Psychopathy and relationships

[Tattooed Goddess]

nahh it was no big deal, the Freudian Slip post after his was hilarious.

 

[Bbucko]

...well no offense and I think it's unfortunate, but we're dealing with a meth addict here. Without knowing details or the story, the point is he had a personal history that lead to the behaviour. Perhaps I could assume he would be an otherwise good person had he not been addicted. When someone needs to support the high and keep it goin, they will eventually stop at nothing to get high...and it might mean manipulating the closet around him to do it.

Had I known in advance that he was addicted to Meth, I'd have never even considered a relationship, let alone commit the serious investment of time, emotion (and more than a couple of bucks) that I did.

Honestly, since I didn't know him prior to his addiction, I have no way of knowing to what extent it distorted his personality, but my hunch is not very much. I think that Meth and his narcissistic psychopathy went together like hand in glove.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I think he meant psychopathy, the disorder of being psychopathic, psychopathology is the study of the disorder.

No. Psychopathology is the study of the origin, development, and manifestations of mental or behavioral disorders, of which psychopathy is only one.
One who studies psychopathy is indeed studying a narrow slice of what is covered by the term 'psychopathology,' but s/he could as well be studying masochism, say, or bipolar disorder, under the same term.

 

[AquaEyes11010]

the sociopath next door

I was about to recommend this book as soon as I saw the thread, but decided to first read through the previous posts. I read this book and it was fascinating, especially if the author's supposition is true, that psycopaths/sociopaths are more common than people with autism.

I understand how one could categorize people who are in relationships with these individuals as being excessively needy, etc. However, doesn't this discount the sociopath's ability to charm someone into a situation? I mean, it seems reasonable to me that a "together" person could be lured into a manipulative situation.

I, myself, was lured into a situation (not a "relationship" but a job offer involving relocation) by a sociopath, of course not seeing through the layers until I was already in the middle of it. It's a bit of a long story to post here, but let me sum it up by saying that it put me through a hell of a lot of drama. I learned how to make a lot of lemonade out of it, and last I heard he's being sued (again) for some of his other misdoings. Additionally, there's a trail of people here in Buffalo who have been in some way screwed over by him (Coollikecolossus, feel free to chime in on this and back me up).

Anyway, my point is that characterizing people who become involved with psychopaths as being somehow deviating from normalcy themselves sounds to me like assessing partial blame to the victim. I'll admit that there must be something going on with someone who spends years in a frustrating marriage or other serious romantic relationship with a psycopath, but often it's more of becoming accustomed to one small aggravation after another. As part of their characterization, psychopaths can charm their way through quite a lot.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

No. Psychopathology is the study of the origin, development, and manifestations of mental or behavioral disorders, of which psychopathy is only one.
One who studies psychopathy is indeed studying a narrow slice of what is covered by the term 'psychopathology,' but s/he could as well be studying masochism, say, or bipolar disorder, under the same term.

Indeed pathology means the study of and psycho means the mind, so the study of psychological behavior/disorders. I didn't mean for it to sound that the study of the "behavior" was limited to psychopathy only, it would include the "study of" any psychological behavior, in this case we were talking about psychopathy.

 

[Gecko4lif]

As part of their characterization, psychopaths can charm their way through quite a lot.

Which brings up the question is it their fault for using their gifts or your fault for not being objective enough to see through it

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Anyway, my point is that characterizing people who become involved with psychopaths as being somehow deviating from normalcy themselves sounds to me like assessing partial blame to the victim. I'll admit that there must be something going on with someone who spends years in a frustrating marriage or other serious romantic relationship with a psycopath, but often it's more of becoming accustomed to one small aggravation after another. As part of their characterization, psychopaths can charm their way through quite a lot.

If you're saying that some people victimized by a psychopath are probably relatively normal, I'm sure you're right.
But psychopaths tend to spot the more amenable types. They have a kind of antenna.
And if a 'normal' person realizes he's caught up with a psychopath, I'm sure he's more likely to extricate himself quickly.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Indeed pathology means the study of and psycho means the mind, so the study of psychological behavior/disorders. I didn't mean for it to sound that the study of the "behavior" was limited to psychopathy only, it would include the "study of" any psychological behavior, in this case we were talking about psychopathy.

Gotcha.
:biggrin1:
But we could be a bit more precise.
'Pathology' means the study of disease and its causes, processes, development, and consequences.
I guess your meaning is there, just slightly indirect.

 

[Gecko4lif]

If you're saying that some people victimized by a psychopath are probably relatively normal, I'm sure you're right.
But psychopaths tend to spot the more amenable types. They have a kind of antenna.
And if a 'normal' person realizes he's caught up with a psychopath, I'm sure he's more likely to extricate himself quickly.

One would think. But then again the stupidity of people is often underestimated.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I've been caught up with a number of psychopaths.
I tend to be very tolerant of what other people do, and I find weird behavior fascinating.
So I remain connected in some degree as an opportunity to do case studies.
When my ass won't stop bleeding, I move on.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

One would think. But then again the stupidity of people is often underestimated.

I think it has to a lot to do with having a love affair with one's own victimhood.
That's overstated, of course.
But people who remain in abusive situations are exercising choice on some level.
Imo, anyway.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Very little in life isnt a choice

 

[AquaEyes11010]

One would think. But then again the stupidity of people is often underestimated.

Is it "stupidity" to assume a reciprocal level of "normalcy" when dealing with others? There are certain moral codes which enable us to live in society. We make assumptions about others' actions, such as "that car won't drive onto the sidewalk and run me over." Psychopaths don't follow these codes because of their emotional/moral deficiencies, but should we assume everyone is a psychopath until proven otherwise? I will admit that ignoring a repeated pattern may not seem intelligent, but where do we draw the line between being wary and acutely paranoid?

My situation has definitely provided a lesson to me, not only in trusting another person but also that I am stronger than I assumed (I really had to dig myself out of a big hole as a result of my "psychopath encounter" and have come out of it knowing feeling more confident in my abilities to face adversity and make the best out of a bad situation). Hindsight is 20-20, and had I known then what I know now I would have not allowed myself into that situation, but because I can't go back in time, I learned to get myself out and make the most of what I had. And now I have less of a fear of picking up and moving to a totally new place because having survived this mess, I know I can make it through even better without such hindrances as I have already experienced.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Is it "stupidity" to assume a reciprocal level of "normalcy" when dealing with others? There are certain moral codes which enable us to live in society. We make assumptions about others' actions, such as "that car won't drive onto the sidewalk and run me over." Psychopaths don't follow these codes because of their emotional/moral deficiencies, but should we assume everyone is a psychopath until proven otherwise? I will admit that ignoring a repeated pattern may not seem intelligent, but where do we draw the line between being wary and acutely paranoid?

The line between wary and acute paranoia is the property line.
If you can leave your abode and interact with others you are sufficiently wary but not yet acutely paranoid.

and I dont assume almost anything about people. I watch them. Then when I have observed what I believe to be a reasonable amount of data I engage and then test that data against what they say. Eventually an accurate picture is painted

You can learn so much about a person from just watching them interact with other people besides yourself.

Then again my approach to life isnt best for everybody considering my abilities vs the abilities of others.

My situation has definitely provided a lesson to me, not only in trusting another person but also that I am stronger than I assumed (I really had to dig myself out of a big hole as a result of my "psychopath encounter" and have come out of it knowing feeling more confident in my abilities to face adversity and make the best out of a bad situation). Hindsight is 20-20, and had I known then what I know now I would have not allowed myself into that situation, but because I can't go back in time, I learned to get myself out and make the most of what I had. And now I have less of a fear of picking up and moving to a totally new place because having survived this mess, I know I can make it through even better without such hindrances as I have already experienced.

Someone leveled up :wink:

 

[TheRob]

It would be almost impossible to enjoy being in a relationship with a psychopath. You'd have to be a really needy, insecure or niave person to know you are with one and choose to stay with one. I study serial killers.

I like you more with each post, who is your favorit
don't fib and claim not to have a favorit now

 

[AquaEyes11010]

I happened upon this piece and thought I'd share it here.

I'm the Daughter of a Serial Killer - Lemondrop.com

 

[HiddenLacey]

Hmmm... I agree with saying being naive would make you more vunerable to one. I was briefly involved with one. Sometimes you can't get away from them no matter what you do. I'm definately not needy or insecure

 

[43698]

I have taken the MMPI before. It is a personality test that evaluates an individual for multiple types of personality disorders. I also suffer from post tramatic stress disorder. I was an Airborne Ranger in the US Army. I have and have always had a very low regaurd for human life and do not care that I killed people in combat, and if I would not get in trouble for it I would kill a few people I do not like and that do bad things to others. That being said, I am not a homicidal maniac. All to often people confuse Sociopaths and Homopaths with Phsycopath. My test results did show that I border on phsycosis, but I do not suffer from mania and I have never had an episode where I wrongfully harmed others. I remain cognitive, and have good relationships with others. I have had some problems in the past, but as I have gotten older I have learned to go along with social norms and not let my impulses get the best of me. My point of view is different, and sometimes I think of doing some unspeakable things. I know many others think dark thoughts but mine are very graphic, and to the finest of details. When I was younger this often prevented me from forming close relationships.

 

[B_quietguy]

One of my close woman friends dated a narcissistic psychopath for a couple of years. The woman she dated was an emotionally manipulative liar who ruined several people's lives. Eventually the Bay Area poly community had enough of her tactics and refused to invite her to events and nor was she allowed into people's homes anymore. The liar realized her game was up and moved to New York City a few years ago - where she found new minions and sycophants.

 

[B_quietguy]

I wasted six months of my life with a closet meth addict who exhibited all these qualities (yes, every one). He was extremely handsome, usually quite charming and knew precisely which buttons to push (and when).

I'd bet his sociopathy was a factor in his drug abuse. Sociopaths are known for irresponsibility and putting themselves and others at risk of harm. I consider drug abuse a major red flag to stay away from somebody.

Once I discovered the truth, I dropped him like the garbage he truly is. Whenever I see him out with some guy I have the urge to warn him (the guy, not the sociopath), though I doubt he'd even listen.

Oh please warn everyone with 10 miles about the guy. Everybody I know who got involved with sociopath has said they wished somebody warned them up front. Consider it a public service - or at least a favor for your friends.