Bro, I feel for you. Let me tell u, even if she doesn't cheat again the relationship will never be the same. Eventually one will leave the other, and u don't want it to be her. U think it hurts now? Imagine forgiving her letting he back in only to have her leave u 3 months down the road. Be the flame boy, don't ever be the moth...
Problem with girlfriend
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Incocknito
Sexy Member
An eye for an eye makes everyone blind.
If you slept with a "mutual friend" and then stayed with your girlfriend then the foundations of your relationship will collapse, if they haven't already.
If you go that route then what is your relationship based on?
There's no trust
There's no commitment to each other
There's no faithfulness
There's no hope
There's (most likely) no sex
You're just setting yourself up for more emotional pain and heartache if you stay with her and ESPECIALLY if you sleep with someone else just to "get back at her".
If you slept with a "mutual friend" and then stayed with your girlfriend then the foundations of your relationship will collapse, if they haven't already.
If you go that route then what is your relationship based on?
There's no trust
There's no commitment to each other
There's no faithfulness
There's no hope
There's (most likely) no sex
You're just setting yourself up for more emotional pain and heartache if you stay with her and ESPECIALLY if you sleep with someone else just to "get back at her".
^^ agreed. They say if ur planning revenge dig two graves. Speaking as an Aries with Scorpio rising I am vengeful, except I do it right. The best revenge is success. Get out there meet new women, make money, have fun. Forget about her in this fashion and she surely will not forget you.
B_icewill36
Just Browsing
I wouldn't sleep with someone else while we were still together. I think we want to maintain a friendship, but not until we spend at least months apart.
Like I said, if I slept with this mutual friend it would be after we were apart, and I probably wouldn't tell this current girl about it. Although I can almost guarantee I can get what I want if I do that.
B_icewill36
Just Browsing
helgaleena
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If you would like her to console you and prove to you she still desires you, let her try. She may fail or she may succeed, in either case, ending your worry over it.
If you would like her never to touch you again because she hurt your emotions too much, tell her goodbye fast, not in two weeks, not in two months. That is the kindest to you both.
Hsarge had it right. You must decide what you want to do about it. And some of the other posters here are less humane than you or even bigots, so do not sink to their level just because it is equated with 'being a man'.
If you would like her never to touch you again because she hurt your emotions too much, tell her goodbye fast, not in two weeks, not in two months. That is the kindest to you both.
Hsarge had it right. You must decide what you want to do about it. And some of the other posters here are less humane than you or even bigots, so do not sink to their level just because it is equated with 'being a man'.
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Ashnfn, my heart is with you on this one. It's never easy to deal with the fact that your girl, whom you are in love with, has cheated on you. If you let it, it will tear you apart mentally, as well as emotionally. You seem like a really nice guy and I hate this happened to you. This is the only girl you've given yourself to, and perhaps that's why it hurts so much. You shared your first time, as well as so many other firsts, with her and in return she did this leaving you totally insecure. What's worse is that it's not only a blow to your confidence as a well-endowed young man, it's also a blow to your mental state...it's left you a bit narrow-minded. You said you're starting to feel racist but in reality you should be pissed at your gf, not the black guy. Chances are he didn't even know that your was in a relationship (that's not to say that he would've cared even if he did). Now I don't know you, I don't know your girl, and I don't know how good your relationship really is, but is there a chance that maybe it wasn't as good to her as you might have thought? Despite her reasons, what she did was extreme inconsiderate. Two years is a while but I think you'd be better off without her. And you said you're leaving in two months but, seriously, it doesn't take long for "one thing to lead to another" and who's to say that she'll even tell you next time.
I think he has a good point.
But seriously, if she disappears from your life and you imagine like she never existed, well, you'll have no issue if you never had a cheating g/f to begin with.
And really now, 2 years? Wives cheat after 15 years of marriage and get the boot.
Apparently all the guys who'se opinions are for you to consider dumping this girl are inhumane and bigots, got it.
I like how the women go "oh she probably messed up", really is it like in the Eminem song, "she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?" Just cause you mess up doesn't mean that you should be forgiven. They ain't married, they have no kids together, and as experience shows most cheaters cheat again. Just saying, so I'll add my voice to the women, "you should decide, it really should be your decision, because there are bigots and dumbasses here who would want nothing more than to see you get hurt... again"
Just cause she desires you now doesn't mean that she wouldn't fuck around when you are in Iraq or Afghanistan. Desire and want is her selfishness, nothing to do with you. If she loved you, she couldn't ever see you with another woman. At least by my definition of love, but hey its the 21st century and the world has flipped its shit.
Yeah I can be cruel but at least it's the truth instead of some emotional sugar coated bullshit. Now stop being a bitch and either stay with her or boot her, but don't be a bitch.
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Incocknito
Sexy Member
Just to add a bit more perspective to this:
All the times (only twice) I was cheated on, it was never because she loved me too much or because our relationship was "too perfect".
It was always because at least one of us thought that the relationship was (practically) over. And when that wasn't the reason, the reason then was she just didn't give a shit about me.
Do you really want to be with someone who cares so little for you that she jumps in bed with another man the first chance she gets?
Do you really thank that's the best you can do? Do you not think you deserve better than that?
I think you do. That's because everyone deserves to be happy. And the moment she slept with another man, happiness became impossible (with her).
Try again with another person who isn't so self centred or deceptive.
All the times (only twice) I was cheated on, it was never because she loved me too much or because our relationship was "too perfect".
It was always because at least one of us thought that the relationship was (practically) over. And when that wasn't the reason, the reason then was she just didn't give a shit about me.
Do you really want to be with someone who cares so little for you that she jumps in bed with another man the first chance she gets?
Do you really thank that's the best you can do? Do you not think you deserve better than that?
I think you do. That's because everyone deserves to be happy. And the moment she slept with another man, happiness became impossible (with her).
Try again with another person who isn't so self centred or deceptive.
B_icewill36
Just Browsing
TheBoyfriend
Just Browsing
Life is more complicated than that. I'm not saying stay with her or leave her, that is your decision. And you need to make it yours. Don't do it out of machismo or some antiquated sense of hurt manhood. If you do that and you'll always feel like you are less of a man. Leaving her because of that makes you a lesser man.
It does mean something that she told you. She felt badly, she didn't mean to hurt you and she wants you back. She even called you in tears apparently right afterwards. That means something.
My message is very similar but more enlightened. Be a man. Tell her it hurt you. Tell her how you feel and if you can't be with her any more tell her and leave. If you are staying then be a man and forgive her.
So she told you to get rid of HER guilt. This is not a noble cause.
She cheated. You went through some shit. You are young. Now you know what this feels like. Learn and grow from this.
Move on. Because it only gets better. She is not the only girl in the world that could give you good sex.
ashnfn,
I've noticed that most of these cold-hearted bastards don't seem at all concerned with the fact that your 20 year old girlfriend was on drugs/alcohol and that she was crying while this whole incident went down. The whole thing sounds more like date rape to me than infidelity, and which you failed to clarify. Where is your concern? You're so focused on your own feelings here, but you haven't expressed enough concern over what happened to her that night.
I knew that the reason why I think you're the sexiest man on earth wasn't just because of you're a handsome stud with a gorgeous cock. I just love it when you show off your smart sexy side, too.
I've noticed that most of these cold-hearted bastards don't seem at all concerned with the fact that your 20 year old girlfriend was on drugs/alcohol and that she was crying while this whole incident went down. The whole thing sounds more like date rape to me than infidelity, and which you failed to clarify. Where is your concern? You're so focused on your own feelings here, but you haven't expressed enough concern over what happened to her that night.
I knew that the reason why I think you're the sexiest man on earth wasn't just because of you're a handsome stud with a gorgeous cock. I just love it when you show off your smart sexy side, too.
It wasn't rape. She e-mailed the guy beforehand and asked him to meet her at a hotel to have sex. I know it wasn't rape. I still talk to this girl occasionally. I basically said she can't have me back because of what she did. She says she made the worst mistake of her life by doing this but maybe she did it because she knows I'm an understanding person and I would forgive her.
Oh well. I can't forgive her, and now I just want to forget about it. I know this is bad but right now I feel like never wanting to trust anyone ever again.
The world is so fucked. It gives young women all the wrong ideas about love and sexuality.
Thank you for clarifying that. It was bothering me a lot.
Well it's good that it was a clean break. You did good there. And it's good that you're still talking to her. It shows maturity.
As for all these guys who say that a woman needs to be held to a different standard of behavior than men, the ones who say that it's harder for a woman to be unfaithful, they don't know what they're talking about. Women feel as tempted as men do and double standards are antiquated.
The fact that you're an understanding person, that's a good thing, not a bad quality.
It'll take a long time to get over it, but it's something that happens to everyone.
Please take to heart what I wrote earlier about "laying down the law" in future relationships. It's a bad idea. A very bad idea.
If someone is faithful to you, you want to know it's because they're a moral and loyal person to you, not because you've threatened them. And making it clear that your relationship would be over if they're truthful to you only encourages deception, not loyalty.
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I think ppl are leaving out the obvious... The guys about to go to war! Guy I used to gangbang and that's all out war in the street. The reason I'm still alive and some of the homies aren't is because I had my head clear and in the right place. Either let go of this emotional baggage or don't go wherever u will be deployed to for it will surely end it tragedy. Moving on I think ppl are too biased in their responses to this guy. The women feel bad for his girl, The guys are all bitter for some reason and " the boyfriend " thinks were talking about HIS girlfriend. Bottom line, don't waste time reading others responses, dig deep in yourself and find the answer. If u feel like ur heart is being ripped out of r chest then for ur own good move on. Don't worry about what she feels, that is only necessary when she was faithful. Nvm the fact he was black the guy was 10 years older! What kind of desperation...
helgaleena
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Dear ash, you are an understanding person but you decided that your own feelings have some value too, and she acted like those feelings were of no consequence. The limit of your understanding nature is that you are still being civil to her. That is going to have to suffice for her.
I am glad you didn't prolong the agony.
I am glad you didn't prolong the agony.
B_ordinarydude88
Experimental Member
When what? I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or something else.
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