Psychology of a submissive

AlisonWand

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I know some of the reasons, but I am going ask my fellow LPSGers why a woman who is normal in everyday life is a total sexual submissive. Any thoughts/help???????????? Thanks :)

Hi slimgurl and all,

I just started posting some of my own experiences on my website and thought I'd share my latest on this thread, as it addresses this subject exactly. I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to mail me directly any thoughts/reactions you have.

Master D -- Your wish is my command...

:feedback:

Happy New Year!
 

closetfreak

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You might like to check out fetlife.com if you haven't already done so. There's lots of reasons people are into BDSM as previously mentioned and the main point is to be safe about it.
 

slimgurl

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Alison, I read your entire story, and what did it do for? Got me hot lol. I just am so torn between how I feel about this part of my life. I should re-itterate; this can't be just any guy who can do this with me, or to me. It's a certain type, both attitude wise and physically.

But in my experiences so far, it bring me to pretty intense orgasms.
 
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Fetlife is a fairly good resource if you want to talk to other kinky people, just remember that like any community ever there are going to be some trolls/obnoxious people. Collar Me is... not a site I'm particularly fond of, as it's more a meat market in my eyes than anything else. Plus most people on there are very flaky.

I've been blogging for over a year now about life in general, but also quite a bit of kinky things. *link removed*

This blog is an online friend of mine, who is in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship with her husband and Master The Sub Mission

Last but not least, this is the blog of a female dominant wife and her submissive husband, if you are interested in a different perspective. MsMarie

Hopefully linking these won't get me in trouble, because none of us make money from our blogs :p If nothing else they may provide you with a good read
 
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AlisonWand

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Alison, I read your entire story, and what did it do for? Got me hot lol. I just am so torn between how I feel about this part of my life. I should re-itterate; this can't be just any guy who can do this with me, or to me. It's a certain type, both attitude wise and physically.

But in my experiences so far, it bring me to pretty intense orgasms.

Delighted that my writing turned you on Slimgurl... I know what you mean about being torn about this. For me too this is only possible with certain people. In fact, aside from Master D there is only one other man who I feel completely comfortable to submit to fully. I toy with the idea of introducing the two of them and let them dominate me together... :eek:

For me too the orgasms involved with this kind of experience have been very intense. And I completely relate to what you say about being torn. Especially when I allow myself to get in my head into a slave mentality, I very quickly find my mind resisting. That's the most fascinating part of the process for me. The wanting to be dominated and cared for by Master D and yet wanting to remain the independent powerful woman I am at the same time. Is it possible? Can I be both at the same time? Or is it a quick switch. Like when I'm dealing with something in my life very assertively with full personal power and a text arrives from Him. In that particular moment I jump into slave Alison and answer the text from that space and then jump back into my independent self...

Anyway, I just came back to London on a flight from the US and on the plane wrote about another one of my experiences. This is from a few years ago. Have a look, tell me what you think...

Fisting a Beautiful Woman - Something I never imagined I would do...

Enjoy!
 

B_subgirrl

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Fetlife is a fairly good resource if you want to talk to other kinky people, just remember that like any community ever there are going to be some trolls/obnoxious people. Collar Me is... not a site I'm particularly fond of, as it's more a meat market in my eyes than anything else. Plus most people on there are very flaky.

I met my Sir on CM, hence I think it's a freaking brilliant site :biggrin1::tongue:.

To be honest, I didn't find the people there any more flaky than anywhere else on the web. ie. some were, some weren't.

FetLife I haven't tried so can't comment on.
 

B_Nia88

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for me in all aspects of life men are dominant and women are submissive because that is the natural order of things imo. men are leaders and women are caretakers it is the ying and yang of human relationships imo.
 

B_cosmognosis

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for me in all aspects of life men are dominant and women are submissive because that is the natural order of things imo. men are leaders and women are caretakers it is the ying and yang of human relationships imo.

Fascinating viewpoint...one that I can appreciate, although there will be those that disagree. Some will protest rather vehemently, I presume.

There's nothing in the world like the look in a woman's eyes when she gives herself totally...in that moment, she becomes even more beautiful and precious to me.

As far as those that choose to use words like 'normal' to describe anything as complex as human psychosexual behavior...seriously, what's your agenda? Is there actually some sort of baseline with which your could establish what sort of thoughts, emotions and behaviors are preferred for optimal sexual health and well-being?

The best advice seems to me to be, if it feels good, do it.
 

B_thickjohnny

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Hope you don't mind me chiming in on this thread. I'm VERY curious about having someone dominant over me. My last BF was but not really in sex. He ruled the house etc and I listed to him. Actually, he's quite smart and it was a great benefit to me.

In sex I would like to have a dominant partner and would like to try being more submissive than I am now but I worry about going "too far" - if that makes sense. Like, if someone tells me to do something and I don't want to, I want to be able to say no, not that. Otherwise, do what you want with me.

How do I meet another guy who is willing to move slowly with me? Teaching me, working with me? I don't know any of these sites. Is it worthwhile checking that out? Or are there other ways?

Thanks.
 

B_Nia88

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Fascinating viewpoint...one that I can appreciate, although there will be those that disagree. Some will protest rather vehemently, I presume.

There's nothing in the world like the look in a woman's eyes when she gives herself totally...in that moment, she becomes even more beautiful and precious to me.

As far as those that choose to use words like 'normal' to describe anything as complex as human psychosexual behavior...seriously, what's your agenda? Is there actually some sort of baseline with which your could establish what sort of thoughts, emotions and behaviors are preferred for optimal sexual health and well-being?

The best advice seems to me to be, if it feels good, do it.

You are so welcome honey. I think the term "normal" is used to describe what happens in one's own relationship not as a universal standard.
 

Smaccoms

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for me in all aspects of life men are dominant and women are submissive because that is the natural order of things imo. men are leaders and women are caretakers it is the ying and yang of human relationships imo.

What does imo mean?

This seems foolish to me, especially as a gay man.

Are you saying gender has requirements? This is a direct reflection on the social-psychological concepts of masculinity/femininity. What defines gender? What people do not realize is that in this context, gender is a social-psychological concept; it can be and is separated from sexuality and sex.

Anyways, I have to go eat lunch...peace!
 

dolfette

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What does imo mean?

This seems foolish to me, especially as a gay man.

Are you saying gender has requirements? This is a direct reflection on the social-psychological concepts of masculinity/femininity. What defines gender? What people do not realize is that in this context, gender is a social-psychological concept; it can be and is separated from sexuality and sex.

Anyways, I have to go eat lunch...peace!
imo = in my opinion

she means she applies it to her own life and doesn't expect others to agree.
 

B_Nia88

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What does imo mean?

This seems foolish to me, especially as a gay man.

Are you saying gender has requirements? This is a direct reflection on the social-psychological concepts of masculinity/femininity. What defines gender? What people do not realize is that in this context, gender is a social-psychological concept; it can be and is separated from sexuality and sex.

Anyways, I have to go eat lunch...peace!

It is right for me I would never expect anyone to live a life that they did not want to live. It is up to each one of us to decide how we want to live and each couple and family to define their own parameters and roles.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I have been dominant and submissive, with equal enjoyment.

I understand perfectly the allure of total submission, especially when the other is physically dominating you and using you like a balky appliance.

raw lust and animal passion and the powerful catharsis of being owned...

And yes... it requires a partner who finds their own special delight in the sadism and ownership of another...


A great movie on this subject is "the Secretary"
 

Penis Aficionado

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I know some of the reasons, but I am going ask my fellow LPSGers why a woman who is normal in everyday life is a total sexual submissive.

Yes, this applies to me. I fantasize about it often and live it out on occasion, but it takes a certain kind of guy. I like cocky, strong men who will dominate me sexually. I am not into violence or blood, but some of my likes are:

Hair pulled
Slapped
Spanked
Grabbed by the throat
Spanked
Gagged
Tied up
Spit on
Verbally abused
Anal sex
Urine

This doesn't happen often, but I do find a guy now and then who is into this and not faking it just to get some ass. There must be some disturbig psychology behind all this. Maybe I don't want to know the real reasons but I also have that part of me that wants to know why this sexually turns me on.

Any thoughts/help???????????? Thanks :)

I like a lot of the same things as you, slimgurl. (Actually I've never met anyone else who likes getting spit on. Thanks for being out there!) And like you, I draw the line at violence or actual malice, and only certain guys can do these things to me.

I'm the kind of person who thinks a lot, and I honestly have no idea why I like these things. There's certainly no moment in my past that would make a psychologist go, "aha!"

I don't feel bad about what I like, but it does limit my ability to be part of the gang when friends are talking about sex, because they would genuinely worry about me if I told them about things I've done or think of doing. It's frustrating that people think it means I lack self-esteem or that my parents didn't love me because I enjoy certain things. But it's that potential negative reaction that bothers me more than my actual kinks.
 

B_subgirrl

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Hope you don't mind me chiming in on this thread. I'm VERY curious about having someone dominant over me. My last BF was but not really in sex. He ruled the house etc and I listed to him. Actually, he's quite smart and it was a great benefit to me.

Although not all subs like to be involved in D/s outside of the bedroom, many do like having a Dom who can help them improve in certain non-sexual areas of their life.

Your previous experience with this could certainly indicate some sub tendencies.


In sex I would like to have a dominant partner and would like to try being more submissive than I am now but I worry about going "too far" - if that makes sense. Like, if someone tells me to do something and I don't want to, I want to be able to say no, not that. Otherwise, do what you want with me.

It makes perfect sense. We all have limits and sometimes those limits can change as we become more experienced. Very few people play in total no limits situations.

It's often said that the sub is the one with the true control, because a Dom can only take the sub to places he/she has given consent for.

Before playing with a new D/s partner, it makes sense to have a discussion about what activities and level of play you are looking for, and those areas where you absolutely will not go. Some people find checklists of activities helpful.

It also makes sense to play using a safe word. This is a word you can use during play to say you have reached (or are reaching) your limit (because no isn't always very helpful when you're engaging in this sort of play). It can be especially helpful if you suddenly find yourself reaching a limit you didn't know you had and therefore hadn't discussed previously.


How do I meet another guy who is willing to move slowly with me? Teaching me, working with me? I don't know any of these sites. Is it worthwhile checking that out? Or are there other ways?

My experience with CM suggests that it would be a good place to meet someone like that. Make sure you are honest with people you talk to so they know you need to go slowly. Just be aware that, like in any community, there will always be people willing to abuse the trust and naievity of newbies, particularly when those newbies are subs (or potential subs). Be careful, and remember that common sense comes BEFORE being a sub, not after!

Good luck!

PM me if you want an in depth chat on any of this stuff. Don't be offended if it takes me a while to get back to you. I'm like that with everybody.