Quandry

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MCA, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. MCA

    MCA Active Member

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    My best friend's hot ex-girlfriend wants it bad, based partially on a pic she's from here. They haven't dated in over a year, but I get shit from all my friends about how I shouldn't betray him. I'm curious as to what people on here think about it. When does it stop being betrayal and when is it legal? It's frustrating to not get laid.
     
  2. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    I wouldn't care what people think. You have to look after yourself, nobody else is going to. If they haven't dated in a year I don't see what the problem is. If someone gets mad let'em get mad. Who knows, she might be the one for you. If you don't go after it, you'll always wonder what if? I'd take the chance.
     
  3. new_n_curious

    new_n_curious New Member

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    Just ask your best friend, after a year he has probably lost feelings towards her, if its not a girlfriend you're after then whats the harm in NSA sex. Good luck anyway. xx
     
  4. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    A fuck isn't worth fucking up a good friendship.
     
  5. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    That's true but it seems that they have not been an item for quite some time. I think it would be a little different if they had just broken up but a year.
     
  6. Principessa

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  7. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    Since when does someone need permission to date or have sex with someone other than the intended person? Nobody has ever asked me if it was okay to date \ screw my ex wife. Why should I care, that relationship is over just as the one mentioned here, its been over a year since they have dated.
     
  8. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    But maybe it's not so over.

    Maybe they've been having occasional secret hook-ups, maybe they've been talking, maybe she feels the best friend really hurt her and wants to use MCA to get back at him. She bangs MCA a few times then calls-up the best friend and brags about how much better MCA is in bed, how MCA's bigger, etc.

    There is so much a girl in her position could do to try and drive a wedge between you that I do not believe the potential benefits outweigh the potential costs. At least in my neck of the woods, there's a steadfast unwritten rule that you must always ask your friends if it's OK to go out with their ex-girlfriends and then only if he dumped her OR they parted on good terms. If she did anything to hurt him then you do not date her nor do even ask to date her. She becomes persona non grata. Period. Think about it. If she becomes your girlfriend then by default she'll be spending a lot of time with the best friend again because she's with you and that could cause all kinds of resentment and jealousy in your best friend. That's why you get permission. And that's assuming she really isn't using you to get back at him.

    Millions of other hot girls out there and no girl is worth losing your best friend. You will regret it the rest of your life.

    To me, at least, it's not even worth the risk to attempt to date her.
     
  9. Osiris

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    That is the grand truth of friendship.

    I know in high school my best friend and I would date girls in common, but we at the very least talked about it. At 26 though, the rules change. There are way too many factors. Who dumped who? Are they still casually hooking up? Does he still have feelings. Too many variables at this point. There are more fish in the sea and really big fish (like best friends) are not that common. Go fishing and hang onto that big fish you already got.

    I'm also going to scold NJQT. Where is your signature phrase here?

    DOUBT MEANS DON'T.
     
  10. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    Well, that's the problem in this world all of these unwritten rules and bullshit. It wouldn't bother me. I think sometimes people are to worried about what others think, and yet your so called friends will stab you in the back the first chance they get. I say look after yourself first, they do.
     
  11. khaun

    khaun New Member

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    Tell him you are gonna try to hook up with her then go for it. They arnt a couple anymore.
     
  12. wldhoney

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    You state that your "so called friends" would stab you in the back, then state that should look after yourself first. I'm assuming that means that you would stab them in the back without remorse as well. Real friends don't do that, so I would say your "friendships" are NOT friendships. Considering "unwritten rules", aka "a conscience" , to be bullshit shows little caring for others in your life. No, a friend shouldn't dictate your life, they should be accepting. The reverse is true, and if you know that something is going to hurt someone you supposedly care about, and that doesn't matter to you? Basically, it means you don't really give a sh*t about that person, period.

    I have friends from my childhood who have been there for me thru thick and thin. Thru relationships and hardships. Thru my husband's death and my LTR and I ending. They have understood when the relationship has taken priority, as is healthy, and have always been supportive and honest.

    Would it bother me if a friend dated an ex? It really depends on the ex and the type of relationship I still had with them. If it was someone that they really liked, my wish would be for them to be happy.

    However, they would never do so without first discussing it with me. Whether it was just for sex or for more, they would tell me first.

    That you have a concern, MCA, means that you believe there may be an issue. Your hesitancy shows that it would bother you if the situation was reversed. How would you feel if a friend did it to you, and never discussed it with you first? If he's really your friend, you will approach him with it.
     
  13. smoote1234

    smoote1234 New Member

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    Simple - Ask your friend if he minds and end the mystery!
     
  14. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    I posed this question to my best friend of almost 30 years and he said the exact same thing I did, "It shouldn't matter". A year is a long time to be apart and if they haven't gotten back together in that time then whatever they had is over. What each of these people do is none of the others business and having to ask someones permission is not required.
     
  15. newjaytdot

    newjaytdot Member

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    Just ask. If you can't ask, then you already know that you shouldn't.
     
  16. Jovial

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    I say go for it. What kind of best friend let's you go a year without dating anyway? If he's really your best friend then he should understand you giving in to the temptation. I have worried too much about what other people think in the past and now regret it. So my vote is to go for it. :fing02:
     
  17. wldhoney

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    Exactly. That the OP feels something might be wrong with it implies he has doubts.

    This isn't just "anybody". It's not a matter of being yourself and not worrying about what those who don't know you think.

    This is his best friend. Someone the OP is claiming a close relationship with, which implies he cares about him. Yet, as the OP states, he really wants to get laid. It's not that he has fallen in love with her, or about her as a person. She's hot, she has implied interest, and he wants to have sex.

    This isn't the ex of a casual friend. It's someone who possibly meant a great deal to his best friend, who may have been hurt by the break up.

    In addition, all of his other friends have told them they believe it would be a betrayal. These are friends who know the situation. Again, not just "anybody". If they feel it would be wrong, than chances are his friend will feel betrayed, especially that it is done behind his back.

    So, the OP needs to decide how much he values the friendship. If it were me, I would end the friendship over the deception, not the situation. If I can't trust someone, there is no point in having them around.
     
  18. Principessa

    Gold Member

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    EXACTLY!


    To Quote Carlos on Desperate Housewives: "Bro's before Ho's"
    It's crude but succinct and easy to comprehend. You need to ask your best friend if he minds if you date his ex-girlfriend. Ignore the bitter old men who tell you otherwise. :wink: You may have noticed at least one of them is single at the moment.:tongue::redface:

    Doubt means don't. ~ Oprah Winfrey
     
  19. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    If you are referring to me I can assure you that I am not bitter. I stand by my opinion on this subject. I respect the opinions of those that have responed to this question but I'm sorry that I don't agree with them. The name calling is not warranted.
     
  20. Eva

    Eva New Member

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    If you're considering sticking his ex, you're definitely not his best friend, that's for sure.
     
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