Purpose of the head of the penis

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_Jennuine73, May 18, 2008.

  1. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
    a man's penis was
    larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
    that the reason the
    head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
    during sex.
    After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
    decided to do their own
    study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
    the reason was to
    give the woman more pleasure during sex.
    The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
    their own study.
    After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
    to keep a man's
    hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
     
  2. unabear09

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    lmao! and its so true!
     
  3. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    What's the definition of ultimate rejection?

    Your hand falling asleep during masturbation.
     
  4. unabear09

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    lmao! more more! lol
     
  5. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
    father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
    arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
    here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
    photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

    "Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
    "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
    "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
    babies"
    "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

    After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
    couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
    fun too; you can really spread out!"
    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
    "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
    try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
    angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
    "My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
    "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
    and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
    "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
    baby pictures.
    "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
    "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
    mother was so difficult to work with"
    "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
    done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
    a good look"
    "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
    "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
    mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
    Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
    squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
    um......equipment?"
    "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
    can get to work."
    "Tripod?????"
    "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
    me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
    fainted!!"
     
  6. unabear09

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    ROFLMFAO!!! That was the best Jen! LMAO LMAO! Again again!
     
  7. Gonzo3

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    World wide dudes ,world wide
    ........................................:lmao:
     
  8. Mr. Snakey

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    Its to keep an eye on things...........
     
  9. Principessa

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  10. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    A guy is screwing a great looking blonde.
    The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?"
    He replies, "No."
    She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
    I don't want to get that again...!"
     
  11. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
    Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
    bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
    her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
    already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it
    is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy
    it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?"
    Boy - "$250"

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
    the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I
    have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
    "How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Sold."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
    outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
    baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
    Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
    like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
    you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father
    makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
    The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit
    again, you're in my closet now."
     
  12. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    What is the most insensitive part of a penis?

    - The man
     
  13. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    Must be others with jokes...
     
  14. ZOS23xy

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    What does a woman say after her tenth orgasm?


    You don't know?



    Maybe I already knew that.
     
  15. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

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    A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
    The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
    The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9' high and sets him on the counter.
    He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
    He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
    The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beaut iful Piece by Mozart!
    Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
    The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
    So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
    I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!'
    The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want A million bucks!'
    A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.
    Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
    The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.'
    'No SHIT!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch piani
    st'
    :smile:
     
  16. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

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    One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on
    their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating
    in the brush.

    "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring
    intently at the scene before them.

    "They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father,
    as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly. A few
    nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his
    bed to go to the bathroom.

    As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises
    coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to
    see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange
    way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both
    mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for
    the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and
    hustled his son out of the bedroom.

    "What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who
    still wasn't sure what he saw. "Your mother and I were,
    well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe
    a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now
    confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity.

    "Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute.
    "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her
    over, please - I'd rather have a puppy.
     
  17. ZOS23xy

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    from an old forward--maybe you've seen it, maybe not.





    Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
    them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to
    build up the required pressure.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Women will never be equal to men until they can
    walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
    gut, and still think they are sexy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
    to the select few women who can handle the truth !
     
  18. B_jacknapier

    B_jacknapier New Member

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    A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
    "What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"

    A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.

    "What happened?", he asked.

    "Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!"

    "Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"

    "Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"

    "Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS."
     
  19. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

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    Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang out with God."

    St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

    God said, "Ah, yes."

    "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

    1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.

    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

    3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

    4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,

    5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

    "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

    God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

    "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours." :smile:
     
  20. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE
    by Matt Groening
    RELATIONSHIPS:
    When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to
    her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are
    Idiots".
    Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble
    letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday
    night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined
    my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a
    total
    floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us."
    This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and
    99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges
    that offer courses to help men get over this need.
    SEX:
    Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of
    foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the
    foreplay.
    MATURITY:
    Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can
    function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading
    baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This
    is why high school romances rarely work out.
    MAGAZINES:
    Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's
    magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because
    the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body
    is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
    Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most
    naked men elicit laughter from women.
    HANDWRITING:
    To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
    chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they
    dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously
    large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a
    note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a
    smiley face at the end of the note!!!
    BATHROOMS:
    A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream,
    razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
    average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
    A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
    GROCERIES:
    A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the
    store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left
    in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery
    shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man
    reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the
    Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not
    stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
    CATS:
    Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
    looking, men kick cats.
    LAUNDRY:
    Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article
    of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about
    eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally
    out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a
    U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men
    always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a
    myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
    THE TELEPHONE:
    Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the
    telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can
    visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she
    will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
    RICHARD GERE:
    Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
    Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy
    who works at the health club and dates only married women.
    MADONNA:
    Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.
    LOCKER ROOMS:
    In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football,
    and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football
    nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories
    about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker-sex. And not
    in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and
    technical, and they never lie.
    MOVIES:
    Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.
    This is because every movie in the history of movies has been
    produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in
    the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
    TIME:
    When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes,
    she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football
    game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time
    outs, commercials, or replays.
    FRIENDS:
    Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's
    night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass
    the Doritos or Got any more beer?"
    RESTROOMS:
    Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use
    restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak
    a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom
    giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the
    world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying,
    "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
     
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