Public displays of affection

[13788]

LeahCat: Im sorry but I cant help myself from being openly affectionate in public when Im with someone I really care about. Im afraid, for me, love and lust dont have a specific 'right time, right place' kind of scenario. When I look at my partner Im filled with a huge amount of affection and sexual attraction so while we dont necessarily fuck in the middle of the supermarket I never attempt to censure my hands or lips.

 

[dcwrestlefan]

Originally posted by DoubleMeatWhopper@Mar 17 2005, 09:54 PM
If I'm somewhere where the sight of two men holding hands is not viewed as unseemly, I have been known to do so with a date. Flipping him over and doing him doggy in the middle of WalMart? Absolutely not.

[post=291728]Quoted post[/post]​

Hmmm. Kinda could give new meaning to when you hear "clean up on aisle 5" blaring over the intercom.

Guess I am location sensitive. I have no problems holding hands or kissing in
Dupont Circle or any other gay hood in a large city. Doing it at a conservative suburban mall? Mmmmm...probably not.

I gave my then BF a kiss goodbye at the airport once a few years back. It didn't feel liberating; I was very self conscious.

PDAs don't offend me if I see other people doing it.

 

[B_HungSpermBoy]

I think I'm like most people here. I like to hold hands with my g/f, & we plant little kisses on each other, but to get really into making out & stuff is uncomfortable for me. I think I know why too. When I'm really into making out with her, I feel really exposed emotionally & I kinda lose myself in the experience. I think it would feel strange to do that with a lot of people around or watching us. I don't think it's being a prude. I think what we share together is private just for us.

 

[txquis]

I really love you guys who can do the PDA thing....especially Jeep who doesnt care where he is, but.....i have lived in areas where it is truly not safe for to men to smooch publicly.
For me, it would be the public comment that i would not want to invite.
It would insight something negative being said to me or yelled at me.

I live in a city where displaying a Democratic political sticker on your car
gets you shot at and/or chased down the highway.

I'll just kiss my man in private....hope you dont think thats cowardly,
i'm just trying to prolong my life.
Yipes!
In fact, just typing this i hear gunshots outside my door. LOL.

 

[jonb]

But then the terrorists win.

 

[Dr. Bubbles]

I am an affectionate person. I was raised that way. I agree with those that stated holding hands, maybe a kiss or even a pat on the butt is ok, but that is the limitation.

As for gays being concerned about others might say and/or do if they see you being affectionate with your partner in public... I can completely appreciate what your fears are or may be. As mentioned earlier, I was raised in a very outward affectionate family. Being so, it is nothing for me to openly hold hands with female cousins or even lock arms with them if we are shopping or something (even my mother and aunts). I do it naturally and never think about it. However, there was an incident before when a cousin and I went shopping, holding hands and locking arms while talking, and was somewhat threatened. It was "perceived" but felt actual, especially considering a previous situation that happend to me in the late 1990's. The guys were following us, and making comments. I honestly did not pay much attention to it until Pam said they were following us and making comments. Then I paid attention. They were rude and made comments like, Dykes needs some of this dick..., and I could switch them over..., and we art to just take them out and F*** them," and so on. I then was worried. We went to the information desk, and the guys left, to report it or ask for security because of a prior attack. Naturally I was worried.

Since then I have been a little more cognizant of what I do in public, especially with women. It has not stopped me from doing it, just made me more aware of my surroundings.

 

[B_hungrick]

Originally posted by bblumbee@Mar 18 2005, 01:06 PM
I am an affectionate person. I was raised that way. I agree with those that stated holding hands, maybe a kiss or even a pat on the butt is ok, but that is the limitation.

As for gays being concerned about others might say and/or do if they see you being affectionate with your partner in public... I can completely appreciate what your fears are or may be. As mentioned earlier, I was raised in a very outward affectionate family. Being so, it is nothing for me to openly hold hands with female cousins or even lock arms with them if we are shopping or something (even my mother and aunts). I do it naturally and never think about it. However, there was an incident before when a cousin and I went shopping, holding hands and locking arms while talking, and was somewhat threatened. It was "perceived" but felt actual, especially considering a previous situation that happend to me in the late 1990's. The guys were following us, and making comments. I honestly did not pay much attention to it until Pam said they were following us and making comments. Then I paid attention. They were rude and made comments like, Dykes needs some of this dick..., and I could switch them over..., and we art to just take them out and F*** them," and so on. I then was worried. We went to the information desk, and the guys left, to report it or ask for security because of a prior attack. Naturally I was worried.

Since then I have been a little more cognizant of what I do in public, especially with women. It has not stopped me from doing it, just made me more aware of my surroundings.

[post=292024]Quoted post[/post]​

Bblumbee, I'm sorry to hear what happened with you & your cousin. There are so many people raised in this country with really prejudiced views about so many groups of people. I'm half Italian on my dad's side of the family & the women all hold hands & go arm & arm in public places. This is the custom in Latin countries where people show their love for one another publicly. Some of my relatives have been harrassed also. (My dad & I kiss each other when we see each other,but not in public) I'm glad you & your cousin reported those guys. I think they need to have a reality check. I definitely feel bad for gay folks who have to experience this sort of negative reaction to what is just normal human behavior.

 

[Dr. Bubbles]

hungrick, it is a sad state of affairs when people have to be guarded about being "human." It is good to see that we are not hte only one's who hold hands, etc. in public. When I moved from home and came here people treated me differently, especially family when we were/are together. Cultural dissonance has a lot of connotation in the meaning.......... (yes, that is an incomplete sentence and I meant for it to be, just in case anyone was wondering). :dunce: :shrug:

 

[madame_zora]

I think it's a sad state of affairs when anyone has to live in fear because of their orientation, race, or anything else that's natural. Why not just hate people based on their behavior?

Since I moved to Dayton, which is far more liberal than Cincinnati, I often see gays walking down the street holding hands. It's so beautiful, it almost makes me cry- not from a voyeuristic perspective, but because it makes me feel like there's hope for humanity if it can happen here. People can dress how they feel comfortable, be with whomever they choose, and for the most part, it's accepted. Of course, I do live in the art district, but at least it's happening somewhere.

Personally, I can't do pda at all. Holding hands is about my limit, but I don't mind seeing other people in love, as long as I don't feel like I'm watching a home porno.

 

[13788]

hung_big: bblumbee, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you are your cousin. I concur (obviously) with Jana. Something like that is completely appalling! People like that need to get a good smack upside the head to set them straight.

It seems that world is going to the dogs. Anything that was considered good or an act of kindness has just been twisted and contorted beyond recognition.

A personal story, that definetly isn't nearly as bad, but still shows how people cannot seem to take an openly kind gesture. I was in Europe this summer with 20 of my friends. We had gone in town (in Slovenia) and I saw a Local vendor. I saw that she had necklaces that she had made and my friend had a blue varient of the ones she was selling. I saw a green one, and figured, HEY, that's her favourite colour, so why not get it for her?

So I had only 1000 tolars (Slovenian currency) left, and she had it priced for 1500. I haggled it and got it for 1000. I then gave it to her and she reluctantly accepted. The next day I was baggered with questions and someone told/asked me: "Why did you get it for her? You know she likes Rob, she thinks you were being a creep!" THIS IS MY FRIEND THAT I GOT IT FOR.

2 days after that, I was going into her room to get something that I had left their the previous night and saw the necklace I bought her destroyed and in the garbage. It crushed my heart. I was also angry. It is something trivial, just a cheesey necklace, but it was the emotion and thought that I had put into it that got me. I tried to do something nice for someone I considered a friend and she then just tossed it out. No actually, she didn't just throw it out, she purposely destroyed it BEFORE she threw it out.

I don't let life get me bitter, but it just gets me upset that someone could act so cruel.

Though this isn't a lovers puplic display of affection, it certainly is an openly friendly gesture, and people always take it the wrong way.

Sorry for getting off tangent and being long-winded.

BTW...CELEBRATING ME 200TH POST - PARTAY!

 

[lapdog2001]

I agree with all the above concerning cultural differences and the display of affection, even among family members. At some point in my life growing up, I no longer kissed my father when saying goodbye. It just seemed normal not to.

As an adult that continued until at a family gathering, I noticed my cousins greeting both parents with a kiss, doing the same when it was time to go. Me and my siblings were all adults at that point, and I don't remember who started it first, but my brothers and I started give my dad (and mom of course) a kiss when we were saying good-bye. My dad was not surprised by the gesture and has never said anything about it. It has now been at least 10 years and the custom continues. It is just a small gesture of love, but I think it is important to express it.

I am very glad that all my nieces and nephews are being raised to show affection for their relatives and there are no good-byes without hugs and kisses all around.

Even us 'staid' New Englanders can change if we want to!

LapDog

 

[madame_zora]

Lapdog, I think that's wonderful that you re-instituted a tradition of affection. I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

 

[zzorus]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Mar 19 2005, 02:39 PM
I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

[post=292103]Quoted post[/post]​

MZ, that's a great thought. I really appreciate it as I'm not a naturally affectionate person with my family( too much baggage over the years; made me wary I suppose).

I introduced " my friend" to my family last weekend, and he was much more demonstrative and affectionate with them than I am. He had an arm around a sister in two seconds; hugging my mother in five seconds. They loved him for it!

 

[lapdog2001]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Mar 18 2005, 10:39 PM
Lapdog, I think that's wonderful that you re-instituted a tradition of affection. I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

[post=292103]Quoted post[/post]​

I'm very glad that it got going somehow. I do think about the possibilty of loosing a family member once in a while as none of us is getting younger (except maybe you&#33.

As the the children, how can you feel bad when they run up to you to give you a hug as soon as they see you? I have no children of my own yet, but that must be one of the great benefits of being a parent!
:grouphug: als:

LapDog

 

[13788]

Goon: It's all about being appropriate. When my bf and I were traveling through the square states, we kept it on the down low. In NYC we let it all hang out.

 

[jonb]

Well, Goon, it's a little more than just "the square states". Different parts of states, regardless of their shape or red/blue affinity, have different attitudes. I lived in Dewey County, and it's pretty pro-gay. Not as much as Shannon, of course, but any time more than 1% of households are headed by same-sex couples, that's pretty pro-gay, for rural America.

 

[B_HungSpermBoy]

Originally posted by hung_big@Mar 18 2005, 09:14 PM
bblumbee, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you are your cousin. I concur (obviously) with Jana. Something like that is completely appalling! People like that need to get a good smack upside the head to set them straight.

It seems that world is going to the dogs. Anything that was considered good or an act of kindness has just been twisted and contorted beyond recognition.

A personal story, that definetly isn't nearly as bad, but still shows how people cannot seem to take an openly kind gesture. I was in Europe this summer with 20 of my friends. We had gone in town (in Slovenia) and I saw a Local vendor. I saw that she had necklaces that she had made and my friend had a blue varient of the ones she was selling. I saw a green one, and figured, HEY, that's her favourite colour, so why not get it for her?

So I had only 1000 tolars (Slovenian currency) left, and she had it priced for 1500. I haggled it and got it for 1000. I then gave it to her and she reluctantly accepted. The next day I was baggered with questions and someone told/asked me: "Why did you get it for her? You know she likes Rob, she thinks you were being a creep!" THIS IS MY FRIEND THAT I GOT IT FOR.

2 days after that, I was going into her room to get something that I had left their the previous night and saw the necklace I bought her destroyed and in the garbage. It crushed my heart. I was also angry. It is something trivial, just a cheesey necklace, but it was the emotion and thought that I had put into it that got me. I tried to do something nice for someone I considered a friend and she then just tossed it out. No actually, she didn't just throw it out, she purposely destroyed it BEFORE she threw it out.

I don't let life get me bitter, but it just gets me upset that someone could act so cruel.

Though this isn't a lovers puplic display of affection, it certainly is an openly friendly gesture, and people always take it the wrong way.

Sorry for getting off tangent and being long-winded.

BTW...CELEBRATING ME 200TH POST - PARTAY!

[post=292077]Quoted post[/post]​

Wow,I understand this so well. I think it's about immaturity. I've done things for girls who I love as friends, and for some reason it gets all twisted around. Even my girlfriend tells me she's uncomfortable with me when I do thing for other girls, or treat them nice.
hung_big, maybe you should have talked with the girl you bought the necklace for to tell her what you were feeling about her being your friend. That way you wouldn't have been hurt by what happend or she would have understood your motives. Sorry it was hurtful to you.

 

[B_Jeremy]

Im all for pda's myself to a certain degree! I may be very open, but if I cant hold in my feelings for any longer, I let it be known with some kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc etc, and I love seeing other people do it, nothing wrong with it, rather that than seeing people fighting!

As for family members, I still give mom big hugs all the time! And lots of kisses on the cheeks, I love her! Sadly, since her sisters aren't local, I haven't gotten to know my aunts that well, so who knows how that will go. They had planned on visiting during christmas, but that fell apart. Someday though!

 

[13788]

Goon:

Originally posted by jonb@Mar 19 2005, 03:20 PM
Well, Goon, it's a little more than just "the square states". Different parts of states, regardless of their shape or red/blue affinity, have different attitudes. I lived in Dewey County, and it's pretty pro-gay. Not as much as Shannon, of course, but any time more than 1% of households are headed by same-sex couples, that's pretty pro-gay, for rural America.

[post=292279]Quoted post[/post]​

This is true. There are parts of California that are fairly redneck-y. Cross the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and it's a whole different attitude. Generally I've found cities are better, however Hawaii is laid back. That's a perk of living here.

 

[jonb]

Yeah, well, traditional Lakota don't have any problem with homosexuality. Or, to be more politically correct, we regulate, rather than forbid, homosexuality. Same incest taboos, combined with the additional aspect that two winkte (drag queens) can't sleep together, but for obvious reasons no postpartum or menstrual taboos. So that's one reason.

On a side note, Shannon County is the gayest county in the Midwest. Even gayer than major metro areas.