Proud to be British

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by DaveyR, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Be very proud to be British because...

    Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
    ambulance.

    Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
    the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
    healthy people can buy cigarettes
    at the front.

    Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and
    a DIET coke.

    Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
    the counters.

    Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
    drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
    have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
    we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of an Ice
    skating rink.

    NOT TO MENTION...

    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
    screwdrivers.

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
    fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
    decorations were chocolate.

    British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker-pulling
    accidents.

    101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out
    of the soles of their feet.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
    cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
    opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

    5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
    Scalextric cars.

    And finally.........

    In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
    toilet.
     
  2. Rubenesque

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    lol very funny!!!!!

    "Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and
    a DIET coke." that's me that is!!
     
  3. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Me too Denise :biggrin1:

    There is one I forgot to add - we make fabulous beans on toast.
     
  4. HotBulge

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    Lowells talk to Cabots, Cabots talk to God
    Wait a minute, your list sounds very American to me, depending on where you live. The state of Texas was its own country at one time and is culturally distinct, but we can use at an example of some peculiar American habits as well. (George Bush Jr. lives in Texas when he's not in DC, as you know). ....

    It's the same here in the States - many pizza stores are around the corner whereas hospitals are located at specific centers.

    The same is true here in the States: the Rx store is in the back, cigarettes and chewing gum are at the front.

    This was a classic order in the US in the '80s. ... load up on the meal, but cut back on the caloric intake with the drink ... quite backwards.

    You tend to see this arrangement with banks located in shopping centers ...

    Same here in the US, except it's a city vs. suburb/country distinction.

    Itused to be this way in the late '80s and '90s. Now cell phone culture has changed this entirely.


    I can't comment ...
     
  5. Nelly Gay

    Nelly Gay New Member

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    Only in Britain is a lovely cup of tea regarded as medicinal and administered for all ailments from shock to hysteria ...
     
  6. Kings Gambit

    Kings Gambit New Member

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    The number of times ive bought two big macs and a diet coke lol

    You get funny looks but real coke just tastes awful and sticks to your teeth
     
  7. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Diet soda negates the calories of fatty foods, didn't you know that? I think the surgeon general of the United States said this.

    oh, and incidentlally I agree with Kings_Gambit. Regular Coke is gross. Like trying to drink maple syrup. It's way too thick. Diet Coke is at least somewhat palatable.
     
  8. dong20

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    But really, one should have a milkshake with ones burger and fries, surely?
     
  9. NCbear

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    Every single drive-up automatic bank teller (ATM) machine here in the good old USA has Braille dots beside its numbers.

    I want to know who uses them.

    NCbear
     
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