Problem Maintaining an Erection

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by heversle, Apr 12, 2011.

  1. heversle

    heversle New Member

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    Ok, bare with me, you guys. There may be a lot of details here. Some may be useful and others may not be...decide for yourself.

    Ok, well, I'm 21 and I recently started to have sex (late bloomer...I know) and I've noticed that I'm having trouble maintaining an erection. And even when I get an erection, it seems like I'm not getting 100% hard (when I'm fully erect I'm about 8x5, but I never seem to get that hard when I'm with someone). For whatever reason, I've always had trouble staying hard, particularly when standing. And over the years of masturbating, I developed an odd kink or nuance in which I have a lot more success staying hard and ejaculating when I rub my nipples. But, this hasn't helped me much during sex. (Have I desensitized myself if I need to do this?...maybe I should save that for another thread...) Also, I find it easier to get an erection when I'm laying down or seated, but even then, I'm struggling to maintain it during sex, especially when I'm ready to put a condom on. I've only had a little bit of success in cowgirl and doggystyle, but like I said, despite being very turned on, I can't maintain an erection for very long.

    And to make things even crazier, I found out something even more alarming. To make a long story short, my older brother, our best friend, and I ended up meeting 3 girls at a bar and we ended up back at their place. I ended up in bed with one of these girls two nights in a row and I experienced trouble getting hard on both nights. On the first night, I was luckily able to get by because she really responded well to oral. But, on the next night, I could sense her frustration and she gave me the "I'm tired..." line when I went limp after about 5 minutes of doggy. I kissed her goodbye and walked out...defeated :frown1: Strangely enough, on the way home, I found out my brother, who was in the act with my chick's roommate, couldn't maintain an erection either. Apparently, he has the same problem as me!

    So, my question is...what should WE do? Should I stop masturbating all together? At age 21 and 25, I'm guessing this isn't normal. Is it? My brother did a little research and he suggested that we should try a supplement called L-Arginine. Supposedly, it helps with ED and blood circulation to the penis. Has anyone found that this works? And if so, how much should I take? I took 3 400mg pills today (1.2g total), but I saw that WebMD recommended that I should take 5g a day and a lower dosage may not have any effect. I'm also doing kegel exercises as much as I can throughout the day. Will any of this help? I need answers :confused:

    Sorry for the lengthy synopsis, but I would love any advice. THANKS!
     
    #1 heversle, Apr 12, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2011
  2. Ed69

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    Lay off the beer,whiskey and weed etc.These things will kill a good night of sex.If that's not it get to a doctor cause you both have problems with blood flow that could kill you.
     
  3. D_Crystallized Ginger

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    I believe your girth is too small for your your big length... this is called erectyle dysfunction on geometric basis .. length divided to girth should be at most 1,32 , in your case it's 1,6 times the girth.. I think an increase in girth would help your ED a lot... jelquing could be the key exercise but be careful if you decide to embrace a PE program , remember that you have to start with a a light routine ,etc...
     
  4. heversle

    heversle New Member

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    When I drink, I rarely do it in excess and I don't smoke. I'm not liking the sound of this. I hope there isn't anything seriously wrong with me :confused:

    I have a pretty healthy diet (rarely ever eat fast food; eat lots of fish, fruit, and vegetables) and I work out regularly (cardio/weight lifting). Is there anything I can do to naturally increase blood flow with something over the counter? Or do I need to see a doctor? Btw, to specify, I'm probably about 7-7.5 when I'm about 80-90% hard. But, when I'm fully erect, I get a mushroom head and I'm about 8X5. I also know that my brother is larger than me in both length and girth (he's probably 9X6 or 9X7), but from the sound of things, he's having the same problem.

    I'd prefer not to do a PE program if possible, as I'm pretty happy with my size. What is jelquing by the way? I've heard of it, but I'm not sure what it entails.
     
  5. D_f7tfr7

    D_f7tfr7 New Member

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    My experience would indicate neither you or your brother have any serious problems. Having hard errection is 95% mental. Once you feel your cock getting a bit soft you immediately start to worry. This causes the
    exact opposite affect you want.... As you gain experience, and learn to focus on pleasing your partner, your cock becomes a tool which you will learn to handle very well. I believe in you and you need to believe on yourself. You and your brothers were both endowed with great cocks. Finding the right partners will allow you to have great sex. When you are under pressure to perform, things often go soft.. Hang in there. You will be a great lover!!
     
  6. cgttown

    cgttown Member

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    You could have several issues, ranging from not serious at all to something you might get checked by a doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I've read a lot about male sexual health, and I've had a few minor issues with the same problem now and again over the years. Here are a few ideas that I hope are helpful.

    First, maybe it's just nerves. You are young and newly sexually active. This can cause anxiety and nervousness, which can lead to trouble getting or maintaining an erection. The first time I ever had sex with the woman who is now my wife, I had a similar problem, especially when the condoms came into play. With experience, that problem disappeared. Lots of guys are nervous the first time with a new partner, and that can also contribute to your situation. So, more experience and confidence basically gets rid of the issue.

    Secondly, you might just be psyching yourself out. First, you don't have to be as hard as you possibly can get to have good sex. I don't think it's all that unusual for you to be a bit less firm when you're with someone than if you're just pleasuring yourself. For one thing, you're paying attention to someone else and are not just focused on your own erection. Giving pleasure is pleasurable, it but doesn't necessarily give you the same wood as stroking yourself or having someone pay attention to your cock would give. Stop worrying that you're not all the way hard and just enjoy the moment.

    That brings me to the third possibility: you're too much in your own head about it. The more you worry about whether you're all the way hard or not, and the more you get tense over the possibility that you may lose your erection, the greater the chances are that it will happen. If you're doing sex right (in my opinion, anyway), then the relative firmness of your hard-on may wax and wane throughout. Different positions feel better than others, different condoms provide more sensitivity than others, and so forth. So, if you lose your erection, so what? Relax and enjoy what you're doing, and most likely you'll get it back. If not, hey, there's always next time. Plus, there are many ways that sex is great even without an erection.

    Fourth, and still not serious, maybe you need to be more verbal about what you want your sexual partner to do for you in the whole give-and-take of sex. You said you get off on having your nips played with. So do I. I had a partner who knew that so well that when my erection would start to go down some, I immediately got attention to my nips without my having to say anything. Viola! I'd shortly be back to business because my partner knew how to push my buttons. It just became part of what we did. If you don't speak up about what you like and don't, then your hot spots may not get the attention you want, and you are less turned on that you could be.

    Laying off the masturbation some might be a good idea if you do it so much that the feel of something else isn't firm enough for you. (That has happened for lots of men.) Plus, if you eat too many snacks, you don't enjoy the awesome meal as much, you know? So maybe creating a little hunger by laying off the self-gratification a bit would be good.

    Last, if you have tried these (and other similar strategies) to relax and enjoy the moment, and you still have problems, then I suggest you talk to your doctor. At your age, having any serious difficulty getting or maintaining an erection (once you've eliminated nervousness and other such things) is certainly serious enough to bring up to the doc. Tell him your situation, and he may order some tests. You may have a circulation issue or nerve problem that can be addressed.

    If there's not a physical problem, other things such as cock rings can be fun and have been successful with many men, too. That might be awkward with a new partner, but it doesn't have to be if you work it in as a part of foreplay. Bigger guys sometimes have problems getting as hard as men with more average endowments, and a cock ring can make all the difference in those cases. Plus there are nutritional supplements that can give you a lift, too.

    BTW, I've had very good success with Michael's Testosterone Factors, an over-the-counter blend of herbs and vitamins to support your body's production of testosterone and blood flow to the penis. Also, L-arginine is cheap and easy to find, and it can have a marked difference in your situation, too. Michael's has L-Arginine in it, as well as other things to support male sexual health.

    Well, I hope I didn't go on too much, and that something works for you. Take it one step at a time and see what works for you. The male sexual machine is complex, and if you've studied what has to take place for a man to get and keep an erection, you know that while the system usually works very effectively, small changes can make a big difference.

    Best of luck.
     
  7. heversle

    heversle New Member

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    Great stuff, guys. Thanks for the advice. I'll try a few things and I'll let you know if it works.
     
  8. affarsbitrade

    affarsbitrade Active Member

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    Don't be worried that you have a medical condition. I went through entirely the same thing as you and I can assure you it's entirely psychological. There are two things in my mind that cause this, and I went through the same situation to you as well. You either have stage fright, which is completely normal and can be cured by time and experience and by being with someone you trust and care about and not worrying about the way you look or anything like that, or you have desensitized yourself through porn and masturbation. I love porn and I'm not saying don't watch it, but lay off for a while and see if that improves things.

    Don't be nervous about pleasing her, she's probably just as nervous about pleasing you. And be proud of your appendage! Get into what your doing, go with the flow and relax. Do what turns you on and get off on turning her on. And don't rush it. You were a late bloomer as was I. Don't expect too much too soon. Build up your experience and your confidence and then this won't even be an issue anymore.

    Good luck!
     
  9. heversle

    heversle New Member

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    UPDATE: So, its been a few weeks since I last talked to you guys. I haven't gone to a doctor yet, but I have been taking L-Arginine tablets and Horny Goat Weed for about a week now and they seemed to be working...or so I thought. I popped a few tablets earlier in the day and I went over to a party at a sorority house later in the night. I hung out with this chick (the girl I happened to lose my virginity to) that I really like again at the party. I end up having a few drinks (which may have negated the pills) over the course of the night before I end up going off alone with her. We end up making out for a while and she starts to get worked up. I take off her clothes and she starts to unzip my pants. I go down on her for a while to warm her up. At this point, I'm fully hard. I know she's on the pill, so I don't put on a condom this time. I get her in missionary and I try to put my dick in her, but my head gets so fat that my penis starts to buckle as I try to penetrate her and I have to pull out before I can fit it in properly. Then, when I want to try again, my dick starts to go limp. :( At this point, I decide to lay down and relax and she starts to blow me. I notice that it feels good, but I'm not getting that hard, so I get her to start rubbing my nipple. After a little while, she gets me completely hard and I decide to try again in cowgirl. I start to fuck her for a little bit, but my dick pops out and I go limp again. We try doggie and the same thing happens. Reverse cowgirl, to no avail. At this point, she's telling me "I wish there was something I could do to help...I just want you inside me so bad!" I just kept reinforcing that it wasn't her fault and that I loved everything that she was doing because I did! I just couldn't stay hard. It was the most helpless feeling ever! Here I am with a girl that is completely into me (at one point she put her leg behind her head and told me "You can have me however you want" which drove me crazy!) and I can't deliver...again. :( At one point, we just decide to relax and talk for a while. Hoping it will save my chances with her, I swallow my pride and I admit that the first time I was with her was actually the first time I ever had sex. Hearing this, she laughs and says I'm full of shit. When I tell her I'm serious, she seems shocked and surprised. She tells me that she finds it hard to believe because I was so "smooth" at everything else (she was referring to the way I took off her bra, the way I kissed her, the way I went down on her, etc). Hearing this, it surprised me a little bit and made me feel a little better about the situation. After a while, we start making out and cuddling and she starts to fall asleep next to me. All the while, I'm lying awake, thinking about how pathetic I am. I convince myself that I should give it one last try. I tell her "You're not going to sleep until I'm done with you" which kind of turns her on. I start to go down on her and finger her and she seems to respond to it well. She's totally into it and I can hear her say "Keep going, I'm so close." But, when it's right about to happen, she pulls away and tells me "I'm sorry. I was almost there, but...it's just not the same." I'm completely defeated at this point. After a while, I end up kissing her goodbye and I leave.

    When I get home it's morning time and I notice she's online on Facebook. We end up chatting with her online for a while. I tell her I should probably see a doctor to figure out if anything is wrong with me. She laughs at this and tells me she doesn't think anything is wrong. She tells me that I have "wonderful equipment" to work with and that the doctor will probably tell me that it's just nerves and practice makes perfect. I tell her it's frustrating to love sex as much as I do and for whatever reason, I'm unable to perform.

    At this point, I'm so frustrated. I'm thinking I should go to the doctor, but I'm terrified of even setting up the appointment. I need a solution quickly, but I don't want to have to take pills for the rest of my life. I don't want the reputation of being "the guy that can't get it up".
     
  10. monel

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    Go talk to your doctor. Even if it is only a mental issue, it will be a reli for you to get that verified. In addition he can give you cialis or viagra to get you over the hump.
     
  11. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    if you are not "above" smoking some pot, get some good weed and go to it. it always made me hornier than hell. and my recovery time was near zero.

    oh, and don't get busted.
     
  12. wildmann86

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    i agree with this. to me it sounds like nerves. i know because i had the exact same problem. i would say physically you are fine, but mentally you want to perform so well you put yourself under alot of stress. heres a little trick i use when im slightly drunk to maintain an erection. make a circle using your index finger and thumb "should look like the ok sign" using this grip the base of your penis tightly . it will trap the blood in your penis the same as a cock ring and help you penetrate her. once your inside her you will probally stay hard so u can release your penis and have fun:wink: . anyways just a tip. have fun
     
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