Problem with the GF

[Knight Attrition]

This isn't really about penis size at all but I could still use some advice. When me and my girlfriend first got together she weighed in at 153 lbs but she is also 5'9" and has DD breasts so I thought she looked good. Since then though she has gained almost 50 lbs, and at this point I don't really find her attractive anymore. The problem is I don't want to break up with her for something so shallow but at the same time I think I at least deserve to be attracted to my girlfriend. How do I confront her about this or should I just call it quits and move on?

BTW we've been together for 5 years, she gained all the weight when she went on the shot. She has been off it now for a year and has yet to lose the weight.

 

[giantsfrey]

eek. tough question. ummm, i've only had horrible experiences when trying to bring up weight matters, even in polite ways. i guess all you can do is try talking to her about it and let her know what you really feel, like what you said here. if she sees what you mean and doesn't overreact, maybe you can suggest doing some healthy activities together like walks or jogs. or *eek* maybe suggest a diet.

no matter what you're probably fucked. haha. as girls get older they rarely get smaller... until they're like, too old. idk. good luck.

 

[jimblanks]

i'm very familiar to this situation. i'm just a big guy altogether, but i love a woman who's 5'2" and about 135. my past 4-5 gfs have all been 5'5"+ and weighed in at over 180 lbs.

i lost attraction to each of them, and eventually found myself blaming my want to break up with them on other reasons (which in my mind was mostly true). however, there's nothing like a petite woman sitting on your lap and loving every minute of it.

but in your case, i think it's important to remember the real reasons you're with her. are you a big (husky, chunky) guy? you don't have any pics up, but even if you aren't -- a great resolution might be to suggest starting to exercise together. time is always an issue (of which I'm FULLY aware), but finding time to dedicate to each other in a manner where you can go hiking or biking or even the best exercise of all -- sex -- will help you understand why she is where she is, all while contributing to some weight loss on her part.

you should also stop going out to eat so often if it's something the 2 of you do together.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

That's 3 and a half stone

Tell her to exercise, or diet. Ask her why she put on all the weight, maybe she's depressed? (Just read the post)

Do exercise together. Go cycling or swimming. Have lots of sex. Don't eat junk food.

 

[Knight Attrition]

What happens is that she will start a diet but then get stuck at work (She manages a Dunkin Donuts) and will munch on whatever is quick like munchkins. Then after a week or so of half hearted attempts at losing weight she will get depressed and go back to normal again. So her weight fluctuates around 190 +/- 5 lbs. What annoys me the most though is that she is very self conscious because of her weight but won't do anything about it.

 

[Knight Attrition]

are you a big (husky, chunky) guy?

No I'm about 5'11" @ 165 lbs, I could stand to drop a few pounds but overall I'm a skinny guy so we probably look rather odd together.

 

[montanajack]

You sound like a young guy. Try out a few skinny chicks. Find one that looks good and has the skills. They are all hard to live with the longer you're with them, so at least get one that looks good.

 

[SassySpy]

What happens is that she will start a diet but then get stuck at work (She manages a Dunkin Donuts) and will munch on whatever is quick like munchkins. Then after a week or so of half hearted attempts at losing weight she will get depressed and go back to normal again. So her weight fluctuates around 190 +/- 5 lbs. What annoys me the most though is that she is very self conscious because of her weight but won't do anything about it.

being a woman, i feel like a real dumbass asking this- but have had my plumbing removed so... what shot? a hormone shot? I am wondering cos ever since I had cancer Ive been on hormone replacement therapy and I only gain weight when I overdo it with Ben and his buddy Jerry.
I don't think there's ever an easy way to discuss something like this with a woman- she already knows she's overweight and its the vicious circle of the 'worse she feels, the more she eats, the worse she feels-' there's deeper issues at work and its probably best she get help for those. You have to decide if the woman underneath the weight is who you want.

 

[Knight Attrition]

Here is a pic of us in the Bahamas before the weight gain. I really don't have any pictures since then as she generally won't let me take them anymore.

 

[SassySpy]

she's beautiful, you know.

 

[Knight Attrition]

being a woman, i feel like a real dumbass asking this- but have had my plumbing removed so... what shot? a hormone shot?

No problem, I'm referring to the Depoprovera (sp?) shot. Basically it is a massive dose of progesterone to fool a woman's body into thinking that it is pregnant thus preventing the release of an egg.

The part that they fail to mention is that it is irrelevant if she is fertile or not on the shot because she will have NO sex drive at all and in the unlikely event you can convince her to be horny she will be completely dry and then, due to embarrassment, will no longer be horny. Sex really was chore for those six months it took for the shot to wear off. Fortunately her sex drive did come back afterward.

 

[Knight Attrition]

she's beautiful, you know.

I tend to agree with you but the fat rolls that her boobs sit on now can be a real turn off

 

[Nitrofiend]

If you're no longer attracted to her, that's a big problem. How could you stay in a relationship with someone who you're not attracted to? She knows she's fat, trust me. Bringing it up isn't going to get you anywhere. There's really no correct answer in this situation.

If she doesn't know how to maintain herself or has issues...you might have to consider letting her go if the other option is staying with her for as long as possible and shortchanging yourself. You might not want to admit you're shallow, but you are. If her weight has caused disinterest then you are shallow to a reasonable degree. However not many are going to judge you too harshly on this one.

But just one question: Are you using her weight as a rationalization for why you're disinterested, or is it really another issue entirely? Past experiences prove that I have a considerable threshold for weight (190 lbs) if it's distributed alright, and the only main reason I had problems with that girl was her abomination of a personality...ech. I used the weight as a scapegoat for how much of a bitch she was to me in general. Is it possible that you just don't like her anymore and the weight is a convenient excuse? Do you still have sex frequently? It's a complicated issue.

 

[hypolimnas]

I'd start by thinking about your feelings, and how communication works between the two of you. The weight thing isn't the problem, it's the symptom. So I would stay away from that topic altogether unless it is in the context of supporting her to do what she wants.

How much do you know about how she is feeling about herself? I'm sure she wants to take better care of herself. It has to start with her though.

Sometimes you can't fix everything, especially if she isn't open to change. If it is time to move on, I'd try and avoid the situation where she feels dumped because of her weight. You might feel guilty and it could send her into a downward spiral.

By the way, one of my former partners put on heaps of weight when I left. We don't see each other anymore.Another one lost weight, and looks fantastic (better than when we were together), and we are still friends.

 

[naughty]

WOW!

What an ugly situation to be in . I feel for your girlfriend and for you. The birthcontrol that she is taking is probably the culprit for most of the problems. It has also probably made her ravenous and depressed. I think she should go to the GYN and talk about alternatives. Please be kind. She probably is already sensing your withdrawal from her. Some of us gain weight and some dont. It is such a crap shoot.

 

[Knight Attrition]

If you're no longer attracted to her, that's a big problem. How could you stay in a relationship with someone who you're not attracted to? She knows she's fat, trust me. Bringing it up isn't going to get you anywhere. There's really no correct answer in this situation.

If she doesn't know how to maintain herself or has issues...you might have to consider letting her go if the other option is staying with her for as long as possible and shortchanging yourself. You might not want to admit you're shallow, but you are. If her weight has caused disinterest then you are shallow to a reasonable degree. However not many are going to judge you too harshly on this one.

But just one question: Are you using her weight as a rationalization for why you're disinterested, or is it really another issue entirely? Past experiences prove that I have a considerable threshold for weight (190 lbs) if it's distributed alright, and the only main reason I had problems with that girl was her abomination of a personality...ech. I used the weight as a scapegoat for how much of a bitch she was to me in general. Is it possible that you just don't like her anymore and the weight is a convenient excuse? Do you still have sex frequently? It's a complicated issue.

Surprisingly enough we do have sex frequently. We both like to hang out around the apartment instead of going out, we both like Star Trek and Friends and can spend hours watching both. We both like to race, in fact next saturday we are going to go Auto-X together it will be her first time out in her new car. My only real complaint is the weight she keeps threatening to lose it and I keep holding on and hoping but she just doesn't follow through.

 

[Knight Attrition]

WOW!

What an ugly situation to be in . I feel for your girlfriend and for you. The birthcontrol that she is taking is probably the culprit for most of the problems. It has also probably made her ravenous and depressed. I think she should go to the GYN and talk about alternatives. Please be kind. She probably is already sensing your withdrawal from her. Some of us gain weight and some dont. It is such a crap shoot.

She went off birth control all together over a year ago, citing the weight gain and lack of interest in sex as the main reasons. She just never did anything to lose the weight. Her sex drive has returned enough for me to be happy, but before the birth control she was actually hornier than me and on more than one occasion after 3-4 times a day for several days in a row I just had to tell her no. Anyway I speculate that the reason she isn't as horny now as she used to be is because she is very self conscious about the weight. I've been supportive and patient but I'm getting to the end of my rope now.

 

[naughty]

Surprisingly enough we do have sex frequently. We both like to hang out around the apartment instead of going out, we both like Star Trek and Friends and can spend hours watching both. We both like to race, in fact next saturday we are going to go Auto-X together it will be her first time out in her new car. My only real complaint is the weight she keeps threatening to lose it and I keep holding on and hoping but she just doesn't follow through.

Knight,

Sweetie. for many women the weight loss thing is a major battle. It isnt just as simple for every one as not eating as much. Some people have bodies which think they are being starved when food is withheld and hold on to the weight for dear life. I found that out trying to do the point system of weight watchers. I ate the points and ended up gaining or holding to the same weight. IT was extremely frustrating to say the least. Also weight loss when one is stressed is not easy either. Stress causes fat to accumulate around the middle section. Perhaps, as Spring is coming, you two might want to go on some walking adventures in the park. I know I lost 25 lbs in a relatively short time just from walking.... Good luck .It sounds like you have a neat girl there. THink about that as you consider things..

 

[Knight Attrition]

It sounds like you have a neat girl there. THink about that as you consider things..

I have been thats why after a year of feeling this way I still haven't left her.

 

[Nitrofiend]

Surprisingly enough we do have sex frequently. We both like to hang out around the apartment instead of going out, we both like Star Trek and Friends and can spend hours watching both. We both like to race, in fact next saturday we are going to go Auto-X together it will be her first time out in her new car. My only real complaint is the weight she keeps threatening to lose it and I keep holding on and hoping but she just doesn't follow through.

Altering that one habit slightly might yield some positive results.