Problem with the GF

Not_Punny

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You can't save someone from themselves. She is obese because she has serious issues that are medicated with food. She has to be the one to take control of her life. And a partner (significant other) can't monitor the food and habits of another human being that has already passed through puberty.

You see, it's not the weight, it's the habits and mindset that create the weight. They are unhealthy in many other ways than the obvious symptom (weight). "Medicating with food" basically means that a person is unable to deal with issues in life and is hiding behind plates, bowls, and boxes of crackers.

Staying with her or leaving her isn't going to change her because she is the only one who can save herself. In other words, she can get help with her eating disorder, or she can wallow in it.

But whatever you do, give her a lifeline -- the book, The Rice Diet, is a very helpful book with 100% results if you do it. Or google eating disorders and check them out.
 

Skull Mason

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When you are in a relationship, just as you are expected to not cheat or not abuse one another, I believe you have an obligation to also still be attractive for one another. Maybe when you get older that can change a bit but not while you are young.

I will always want to be attractive for a woman. For all women. I don't let that overshadow who I am and what I have to offer as a human being. But why not be the best you can be? I haven't read the whole thread here but it seems to me she doesn't care whether she is still attractive to you. You are young and life is short, if she can't give you what you want move on with it. She has an obligation to herself as well as to you to be sexy, attractive, and most of all healthy.

And your not shallow dude, are you supposed to suffer for the rest of your life because someone else can't get their shit together? By the way I got maimed in an accident, lost most of my ear and got some gnarly scars on my neck. I lost a ton of weight and have had and still have my issues now but I try my best to still be attractive for not only my peoples but for myself as well. Help her get the help she needs and then just get on with it.
 

B_New End

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Well, the best thing I tell you is that you better hope and pray that you never go through some tragedy in your life where you don't get maimed, burned as in a fire, loose a limp, become handy caped, or thyroid stops working and YOU gain weight and all of a sudden are ugly and un attractive...

You are a shallow person. You should do her a favor and break up with her because she is too good for you......

Bullox. Many times people get maimed, and they do not want the partner to stay with them. I certainly wouldn't, I'd tell her to leave, and find happiness. She would say no at first, but as time went on, she would leave.

And all of this you speak of is involuntary, a twist of fate. Gaining weight, is not a twist of fate.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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Well, I presume that you've already dumped your girlfriend at this point, but I'm going to say this anyway.

What exactly did you say to her when you brought it up? From her reaction, she's just more depressed than she was before. Did you offer to help? Or did you basically say, "Lose weight or I'm gone." I'll tell you... in my last relationship, I gained about 100lbs over the course of about 2 years. My boyfriend never stopped loving me and never stopped wanting to have sex with me. He told me I was beautiful everyday. But I also understand that not all men are the same.

I should think that if you truly love her, you'd be more devoted to staying with her and helping her. But you are young... and you have a lot to learn. Do whatever makes you feel good... but just be sure that you aren't making a mistake, either.
 

waltz#2

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I am a guy and I was on the other side of the coin. I was the one getting fatter while my girlfriend was staying super hot. I was 6' 240lbs, the heaviest I've ever been. It was due to us eating out, and her enjoying how happy I was when she would bake for me, and 0 exercise!

If she had said in any combination of words "I'd be a lot more attracted to you if you lost weight" it would have hurt, but I would have agreed! I did not find myself attractive at all. Not only that, it's unhealthy. I say that because you saying that to her and her just getting depressed and more overweight is a bad sign.

Exercise and home cooking is a much better bonding experience than eating out and watching TV. Offer it in terms of that if you can.

I think people are too quick to throw out shallow. I think you'd be shallow to not give a sporting chance to someone you're involved with to change. You've told her how you feel, and that's not really something you can change. I feel that the "love conquers all" ideal just doesn't play out in every real world relationship.

My friend is dealing with this right now. He keeps on getting his girlfriend gym passes, and she keeps on getting bigger. He's no longer attracted to her, and is miserable because he thinks he has to stick around.

I hate to be the prick, but give an ultimatum, pledge support, and hope for the best. Being in love is supposed to feel good. If it's making you feel bad then something has to change.

Good luck.
 

dolfette

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200lb is morbidly obese.
if she was drinking to excess and didn't want to change, people would say leave her.
if she was taking drugs, people would say leave her.

she has a food addiction. if she doesn't change, it'll take decades off her life.
to say he's shallow for not wanting to stay is shallow in itself.

people really think it's fair to her if he stays with her, despite not being attracted to her???