problem w my bf

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Dkjhgbk, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. D_Dkjhgbk

    D_Dkjhgbk New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2010
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    my bf is a grad student, his living situation is bad (he doesn't have money now as he is in school so he lives in a room with 3 other guys) and he often stressed about his hw because he is unable to deal w the stress. i feel bad for him for the above three reasons, so i often do household chores for him when i go to his apartment. afterwards, he thanks me. but i often think he doesn't thank me enough. i am 23 years old (he is 22) but i have a very bad back from sports injury right now so it takes a lot from me to do his household chores. when i come home i physically cant move from the effort. but i also feel bad if he lives at a dirty, unwelcoming place. in the end, i end up resentful towards him because i feel like he didn't thank me enough (when i reality is i dont tell him how hard it was for me to do those chores, but if i told him he'd tell me not to do the chores and unless he does it themselves which i cannot see happening me and him are just ganna have to endure a disgusting room) or i feel like he doesn't give me enough attention in repayment for the chores i did. is it wrong in my head to think i should be getting repayment for the chores? should i be just doing it out of the goodness of my heart and not expect anything in return?

    i know it mite be weird to post this on lpsg as this isn't a penis question. but im a regular member here and i love the ppl here. u guys give great advice. i hope u will help me w this one as well. well the first reason that got me on this site is he has a lp, so

    anyhow help me ya'll :D
     
  2. FeroxFemina

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2010
    Messages:
    428
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    Verified:
    Photo
    First of all:
    Is this going to be another thread where lots of people give you advice but you disappear and don't re-post?

    Secondly:
    18 posts is not a regular member


    and Thirdly:
    If you are genuine and your bf is really neglecting you and doing all the masturbating that you mentioned in another thread, then you need to talk to him.

    We can't give you the answers and we can't fix the situation for you.

    If his house is so bad, don't go there. Avoid it. Make him come and see you. If he doesn't like this solution, tough. He'll have to sort it out as well as the other guys he lives with.
     
  3. ManofThunder

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    Messages:
    5,999
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,295
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Verified:
    Photo
    I agree, you need to at least reply - not just fall off the face of the earth whenever people respond.
     
  4. mexdude

    mexdude New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    461
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Mexico
    Dont clean his place, you are his GF not his maid, and if he doesnt like it, then get another guy, he should be cleaning your place, so ur back doesnt hurt as much
     
  5. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town
    :smile:
    It seems the b.f. is gay. He lives wiith 3 men and masturbates all the time and they live in "A Room". Since ths relationship is destined for failure you'd best be finding a new man. There! :smile: now you don't have to keep his place clean&neat.
     
  6. Gamm

    Gamm New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    168
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    No pics, it didn't happen...
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    As MoT has seconded, I will third it.
     
  8. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    7,317
    Likes Received:
    8
    OK Obviously I'm not a lady, so apologies off the bat, but clearly the ladies aint biting so maybe I can furnish you with an opinion, whether or not you respond isn't really that important to me so don't sweat it.


    It seems to me you have a lot of undisclosed issues surrounding the kind of BF you would like your BF to be. Some seem to be related to things you've mentioned in other threads and some you've explained in this one.

    TBH if you have a bad back and yet you're somehow blackmailing yourself into doing his housework for him then a) you are a mug as they say where I come from and b) your boyfriend is a using prick who should know better than to take advantage of his somewhat foolishly obliging GF.

    The lazy son of a bitch can clean his own damn room like the rest of us do after a long hard days work. You either enjoy doing this because you get off on having something to bitch about in your internal dialogue and perhaps have a martyr complex or you're just being dim.


    If you want my advice stop cleaning up after a grown man who should be cleaning up after himself, he's not a child and you're not his fucking mother, stop secretly resenting your BF in your mind for something you decided to do for him and tell him to clean his goddamn shit up himself and then boink his brains out having makeup sex after the inevitable bout of mutual recriminations and hot tempered accusations which will follow you having done so.


    Be the change you want to see honey.
     
    #8 D_Tim McGnaw, Feb 9, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2011
  9. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    249
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    I agree with these two guys. If you clean up after him all the time, in my experience he's going to expect you to continue to do it. He can clean up after himself, he's a big boy now. Imagine yourself living with this man one day, would you want to pick up and clean up after him everyday? What about if you had children with him? Then you would have to clean up after a grown up and children...

    It's nice to help one another, but you are making yourself uncomfortable by doing this all the time.

    Also, you never do something for another person expecting a thank you. You do it because you want to do it. If you feel resentment for doing it you have no one to blame but yourself.
     
  10. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2009
    Messages:
    7,846
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,735
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    Sweetie, you're going to have to put on your big girl panties and have him face the music. I know going to school is tough. I did it as a single mom with a four-year-old. And I cleaned up after both of us.

    You're not 100% but he expects you to be 150 and take up his slack. This is not a good recipe, and guess what - after school is over it's not going to change.

    So you have a choice: change it or accept it.
     
  11. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Same. the situation seems like you need to be stronger. Know what is best for you, and get him told.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted