Protecting One's Identity and Deception on LPSG

[Brillig47]

Petite, what an interesting and rewarding thread.

The word for that delicate balance between deception and caution is discretion, and that is how I see it. My photographs are genuinely me, not photoshopped, noe stolen from somewhere else. But I do not divulge my home country or address, except to say that I live in Europe, and if people ask, as they have, for more personal details I tell them honestly that I don't share personal info with unknown strangers.

I think one has to be careful, and not naive in cyber-world. One the one hand the frank and open discussion available here is unique and liberating. BUT.....There are sharks in these waters, and trolls in them thar hills.

I have once shared personal detaails with an LPSG member, emails and phone numbers. We both have respected each other's privacy and discretion.

And that's my two cents worth.

 

[petite]

Actually, petite, I think anyone who knows you even slightly well IRL, would recognise you from reading maybe a dozen of your posts. You have a very specific and easily recognisable style of approaching and talking around an argument / point of view. I doubt very much that you are any different in conversation IRL, on your facebook posts, on named blogs, etc..

I expect anyone who corresponds with me even semi regularly wouldn't need to read much of 'ManlyBanisters' to recognise me.

Shit happens. But there's no point in worrying about exactly what shit happens, when and to whom until it does.

You might recognize me, but I don't think that many people would. Believe it or not, I get into so few arguments, I'm not sure that anyone could recognize my arguing style! From what I've noticed on LPSG, I don't think I have to worry much about a lot of people noticing style similarities in the way that I speak versus the way that I am online, based on how few people seem to notice returning trolls based on style similarities, and those are usually due to obvious things like spelling mistakes or use of slang.

A benefit of text is that it's also devoid of accent. I also don't use slang when I write on LPSG, so my voice is a little bit different than the one that I use when I communicate via Facebook. I think if you read my posts here and you met me, you might not think that I'm different, but I think that if you know me from elsewhere first, that you might not recognize me here.

I also don't joke around much in my forum posts, not like I do elsewhere, a lesson I learned early when I first joined here when I was attacked for a not very funny post that I intended to be much more lighthearted than it was read, and for which I was viciously attacked over. I never had that problem on my blog where people seemed to recognize my voice well enough to know when I was and was not being serious. If I rubbed anyone the wrong way, they kept it to themselves because I never knew. I'm much more careful in how I word things now here on LPSG in an attempt to avoid miscommunication here, so much more careful than I am when I'm speaking to someone in person! I enjoy being here a lot, but I'm well aware that I more likely to be called out for a badly worded sentence here more than anywhere else I frequent on the internet, and that significantly changes the way that I write. I limit joking around to the chat room, where the responses are immediate and quickly forgotten, so I come off as much more serious and humorless on the LPSG forum than I do elsewhere on the internet. I'm not being someone else, but I'm not showing all of myself here.

There's also how often strangers have a similar style to someone that you actually do know, online doppelgangers. I swore that I recognized one particular person's voice and for a year I looked for any sign that he was the person I thought he was. It turns out that there may be a reason why I recognize his voice, but he's not the person I thought he was, but for a year, I read his posts looking for some sort of indication of his identity. He was careful not to give any at all! I finally just PM-ed him with my question, and we've gotten to know each other much better, but he is not the person I thought he was. There are a few others who remind me of people I know, but whom I know from their gallery photos couldn't possibly be the people that they remind me of. I think that happens often enough for there to be reasonable doubt just as long as I don't confirm someone's suspicions.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Never mind - you've missed my meaning, partly by choosing to read the narrowest definition of the word 'argument', but also generally.

That's OK, I should have guessed you would and not bothered responding. Carry on hearing just what you want to hear - not that you need my permission or instruction to do that

 

[petite]

Never mind - you've missed my meaning, partly by choosing to read the narrowest definition of the word 'argument', but also generally.

That's OK, I should have guessed you would and not bothered responding. Carry on hearing just what you want to hear - not that you need my permission or instruction to do that

I am unsure how I have offended. Yes, I obviously misunderstood whatever you meant by your phrase "talking around an argument." So? Couldn't you just explain what you meant by that? I don't see why the

 

[Calboner]

Never mind - you've missed my meaning, partly by choosing to read the narrowest definition of the word 'argument', but also generally.

That's OK, I should have guessed you would and not bothered responding. Carry on hearing just what you want to hear - not that you need my permission or instruction to do that

Is there some sort of back story to this that I have missed? There is certainly nothing in Petite's post that could possibly warrant such snottiness.

 

[petite]

Is there some sort of back story to this that I have missed?

I don't remember anything. Honest.

 

[MickeyLee]

a lesson learned on the creepiness of being to share-y with personal details on LPSG

when i first started stomping around the board i was making a bit to easy with the "here, Mr. Stalker, please come find me" kinda info, where i worked, where i lived and such. about ummm 3 months after i joined, the shop i worked at started getting calls... calls asking if Mickey was working today. when asked which Mickey they were looking for the caller gave a fairly accurate description of meself. a week or so later someone came in, asking for Mickey.*

in the shop i use my real name, any customers or referrals wouldn't have used Mickey if they were trying to get a hold of me. i am fairly certain my TMI style gave someone enough clues to find me. though why anyone would want to is beyond me.

since then i keep quiet about certain going on in my life. i'm sure anyone who knows me would recognize my hick-verbiage and my attitude.... but i ain't bothered by my near and dear knowing i am here.

*the person calling might have been the real life asshole who lives to make my life miserable. i am not all the confident that he has joined this site. another reason to mind me p & q.

 

[Intrigue]

This is the net, it is dangerous, protect your info if you feel the need too. I try to keep those personal things out of view. That being said I don't associate with many people outside of a very close circle that if they did learn of it I would be a little embarrassed but it wouldn't ruin my life.

 

[cgttown]

I ask myself the same questions, and I do try to keep private things private. I wouldn't, for example, even post a pic on here with my face showing on the off chance that someone I know in real life would see it and make the connection. While I am not doing anything illegal on LPSG, some circles in which I travel would frown on my being a member here.

Interestingly, I had a related experience that underscored this exact thing. I had posted a craigslist ad--or maybe I responded to one, but I think I posted it--and wound up talking with a guy whom I eventually met face to face. We had exchanged pics before we met, but I didn't recognize him in the pic, and, evidently, he did not recognize me.

Anyway, we met and "enjoyed each other's company" (naked) for an afternoon, after which he told me that he thought he knew me. After some discussion, we discovered we had worked at the same company several years before, and our paths had crossed in meetings and so on. We had even had some conversations back when we had worked together, although nothing personal. I was surprised (and a bit unnerved) as he was single and had nothing to lose but I suddenly realized that he could easily put two and two together and make some trouble in my life if he wanted to.

The real kicker, though, was when he recounted a story to me that I had told some guys at work while we were on a trip. The story was true and funny and involved nudity, the company CEO, and disparaging remarks about the CEO's manhood. I couldn't believe he remembered that story (or that I had told it to the group...must have been drinking a little), but it suddenly made me remember that I have told the same story on here in a post or maybe two. Hmmm....

Yeah, it wouldn't take long if someone knew me and had heard me tell the story to connect this online persona to me. Something to think about, for sure.

 

[ArtofDesire]

I understand what Petite is saying in her opening post, and I understand the need to be discrete about participation on the site, but I question whether is it really necessary to be so protective and/or secretive with friends we have made here?

Sure, initially everyone should be cautious about revealing too much to avoid being recognized IRL, but after a while through communications and participation in the forum I think we start to get a feel for what each other is about. Speaking for myself I have met some people here that I would very much like to meet in real life because I find them mentally and visually stimulating.

We're talking about protecting our identities here yet I have been contemplating putting a personal ad on LPSG (because I am currently without a partner and desire a real relationship) but I wonder if any members would really agree to meet in person. In reading responses it seems almost everyone would be too intimidated or fearful of possible or perceived ramifications in real life to risk meeting another member in person - no doubt due to the openness with which we share intimate details here, but that is why I am attracted to LPSG members. I enjoy people who are open about their sexuality.

I am trusting, I choose to believe in the overall good nature of people; sure there are always exceptions, but in my experience if we only look for the negative that's all we will see. I say it’s better to step out and live life by taking chances than being too sheltered and playing it safe, but that’s just me. I’m bold and at times a risk taker, but I'm smart and tend to weigh the pros and cons first. Will any of my actions ever come back to bite me in the ass, probably, but life is too short to always play it safe.

 

[petite]

I understand what Petite is saying in her opening post, and I understand the need to be discrete about participation on the site, but I question whether is it really necessary to be so protective and/or secretive with friends we have made here?

Sure, initially everyone should be cautious about revealing too much to avoid being recognized IRL, but after a while through communications and participation in the forum I think we start to get a feel for what each other is about. Speaking for myself I have met some people here that I would very much like to meet in real life because I find them mentally and visually stimulating.

In my OP I was only referring to what I reveal in forum posts. I certainly discuss more in chat and in PM with people I have gotten to know here and whom I feel I can trust, and I've chatted face to face, talked on the phone, and met one person IRL, but a permanent record remains here on LPSG of the forum posts, as long as the website remains, which may be long after I stop visiting LPSG. I know that most people would not be so cautious as I am, but my lesson about how small even the internet is was recently learned, so it's still fresh in my mind, so I behave the way that makes me feel the most comfortable. I judge no one who chooses not to do the things that I do or who doesn't feel the way that I do. That wasn't my intention at all. I was simply explaining my reasoning in regards to how I behave here.

I didn't actually intend for this thread to be about safety and security, but the questions I asked, when does vagueness become deceptive, and the moral question, but I don't mind the posts about privacy issues I brought up. I don't control the direction of the thread, nor do I "own" it. Those posts have been thoughtful and valid and I've enjoyed reading everyone's personal stories and comments and opinions. I think it's a good thread.

 

[ArtofDesire]

Petite, this is a good thread, certainly something to think about for sure.

I cannot really comment on the question of morality or deception through vagueness or omission of facts when posting here because I just state it like it is or was at the time.

Like pretty much anyone else here I don't want to post a face pic that might be recognized by family or coworkers in real life, but I don't alter any facts in my posts like referring to myself as someone else, or changing the relationship of the person that sort of thing, I just don't post friend's real names because I respect their right to privacy. But then I talk about different topics here than I do with my friends in real life (excluding my LPSG friends of course) so there really is no correlation for anyone to tie back to me.

 

[D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke]

Deception and lying is necessary on here.

Hell I'm really a 3 foot tall African American midget with a club foot living in Columbus.....

OH DAMNIT!!!!

 

[petite]

Deception and lying is necessary on here.

Hell I'm really a 3 foot tall African American midget with a club foot living in Columbus.....

OH DAMNIT!!!!

:lmao:

 

[D_Asston Kutcher]

I've found that the liar with a nasty habit of occasionally telling the truth approach works the best.
It's actually served me quite well online. That and I rarely interact with people online(or IRL) beyond a superficial level so I tend to blend into the background.

Remember, this entire post could be a lie, so, take it as you will.

 

[keycock]

I've got to add something to my earlier post (#4) that seemed to suggest I look upon the LPSG as somewhere I can live a fictional life. This doesn't mean that in leaving out specific details and life experiences -- like the elephant and the VW that got this fine discussion started -- that everything I might write is a protective distortion. Ironically, I've been very honest about aspects of my sexual history, inasmuch as those experiences involved only one other person at the time and I'm trusting that they're unlikely to find this board. This is somewhat related to the liberating experience of displaying parts of my anatomy here that aren't observed in everyday life. I can share some life lessons while my cherished present relationship remains off limits. O===w

 

[ColonialBoy]

I do some work with children but I have mainly gay interests so I dont reveal much.

But there are people i have met online on an australian forum, the talk is very candid & we are all facebook buddies too, it comes down to trust. I know their real identities (from FB) & they will talk in detail about sex or sport or anything they are doing. Even today one guy was saying he only had 3 BJs this year and wanted tips on finding women, not the sort of thing he would want his workmates or family to hear (and I know this guys name, occupation workplace, family, what he does on the weekends all from FB)

I will say people under 25 reveal far too much about themselves,

 

[midlifebear]

I never realized how nieve I was before joining here.

What? You're Frosty the Snowman? :tongue:

 

[Bbucko]

I have layers of trust with people here and IRL, mostly to protect myself from stalkers. The better I know someone, the more open I am with him/her. Over my many years online, I've made very few mistakes as regards the character of those whom I meet via the internet.

These layers of trust involve disclosure of the nature of my work, where I work and where I live. I'm not ashamed of anything I choose to not disclose, I'm merely protecting my privacy; much of what I write about encourages stalkers. I've had one actual flesh-and-blood stalker and perhaps a half-dozen viral ones: that's one too many.

I do not, however, fictionalize things nor give misleading or false information here or anywhere else. What I write about is what truthfully happened (or what I genuinely think about a given issue), but I will simplify parts irrelevant to the main point so as to not disclose too much. That's not lying.

FWIW, I do the same thing IRL. I rarely give out my phone number and am very scrupulous as regards who knows my actual address. One of my biggest rules is to never take a customer home with me: in five years I've broken it (maybe) three times.

 

[ronin001]

Well i do enjoy my time spent on LPSG; and I think i am for the most part very honest with what i share with members. Certain members know certain things about me and my life. I was thinking that if all the members who know certain things about me, combined all the info they share. My identity would be known known.

Not that my life is interesting at all