrong I see was whther or not there was open communication. I see a lack of communication as a missed opportunity.

The o ly lesson I see to take away is something I already knew. Very nervous people are often insecure, and sometimes there is no way to assuage deep insecurities.

Sometimes a problem with communication it's not what is right or wrong, but with what another wishes to hear or listen too. As this communication with you. I sometimes detest the written word, because it is difficult to judge another's emotional state of the reader as compared to the writer. Yet 'judge' is seen as a wrong term I suppose, empathize could be better.

I think if we are critical of ourselves, we can all learn something new, every day I learn something new, even though I have been doing the same job for most of my life. It is probably why I enjoy still doing what I do and perhaps why I look at life and other experiences the same way.

I learn about and from the positives and negatives, my own and others, yet it's up to me to make the most out of either and no-one else.

Always fresh food, if we are lucky enough to be in a place to be able to buy or grow it. If it's out of season and you live in Iceland, frozen will have to do... Or just let it go...let it go...

 

[twoton]

Yes, I have, I suppose. I'm not sure what exactly premature ejaculation is anymore. Is it when you cum too soon? Is it when you don't last as long as you wanted to? Is it when you cum as soon as she touches you?

There have been times when I orgasmed very quickly. With my wife, it's not that big of a deal because we're married, we've been having sex for around 25 years, and there's no embarrassment or insecurity about anything anymore. If I were with a woman for the first time, I'd be worried that she won't want to try again, or that she'd lose interest in me, or not respect me.

I don't remember how long I lasted with my wife the first time. But I do remember her telling me that if the sex wasn't good the first time there wouldn't have been a second time. And there have been 25 years' worth of times since then.

That being said, I don't really know why sometimes I last "too long" for my wife and other times when it's over almost as soon as it starts.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'd call it premature if a minute of physical stimulation has not passed. I have rather enjoyed this peek into what passes through a man's mind in this situation.

Here's what I think in those times:

"Oh! Wow. Well... Only one way to find out if that was just a rare occurrence or if this is his norm. Okay. Okay. Hurry up and say something charming and supportive. Think, Brain, think! Is he buying it, or nah? What's that face mean? Fuck. He feels weird. Kiss him and show him you're still excited. What's he doing now? If he tries to get me off, I need to get off really hard or he will feel worse, right? Okay, AlteredEgo. Don't do that. You know you can't climax under pressure. Clear your mind. Oh, my God, stop thinking about that guy. Be present. Relax. Be present. Relax. Hey, that feels pretty good. Oh, I like that. Tell him not to stop. Holy shit! Don't let him stop! Oh, yes. We shall try again. Only question is if we will try tonight, or next time."

And then if he seems weird about it after time passes, I think,

"Ew. Why is he doing this? Wasn't I nice enough? Didn't I tend to his pride? Is he always going to be insecure? Oh my Gawd I do not have time to be his mommy. This is not sexy. Okay. Be nice. Weird shit happens, and it can be hard to get past. Okay. I can be nice. He's probably afraid it's gonna happen again. Like how I get nervous that if I don't have the right orgasm at the right time, his satisfaction will be negatively impacted, and then I can't get off at all. Okay. Fix your face. What's your face saying? Okay. Friendly face. Smile. Okay. Try touching him in a friendly, flirty way. Jeebus. How do I reassure this guy? Oh yeah? He's good to try again? Sweet. Let's ride!"

 

[TexanStar]

I'd call it premature if a minute of physical stimulation has not passed.

I can't fully speak for other guys, but I'd say to keep in mind that physical stimulation isn't the only type. Physical stimulation implies touch, but for guys, our other senses play a role as well (visual is an obvious one, but olfactory, auditory, etc play a role as well).

If, for example, a guy thinks you've got a great body and has been eyeing you lustily for a while, there's a buildup of arousal and sexual tension that comes with that, so if there's an imaginary clock counting down the time to when he cums, that clock can certainly be starting its countdown sooner than just the moment that you're touching his cock. If he's been hard and actively wanting / fantasizing you for a while going into the act, he may essentially have a head start.

There's been two times in my life where I was going down on a woman and got so turned on by the experience that I came and there wasn't any more stimulation than, at most, the pressure from lying on the bed while doing it. The best I could explain it is that she smelled so good that it felt good physically (the sensations of drinking in her scent were stimulating in and of themselves).

So I guess I'm saying there's probably a lot of room to talk philosophically about what premature means

 

[Anlcomplsv]

I always cum faster than I would like, because I would like the great sensations to keep going on and on, like seems possible for many women. Sometimes it is premature when I have not satisfied my wife, other times it is just too soon for me if that makes sense.
I have only experienced that with "going on forever" with prostate orgasms when using my aneros

 

[AlteredEgo]

I can't fully speak for other guys, but I'd say to keep in mind that physical stimulation isn't the only type. Physical stimulation implies touch, but for guys, our other senses play a role as well (visual is an obvious one, but olfactory, auditory, etc play a role as well).

Yeah, I know I tend to do a lot of verbal and visual teasing leading up to spending time together. I don't personally hold it against anyone, but I see that the days after such an event are different depending on the fella. Im just curious about thoughts and feelings, both immediately after, and in the days between seeing each other again.

Sometimes it is premature when I have not satisfied my wife, other times it is just too soon for me if that makes sense.

And what do you think about and do when that happens?

 

[Anlcomplsv]

Yeah, I know I tend to do a lot of verbal and visual teasing leading up to spending time together. I don't personally hold it against anyone, but I see that the days after such an event are different depending on the fella. Im just curious about thoughts and feelings, both immediately after, and in the days between seeing each other again.


And what do you think about and do when that happens?

I just say sorry and go to work with my tongue (that never comes prematurely). I f I have not had sex for a while and know that I am going to have sex I will masturbate a few hours before then I will last forever

 

[AlteredEgo]

I just say sorry and go to work with my tongue (that never comes prematurely). I f I have not had sex for a while and know that I am going to have sex I will masturbate a few hours before then I will last forever

Thank you. What is the thought process?

 

[Anlcomplsv]

My thought process is simple, I wonder what got me so aroused that I could not last. Like all of life it is unpredictable

 

[someperson]

Yeah, I know I tend to do a lot of verbal and visual teasing leading up to spending time together. I don't personally hold it against anyone, but I see that the days after such an event are different depending on the fella. Im just curious about thoughts and feelings, both immediately after, and in the days between seeing each other again.


And what do you think about and do when that happens?

I would just keep going single ejaculation is so primitive I trained my penis not to go soft after ejaculation.. by controlling the post ejaculation "Kegel" that causes loss of erection after busting


most i have gotten is 3 in a row with out loss of erection

 

[Dport]

Every single time I'm with a woman I actually like, have a serious crush on etc. for our first time, I have premature ejaculation problems.

I fully expect it to happen. I'm positive that by now it's some sort of self fulfilling prophecy thing.

It only happens during our first time together. It's got to be a nervous reaction or some shit.

If it's a one night, which I'm really not very experienced with, it's never a problem.

Happily enough it's never been a deal breaker.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I go to both extremes from time to time. With my first wife I had chronic difficulty with premature ejaculation. As we generally had a very routine agenda of me going down on her followed by PIV penetration, and because I typically could recover quickly or not lose my erection, it was never a problem.

Fast forward to today. My present wife and I have no such routine, and have far more variety. We also communicate more freely and openly. She actually really enjoys making me cum fast when going down on me. She views it as a win for her, not a fail for me. If and when I can't come in a reasonable period of time, she can sometimes feel concerned that she doesn't arouse me. The truth, which I do my best to relate to her, is that I may be tired, or anxious about other issues. The same influences can also cause me to cum too quickly.
One thing about this is that if I am taking too long, I will stop. If I cum too soon, we will go to Plan B: depending on our mood and circumstances, I'll finish her orally, with a dildo, or both. If she senses or I tell her I'm really worn out/exhausted, she will simply grab her vibrator and finish herself. There are never hard feelings or problems...we love each other deeply, and enjoy each other immensely. We are older, (55 and 49) and begrudgingly accept that shit happens.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I go to both extremes from time to time. With my first wife I had chronic difficulty with premature ejaculation. As we generally had a very routine agenda of me going down on her followed by PIV penetration, and because I typically could recover quickly or not lose my erection, it was never a problem.

Fast forward to today. My present wife and I have no such routine, and have far more variety. We also communicate more freely and openly. She actually really enjoys making me cum fast when going down on me. She views it as a win for her, not a fail for me. If and when I can't come in a reasonable period of time, she can sometimes feel concerned that she doesn't arouse me. The truth, which I do my best to relate to her, is that I may be tired, or anxious about other issues. The same influences can also cause me to cum too quickly.
One thing about this is that if I am taking too long, I will stop. If I cum too soon, we will go to Plan B: depending on our mood and circumstances, I'll finish her orally, with a dildo, or both. If she senses or I tell her I'm really worn out/exhausted, she will simply grab her vibrator and finish herself. There are never hard feelings or problems...we love each other deeply, and enjoy each other immensely. We are older, (55 and 49) and begrudgingly accept that shit happens.

I get that with both your first and current wives, an instance of premature ejaculation has not been problematic, even when it was chrinic with the first wife. What I can't know, unless you are willing to tell me, is what would go through your mind when it happened, especially early on when you wouldn't know about her response. What did you think about in the seconds before you had (or enacted) a plan? Did you think about it after the encounter was over, and if so, what did you think? When your wife expresses concern that she's "the problem" what do you think then?

It only happens during our first time together. It's got to be a nervous reaction or some shit.

I agree. What dk you think about when you are nervous leading up to the moment, especially now that you are expecting it to happen?

Happily enough it's never been a deal breaker.

That means she likes you too. What do you think about before you have certainty that you'll see her again? And what happened to your old avatar? I almost didn't recognize you.

I do thank all of you fellas for your input, especially with follow-up questions.

 

[dlfellow]

I'm not sure why, but the small handful of dudes with which I have recently (in the past 90 days or so)had sexual contact have included:

1) Long-time friend who came surprisingly fast, much faster than in the past, during intercourse. In his case, there is a long history of mutual satisfaction, AND I'd already had an orgasm from oral sex (though I would have liked to fuck long enough to have another).

2) A guy I had been out with a couple of times. I gave him a handjob for a brief period, but my hand kept getting too dry, so I added my mouth. Less than a minute later he came.

3)A guy with whom I went out a few times invited me over to hang out and watch TV. He guided my hand into his pants, and since we were not alone in the house (but were alone in the living room), I pulled his penis out, but covered it with his shirt. I wrapped my hand around the shaft and he became fully erect, I gave a few strokes but found his precum was insufficient lube. I wet my hand and stroked twice. He immediately got up, went into the nearest bathroom, then ran upstairs and came back in a new outfit and wouldn't resume snuggling or kissing. When asked about the wardrobe change, he said only that his shirt had gotten wet. When pressed later, after I left, he said he'd ejaculated. The next day he asked to be platonic and I declined to remain in contact. I only have his word to go on. I never felt pulsing in my hand, I never observed any signs of heightened arousal. I never saw semen. If he really did have an orgasm, I have never seen a faster one. Ever.

4) Agreed to exclusivity regarding sexual contact even though we were not a couple. I still wanted to explore dating options with other men, but agreed to limit contact to hugs and kisses. First sexual encounter: 10 second blowjob. Second chance: could not maintain erection once wearing condom. So, another 10 second blowjob. I hung out with him a few more times but wasn't sufficiently interested in him as a person to continue dating and work through whatever his sexual situation is.

I have questions. If you've ever experienced premature ejaculation with a partner, what was the context of the encounter, and what did you think about after? What did you think about yourself, your ability to perform, your partner and her reaction, and the encounter itself? How do women generally respond to you in the aftermath? How long after do you find you think about what happened?

The first time i ever ejaculated(prematurely too)
Was the first time a woman ever touched/squeezed my dick.
I was talking shit..she later called my bluff...reached up my shorts,quickly squeezed my dick twice and it seemed like everything was in slow motion with my heart beating loud in my ears.
I let loose on her thigh,the middle of her shirt,the back of the bus seats,and over her head (i got a little bit of her bangs..she had that aqua net hairstyle going on back then)
We were both shocked.i was scared because i thought I'd get in trouble,and i thought my dick was broken.
She ran back to her seat.
We never said anything to anybody about that day for almost 10 years.
I only talked about it until she talked about it to 3 mutual acquaintances we have.

The other premature ejaculation i had was was from a really beautiful woman i finally had the chance to have sex with after years of bad timing(we were in relationships at different times)
Our first time together she got on her knees to blow me, i undid my shorts while she took off her t-shirt and bra.
As soon as she gripped my erection i moved away from her and i aimed my cum shot away from her.
She laughed at how quickly i came,but as long as i keep friction on my dick i can keep an erection after i cum.

That part she said afterwards was impressive.

 

[AlteredEgo]

The first time i ever ejaculated(prematurely too)
Was the first time a woman ever touched/squeezed my dick.
I was talking shit..she later called my bluff...reached up my shorts,quickly squeezed my dick twice and it seemed like everything was in slow motion with my heart beating loud in my ears.
I let loose on her thigh,the middle of her shirt,the back of the bus seats,and over her head (i got a little bit of her bangs..she had that aqua net hairstyle going on back then)
We were both shocked.i was scared because i thought I'd get in trouble,and i thought my dick was broken.
She ran back to her seat.
We never said anything to anybody about that day for almost 10 years.
I only talked about it until she talked about it to 3 mutual acquaintances we have.

The other premature ejaculation i had was was from a really beautiful woman i finally had the chance to have sex with after years of bad timing(we were in relationships at different times)
Our first time together she got on her knees to blow me, i undid my shorts while she took off her t-shirt and bra.
As soon as she gripped my erection i moved away from her and i aimed my cum shot away from her.
She laughed at how quickly i came,but as long as i keep friction on my dick i can keep an erection after i cum.

That part she said afterwards was impressive.

But what did you think immediately after, and in the days that followed?

 

[dlfellow]

But what did you think immediately after, and in the days that followed?

With the first one it was a mix if emotions..
On one hand i was feeling great about myself because i could ejaculate and i was "growing into a man"
And i was scared because until i learned what happened i thought my dick was broke.and i thought I'd get in trouble for what happened.
But on the flipside,it was a quiet awkwardness between us.
We'd be cordial to eachother, but the same playful banter we had wasn't there.
It was like "where do we go after a just let off all over you?"
It wasn't until years later at a birthday party that she and i talked about it face to face.
She told me she thought at the time she did something wrong.
And that i would tell everybody we knew she was a slut or a whore.
We laughed about it and moved on.
And sometimes still even to this day,our mutual crass,loud mouth female friend will crack a joke about it.

My second occurrence i was more experienced with sex and knowing my body.So i was alot more confident and i knew I'd keep my erection.i was just soooo excited to finally be with her i just couldn't hold back.
If i had known that beautiful woman and i were hooking up that night,i would've pre frapped..lol!!!
We were fb's for that summer until she went away to college.where she later met her boyfriend..who later became her husband and father to her 3 kids.
I'm still really great friends with her cousin,(he's like my brother)
But i haven't seen or talked to her in years.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I get that with both your first and current wives, an instance of premature ejaculation has not been problematic, even when it was chrinic with the first wife. What I can't know, unless you are willing to tell me, is what would go through your mind when it happened, especially early on when you wouldn't know about her response. What did you think about in the seconds before you had (or enacted) a plan? Did you think about it after the encounter was over, and if so, what did you think? When your wife expresses concern that she's "the problem" what do you think then?
.

My first thoughts after regaining composure, are that I'm not done. Sex has always been a mutual thing for me....I can't do it with someone who seems indifferent, for instance. So when I've cum before her, my only thought has ever been what to do to keep the flow and arousal level up so she can finish. Easier said than done sometimes.

I have never felt inadequate, guilty, ashamed or any negative associated with failure. I HAVE been disappointed if I really wanted to keep doing exactly what I was doing and went over the edge....but why ruin an orgasm? We get only a few moments of pure joy, why waste them?

Incidentally, sometimes my wife does something that is extremely sweet....if I do finish before her, sometimes she just asks me to hold or caress her while she uses a vibe to orgasm. She knows a guy's energy level crashes after orgasm, so I appreciate being able to just chill.

My feelings are probably atypical....I'm far from normal and average in many things, and sex is no exception.

 

[BetterFuture]

I haven't had a problem with premature ejaculation, but when I was younger, I used to masturbate earlier in the day so that I'd likely last longer when I suspected sex was likely that night. Also, if things are starting to feel too good to soon, I change things up to give myself a stimulation break... like if she was blowing me and it was awesome, I might pull back and lay her down and go down on her for a while. If we're doing PIV and I'm getting too close too soon... change positions... that short break resets things a little for me.

I had a friend a long time ago and he constantly had trouble with this. For example, one time he got up from making out with his girlfriend to shut the bedroom door and came on the floor on the way back to the bed. He claimed he never masturbated.... and I suggested that he might want to do so earlier in the day relieve some of that backed up pressure.

BTW, that scene in Something About Mary where his friend suggests he not go out with so much "baby batter on the brain"... I loved it... I would do that exact thing (as I mentioned above).

 

[AlteredEgo]

I haven't had a problem with premature ejaculation, but when I was younger, I used to masturbate earlier in the day so that I'd likely last longer when I suspected sex was likely that night. Also, if things are starting to feel too good to soon, I change things up to give myself a stimulation break... like if she was blowing me and it was awesome, I might pull back and lay her down and go down on her for a while. If we're doing PIV and I'm getting too close too soon... change positions... that short break resets things a little for me.

These are methods I'm accustomed to.

 

[Dport]

I agree. What dk you think about when you are nervous leading up to the moment, especially now that you are expecting it to happen?


That means she likes you too. What do you think about before you have certainty that you'll see her again? And what happened to your old avatar? I almost didn't recognize you.

I do thank all of you fellas for your input, especially with follow-up questions.

I'm thinking "Shit, fuck, it's gonna happen I know it!!"

I don't take it too serious. If I'm in bed with a woman I like my chances of seeing her again no matter what happens. I feel like it's already a certainty. I've never had a first sex go so bad that I thought "Well shit, I fucked that one up"

I tried to change my avatar to a badass black and white pic of two badass black and white chicks sitting on motorcycles. Told me it had to reflect my own gender. Lame. So he stuck me with hot pink, but it's cool, I make pink look good.