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[db03]

I go offline for two days and look what happens, sadness and depression all round!!!

I've had a cool idea too....not gonna post it coz it will be read by lurkers and people i don't want to involve chris knows who i mean! but if it works it will be great!

Chris, all will work out in the end, im sure. God nix is more popular than i thought!

 

[13788]

hung_big: Err...I wasn't refering to Nix...

BUT...In any case, it just got worse with time. I'll have to see what to do with myself...hopefully deter myself from doing something stupid...*sigh*

 

[madame_zora]

Well, if you're aware enough to know that doing "something stupid" isn't going to help, please allow me to suggest that you drop the idea that "the world is against you". Let me assure you that none of us is important enough to draw disfavor from the whole world. Clearly, many of us here care about you and we've only known you a few weeks- you can't be that bad of a guy!

The problem with depression is that the more time you spend in it, the more plausible it begins to sound. Please trust me, in reality it is only a bigger and bigger lie. Attention diversion is the only thing I've ever found to work, and it will eventually, if you allow your intelligence to realign itself with reality instead of using it to convince yourself of your own worthlessness.

 

[prepstudinsc]

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but I've got a couple of questions that I've been trying to figure out for sometime.

1. Did Chris and Nixxy ever meet, or was it an online romance?

2. Are there not any places that Christ can go for professional help? Chris has admitted to being a cutter and burner, which is a plea for help. We can all try to give him advice, and so far MZ has given the best advice in her postings. However, it seems that some kind of professional counseling and meds might be what Chris needs to get out of his depression.

3. I know that Chris is angry with what his mother did trying to squelch the "relationship", but instead of just being so angry, can they not sit down with a mediator and talk it out as to why they feel is should or shouldn't continue?

Just some thoughts from a reader of the board...

 

[Freddie53]

Originally posted by prepstudinsc@Mar 17 2005, 09:01 AM
I

[post=291625]Quoted post[/post]​

Chris,
I think the suggestion that you consider medication is an excellent idea. Due to health problems and the effects of required medication, I went through a horrible time of depression. Several things were tried. Lexepro works for me the best. Zoloft is good. There are several and what works best for one person is not the best for another. I can't take Paxil. It runs me up the wall.

Please see if a doctor will give you a mild anti depressent. In the meantime either pm or e-mail some of us how you feel or continue putting it on the board. We all are rooting for you. We want you to be well. We love you Chris. It is time for you to love yourself. You are a very neat person. You are worthy of love. But you have to love yourself before you can accept the love of other people. You are precious person of sacred worth. Don't forget that. Don't make the mistake of letting people on a forum love you more than you love yourself.

Again, Chris you are a neat person. I forget you are just 15 when I read some of your posts. I realize that you may get along better with adults than youth your own age. That happens to guys who are so smart and talented like you. Don't worry about that. You are almost an adult now and will be soon. Then it won't matter.

Again, Chris say every morning "I am a person of sacred worth. I am going to love and respect myself. I am just as important as anyone else on this earth."

Repeat that everytime you get down.

We all love you.

Freddie

 

[13788]

hung_big: *sigh* Maybe you should be directing these questions at me rather than generalizing it to anyone. Chances are I will be the best qualified to answer the questions.

1. None of your business

2. I was thrown in a hospital for a week in isolation, you'd think there would be professionals there. You'd also assume they wouldn't let me out a skip merrily along the streets of toronto without many follow-ups and phychiatric evaluations.

3. How do you know that I am angry with my mother? No we haven't sat down with a 'mediator' but we have come to some sort of conclusion.

I know I came off snappy, but I'm sick of people ASSUMING they know what is going on in my life. I know this is from someone with best intentions, but you need to learn how to come off less assured that you know my situations and make judgement calls before you know anything. And you are right, so far Jana has given me the best advice, and I'd tell you why, but I think you can figure that out for yourself.

I am giving the idea of Anti-depressants some time. I don't want to live my life on a crutch if I don't need it, but if I do, I'd rather take them then hurt myself. I think I can work through this without meds. Medication is not always the answer, and I don't intend it to be with me!

 

[Freddie53]

This post has been removed at the request of Chris The subtopic is Meet and Greet. The thread name is "I Am Taking a Break". I wrote a personal note in item 11, he responded to that in post 13 and my response to him is 22

I had already posted something here this morning BEFORE I read his post #13. I told him I had already posted something to him but would remove it.

I am a "stranger" and Chris does not want comments on his life by strangers. He made that quite clear. He also does not respect me, my religion or my lifestyle.
That was made clear as well. Waht really upset me was he asked for help from people on this forum and then he jumps those of us who stupidly thought he menat it and replied.

I will honor his request. The post I had here is gone. It was deleted as soon as I read what Chris had to say to me.

Freddie

 

[jeepwranglerboi]

First and foremost, you need to take a minute and breathe. Perhaps in the future you may also find it beneficial to write out a post and stop and reread it several times before hitting that 'Add Reply' button. I am hoping that you are just over reacting.

1) You made it our business by telling your story here and asking for advice from time to time. In your 'Relationships' thread entitled 'Back off and get your own Surferboy' you had said that at that point in time that the two of you had not met. We were all a little confused about your relationship with Nixxy as he is in Florida and you are in Canada. If you don't want people getting into your business then do not post your business here.

2) I would certainly hope that they would not let you just frolic around town without therapy. I believe that everyone needs some form of therapy whether it is from a friend just listening or a trained professional.

3) You have said on numerous occasions that you 'hated' your mother and that you could never forgive her in your 'Relationships' thread. Many of us tried telling you that your mother only wanted what she believed to be best for you. Granted what she perceived to be best for you may not be what is best for you but she is your mother, plain and simple.

I don't think that anyone is assuming anything Chris and I do not feel like anyone is judging you. All anyone has ever done here is be supportive of you and the decisions that you have made. You ask for help and people are gonna offer advice, hell people are gonna offer advice whether or not you ask for it, that is life. Friendship is a relationship and there is an ebb and flow in relationships, a give and take but in order for relationships to work you have to share those responsibilities. In all honesty after reading your post I simply wanted to say "Who the hell do you think you are? Go fuck yourself!" but I had to stop and calm down and not be irrational. I think that you have come here for camaraderie and support and advice, if not you wouldn't be posting so openly about many aspects of your life. I know that you are young but I feel that your post is completely unjustified and when you talk shit about people here that have been gracious, welcoming and kind to you, well, that really pisses me off.

 

[prepstudinsc]

I'm sorry if my earlier post came off as rude, but several other members and I had asked each other the same question--wondering if you two had met. Given the tone of your posts it was as if you two had met, but since you are in Toronto and Nixxy is in Ft. Lauderdale, we all had questions. My question was innocent enough.

You want help, but when it's offered, you seem to run from it. There's nothing wrong with needing some meds. Lots of people are on them, it's nothing to be ashamed of. People use them for high blood pressure, for diseases, people wear glasses and contacts for eye problems. If you have to use medication for depression, it's no big deal.

You're still 15, and whether or not you like it, you have to consider family harmony at this time. It will only make your life more of a living hell if your parents are pissed off at you. Arrange for a mediation with a counselor to have a talk with your mother. You don't see it right now, but she THINKS she's doing the right thing for you and the reason is that she loves you.

Freddie is a good guy and the fact that he tried to help you and you turned against him makes me mad. I like, Kyle, had to step back before I just went off on you.
You made your personal life public by posting everything on here and airing your dirty laundry. I asked innocent questions to clarify some points and you jumped down my throat. If you want people's opinions, you're going to get the good with the bad, but that's the way friendship is--and sometimes you get the answers that you don't want to hear. The reason is that people care. If they didn't care, they wouldn't give you the time of day and even bother to respond.

 

[13788]

hung_big: I'm sorry guys...Prep, JRB, LPSG members and especially Freddie...I'm sorry.

I really was over reacting, but I'm just so sick of it. I know it's no excuse - my mannerism was vulgar and I was far from tactful. Sometimes my mind doesn't seem to work the right way anymore. After I cool off I look back and say to myself "What was I on about?"

The main thing I have noticed has changed dramatically is my ability to edit things and see them for what they are. Not my perception entirely, but when I get a comment or critique that could somehow be twisted into a negative, I see that, rather than what it probably ment.

I over reacted because in the last few weeks I have gotten so many people assuming they know what is going on in my life and they make analogies and they dissect my life assuming they know what is best for me. They don't even both asking me what I think is wrong (granted, I wouldn't know, but they should still ask] and take it upon them to "help" me.

I didn't see Freddie's offer of help as anything different, but it, admitedly had a few similarities. I'm sorry for jumping on you that Freddie - it was tasteless and uncalled for.

In my defence though, people tell me that all this stress effects my perception and judgement, but when this happens, it doesn't seem people think it is an excuse. Hypocritical, I think. But thank-you for keeping your calm, because had people attacted me I would not have responded so calmly myself. And kyle, when you responded I was thinking of fighting back, but I slept a bit and thought about it, and now Prep replied so...it gave me a more calm explanation.

Also, if I snap at you, please try to see past it, because for the last few weeks I have been tugged in all directions and something has to give. I am being poked and proded and I just felt like everyone thought They knew what was best, but they don't.

Again, sorry, I hope you can find it to forgive me (and sorry about the longwindedness)

Chris

 

[Freddie53]

Apology is accepted Chris. Do go back and read the wonderful things I said about you. Like you are a remarkable young man. And no, I don't have all the answers Chris. Part of accepting your apology is also reaffirming what I had to offer you. That is an older male who has spent a lifetime working with teenagers.

My offer is to be there for you. Not tell you what to do. I just wanted you to know that you were loved. I can't know your situation. Quite frankly, I think the most important thing you need right now is love and complete acceptance for who you are, not for what I want you to be or someone else wants you to be. If you have to change for me to love you, then in my book I don't really love you. I love who I want you to be. That doesn't mean that I am going to like every choice you make. But to completely change you is to make you in to someone you are not.

I love you the way you are. I want you to be happy. I want you to know who can e-mall or pm anytime and I will be there doing the best I can to support you. If I can help with with a decision then great. If you can take advantage of the wisdom I have gained working with youth through the years that is great plus.

But I repeat. I heard you loud and clear. You are tired of everyone telling you what you need to do when sometimes we don't know either.

I hope you won't take offense at this. But the most important thing I have to offer you is to love you unconditionally and you know I am here if you need me.

Most teens don't need a lot of specific advice, but as they leave childhood and enter adulthood, they need an adult that they know will be there to grab them if they start of fall going down that slope of going from teen years into adult years. Teens just want to know that they have their important adults behind them who love them the way they are.

You mentioned problems with your mother in your posts. I don't know the status of that. I hope you are working things out with her.If I can help you in anyway I am here. Just write me and let me know.

I do love young people. My own teen years were hell part of the time. I try to help every one that I can not have to go through some of the hell I went through.

You are a remarkable young man to come forth and apologize. That puts you in very high standing with me. That shows a lot of character. A lot of character. You have so much more to offer than you realize. I see it in your writings. You are a very talented young man. I'm not sure that you realzie just how talented you are. I don't know the answer to that. Most teens don't see how talented they really are. So many teens lack self esteem. They think they everything about themselfvs is wrong.

This is something that I finally accepted for myself and it took several years and that is one day it dawned on me that If I looked like some movie star, played footbal like some pro I liked and so on, then the person that I am would cease to exist.

So can we be friends now? If you want me to I will be an older male firend that you can confide in. But everyone has certain people that they really feel comfortable talking to. If that person agrees then that is the person you need to talk to. I am 53 and I still need friends that I know will be there for me. It is not a teen need. It is a human need. And it last a lifetime. We all need those family members and friends we can count on no matter what. When they seem to move away or disappear I still get jittery. I am a social person. I need people. I know that about myself.

Again, I can't know what you need from me. It may be nothing and that is OK. Just know that if there is a need I can help you with, you don't have to wonder if I will help you. Yes I will if I can.

May you be blessed all of your life.

Your friend,

Freddie

 

[jeepwranglerboi]

Chris, I am not going to pretend that I know what you are going through as I cannot walk in your shoes but in all sincerity I can say that everyone that has offered help here has done so because they care about you. I can only assume that you are going through a tremendous ordeal and under many pressures. Like I said in my previous post, I was hoping that you were just over reacting and I am glad that you were. It's understandable and we all do it from time to time. That is life. The fact that you can recognize that you have done that and acknowledge that though is a sign of maturity. Like the others here, I wish you nothing but the very best and I too am here if you ever need an ear.

Take care of yourself,

~ Kyle

 

[13788]

hung_big: To Kyle and Freddie,

Thanks alot, I appreciate it. Both of you are such kind, intelligent and sociable people, I also wish you the best in your lives

Chris