Pun of the Day

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. jakeatolla

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,093
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    A doctor walks in to an exam room, searching for a pen in his pocket.
    The doctor pulls out a rectal thermometer and says "Dammit, some asshole has my pen".
     
  2. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    Oh, man
     
  3. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,757
    Likes Received:
    7
    ba-dum-da!
     
  4. Fireballs

    Fireballs New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Once a pun a dime,
    There was a big pun contest,
    in my newspaper.

    I sent them ten puns,
    in the hopes that one might win.
    No pun in ten did.
     
  5. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    467
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Montreal, QC
    This used to be my favorite joke... about 20 years ago!

    But, it's still funny.
     
  6. biguy2738

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,356
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Johannesburg, South Africa
    Oh brother! :pat: Though it did put a smile on my face! Thank you!
     
  7. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh thats good!
     
  8. dongalong

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2004
    Messages:
    5,300
    Likes Received:
    1,729
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Paris (FR)
    LOL! (honest!!!)
     
  9. Fireballs

    Fireballs New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey, come on, you guys!
    I can't be the only one
    here who enjoys puns!

    "Have you heard about
    the vampire secretary?
    Her mistakes: type O's."
     
  10. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Juan.
     
  11. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

    The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his orders.

    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

    Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

    We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

    The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

    The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

    If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

    A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

    A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in linoleum blownapart.

    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

    He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

    A calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    A plateau is a high form of flattery.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

    If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture: a jab well done.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted