Problem: friend...becoming hot

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by episcalo, Aug 13, 2006.

  1. episcalo

    episcalo Member

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    So i've been with my GF for more than 6 month now, everything is going perfectly well: I love her, sex is great we have a really perfect relationship so far, nothing i could have dreamt better. I lost my virginity with her, she had quite a lot of experience before.

    And now that every thing is just perfect, Im starting to find a girl friend i had for a long time really hot. Nothing changed with her, she really is hot and always has been. It's jsut me, I just want to have sex with her...and i can't explain why! It's just sex! other than that, i know a relationship is impossible, we are way too different, I don't even like her more than for casual meeting, she gets on my nerve pretty fast...but i just wanna have sex with her still...i can't explain that!

    My GF is really beautiful. And i mean beautiful. even after 2 years of knowing her and 6 month sleeping with her, i still find her extremely beautiful.
    I find the other girl hot, but not beautiful, and charm-less...it's pure raw sex attraction.

    Im pretty sure it's not a rare case... :biggrin1: but i was wondering how you guys/girls handled a situation like this, what happened?

    I know nothing will happen because when i think of how disastrous it would be for my relationship, how much it would hurt my GF etc...... but still it disturbs me to be at this level attraction.
     
  2. Hatched69

    Hatched69 Member

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    Review your long-term plans with your current GF. If you ever plan on marrying, you sure don't want any skeletons in the closet. They'll haunt you your entire life with her, and women have a way of knowing these things...
     
  3. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    I have taken the liberty of removing the unimportant parts of the post leaving just what I see as the relevant parts.

    To me, it would appear that you do not even like this other girl, but only find her sexually attractive. If you don't want anything to happen you need to end the relationship. You say you find her charm-less and that she gets on your nerves pretty fast. To me the only reason to continue the relationship is in the hopes that something will happen and you will be able to justify it to yourself (people are great at justifying what they want.) End it now and remove the temptation, or risk ending your other relationship and go for the sex.
     
  4. yhtang

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    Your attraction to your female friend can be explained as Primordial Lust.

    If you really love your GF of six months, take matters in hand and sort it out in your private fantacies - and wash your hands afterwards. A good girl is hard to find. It will be a pity to waste such an opportunity.
     
  5. sares

    sares New Member

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    you guys are sweet, but I have different advice... play the field, my friend. you are too young to settle down with the first girl you fucked. 19? you have a good decade of experimentation between you and permenance.

    one thing I notice: you still describe women entirely on the basis of how relatively hot they are. and that's it. so play around, burn off those hormones, and eventually find someone who's hot AND who you relate to on a personal and intellectual level.

    just do the decent thing and break it off with girl 1 before taking it up with girl 2, and girl 3, girl 4...
     
  6. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    its a little thing called lust.

    i say go (try) fuck her brains out a few times and then you will be over her.
     
  7. headbang8

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    Episcalo, welcome to adulthood.

    Before you got together with your girlfriend, I'm sure you found plenty of women hot, and they entered your fantasies obsessively. Alas, it's the nature of being male: those thoughts don't stop just because you're happy in a relationship.

    Relax and learn to live with it. Enjoy the fantasy, but leave it at that. Act on it only if/when you become single again. You have too much happiness to lose.

    Who knows? Maybe you've found the love of your life at 19.

    On the other hand...

    I'll make a prediction. If you and your girlfriend enter a lifetime relationship, I predict that you will stray at least once. It's the nature of the beast--you'll be curious about sex with other women, and who can blame you? Don't beat yourself up too much about it. It's a human weakness. I've done it.

    Like Sares, I personally think you ought to play the field before you settle down. Do so honourably and sensitively, not misleading your partners. Does that mean calling an honourable end to your current happy relationship now, before you get in too deep? No need to rush these decisions. At 19, there's plenty of time to enjoy your current relationship while it feels natural and right, and have plenty more when you feel the time to move on.

    Relax,

    HB8
     
  8. episcalo

    episcalo Member

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    Well first of all thank you all for your answers. I really appreciate.

    Few things i wanna point out because i realize i wasn't clear on some points on my 1st post.

    I said I loved my gf and that we have a perfect relationship (to my eyes), I really mean it, and not on the physical point of view only.

    I love talking to her, i love her answers to my questions, I love the way she laughs and why she laughs, i love her humour, her intelligence, her way of seeing life, her way to live life, i love the way feel when im around her....it's like she's pulsing an aura of energy that could make me do anything.

    I really relate to her on a personnal and intellectual level to a way i never thought possible.

    I had my share of relations before (so ok there was no intercourse but still some oral and such) and none has been remotely close to this intense.

    So maybe i'm being naive and there is much deeper, but i honnestly just can't imagine it to be possible.

    The other girl, i don't relate to her much intellectually, we never see each other other than with my group of friends etc... it's just pure sex lust.

    As you said yhtang, a good person is quite hard to find. I kinda know that, _IF_ we stay together marry etc etc I'll have this fantasy the rest of my life of "fucking other women". On the other hand, flushing someone you love so much for XX fucks seems one hell of a stupid trade.

    I know i don't have to take a decision like "the 25th i flush her", and as you said Headbang8, there is plenty of time ahead to see how things goes with my girl...afterall 6 month is not long in a life...it would be something else if it was 10 years...But I'm still kinda terrified about maybe one day i could betray her love and sleep with another woman. I know it would totally destroy our relation and i would never forgive me for that.

    Anyways, It's not like I'm obscess with "Girl 2" either. I don't think of her 24/7...just like when i see her.
    So naturally the way to go is to shut those hormones of and keep my relation with "Girl 1" for now.

    Tanks again for your time and answers, i really appreciated all your input so far :)
     
  9. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    I suffer from the same thing. It's called 'IWBYLS' or I Wanna Be Your Lover Syndrome

    I want sex with every girl I see! When I'm in a relationship though I resist the urge. I might masturbate over the girlfriend's HOT friend...maybe even jokingly ask about a threesome or whatever. But I never cross the line into fucking her friend or fucking anyone else while I have girlfriend.

    But I've never had a two year relationship...I can see how after two years you could get bored...and yeah if you're young, why not. [Play the GAME] lol.
     
  10. SurferGirlCA

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    episcalo, you're adorable! :smile:

    Yes, it's completely natural to see someone and think "hmmm, I wonder how sex with him/her would be" - some guys also refer to this as "thinking with the wrong head." It will happen again and again and again - being that you're human and all. :wink:

    You will also see things you might want to eat, drink, smoke, pop, buy, steal, or hit with a 2x4 (ok, that one would be people, not things). ALL of that is human nature. Whether (or how often) you give in to those temptations will probably help define your life to some degree.

    It sounds like you really appreciate what you have right now in your relationship. Just enjoy that and see where it goes... but, yes, it's still ok to have fantasies, too.
     
  11. jfrsndvs

    jfrsndvs Member

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    surfergirl is right on the money, you will be tempted to lots of things in life, it's whether you act on those or not is what your true charactor is all about.

    the gf you got now, I would stick with her at this time, as life goes on for the two of you, both of you will mature more and more, your interests will change and so will hers, that is just nature, by the time you hit 25 that is when you will really find out if she is the one that you will want to spend the rest of your life with or not, keep the one that you got for the time being, she does sound like a real winner, but for now, enjoy the moment, take it day by day, but don't ruin what you got right now by fucking another woman, whatever action you take today will effect you the rest of your long life.

    good luck.




     
  12. sares

    sares New Member

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    I definitely agree. thank you for explaining more about your girlfriend.

    I wish you luck and I hope the way is clear for you both.
     
  13. D_electric chair

    D_electric chair New Member

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    Remember what moma always said " Once in a while you find a good one and hold on to her".
    For your situation it really up to you, you are still young and there are plenty left. I guranteed you wont be satified being with on person the rest of your life.
    But the most important part is break her heart the right way. What I meant is if you really want to experience somthing else break up with her and no cheat. At least you hurt her feeling and being an honest way.
    Good luck on your decision.
     
  14. GoneA

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    Ahh, young love.
     
  15. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    I am going to guess that you are a transplant to the U.S and not one of the EVIL Americans.:firedevil: The inclusion of the “u” in honour makes me fairly certain that you are not amongst the spawn of Satan (or that you somehow managed to excape the barbaric practice of dropping th “U”) :biggrin1:
     
  16. karmen

    karmen New Member

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    Life experience has taught me that you will always be attracted to others. I believe that is very "normal".

    You are very young but this may happen at any age. This particular situation is a test. Will you succumb to your hormones or will you be true to your current love?

    After reading your postings, I would say that your current fascination with this "friend" is not worth the heartache that it may bring to you and your love. Let it pass. Do not socialize with this group of friends, if it is really a problem.

    You may have the "hots" for this other woman but I didn't read in your postings that this other woman would even entertain the thought of sleeping with you. If she won't even sleep with you, then it is strictly a fantasy on your part.

    If you are having to work to persue her, then it is taking away from your primary relationship. At this point, I would think that you'd want to be a single man so that you can date whom you want to date.

    Good luck with your decision. There is an old saying, which I think applies, "A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush". :wink:

    Hugs and Kisses,

    Karmen
     
  17. B_Kyuss

    B_Kyuss New Member

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    It happened the same to me. I have a girlfriend from 3 years now.
    There was this girl who broke with a friend of mine. She had a reputation to be a dirty girl but this never interested me because i always found her face a little ugly and never really liked her at all. I always thought my friend was with her for the sex she could give. When he get rid of her i was happy for him. Then she became a more allusive (sex jokes and smiles) and to be more chatty with everyone, me included.
    I started to think about her and i ended up with a wild urge to bang her violently, don't know why, i'm usually very sweet but that drives me a little crazy.
    I suggest you to do this: masturbate.
    If you love your girlfriend like you say, and you have a great time with her, don't waste this "nirvana": you don't need neither the other girl nor the guilt i'm sure you'll feel if you decide to cheat on your gf. Even if your relationship is doomed to an end, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the time you can have together as long as it last. Don't waste it.
    When you'll have your house free for 3 days and you gf on top of you 24/day you'll forget everything about every other female human being.
     
  18. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I personally think that is the problem about when you lose your virginity to a person and then get into a long term relationship - you soon want to taste other fruits....I mean I would think that you want some comparison exactly like your girlfriend has had....Obviously she prefers you but I do feel it is normal to want to experience sex w/more than one person in a person's life time....And I am sure deep down your current gf will understand that....
     
  19. episcalo

    episcalo Member

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    Thank you all for your input...it was really appreciated.

    As many of you said...it's a temptation...as many things in life we could be tempted to. I'm way too happy in my current relationship to fuck it up for nothing. I'll stay with her and enjoy it as long as it makes me happy.

    Thank you again :)
     
  20. JackbytheSea

    JackbytheSea New Member

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    BANG HER! Hump her like your life depends on it! :eek:

    Then say you were probing her poonanny for biological weapons. It works for the White House.
     
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