Private Messaging Questions

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Balance1771, Oct 6, 2005.

  1. Balance1771

    Balance1771 New Member

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    Good afternoon LPSGers,

    I have been part of this forum for almost two weeks - what a great group of people you all are!

    I was curious if there was a particular kind of "private messaging etiquette" on this site. Having conversations via posts is fun, but sometimes there are other questions you might want to ask a particular individual in private. I don't ever want to direspect one's privacy, so I was going to ask what is the best way to do that in here.

    Thanks!
     
  2. B_JohnTheHorse

    B_JohnTheHorse New Member

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    I send people private messages all the time. I try be respectful of people when I do it. It's usually someone I know on the board or in response to a posting they have done etc. I generally don't ask for pics. In fact I never have. If someone wants to share their pics there's a gallery for that. I think that doing that can be construed as intrusive and harassing. I also respect those who have posted that they don't really care for PMs (you know who you are). But other than that I wish people PM'd more and this board was more interactive. There are many 'lurkers' on here and many full particpants who rarely PM and never got to the chat room.

    My 2cents
     
  3. Balance1771

    Balance1771 New Member

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    I send people private messages all the time. I try be respectful of people when I do it. It's usually someone I know on the board or in response to a posting they have done etc. I generally don't ask for pics. In fact I never have. If someone wants to share their pics there's a gallery for that. I think that doing that can be construed as intrusive and harassing. I also respect those who have posted that they don't really care for PMs (you know who you are). But other than that I wish people PM'd more and this board was more interactive. There are many 'lurkers' on here and many full particpants who rarely PM and never got to the chat room.

    My 2cents
    [post=349456]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]



    One thing that's confusing is there are so many active members who bring up great points and ideas, but when you PM them, you don't really get a response back - even if it is "thanks, but no thanks". It's kind of like you're invisible.
     
  4. DC_DEEP

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    That's not always the case. Some, because of prior harrassment/stalking type problems, prefer not to receive PMs until they "know" you fairly well. Others don't mind PMs at all. I can't speak for the ones who just never check or answer their messages. I'm open to any PMs at any time from any member.
     
  5. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    I feel the same way about getting PMs as DC_DEEP does, especially if it's about a topic I'm interested in or have posted about. I think that lpsg is a support group & a learning space for me. I'm at the time of my life when I like to hear different POVs and opinions. I've learned a lot about myself on this site & it helps when I get the chance to talk with people one on one too.
     
  6. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    I love getting a private message from anyone.. as long as it's coherant and meaningful, I pm people all the time saying something like.. "hey I enjoyed your post in such and such a thread, any chance we could chat" etc etc.. that seems normal to me.
     
  7. jonb

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    Don't send someone 10 PMs asking the same thing, one every day.
     
  8. Balance1771

    Balance1771 New Member

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    I am the same way Jeremy....I appreciate messages, even if it's just to say hello. If someone asks for something I'm not interested in talking about, I just let them know.

    and Jonb....its good to know you got my messages! So when can we finally chat? :toast:
     
  9. madame_zora

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    See, this is exactly why I don't like PMs until I get to know someone. Clearly, jonb is NOT happy about your pestering, why on Earth would you assume he wants to chat? That's pretty obnoxious, if you ask me. If you ask someone out and they say "You're getting on my nerves", you don't counter with "so, when's the date?"

    Those of us who post a lot can sometimes get deluged by PMs from people we don't know at all who know a great deal about us, it's creepy. Those who don't post as frequently don't experience this, so they are usually not as standoffish. If you PM someone and they don't respond, they are not interested in a behind the scenes communication, I certainly am not. Unless a person is willing to be as open as I am being by posting my thoughts in public, I have no interest at all in playing "getting to know you" in private. Put up or shut up, as far as I am concerned.
     
  10. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    [/quote]


    See, this is exactly why I don't like PMs until I get to know someone. Clearly, jonb is NOT happy about your pestering, why on Earth would you assume he wants to chat? That's pretty obnoxious, if you ask me. If you ask someone out and they say "You're getting on my nerves", you don't counter with "so, when's the date?"

    Those of us who post a lot can sometimes get deluged by PMs from people we don't know at all who know a great deal about us, it's creepy. Those who don't post as frequently don't experience this, so they are usually not as standoffish. If you PM someone and they don't respond, they are not interested in a behind the scenes communication, I certainly am not. Unless a person is willing to be as open as I am being by posting my thoughts in public, I have no interest at all in playing "getting to know you" in private. Put up or shut up, as far as I am concerned.
    [post=349584]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/quote]


    I understand what you are saying completely but I wanted to offer a different point of view. First of all, those who post are the ones allowing people to know things about them, and the posters are letting be known exactly what they want known. To me, that's the same argument that celebrities use, "I just want a private life." Fine, get out of the public eye. It seems closed minded to not want to talk to anyone who isn't open, not everyone is. Personally, I have been a member of this site for a time and while I am very open I don't post unless I feel like I have something to say. I have seen several members with thousands of posts, many of which are thoughtless one word posts, or conversations with one person only. Those conversations seem better suited for IM. Finally, how many posts does it take for a person to become valid and worth talking to? It's not difficult to make random statements to build ones response catalogue.

    Please, M Zora do not interpret this as a personal attack, but rather a different opinion on a somewhat cavalier attitude. As a vocal woman, I could only imagine the horid shit that you must sift through. Myself, I have only had a few IM's that I fielded accordingly, and would be frusterated with diarrhea of the mouth. But to dismiss those of us who don't have thousands of posts is rather closed minded for one who seems so forward thinking and continually offering interesting and useful thoughts.

    Sorry just wanted to rant a bit...
     
  11. Alley Blue

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    I agree with Jeremy and Balance.
     
  12. Alley Blue

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    After thoroughly evaluating this forum I find that these are the elements that makes the place wonderful to begin with. Its fascinating how someone could make a comment to someone else in a thread and suddenly others join in.

    Not all comments will fit "my" criteria as being useful or even beneficial. But if the person posting is simply enjoying a entertaining thread, I really would not want him to be concerned about fitting "my" criteria. I find that comments, big or small, complex or simple, help add to the "speak easy" atmosphere of the forum.

    Just like it would if we were all sitting in a lounge together.
     
  13. madame_zora

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    Cdub, I really do understand what you're saying, and it would have appeared that to way to me too had I not been where I am. The thing you don't understand is that, much like celebrity on a much smaller level, the time constraints alone would make it an unwelcome burden. When I first joined here, I answered every pm I got with as much integrity as I could muster, but the problem was that very quickly I was spending over four hours a day doing so! Now, I am just not interested is adding such a weighty responisibilty to my already busy schedule, I didn't join this site to do that. I like to post in response to what I am interested in and leave it at that. It is not that someone is "unworthy", it is more that I don't want to be responsible for keeping up a correspondance until I see if the person and I have a MUTUAL interest in such a correspondance. Just because I am willing to open up on the board does not imply any sort of responsibility to just live on the site and be there for every individual member privately who wants me too, surely you can see the absurdity of that.

    In the end, we are arguing about MY time, not yours. You are free to spend YOUR time however you choose. Not that I'm making the whole issue about me, I am just responding to your comment to me. If you're really saying that a celebrity owes it to everyone who writes them a letter the same open correspondance, then you really don't understand how quickly they would have no time for their own life at all.
     
  14. DC_DEEP

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    Mme., I admire that you have (elliptically) left out part of the discussion here, namely the TYPES of PMs, not just the numbers, that figure into your policy.

    I can say that I welcome PMs at any time, because I just simply don't get all that many, and the ones I do are topic-based. I don't attract the trolls and lurkers, because I lack 1) a vagina and tits; and 2) bruises on my knees from my cockhead. I feel fairly certain that if I were an attractive female, or a much more generously-hung male, my PM inbox would be filling up much more quickly.
     
  15. Alley Blue

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    No I can't!! ........Dammit :cry:

    But I'll carry on, some how......

    :+
     
  16. naughty

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    Hi,
    I usually PM people for three reasons 1) I either like what they have said on the board 2) I didnt like what they said on the board and didnt want to bust them out in public or 3) It is to someone I already speak with who I may not have been able to catch up with in a while and this is a central place that I know they will check .
    I have only had a few lunatics, most people have been very polite and complimentary. I do find it funny however when guys take my complimenting something they said for me wanting them! Get over yourselves!

    Naughty
     
  17. B_JohnTheHorse

    B_JohnTheHorse New Member

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    Jonb put it best. I get those from time to time, but yeah - if someone doesn't reply back it probably means they don't want to answer.
     
  18. Balance1771

    Balance1771 New Member

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    Zora and cdub,

    I appreciate the feedback and comments! In regards to your comment Zora, all I can say is that I'm new and I am learning how things run here (I think I still have a little time to use the "newbie" excuse, right?). I have no intention of being obnoxious or rude to people (hence the reason I started this post) - so I apologize if it seems that way.

    My rationale for starting this post was this: I have read through many posts in here and found several comments that were both interesting and insightful. As a new member, I wasn’t 100% sure how PMing worked. I knew that sometimes when I sent a PM, I got a message back and a good conversation followed. I also knew that other people weren't interested in PMing because it said so in their profile (like Zora's). However, with other members I assumed (incorrectly) that the PMs were not going through. I figured if I was taking the time to ask a question or greet someone, especially more than once, they might take the time to at least PM back a "sure lets chat" or "no thanks".

    In fear of offending people, I started this post to clarify what the particular PM etiquette is for this community. I now have a better idea of how things work. To jonb and the others I sent a few messages to - I apologize for bothering you.....I honestly had no idea the messages were going through and no intention to be "obnoxious and assume you actually wanted to talk to me".

    For the rest who do enjoy PMing and cdub for understanding where I am coming from - thanks! I look forward to many more conversations, both in posts and PMs.
     
  19. VeeP

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    You may want to use the 'Message Tracker' feature when you send PM's. There's a checkbox down by the 'send' button and a link over to the left in 'My Controls' that will allow you to see if the recipient has read the PM. As for whether or not you get a reply, well, I'm sure it's much like e-mail... some people respond to everything even if it's just a "thanks/no thanks", while others don't.

    Personally I don't mind PM's and do my best to reply to each provided they're (to quote Jeremy) 'coherent and meaningful'. :happy:
     
  20. Balance1771

    Balance1771 New Member

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    You may want to use the 'Message Tracker' feature when you send PM's. There's a checkbox down by the 'send' button and a link over to the left in 'My Controls' that will allow you to see if the recipient has read the PM. As for whether or not you get a reply, well, I'm sure it's much like e-mail... some people respond to everything even if it's just a "thanks/no thanks", while others don't.

    Personally I don't mind PM's and do my best to reply to each provided they're (to quote Jeremy) 'coherent and meaningful'. :happy:
    [post=349731]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]


    Thanks for the tip....I didn't know the PM system had that feature!
     
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