question about older cousin

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ryanmissing27, Jun 11, 2011.

  1. ryanmissing27

    ryanmissing27 New Member

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    earlier today i was home alone but then my cousin arrived and i wasnt alone anymore
    hes not really my cousin but it is easier to explain it like that, in reality i think he is my dads cousin
    anyway he was looking for my dad but he wasnt here, my dad and uncles always complain about him but i never found him too bad. so he was hanging around anyway and he asked me if i wanted to go for a drive so we did and we ended up at the beach
    the beach was empty because its just a small country town and there are no tourists out yet
    we decided to go swimming, i was wearing board shorts but he was in jeans so he asked me if it was ok if he went nude, i said yeah cos im a tolerant kind of guy
    i got hard while we were swimming and it was kind of obvious but im not 100% on if he noticed, yeah i checked him out for comparisons sake but i think whether i was hard cos i was with a naked person or cos he was naked on a public beach i dont know i dont think it matters
    when we got out he was talking about his shrinkage which i found kind of strange cos he was drawing attention to his nakedness.
    theres only one outdoor shower for people who are using the beach and he went nude under it and asked me if i was coming under too, it was only a one person shower not meant for two people at all but i didnt want to blatantly refuse him or something so i just washed my hair, i still had my shorts on and a hard on so i didnt wanna go naked, he even remarked that i hadnt stripped off and i told him i would take a shower back at the house
    back home, i took a shower. while i was in the shower he came into the bathroom asking me where something was, he didnt just open the door and yell in he came right in and saw me in the shower but i had my back to him
    just a few seconds after i had gotten out of the shower and had just put a towel on, he came back in saying he couldnt find it. he hung around the door for a bit and then offered me a massage but i declined.
    after i got dressed i came out to the living room and he was there and he asked me if i would ever go to the beach with him again, i said maybe just so i wouldnt just refuse him and then have to explain why.
    he doesnt have a wife and ive never known him to have a girlfriend, in fact when he asked me if i had one he said something along the lines of he wasnt fussed about them.
    he also has no pubes

    so now that you know all that
    1. Do you think he's gay?
    2. Do you think what he did was wrong in any way? he's a lot older than i am, im only 18 and i dont really like people seeing me naked like walking in on me in the shower
     
  2. dolfette

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    as you're only 18, his pushy behaviour sounds creepy and predatory to me. he's not you're buddy, he's an older family member and it sounds a lot like he's grooming you.

    i suggest you avoid him like the plague.
     
  3. ozze

    ozze Member

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    maTE THE GUYS GOT PROBLEMS SAY CLEAR OV HIM
     
  4. stickyboxers

    stickyboxers New Member

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    Next time he asks you a question just be blunt in a nice way like "Sorry dude, I got a bit uncomfortable last time we hung out at the beach." and make it obvious you don't want to hang out again, unless you want to try something. Sounds like he's scoping you out.
     
  5. sexplease

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    Do you think he's gay? and how do you feel about gay?
    And, there's a reason most doors, including bathrooms, have locks. Does yours?
     
  6. Countryguy63

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    Might be dense, but I'm not getting "why" you are / were uncomfortable? Were you embarrassed that you got hard? Were you surprised with his nudity, and didn't know how to react? Or, did you not like him being naked or seeing you naked because of a particular reason?

    Clarification makes it easier to give helpful suggestions :smile:
     
  7. pierceplace

    pierceplace New Member

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    The question is how old is he? and... is he hot?
    your erection is for a reason!
     
  8. AlteredEgo

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    If you feel uncomfortable or violated, do not dismiss those feelings. If you feel flattered and curious, well. . . we can't discuss that here.

    Personally, I feel that your older, second cousin is a predator, and should be punched in the mouth by his cousin, your father.
     
  9. helgaleena

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    You are over 18 and you were trying out this guy to see how far things would go, and now you know. If you were uncomfortable then don't do that anymore.
     
  10. ManlyBanisters

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    Agreed. And I will add don't get in to a shower with a naked man when you do not feel comfortable with that. You didn't want him to take offense? Fuck that. If he is a decent guy he'll be OK with refusal.

    Pedantry time, one's father's cousin is one's 1st cousin once removed. 2nd cousin is one's father cousin's child. Same generation.
     
  11. Countryguy63

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    I would like to see more clarification before jumping to any conclusions. From what was written (from the OP's perspective) while being suspect, was not a clear cut case of innapropriate behavior by the cousin.
     
  12. B_Craiggers

    B_Craiggers New Member

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    1. Do you think he's gay?

    Yes. If you're in the USA at least, straight guys generally don't offer to give another guy a massage.

    Straight guys also don't usually shave their pubes unless at the specific request of a current kinky girlfriend (and you mentioned he doesn't have one).

    2. Do you think what he did was wrong in any way? he's a lot older than i am, im only 18 and i dont really like people seeing me naked like walking in on me in the shower

    Use the creepy age rule. Divide his age by 2 and add 7. If he's older than that value, it's creepy. If he's younger than that value, then it's not creepy (even though you might not reciprocate the attention).

    For example, if he's 30 years old, he shouldn't be chasing anyone younger than 22 (15 + 7). If he's only 22 though, then it's not inappropriate for him to be flirting with an 18 year old (11 + 7).

    You didn't mention his age in your post, but I'd use that as the guideline towards whether he was being inappropriate or not.
     
  13. monel

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    I utterly disagree. Based on the information provided by the op, the cousin's behavior is absolutely inappropriate and in my view, creepy. If the op were my son and my cousin behaved in this way towards him I would - substituting a euphemism - deal with him harshly.
     
  14. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    He either has boundary issues or was cruising you. btw, did he ever find what he was looking for?
     
  15. ZYan

    ZYan New Member

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    Yes.
    Spot on in fact.
     
  16. S_Dick

    S_Dick New Member

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    yeah man, He is gay and doesn't know it or doesn't know how to be not a total creep about it. I have an older cousin like that who never did anything too weird but would sometimes find reasons to be naked when I was 17 / 18.

    It was weird at the time but I guess it was an ok way for me to see if I like the look of another man. My advice, stay away from this guy if its making you feel weird or goes too far, but follow your boner, if you like looking at naked guys find one your not related to.
     
  17. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    While the 'cousin's' behavior was suspect, I think you need to check your own behavior. There were a variety of points where you could simply say, "No. That makes me uncomfortable" or words to that effect. You didn't. Swimming nude, showering, comments about his size, invading you in the shower and then asking if you would want to go again to the beach with him. You never said no. IF you were uncomfortable, say it. You can say it with humor and deflect embarrassment and a guy can still get the point. Stop claiming naivete and then pushing it all onto the creepy cousin. Take some responsibility. Avoid him and talk to your dad about this.
     
  18. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    You didn't say how old he is. I have an uncle who's 4 years older than me. Changing in front of him when we were younger was like being with an older brother. Nothing creepy about it. If he's pushing twice your age; yeah, creepy.
     
  19. DesertCruiser

    DesertCruiser New Member

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    It seems to me that you were kind of curious just to see how far things would move along and once they started you were a little put off. You either need to back off or be ready to go where this leads to.
     
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