Question about Gay Clubs..

[flawdatiger]

Here is what I think.

I don't know if there is an age or significant experience difference between you guys, but I think he just wants you to get experienced first before you make a decision about settling down.

I've been in a position where I was pseodo-dating someone and I was extremely concerned that I was plucking an apple off the tree too soon.

Regarding bars, i'm a fellow introvert and generally dislike bars myself. Some people enjoy it, but the music and the noise and the sexual implications are a bit much for me.

I'd say that unless you have a friend who is seriously about looking out for you if you decided to get drunk, you need to hold off on the bar hopping.

 

[pinkpineapples]

Here is what I think.

I don't know if there is an age or significant experience difference between you guys, but I think he just wants you to get experienced first before you make a decision about settling down.

I've been in a position where I was pseodo-dating someone and I was extremely concerned that I was plucking an apple off the tree too soon.

Regarding bars, i'm a fellow introvert and generally dislike bars myself. Some people enjoy it, but the music and the noise and the sexual implications are a bit much for me.

I'd say that unless you have a friend who is seriously about looking out for you if you decided to get drunk, you need to hold off on the bar hopping.

That is exactly how he feels, based on what he's expressed to me. He honestly does not want me to feel like I've missed out on some important part of life by tying myself to him. He's my first and only so far, so he's trying to look out for me.

And to others, i'm not flaming gay bars in any way. I was simply asking to see if it gets easier, comfort level wise, considering i've never really be in a gay area. It's always been me and my porn. That's how gay it got lol. Now I have someone who's experience and lives a part of his life in that world...it's a little intimidating.

 

[brinzaulsschwul]

It's like everything, gets easier with practice. I remember `back in the day`my first time - a gay bar virgin! I crapped my pants as I went in, didn't have a good time, was teh freshe meat that everyone wanted to shag and I certainly didn't want to shag most of them. But went back a couple of weeks later and never looked back was great made some good friends that are still alive today.

So, yes it will get easier.

If you are new to being gay, have you been vaccinated against Hepatitis B? If not get it done - can save your life.

Brinz

 

[B_jasonbig]

What is "acting" gay? Your sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, thou some gays I've met certainly have one facet to their personality "gay"

 

[FRE]

What is "acting" gay? Your sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, thou some gays I've met certainly have one facet to their personality "gay"

There is such a thing as acting gay, but most gay men in the U.S. do not act gay.

Acting gay in the U.S. consists of using certain arm gestures, including limp-wrist gestures; extra head bobbing and other head motions, a different way of walking, different speech intonation, different word usage, reversing the gender of pronouns, and dressing differently. Much of this is done to conform to how some gay men think that they are supposed to act as gay men. It varies from country to country. Often it is just a phase.

When I lived in Fiji (1994 - 2004), I had little contact with other gay men. However, I did see enough to learn how they often acted. Instead of dressing like other men, some wore what they called gowns. They also tended to mince instead of walk. I met a gay activist who was not like that. He started a rowing team for gay men but was very disappointed when, after a couple of weeks, the others dropped out because they realized that they were developing muscles; they thought that it wasn't proper for gay men to be muscular!! I told him that in both Australia and the U.S., it tended to be just the opposite and that many gay men projected a hyper-masculine image and that the percentage of gay men working out diligently in gymnasia was much higher than in the general population.

 

[jockmaestro]

The first thing you can do is stop putting "lol" after every sentence. What is that supposed to convey, anyway? Nervous laughter? You're not serious about your preceding comment? Give it a rest.
Second, it's tough but be YOURSELF. Act bold even if you don't feel like it and then you'll become bold. Finally, don't define your new gay self thru BARS, for Chrissake! Bars suck. Get to know real men in other circumstances. Bars should NOT be the defining place for you.
Good luck!


Okay, so this is kind of a continuation of my 'this is all new for me' thread, but I felt that it deserved it's own special place. (Hopefully it's in the right area)

So. I'm quite new to the 'gay' scene. With the new... I don't know if I can call him 'boyfriend' yet lol, but my ''dating person'' and I recently went out to a gay club and it too was a first for me. It was rather intimidating and I told him not to leave me lol.

I'm not very good at being 'gay'? lol I guess, that's how I put it to him lol. He kind of laughs me off. I would like to be able to go and make some friends, but not really feeling comfortable being there without him.. He's kind of my buffer? Although I would like to be able to do something apart from him. I feel like if I'd went, I'd hide at the bar, drinking lol.

Does going to the gay bar get easier with time? In respect to being new to it all? He also wants me to 'be with 5 other guys' *rolls eyes*

==== End Gay Bar Question ====

I know most people would probably kill for a free pass, but I don't 100% feel like I need it. This is my first relationship and he wants to make sure I've had fun and that I'm sure he's who I want...

So, does the gay scene get easier to...handle? lol

*tired and babbling, hopefully this makes sense!*

 

[D_Jacqueline_Boozann]

Once he mentioned the 5 guy thing, he would have been out the door by the seat of his pants. That's total disrespect -- you aren't some kind of prostitute to be used. If he's yours, he should be sharing that intimate moment with you, and you alone.

Even if he were straight, dating me, another straight woman, I would drop him like yesterday's New York Daily News and tell him, "I'm not the one!" You,re young, go explore, and why are you in a relationship so soon? Do not become emotionally involved with anyone until you,ve visited, seen, or explored new horizons: cities, towns, states, and countries. You'll never know what's lurking behind those doors in other states or countries.

Lastly, keep yourself up, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. No one wants a worn out significant other, gay or straight. Use your singleness to explore the real you, in depth...also called discernment, discovering who you are and where you are going. Set goals/time lines -- I used to do yearly goals, crossed them off at the end of December 31, feeling proudly about my accomplishments, then, eventually, I went to a 5-year plan. You'll be surprised: by the time you reach 30, you'll be dancing in the streets (words from Martha & The Vandella's song).

 

[FRE]

Once he mentioned the 5 guy thing, he would have been out the door by the seat of his pants. That's total disrespect -- you aren't some kind of prostitute to be used. If he's yours, he should be sharing that intimate moment with you, and you alone.

Even if he were straight, dating me, another straight woman, I would drop him like yesterday's New York Daily News and tell him, "I'm not the one!" You,re young, go explore, and why are you in a relationship so soon? Do not become emotionally involved with anyone until you,ve visited, seen, or explored new horizons: cities, towns, states, and countries. You'll never know what's lurking behind those doors in other states or countries.

Lastly, keep yourself up, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. No one wants a worn out significant other, gay or straight. Use your singleness to explore the real you, in depth...also called discernment, discovering who you are and where you are going. Set goals/time lines -- I used to do yearly goals, crossed them off at the end of December 31, feeling proudly about my accomplishments, then, eventually, I went to a 5-year plan. You'll be surprised: by the time you reach 30, you'll be dancing in the streets (words from Martha & The Vandella's song).

Good advice from a fellow Episcopalian!!

 

[matelalique]

It isn't clear whether you are in/near a big city, but most towns of a decent size have a variety of gay bars - if you're close to DC you are spoilt for choice. A number of them will have activities other than drinking available - pool tables, karaoke, trivia nights, videos so that you don't actually have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, piano bars etc etc.

It can be intimidating going to a bar on your own, but if you find one that has an activity you would enjoy outside of a gay bar (for me it's karaoke), you should find comfort with like minded people.

So yes, it gets easier, but it only gets easier with practice and exploration. Good luck, and remember that it is supposed to be fun, not a chore.

 

[LPSGeezer]

It's fun to people watch especially if you are not comfortable at first being in that club environment, you can observe, talk a bit with other people who would inevitably come and talk to you. However, if you act like a wallflower who does not know how to have fun there, I'd skip it because no one will talk to you other than the predatory guys and the losers who will all try to con you into being with them. There are good people everywhere including clubs though, so don't give up if at first you don't succeed.
It would seem that your 'date' wants to have more sex with other men not just with you and so is pushing you toward that goal, then he will be justified when things go wrong and it's time to go your separate ways. Never ever compromise yourself for someone else under the guise of 'love', that is not love that is a selfish con artist who only cares about the sex outcome which could lead to an open relationship or at least three ways down the road, and if that is not your mind set I would suggest talking it out and if it does not balance, get out of it pronto.