Problems with the Brotherhood

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by leozboi810, Aug 18, 2008.

  1. leozboi810

    leozboi810 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    So, I met my best friend back in 2004 when he was with my other best friend but they had been broken up....yatta yatta...they get back together. Now they moved in together and have a kid. He's only 22, im 21. And this isn't how I thought our bro life was suppose to be. I mean I dont have any biological brother, so I consider him as brother since I dont have on. But now, its kinda hard on me cause
    1. I dont get to do guy time alot (if at all, and we know thats important)
    2. We dont have hobbies that interest one another (his is B-ball, I like hiking and adventure)
    3. He's a family man, I'm not
    Merely, everything is opposite. I'm not taking this well at all. So I wanna talk to him about it, but I dont wanna seem like a lil bitch. I need some help guys...........
     
  2. 8060

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,363
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,026
    Location:
    The Midwest
    Verified:
    Photo
    It's a sad thing when a person loses a friend. I think you should take an inventory of your feelings surrounding your relationship with your friend and bring it to him 'correctly.' Don't boast your words at him like he has to give up his current life to appease you because you miss him. Just tell him that you miss him and love him and would appreciate it if he could try to find some time to hang with you like you all used to.

    On the other side, you may want to brace yourself to the fact that you two might not really get the share that kind of space again. Some people have a tendency to get distant once they're in a committed relationship. You'll be okay after you talk to him. That's a start so your feelings aren't bottled up. Good luck getting your friend back.
     
  3. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    7,319
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southwest U.S.
    It's almost frickin' impossible to explain to a same sex friend that you need some face time with him away from his new wife. Since you are best friends with them both, be mature and do things that the three of you can do together.
     
  4. Domisoldo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    4,079
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    That may be why the friendship of "Stand By Me" featured boys only 13 years old.
     
  5. 8060

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,363
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,026
    Location:
    The Midwest
    Verified:
    Photo
    This is very true. Leo, you should try to develop a new dynamic between the three of you, and their papoose. They've got a brand new life together while you're still living your life. As long as you feel like you've been cheated out of your best friend, you're going to see more and more distance placed between you all.
     
  6. Captain Elephant

    Captain Elephant Active Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2006
    Messages:
    804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Central Florida
    A marriage or committed relationship always changes the dynamics of existing friendships. I've seen it happen so many times. But you've expressed a different dynamic in that you're somewhat close to both of them. But that can also add to the exiled feeling in that they have each borrowed attention owed you to give to each other. OK, re-read that and see if it makes sense.

    I work with a lot of young musicians, and of course, some of them can be quite egotistical. Whenever one brings a new boy/girlfriend into the studio us old guys look at one another and nod knowing what's about to take place. The new relationship always takes center state and steals limelight from long-standing friends.

    What's really tough is after a break-up or divorce. The guy will be so depressed that he returns to his old friends and things go great. But he never stays single forever, and yep, it happens all over again.

    If you're comfortable talking to them invite them over for a meal. If you don't have a place where you can do that, ask them to borrow their kitchen and you'll bring the groceries or carry-out. What can you lose?
     
  7. jorpollew

    jorpollew Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NY-PA-DE-WDC
    So far, you've gotten some good, sound advice from other posters.

    I would not recommend that you share your feelings with your friend, b/c, if he is a good husband and father, then he's not going to change his situation to accommodate you-- and he shouldn't. Harsh, but true. Look at things from his perspective. At only 22years old, with a job, a home, a wife, a kid, and bills, his plate is already full. He does not want to hear his best friend whine about not spending enough time together.

    Take a moment to re-think your friendship and how you can take part (minimally of course) in your friend's married life, b/c there's no reason that you can't be supportive. Let your friend know that he can count on you for whatever-- and then follow through on that. Believe me: to a new family couple, a few helpful gestures here and there can mean a lot (errands, baby-sitting, fix-its, carpools). Although these may not sound like the ideal guy-bonding time, I guarantee you'll score major points as a supportive friend, and soon they'll be calling you "Uncle Leo".
     
Draft saved Draft deleted