Putting out if you're not in the mood

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Barzillai Whackingsauce, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Maybe there is a thread on this, maybe not. I don't feel like sifting though millions of documents to find out... LOL.

    But the question is posed to women (And I guess me too). What is your take, and your "internal" dialogue on having sex, performing hand jobs, or blow jobs on your partners when you are NOT in the mood to have sex?

    Something you don't mind? Something you don't mind but is an inconvenience to you? Something you like to do regardless of your mood? It will eventually put you in the mood?

    Is it something your partner really should stop asking for or expecting you to do, not unless you're in the mood too?

    Bruce
     
  2. ManlyBanisters

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    12,807
    Likes Received:
    8
    If I do not want to have sex I do not have sex. End of story.

    But it is extremely rare that I do not want to have sex.

    If I thought my man was doing anything sexual with me when he didn't want to I would be mortified and feel totally horrible that I had made him feel he needed to do that.
     
  3. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female

    Ditto. :cool:
     
  4. goodwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas
    Well, i have never not been in the mood for sex or doing sexual things so i don't know. i imagine if for whatever reason i didn't want to, i just wouldn't.
    One time with a g/f she had been a real ass hole all night when we were out with my friends and then she thought we could have sex that night. I was like "Absolutely NOT! You were horrendously rude and obnoxious and now you think i am going to pleasure you? ". So that was one time I didn't have sex when I could have.
     
  5. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Just to be clear here - this is not about "doing" things you don't want to do. I am not suggesting people are doing things against their will or being against something and doing it anyway - this is about knowing your partner is in the mood and you're maybe not in the mood - and maybe they are asking for a a hand job and or blow job... do you give him what he or she wants? or do you tell him or her to wait until you're in the mood?

    I've been in a situation where I've NOT been in the mood by my Girl Friend at the time was - I went down on her. I totally wanted to do that for her and felt awesome for doing so. Did I want to have sex, after that? - that night no... did I feel like i HAD to do that? No.

    The question is not about about "making" someone do something or feel that they needed to do something.

    I just want to be clear that the sentiment behind this question is not about making someone feel they "needed" to do something.

    Bruce
     
  6. Nala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,331
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Verified:
    Photo
    It's easy for me to get into the mood (on those rare occasions when I'm not), so I vote for: It will eventually put you in the mood.
     
  7. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    As if that's even possible... :rolleyes:
     
  8. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2006
    Messages:
    11,866
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    CANADA
    May I say something bad?

    I've always found that someone not being in the mood is kind of erotic. I'm not saying I force them into something they don't want to do... I'm just suggesting that playing with them, suggestively touching them, edging them into the mood... it just makes the sex THAT much sweeter when they get turned on and actually find they want it.

    It sounds bad, I know... but people who play a bit hard to get, really turn me on, provided I get them.....(wait for it)......in the end.:cool:
     
  9. D_Drew Peacock

    D_Drew Peacock New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Likes Received:
    2
    Interesting thread. It is normally very easy to get me into the mood. Wifey dear does not try very hard, so sometimes she "asks" with a kiss or a look and unless I try to encourage her, it just slips by. Usually I realize though that this is my shot for the week, and I had better get with the program or miss out completely!

    On the other hand, if she is not in the mood, I am SOL. Not much I can do about it as if I am persistent and try to persuade her, she usually gets quite angry. Better to not be to pushy.
     
  10. D_Drew Peacock

    D_Drew Peacock New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Likes Received:
    2
    I did not say quite as much as would have made my message clear. I didn't really answer the question! If my wife wants sex, I do try to pleasure her. I really would not mind going down on her or using my hands on her if she really wants it and I can't get in the mood.

    On the other hand, I have learned NEVER NEVER NEVER ask for a BJ or a hand job. It will NOT happen and the resentment over it would not be worth it anyway even if I could pressure her into pleasuring me. Either she gets the full treatment, or nothing happens. IT means a "quickie" for us takes at least an hour, but hey, that is the way it is. If I were alone, I would get nothing, so once a week is better than nothing, and a good week. If it were my choice we would be going at it 2 or 3 times a week, but in reality we do about 3 times a month.

    It will have to do. If you get more than that, know that you are lucky.
     
  11. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,661
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Windsor, Ontario
    I am with Jeff Black on this one.

    I find when my partner is not really in the mood for it, I love to tease and say naughty little things until they are raring to go.

    I am rarely not in the mood. If on one of those occasions my partner needs some "relief", if I am not ill, I will do what they want. I always get in the mood once touching starts.
     
  12. ManlyBanisters

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    12,807
    Likes Received:
    8
    It does seem rather unlikely, doesn't it :cool:

    *smoulders*
    :rolleyes:

    OP - I wasn't trying to derail your thread and I understand your intent as you put in your 2nd post. But for me it is rare, rare, rare that I am not in the mood. To steal from the Libertine: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact :smile: So if I am not in the mood there will be a solid reason. My man is of a very similar disposition. I am told an ex of his said he goes from nought to fucking in five seconds - which left me wondering what was wrong with her that it would take him all of five seconds :cool::wink:
     
  13. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Okay, okay. I see. There is some interesting feedback here.

    I too find that once the touching starts, a little dirty talk, there is often a bridge that is crossed where both partners are now in the mood to carry on.

    I've been in situations in the past where my partner has not been in the mood, so-to-speak but she loved to play with me, and if I began a little foreplay, dirty talk, and tickles etc, she's find herself in the mood, and if it backfired, well she was just in a mood (LOL).

    I do know some people who will give a little "action" (being ill aside) when they are not in the mood to their partners just because - it's fun and they enjoy it - I guess kind of like a back rub. They don't find themselves horny after but somehow feel fulfilled that they were able to make their partner feel good in someway and they don't perceive it as a MUST, or that they were made to do it. It's of their own choice.

    Great feedback - thanks so much - keep it coming

    Bruce
     
  14. troller

    troller Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2007
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    If your a good enough lover and she loves what you do to her just being near to eachother will get her in the mood.just always make she has one or more orgasms before you have yours this will do the trick for sure.
     
  15. D_season 5

    D_season 5 Account Disabled

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    671
    Likes Received:
    11
    this topic..is not mutually exclusive to women..
    i think I'm an average guy...and i offer sex to my partner when he asks...for sex..not if I'm in the mood...and...btw...what is wrong the guy..putting his partner in the mood?

    works for me...all the time..when my partner puts me in the mood...i have had sex too many times with women..just to appease them...nothing i was looking for or wanted at the moment..but...we do things to please the people we care about...and if sex is one of those things...then...
     
  16. ManlyBanisters

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    12,807
    Likes Received:
    8
    You mean it is not exclusive to women. I agree.

    Mutually exclusive is a specific phrase that means two things that cannot co-exist - contradictory states as it were - and makes no sense as you use it.
     
  17. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Sorry I disagree with you. I believe I am a good lover and there are just some times the person I am with is NOT in the mood. No matter my skill set. Some times a cuddle or a kiss is all that is desired from me. And giving multiple orgasms has nothing to do with this question. Sorry mate.

    And yes this question was also put to men as well to address another response.

     
  18. Honey123

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,322
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Aridzona
    Verified:
    Photo
    I have a fairly strong libido but there are times when I can't or just don't want to have sex - like on my cycle or something - so I'm totally open to lending my man a hand or a pair of breasts and actually rather enjoy making a man cum. But for those times when I'm truly not in the mood, a man trying to get me there once I've already said not tonight is nothing but annoying. Unfortunately, once I've fallen asleep waking me up for sex doesn't work either - apt to get your head detached.

    When I was married, about 5 or 6 months in the idiot got this thing where he had to initiate every time. It was part of the control thing he had going on. It didn't take long for me to figure out that if I made the first move there would be no sex. I used it for 3 years to avoid having sex when he'd been an asshole or we'd had a nasty fight. If I got the impression he wanted to have make up sex and I didn't want to, then I would just "initiate" and every time he'd be too tired, have a headache or some other excuse. Man still thinks he got sex almost every time he asked for it. (Please understand that if he hadn't mistreated me the chances of me not wanting sex would have been pretty slim.)

    Oh, and the phrase "eat me" is sure to award any man a month on the sofa.
     
  19. Honey123

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,322
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Aridzona
    Verified:
    Photo
    Yeah! You get it! I get so annoyed when a man expects me to cum before he does. I've even had guys on the phone and in chat want me to cum first like it was a requirement to their state of total satisfaction. Sometimes the cuddle and kiss will lead to more, and when it does it is usually very loving sex. But don't expect it to lead to more (hope is ok). There is often something very peaceful and satisfying about just being held, in fact that's the hardest part of being alone for me - no arms to hold me.
     
  20. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Sure sometimes a cuddle leads to more. Sometimes not. I've been with partners who sometimes just want that, and no matter what She's not going to be in the mood. It's incorrect to assume or state as "troller" did that, If I am a good lover and "She's" into what I do to her, just being near then will put her in the mood.


    And I learned a long time ago that "this" need to make her cum first is not the key to a successful partnership in bed - Mutual gratification is the key, no matter what that is. And "what" leads to gratification changes from moment to moment for people. The key is to kind out what will gratify myself and my partner

    Bruce




     
Draft saved Draft deleted