Question about Gay Clubs..

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by pinkpineapples, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. pinkpineapples

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    Okay, so this is kind of a continuation of my 'this is all new for me' thread, but I felt that it deserved it's own special place. (Hopefully it's in the right area)

    So. I'm quite new to the 'gay' scene. With the new... I don't know if I can call him 'boyfriend' yet lol, but my ''dating person'' and I recently went out to a gay club and it too was a first for me. It was rather intimidating and I told him not to leave me lol.

    I'm not very good at being 'gay'? lol I guess, that's how I put it to him lol. He kind of laughs me off. I would like to be able to go and make some friends, but not really feeling comfortable being there without him.. He's kind of my buffer? Although I would like to be able to do something apart from him. I feel like if I'd went, I'd hide at the bar, drinking lol.

    Does going to the gay bar get easier with time? In respect to being new to it all? He also wants me to 'be with 5 other guys' *rolls eyes*

    ==== End Gay Bar Question ====

    I know most people would probably kill for a free pass, but I don't 100% feel like I need it. This is my first relationship and he wants to make sure I've had fun and that I'm sure he's who I want...

    So, does the gay scene get easier to...handle? lol

    *tired and babbling, hopefully this makes sense!*
     
  2. D_George Tush

    D_George Tush New Member

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    If you absolutely do not enjoy it. Don't do it.

    You are not required as a gay male to spend time in clubs. It just makes it quite easier to meet other gay men.
     
  3. D_George Tush

    D_George Tush New Member

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    Also. Unless you feel comfortable with it. Do not worry about what he wants, haha.
     
  4. pinkpineapples

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    Yeah, I know I don't HAVE to be in the club...but on a night like tonight (BORED, nothing to do)..It could be nice to go out and have some fun? I'm just VERY VERY VERY introverted and NOT a social butterfly. Not in the least. Just want to know if there's anything I can do to make it more comfortable? How to ease myself into it? Maybe I have too many expectations?

    And yeah. I know I don't have to do the 5 guys things like he wants. I've fussed at him about it on multiple occassions and will do so again when I see him again lol..But I get where he's coming from and the more he says it the more it's there in my mind. Which kind of irks me cause I'm a tad head over heels for him lol. Whole thing is emotionally conflicting x_X
     
  5. D_George Tush

    D_George Tush New Member

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    They do sell alcohol for that. It kinda knocks me as him feeling like he does not trust you, also :/ just saying. I was in your same position a long while back but i had discovered later that all we really had in common was that we both liked dick. Go figure. Just don't let him lead you around and be his little puppet. Be your own gay man ;P
     
  6. houtx48

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    Yeah booze makes you smarter, better looking and richer.
     
  7. pinkpineapples

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    lol yeah. Alcohol helps... Although I'm a bit of a lightweight lol.
     
  8. D_George Tush

    D_George Tush New Member

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    That just means you don't spend as much :p
     
  9. D_Terry_Tugnuts

    D_Terry_Tugnuts Account Disabled

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    Yes, like most things in life it seems very odd at first but you pass through the stages of getting used to it and finally enjoying it. The first step is the big one.
     
  10. jusright

    jusright Active Member

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    Hi there. I think we all go through that at some point. My only issue is if I'm reading this rightis him wanting to pass u round with 5 other guys?? Right?
    If true and ur not on that tell him or at least discuss the boundaries in yr r'ship- if thats what u believe yr in. Otherwise yr just being lead, going along with his needs/whims and that'll just lead to u getting hurt. Learn to walk b4 u can run!
    U don't have to be a cliche cos ur young or gay or both. It seems a bit selfish on his part tbh, or is it a one off flippant-jokey-type comment. Either way do what you u feel like on yr terms. :eek:)
     
  11. wappingite

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    From my experience, I have found that nothing good comes of spending most of your social life in gay bars. It's a very shallow, transient and predictable place. People who live in bars age incredibly fast and you're much more likely to become an addict of somekind because that's where they tend to aggregate. Now does that mean never go? No. I find them fun places to frequent from time to time to meet up with friends and check things out. Gay bars supplement my social life, they are not central to it.

    I much prefer going to a smaller and quieter pub or restaurant where I can hear and have a decent converasation and really get to know someone.

    About being passed around between 5 guys, you need to consider that carefully. This guy knows you're not into bars and he's pushing you towards group play as well. Why don't you do what you're confortable doing, whether he comes along or not? There's nothing wrong with not being a bar fly. Do what makes you happiest ;-)

    Best of luck!
     
  12. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Be who you are - not someone elses "person" - God doesn't make any junk!
     
  13. 1Cody

    1Cody Active Member

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    Sounds to me like you are fresh meat. Was he the one elected to turn you out? Then was he was supposed to pass you around? The bar scene whether gay or str8 is a bar scene. Sometimes desparate lonely people seeking an escape are there. If what you want are friendships with some depth and quality (its sounds like you do), don't seek it in the gay bar. I go to the bars and strip clubs because they seem to have more energy. I know that if I meet anyone that it is all a part of the game. I have never met anyone in a gay bar that I have continued to have a relationship with outside of that environment. On the other hand, I have made intimate friends and continued to be friends with them for yrs and yes it was a FWBs relationship with respect and genuine caring for the person. I still see one of my non-gay bar friends and its been 13 yrs. You have to really find where you are comfortable. Do you think you can get active with the Gay organizations, either health related or HIV testing? I mention those two because they are always looking for volunteers. Good luck in finding your path!
     
  14. stacker2

    stacker2 Member

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    Well, if your nature is NON-CLUBBER nature you won't enjoy clubs just because they are gay...
    If you are just shy don't mind, redbull and vodka (one drink, nothing that could turn you in a noisy babbler!!!), you'll know other gay people and maybe you'll feel "at home" in a club...

    Where everybody knows your name,
    and they're always glad you came.
    You wanna be where you can see,
    our troubles are all the same
    You wanna be where everybody knows
    Your name.


    You wanna go where people know,
    people are all the same,
    You wanna go where everybody knows
    your name ;-))))))

    BUT if you are the "quiet guy DVD-and-pizza-on-sathurday" (that I don't like, but does exist and needs respect) you'll never enjoy clubs and alcool will only turn you down :-(
    I don't even think that non-clubber boy and clubber boy could be a nice match, sorry :-/
     
  15. Stephenmass

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    I wonder if he's telling you to experience 5 other guys (I don't get the impression he means all at once) before a commitment so he doesn't feel guilty doing 5 other guys while you do yours (which by the sounds of it would take a long time for you, or never happen). You are like me a bit. I am not a "clubber" by any means; I'll go sometimes but usually with just a small group of friends so I can have a few drinks, dance and generally have a good time. The first time I ever went to a club I was kinda freaked out because not only was the gay bar scene new to me, like you I was "new" at being around other gay people. It took a bit of getting used to different personalities, different type people, forward people, shy people, etc. They exist in all cultures. I didn't enjoy the "players" much though. It was almost as if they could have cared less who I was, they just wanted to get into my pants for the night and then "see ya!"...not my style. Develop your own style and don't let anyone dictate how you should act, what you should be, what you should do, as someone said above be your own man, straight or gay!!
     
  16. FRE

    FRE
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    There are better ways to meet gay men than by going to clubs / bars.

    See what's available in your city. There may be a central gay agency that has lists of gay organizations. There are gay organizations for runners (Front Runners), bicycle riding, motorcycle riding, hiking and camping, social service, music, gardening, etc. Also, there are organizations for gay persons who are members of various churches, or gay persons who are Jews or Muslims. Many colleges and universities have gay organizations.

    The point is, that for the last few decades, there are alternatives to the 3 Bs, i.e., bars, beaches, and bathrooms. See what's available where you live.
     
  17. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I use to feel very uncomfortable in any gay venue when I was younger but now that I'm older I go for a different reason. I meet friends, talk blah blah blah. No one bothers you when you're older and when they do, they're serious. Just say'n
     
  18. go4usc

    go4usc New Member

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    I worked for about 6 years at a Gay Nightclub. I would bet a nights tips that you would be comfortable where I worked. It is an 18 and over club. The owners wanted a place that the younger people would have a place to go, plus the club was mixed, by mixed I mean Gay, Lesbian and yes a lot of Straight people would come too. Find a place that has a lot of other things to offer besides drinking. We had show, karaoke, pool tables, restaurant, etc.
    When you find the place that your comfortable in, you'll start seeing the same people and maybe you'll make a some friends along the way.
     
  19. NCbear

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    This. And remember, we are everywhere. Really. No need to go to a bar to get into a flirtation.

    Just two days ago, I was in the Atlanta airport and a younger guy glanced at me, then again, then again. So I smiled really big to let him know I saw him noticing me. He came over and said hi, and I told him how flattered I was that he glanced at me all those times.

    He was a truly adorable little bear cub (probably in his early twenties--he thought I was in my early thirties :eek:, and I didn't correct him; I just gently said "I'm partnered" :wink:).

    Another example: A short, stocky bodybuilder type pulled up next to me at a gas station in my hometown in a nice little Mercedes Benz convertible. I commented on the Santana album he was playing on his stereo, and he took out the CD, put it in its case, and gave it to me, along with his phone number.

    We are everywhere. All you have to do is look around and make some eye contact.

    NCbear (who's amazed that at 42 years old, I'm still catching glances at times :biggrin1:)
     
  20. Bbucko

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    Oh well: another hating on bars thread. That's just what's needed here :rolleyes:

    The folks who tell you to be yourself are very well intentioned, but personally I'm much more likely to suggest you push your boundaries out some and explore some new, uncharted territory. You're in your 20s: take some (educated) risks and have fun. If you find, after several attempts, that bars and clubs just aren't your thing, then try something else. But using the shyness excuse just seems like an easy out.

    Also understand that there's more than one bar scene: twinky, dancey, bearish, cruisy, sporty, leathery, etc. When I was younger I loved dance clubs; now they just make my ears ring and my head hurt. If you don't like one scene, find another. But excluding all scenes based on a negative experience at one club just seems self-limiting, and that's not something a guy in his 20s should be doing, IMO, most especially because you're a novice to all that.

    I'm not sure what to say about this "five-guy" thing, and you really haven't clarified it yet. If your beau wants you to explore some more before he'll commit, then obviously he's not looking for commitment. If he wants to keep your interactions within the confines of an open relationship, then it's up to you to consider whether or not that's your thing and act accordingly.

    One thing I'll say is that you should make no attempt to change him; men rarely change, and attempting to "fix" something about someone is a fool's errand. It never works.

    Your first serious (at least, for you) guy is a big deal. Sometimes they endure and you'll enjoy a lifetime together; most times they're learning opportunities: I know mine sure was (and that makes it no less valuable to me now, in hindsight).
     
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