prospective boyfriend help?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Beanie, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. Beanie

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    hey guys, iv recently met this guy, we've gone on two dates, just a little drink and chat nothing to special and the second one was last night.

    while we were to some one he knew come up to us and started talking to him, the conversation between them turned to drugs and the guy asked the guy i was with if he was high. later on once that guy had left and it was just the two of us i asked him if he took anything, drugs wise, and he then admitted to me that he occasionally takes recreational drugs, but only sometimes and only while he is out partying.

    i admitted to him that i have a problem with this, and he didnt say much in reply except saying "im not going to hide who i am".

    what do you think i should do?
     
  2. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I think much depends on what the drugs are and how strict your moral code is. If they're hard or criminalized drugs, then I'd be wary but if it's just pot then it wouldn't matter so long as he isn't a chronic stoner.
     
  3. killerb

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    move on to the next...
    he's into drugs...it's not your scene...
     
  4. Stephenmass

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    A few things. One is he didn't lie to you. He was honest. Now it is totally up to you to figure out what it is he is doing, and whether or not you have ANY tolerance for it.

    In my own case, I'd let him go. I have no tolerance for any drug whatsoever.

    Some may say pot is OK with them, if it's OK with you that is your choice.

    I'd definitely talk to him more about it, but one thing I will say is at the very least he didn't try to cover up and lie.
     
  5. NCbear

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    Now, the ball is back in your court. What are your limits? What are your breaking points?

    NCbear (who knows he couldn't be with someone who did more than marijuana or did marijuana more than a few times a year)
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Eh coming from someone who is a candy kid, there really is a fine line between using it for recreation and abuse. He told you he only uses occasionally so you'll have to trust him on that. But it depends on your limits are you able to sleep at night knowing your boyfriend is out using?
     
  7. beretta8

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    Would you be comfortable with someone that alters their consciousness at any given moment?....would this person let you know what their doing, how often or how much?...if your not into this scene this seems like it would be too much maintenance...some thoughts...
     
  8. Cockmo

    Cockmo Active Member

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    it all depends on you. my boyfriend likes to take a hit of marijuana before sex and while i personally dont always agree with it, it really doesnt bug me. i admit that i have smoked cigars and those little cigars, so i really cant chastise him for that. but if its hardcore, i.e. crack, heroin, etc., then i would be extremely careful!

    and again, the fact that he didnt lie to you was good. but like you said, if he is out partying at clubs or circuit parties, or whatever they call them, i would be very careful!
     
    #8 Cockmo, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  9. Beanie

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    hey guys and gals, thank you so much for your input, youv given me a lot to think about.

    well the only experience that i have with any type of drug use is from a third persons view (as in first had viewing but not partaking). iv had friends smoking pot a lot as teens but thats it really and i didnt really have a problem with it, but i have had a little experience with more hardcore drugs (cocaine, amphetamines) again from a third person view. in that situation i felt very uncomfortable and just generally didnt like it.

    from what i could gather, the guy in question sort of follows the crowd a bit and he takes "pills" what pills i dont know. im really not sure how i would deal with it on a relationship basis, im feeling very ambivalent.
     
  10. beretta8

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    Do you feel you need this kind of experience?
     
  11. Beanie

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    i dont feel like i need this experience no, but i dont want to throw away an opportunity for this reason, which i may regret in the future.
     
  12. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    I think if this guy was mtg you for a date and he took drugs you should run far away from him.
     
  13. Xcuze

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    I dont think Druggies make good boyfriends, frankly. They may make a good fuck though.

    Is that not good enough?
     
  14. Beanie

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    i think its still very early days yet guys so im going to see how things go. and im not looking for a fuck buddy thanks xcuze but if thats all it turns out to be then...?
     
  15. Beanie

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    hey guys thought id keep you updated with the situation:

    tonight i had a chance to talk to him properly since i found out that he takes drugs. we were just talking really and he said that he was surprised that i was talking to him after the other night. i replied "why?" obviously knowing what he was talking about, and he come back with "after you found out that im a very rare recreational drugs user", "i left you the other night feeling gutted". i said something along the lines of "that doesn't define you as a person and doesn't change the fact that i like you".

    i have decided that i will see where it goes with this guy and would like to meet up with him again, at least until i find out more about this situation. again you input is welcomed guys and gals.
     
  16. Beanie

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  17. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    When I hear of someone doing pills... I think tabs, or ecstasy which is also my drug of choice. E is a pretty harmless drug if only done once and awhile. People are going to disagree with me.. but from experience, unless your dropping them every day, even every weekend, there is no negative effect.
     
    #17 B_Think_Kink, Dec 8, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2008
  18. Beanie

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    ok thanks think_kink :)
     
  19. matticus201

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    I've got friends who do drugs on occasion, and I generally don't like being around them when they do. Having said that, however, I myself enjoy an occasional hit off a bong, but we're talking like once or twice a year. The thought of pills or anything more hardcore makes me very uncomfortable.

    Beyond that, my brain immediately goes to "why is he taking this drug?" The friends I have that do use drugs recreationally are always trying to escape from something. What's he running from? I drink often, and it's because my job is really stressful and it makes me feel better... :smile:. I would question the reason behind the need for an escape.

    Those are my thoughts.
     
  20. BiItalianBro

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    Well, I say props for him being honest and upfront. Would you rather lean this now or two months from now when his pupils look like saucers and he is drooling on himself? He put his cards on the table, now you have to ask yourself if this is something you can 'deal' with or just be friends. I went on a date with a guy a few months ago...we had had coffee and stuff like that, he is a journalist. I really enjoyed our conversations and the intellectual judo. Then we went to a house party one night...and he got SO fucked up, at one point he was sitting in the dogs water bowl. Had to tell him...yeaaaa....your a good guy and all, but that kind of behavior is not the kind of thing I can tolerate in a mate. We still talk and do things...but as friends...and when he gets hammered I am outta there.
     
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