Q. for the bi guys/gals

[mitchymo]

How does it work for you? Are you faithful when you are with someone or do you have the urge to fool around with the opposite gender to the one you're with? I ask this because i keep getting played by bi guys and would love to know what goes through your minds where sex/relationships are involved.

 

[B_bi_mmf]

1) I don't use the term "faithful" to refer to sexual exclusiveness, since there are just so many other dimensions to "faithfulness."

2) My ideal solution to the sexual exclusiveness thing is an MMF menage.

 

[Boobalaa]

what is your sense of "being played"..how is that for you?..How can you tell?..What is going thru your mind?

 

[Countryguy63]

Hey Mitch, good question. It seems that the "bi" label is misunderstood on both sides. Maybe this is one of the reasons that I hate labels so much :wink:.

In my opinion, it does not give you the green light to cheat. This is something that should be discussed and agreed upon in every relationship, and will be different in varying degrees with each individual situation. It can run the gaunlet all the way from strictly monagomous to completely open, and anywhere in between.

For me, one of the biggest factors in my infidelity (very ashamed of this) was my denial and the hiding of my ssa. Once that monster was in the open, It took time to see how it fit in my life. I had to decide if I could be monagomous with a woman, or if I needed an open relationship that included men.

I'm single now, so not a factor, but if I ever get in a serious realtionship again, it will be in the open, discussed, and agreed upon what works for both of us, and that agreement will be adhered to.

I'm sorry that you have had some unfortunate experiences, but it reflects that person, not their orientation.

 

[mitchymo]

what is your sense of "being played"..how is that for you?..How can you tell?..What is going thru your mind?

I get played by guys who show me all the interest and attention that i want in any special friendship then the moment a girl grabs their eye, i get ignored and strung along until i find out the hard way that they are seeing someone else, then when i approach them about their new interest they get defensive then we end up splitting our friendship.

I always seem to fall for the wrong guys and am thinking that i should steer well clear of anyone that doesnt consider themselves to be 100% gay.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

I'm faithful, although I just had one relationship... But I'm loyal to one person if I have a relation with that person.

 

[Countryguy63]

I get played by guys who show me all the interest and attention that i want in any special friendship then the moment a girl grabs their eye, i get ignored and strung along until i find out the hard way that they are seeing someone else, then when i approach them about their new interest they get defensive then we end up splitting our friendship.

I always seem to fall for the wrong guys and am thinking that i should steer well clear of anyone that doesnt consider themselves to be 100% gay.

I hate to throw this at you, but you're stereotyping with your conclusion. Both genders, both straight and gay, will cheat or treat others poorly, if so inclined.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

I only have partnerships as in having a partner/boyfriend with men.

I'm not opposed to a partnership with a woman but that would not be your typical closed/monogamous relationship, it would be based mainly on BDSM like having her be my consensual submissive/switch, and I'm more into the idea of just having a woman as a fuckbuddy where we just have sex with each other.

I do desire sex with a man and a woman at the same time but I do not cheat on whoever I am with since we are in a relationship and I prefer having a closed/monogamous relationship with men.

I would need an open relationship with a woman but I don't really date single women anymore and I'm more open to the idea of sleeping/dating a Male/Female couple or even Male/Male couples at times.

It's like how if I am in a relationship with someone who is only into vanilla sex I may want bondage/SM/B&D and kink very badly but I know they are not into it and I'm not going to cheat on them with someone who is into it just to do it.

My ex and I had an open relationship but both of us very rarely strayed from each other or had sex with other men. He wanted both of us to have sex with each other and a woman since we both did want to do this, and I would have been fine with that but it never happened.

Now if I'm dating someone and it's just dating and the boundaries are not set then yes I will go out and date other people if I feel inclined to do so. This is not cheating since we have not set any boundaries, we are not in a relationship as it's just dating/getting to know each other, and sometimes I have dated people and we are not compatible or else they think that one or a few dates means I want to marry him.

Mitchy, keep in mind that gay men cheat on each other all the time and make up excuses for it or claim that it did not happen, or other such nonsense.

Straight people do this too and someone's orientation does not mean that they are automatically going to cheat, that they will stay faithful, or that just because a man is gay and not bisexual that he's going to somehow automatically want to stay faithful.

Try dating bisexual men who are more into romance/relationships and in general are more sexually attracted to men than women. We are out there and it's not offensive to ask someone if they are more into men or women when it comes to relationships/sex/etc. Also try dating or having relationships with bisexual men who want closed relationships and are open about this. Again it is not offensive to ask someone if they are into closed or open relationships as many straight and gay people are into them or are open about having one.

I know lots of bisexuals who are in relationships with both men and women where in all cases their partner is monosexual (either gay or heterosexual) and no cheating at all goes on and people just fantasize, read erotic fiction, or watch porn.

Also keep in mind that whatever cheating is to two or more people in a relationship that this is defined and set by the people who are in the relationship and nobody else.

 

[mitchymo]

I hate to throw this at you, but you're stereotyping with your conclusion. Both genders, both straight and gay, will cheat or treat others poorly, if so inclined.

I know, i'm just down cos i only ever meet guys who are interested in sex first and foremost, i'm not looking for a romantic type exactly cos i'm not romantic myself, just someone who wants to love and be loved....and then have sex :tongue:.

I feel so 19th century sometimes compared to most guys/gals i know.

 

[Countryguy63]

I know, i'm just down cos i only ever meet guys who are interested in sex first and foremost, i'm not looking for a romantic type exactly cos i'm not romantic myself, just someone who wants to love and be loved....and then have sex :tongue:.

I feel so 19th century sometimes compared to most guys/gals i know.

Not the wrong century, the wrong county :wink::biggrin1::tongue:

 

[mitchymo]

Not the wrong century, the wrong county :wink::biggrin1::tongue:

Haha, i could be very tempted to jump on a plane right now lol

 

[mitchymo]

You have helped, now i think that perhaps i went wrong by not understanding where this guy was coming from and looking for, something to learn for next time.

I won't be any help at all, but I'll answer anyway...

When I am with someone who requires that I be with them and only them, then that is what I do. I will never cheat on another person. I still appreciate and from time to time think "hmm, that might be nice" but that is as far as it goes.

My husband doesn't require that and is more than happy for me to see, date, sleep with other women should the right one come along. I don't actively go looking for someone, I am more than content with hubby, but I wouldn't ignore her if she appeared.

If hubby ever changed his mind, or I thought for a second that he wasn't completely behind it 100%, then I wouldn't even consider it.

 

[Enid]

i am a monogamously-minded bisexual.
i wouldn't want to date more than one person at once, that's what feels most natural to me (one on one).
i did try out an open relationship type situation once, with a woman i was involved with for 3 years, didn't do much for me.
i tried friends with benefits a couple of times too (while seeing other people) and that didn't really bake my cookies either.
ultimately i discovered i am naturally inclined to monogamous, long term type arrangements.

 

[TheMarchHare]

I get played by guys who show me all the interest and attention that i want in any special friendship then the moment a girl grabs their eye, i get ignored and strung along until i find out the hard way that they are seeing someone else, then when i approach them about their new interest they get defensive then we end up splitting our friendship.

I always seem to fall for the wrong guys and am thinking that i should steer well clear of anyone that doesnt consider themselves to be 100% gay.

I understand how you feel Mitch. I myself identify as completely homosexual... and I've dated/been interested in bi guys before. I've had a few of them tell me literally that "they HAVE to be with both a guy and a girl at the same time to fulfill themselves.. and that it shouldn't bother me because it isn't cheating because we aren't the same sexes." which is really total, utter, bullshit. I've also been strung along only to realize later that I was being strung along and it wasn't worth all the time and effort I put into it all. If you can find someone who's bi, and totally monogamous.. I would say go for it.. but if you can't, then don't put yourself through the hassle.... and keep in mind that if you find a monogamous bisexual person that at some point they very well could become interested in a girl... and that's kinda hard to compete with as opposed to if they were kinda interested in another guy. I eventually came to the conclusion that dating bisexual, and/or confused people just wasn't worth my time or effort and stopped completely. If someone wanted to be with me, and were bi.. it was a no go. I also at that point in time decided I wouldn't date virgins either. The way I see it is a relationship while taking time, effort, and compromise.. shouldn't seem like work.. life's too short for that.. and chances are if it doesn't seem to click right away into what seems like a very good match without either person wanting either person to change themselves.. it won't work out in the long run and you will have wasted all that time, except maybe at that point you will have learned some life lessons.

That's just my two cents though.

Hope that helped.
-Zack

 

[mitchymo]

I understand how you feel Mitch. I myself identify as completely homosexual... and I've dated/been interested in bi guys before. I've had a few of them tell me literally that "they HAVE to be with both a guy and a girl at the same time to fulfill themselves.. and that it shouldn't bother me because it isn't cheating because we aren't the same sexes." which is really total, utter, bullshit. I've also been strung along only to realize later that I was being strung along and it wasn't worth all the time and effort I put into it all. If you can find someone who's bi, and totally monogamous.. I would say go for it.. but if you can't, then don't put yourself through the hassle.... and keep in mind that if you find a monogamous bisexual person that at some point they very well could become interested in a girl... and that's kinda hard to compete with as opposed to if they were kinda interested in another guy. I eventually came to the conclusion that dating bisexual, and/or confused people just wasn't worth my time or effort and stopped completely. If someone wanted to be with me, and were bi.. it was a no go. I also at that point in time decided I wouldn't date virgins either. The way I see it is a relationship while taking time, effort, and compromise.. shouldn't seem like work.. life's too short for that.. and chances are if it doesn't seem to click right away into what seems like a very good match without either person wanting either person to change themselves.. it won't work out in the long run and you will have wasted all that time, except maybe at that point you will have learned some life lessons.

That's just my two cents though.

Hope that helped.
-Zack

:smile: Yep, it helps, it makes sense, so thx.
Nice name btw, i like Zack

 

[TheMarchHare]

Glad to be of assistance. You're welcome.

and thank you

Yours is quite nice also.. I've always liked the name Mitch. Just seems so.... butch. hehe.

 

[mitchymo]

Glad to be of assistance. You're welcome.

and thank you

Yours is quite nice also.. I've always liked the name Mitch. Just seems so.... butch. hehe.

Haha, thats funny, mitch is what my friends call me and how i end notes to people, my actual name is Michael.
I hate (with passion) people calling me mike/y/mick/y so its Mitch to my friends and Michael to my family.

 

[TheMarchHare]

Ahhhh, I see I see, makes sense.. I wouldn't wanna be called Zacky.. so yeah, lol. Michael is a nice name too though. I have a step brother named Michael.... Michael is my confirmation name after Michael the Arch-Angel(back from when I was a Catholic, lol), and the first boy I ever fell in love with was named Michael.. so that name holds fond memories for me.

 

[B_Monster]

This is a good question. Bisexual men and women are as capable at monogamy as straight and gays, why should it be any different. Its a misconception that bi men cant be faithfull so, maybe its a dumb question in my book

 

[mitchymo]

This is a good question. Bisexual men and women are as capable at monogamy as straight and gays, why should it be any different. Its a misconception that bi men cant be faithfull so, maybe its a dumb question in my book

Thats all i really wanted to know. As i'm not bi nor ever have been then i didnt know how it feels if its the same or not like if bi ppl have a need for two ppl in their lives or not, i guess from the majority of responses that one person is enough to satisfy.