Problems wth children

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mephistopheles, Sep 10, 2006.

  1. mephistopheles

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    I have a quick question, and i need as many answers as possible!

    Do you, in your own opinion, think that a parent can give a child a complex by making them stay inside all day every day, leaving them in the house alone. Can you give a child a complex by constantly making promises and appointments and not keeping them? constantly breaking your promises?

    thanks in advanced for your input,


    Josh Dodson
     
  2. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Simple answer...Yes.

    A parent who refuses to let a child out into the real world, will cause the child to become a recluse, who is scared of different situations. They are bad parents if they break promises. The child will have issues with trust as well.
     
  3. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    Yep......parents have amazing influence on a developing mind. so do to coaches, teachers, friends, etc
     
  4. Gillette

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    Big time. That's a shitty thing to do to a kid.
     
  5. tripod

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    Mephistopholes, isolation has different effects on different people. Adults suffer the most damage from isolation and dishonesty. Children are actually more resilient than most people think they are. That doesn't mean that it is not a very crappy thing to do. Dr. Phil refers to something called an "emotional parachute" this is basically how the child will be able to deal with negative situations. Chemical balances are very important as well, children with chemical imbalances are much more succeptable to trauma and it's negative effects. The age of the child has a lot to do with irrepairable damage as well. The optimum scenario would be that the parent and child would build a strong bond early on, that would survive the stormy weather to come, that is all a part of our busy modern lives. Children forgive, they are not callous like adults. A parent can always change his or her direction, and their relationship with their children rebounds and blooms again, due to the children's resiliancy and willingness to forgive.
     
  6. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Wow. I thought this one was kind of a no-brainer... maybe the psychologist in me just THINKS it should be a no-brainer. But yes, that can cause all kinds of problems in children. Keeping them indoors all day ALONE is not only dangerous (depending on their age, I guess) but they don't learn any social skills at all. And making promises and not keeping them does two things. For one, it makes them lack trust in others whether they have reason to or not, and it also makes them think that it's okay to treat other people that way.
     
  7. BlackCock85

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    Meh I think the reason I am such a fuck up these days is because my parents never let me go out and I had to stay in all the time so when I went off to college I couldnt handle all the freedom and did horrible in school which is why I got kicked out.
     
  8. jfrsndvs

    jfrsndvs Member

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    quite sad to even think of, I could never even think of keeping a child at home alone all day, they don't learn anything about the real world if they are in the house all day long, they need to be out and involved in some sort of activity, whether it be sports, or something to do with school, the library and so on, not to mention something as simple as playing with outside with the neighborhood kids.

    too many parents these days are more concerned about their careers than they are about being a parent, it doesn't matter if it's a stay at home mom or stay at home dad, kids still need a parent around.

    and those so called parents who make a promise to their kids and then break it, that is inexusable too, here they build up the hopes of a kid, only to have it's world crushed by a broken promise, sure there are some situations where a promise has to be broken, but if a career takes higher priority over the kids, then it's time for a different career, if people would learn to live on less than what they make, and not live on credit cards, high mortages, and a new vehicle every two years, then a parent can afford to live at home, it was done in the past, and it can be done now.

    even after my dad was killed, and my mother was the sole bread winner in the house, things got real real tough, but we made it, and we lived on less than what my mother was bringing into the house, and she was still able to put a little money into the bank. sure the cost of living is much higher than it was back in the 1970's, but the same goes with the wages too, it all evens out.

    every parent that I know that has sent their kids off to day care, has complained that their kids have learned to hit, kick, bite, and are always getting sick, and yet they call that learning social skills, the parents that I know that has at least one parent at home (usually the mother), has kids that are healthier, well mannered, and behaves better in public.

    I had a job where I had to supervise 30-40 teenages, I could tell which ones came from broken homes, which ones had the intact homes, which ones had parents involved in their activities, some of the things that some of those kids had to deal with at home was heart breaking.

    to sum it up, if people can't stay involved with their kids at home, and at school, and wanting somebody else to raise them because their career was more important, then they should not have kids to start with.
     
  9. Gillette

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    I think that's being a little harsh, jfrsndvs.
     
  10. tripod

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    Families require MONEY, and lots of it. Parents work their asses of to provide for their children and then have to deal with the psycho babble of not being present for their children. I know this is an oversimplification, but most families live week to week (usually a non extravagant lifestyle), and for a parent to take time off of work so their children can have more developmental time with them is usually impossible. Would the kids rather dress in thrift store clothing, not have cell phones, Xboxes, Ipods, and everything else a kid has to have, just to be deemed less than average by the other snot nosed morons that make up their social peer groups, just so they can get a little more "hang" time with their parents? Never before in the history of man have children not felt like they had any obligation to REALITY. They sit in front of the computer all flippin' day anyway! I know plenty of children that stay inside all day, and they are JUST FINE. We have come a long way since the "fresh air" schools of the depression. Children will bloom wherever you plant them, and do not need to "socialize" to the extent that we think they do. We need our children to be stronger, resiliant, and SELF RELIANT, not soft and squishy inside. They need to "buck up" and be the strong little adults that society needs in order to survive.
     
  11. mephistopheles

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    Well, this is really a no-brainer. I figured most people would say yes, and illaberate on it, thats what I'm looking for. I'm looking for your views on this subject, I'm doing a bit of a report in Creative writing classes. Anyway, if i can get some more vews that would be super-duper!

    BTW, Tripod you have been, most helpful.
     
  12. Gillette

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    Sorry, Tripod, I think that swings too far in the other direction. The kids of today aren't just fine, you said yourself that they have the least obligation to reality.This is because they've never had to be immersed in it.

    Ideally, a balance can be achieved.

    "Being there" for your kids doesn't mean being physically present 24/7. It means being involved and interested in their lives. Unless you plan to home school them and accompany them to work where you can make their lunch for them, Day care might be a good place to start so that both parents can work so you can afford to send your child to university later.
     
  13. tripod

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    Oh yeah I understand your point Gillette, some type of middle ground is needed, I was just saying that my ex-girlfriend's (still all up in my life and I in hers) son and his extended group of friends along with some other teenagers I know that stay indoors and play online games, or are on myspace and IM'ng are o.k. You are right though. Mephistopholes, rock out on your project!
     
  14. AlteredEgo

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    My mother said what she meant, and meant what she said. My father made very simple promises. He promised to come to dinner with us on my 8th birthday, and to cbring my brother to meet me on my 9th. He promised me he come to this concert, or that recital. He promised to take me to lunch. Simple, believable things. But he never kept those promises. After a while, it was more like if he showed up to something other than our weekly visit, it was a pleasant surprise. I bet my mother didn't tell me half of the empty promises. She hated him. But I never knew it until the morning I went to her and asked her if he really loved me. She told me, for what must have been the nine thousandth time, that I came from love: the love my parents once had for each other, and that all of that love was now in me, and that both of them loved me very much. That morning it just sounded like something nice your mother says so you won't cry. So I crawled into bed with her and cried. I cried for four hours, long after I had run out of tears I was still crying. There was nothing my mother could say. I knew she was right. I knew the broken promises were not my fault. I knew my father didn't mean to hurt me. But I was .. I'm trying to to remember what "I was", how I felt at the time, but I don't. I only know that 8 Saturday morning shows went by while I cried under the blankets in my mother's bed. I suddenly could see that she hated him, and I got her to confess as much. She said he was the only man she ever loved enough to hate. She asked me not to tell him, saying she didn't want it to become an obstacle to my relationship with him. I thought I hated him too. I shredded the only photo i had of him at the time. It was a picture of him when he was a little boy. My brother, all grown up, looks just like my father as a little boy. I wish I could give him the picture.

    I was 18 when my father died. On one of my visits to the hospital, he wrote to me (because he had no vocal chords) that I was a very nice woman, and that he was sorry he couldn't say he was part of the reason why. Instant forgiveness. And not because I thought he was going to die. Actually, it looked like he'd be home within the month.

    I hope this helps.
     
  15. yhtang

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    Looks like you have gone through a lot, BBS. It appears to me you late father's message was, as the song goes, "too much, too little, too late". But it was a grand gesture from you - not only to forgive your father, but to take time off to visit him in the hospital to start off with.

    Your experience also made me reflect on how fortunate I have been; my family was poor when i was a child, but my mother had been there for me. My mother is a housewife; my father was the sole breadwinner. Circumstances as they were, he was not often around.

    As far as I know, I do not have kids, but I lavish time (not gifts) on my nephews and nieces. Their parents are hard at work. I hope my presence brings a bit of balance into their life.
     
  16. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Your parents fuck you up. Its virtually unavoidable, that somewhere down the line, you, me or any child will pick up a mental issue.

    The way I see it, parents walk a tightrobpe, a tyightrope between reliability and predictability, between interest and overbearing, between beeing too authoritarian and too liberal, and even straying slightly can cause mental issues with a child which they may carry for their entire life.

    I think, that on some level, we all carry our share of problems and complexes and we muddle along as best we can with them.

    An example from myself is that my mother had severe post-natal depression after giving birth to me, as a direct result, I find it difficult to feel love or loved, and am slow to trust people.
     
  17. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    your parents fuck you up.....and you get to take it out on your children as payback :rolleyes: :cool:
     
  18. jeff black

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    I think that is a bit of a pessimistic attitude, SomeGuy. Parents don't always fuck you up. A parent is there to help you grow and become the man/woman you are today.

    A poor correlation at best. Your mom probably did the best she could do in her situation. I don't mean to attack your feelings, Someguy... I am a firm believer that we all make our own opinions. However, to make the statement that you can't love and are slow to trust JUST because your mom had severe post natal depression is a bit much.

    Yes, she could have been a factor in it..but not the cause.

    BTW, I am sorry that she became depressed. I am also sorry that you have difficulties loving others easily.
     
  19. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Maybe I am being pessimistic, but I don't believe that we have nearly as much free choice in our thoughts and actions as we like to think, this is certainly the impression I received from reading on the subject too.

    Obviously I can't simply use myself as an example, that's a touch meglomaniacle, but many pschologists and people far more intelligent than me currently believe that your personality is basically determined by the time you are a teenager, and what path you are going to take is fairly predicatable based on the enviroment you were brought up in, and your parent's attitudes and methods. (baring massive, like chaging experiences).

    Certainly the impression I have received from people who i know and know about their upbringing serves as immediate evidence to me thatsuch theories are on to something.
     
  20. jeff black

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    Well, with a degree in Psychology backing me, I can agree with you to an extent. Certain traits in children (introversion/extroversion etc) are pretty clearly discovered based on your external environment. Having parents who mistreat you, or beat you, usually leads to a teenager who is angry at the world and feels unloved.

    My only point was that each case should looked at individually. I know kids who had AMAZING parents and they got in trouble with the law. I also know kids who had terrible parents, and yet still made the honour roll and are happily married with kids of their own.

    How much free thought we have versus what is implanted in our minds by our parents is unknown by me... but I can see your perspective on that.:rolleyes:
     
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