Question for Gay Guys: How do you find boyfriends in today's world?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by matt121matt121, Mar 29, 2009.

  1. matt121matt121

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2007
    Messages:
    1,409
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    78
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fort Lauderdale, Florida
    I haven't had a real boyfriend in a really long time, and was just curious if any of you gay guys on here have any tips on how to find a boyfriend in today's world?

    Any tips are greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Stingy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2008
    Messages:
    474
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    BE
    Verified:
    Photo
    Hi matt121matt121,

    Tips... My advise would be to come into contact with as many people that you can - be it in the real world or in the virtual one. Show yourself as a positive person - hopefully not too desperately looking for someone and there will be bound to be somebody interested in you. You look great, with a nice physique - no reason to be shy...

    Good luck
     
  3. open501s

    open501s Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I found mine by not looking.
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,536
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    Matt-I found (after being married to a woman) that dating men was far more complicated than women. Guys tended to play these weird games, would stand you up for a date and refuse to commit--even when chemistry and vibe were all great.

    I found my hubby on a site while not actively looking for him. Ironically, he was in south Florida at the time (he lived there for 17 years). He sent a message, I responded. We both knew exactly what we wanted, how we preferred a relationship to work, etc.) So, we met soon after and the rest was history.

    I have to say that I have not seen a lot of eay dating happen to my friends in the south Florida area. I have also not seen many relationships dowell down there for the sheer volume of choice and easy sex that is available.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  5. wilwarin

    wilwarin New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    21
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ayrshire, Scotland
    thats the million dollar question isnt it. if i could answer that i wouldnt be single. i would suggest actually getting out to meet real people. i dont find the interenet to be a help, guys are far too picky on the net and never commit to actually meeting up.
     
  6. basque9

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    4,358
    Albums:
    14
    Likes Received:
    40,415
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Baltimore (MD, US)
    I come in contact with way too many prospects on the internet..my problem has been deciding who among the many is Mr Right! Am now in process of untangling myself from one that was a bad mismatch!
     
  7. lordcapulet

    lordcapulet Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    LA
    I found my fiance on Match.com.
     
  8. ZOS23xy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2007
    Messages:
    5,073
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    directly above the center of the earth
    In South Florida? Its a gay magnet. Find a bar or activities. See if Craig's lists any kind of function or organization.
     
  9. inman69

    inman69 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2008
    Messages:
    334
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    Although I am happily single at the moment. I think that you can find them anywhere. The internet would be the obvious choice. I have had some good and bad experiences with online dating. It seems that less and less guys are meeting at the bar. I've always had luck in social settings like a party, dinners with a large group of people or volunteering or something like that. I read somewhere recently that gay men tend to find their dates online and hang out more with their friends in bar settings. I don't agree with that 100%. I'm sure that there's some truth in it.
     
  10. Lex

    Lex
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,536
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    I think a lot of people find this to be more of an obstacle than an opportunity.
     
  11. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2006
    Messages:
    8
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Germany
    I think meeting in real places as bars are the most effective ways of meeting a possible future hubby. Online works but the real deal are birthday parties of loose friends. The mixture of people you find there is amazing. I started several relationships that way, and even if they were just some month or years i still deem it the best choice!
     
  12. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I have met people at parties, at work, in bars on airplanes...My first love, rear-ended my car and totaled it on I-405 and my current partner and I were set up on a blind date. Keep your self and your options open. In my case I found love when I was not looking or expecting it. Good Luck!
     
  13. Himura

    Himura Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2008
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Live in a well populated area...

    you won't find gay people in rural communities... well.. you might... but there usually isn't a big concentration of them...



    A city like Austin, Texas is great because of the accepting community. There are TONS of gay couples in Austin... and everyone is pretty much ok with it... I mean... pda still is kinda looked down upon.. but it's whatever... But yeah... I think the first step to finding your guy is living in a big city....
     
  14. midlifebear

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2007
    Messages:
    5,908
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nevada, Buenos Aires, and Barçelona
    Not bragging, but I've never "been on the hunt" for a partner, lover, boyfriend, husband, et al. They've all just "showed up" when I was otherwise involved with getting along in life. But I'm also a type Triple A Extrovert. So I tend to be noticed and I ahve always approachable. As a friend snipped one day, "Yeah, he'll talk to anybody!"
     
  15. Mem

    Mem
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,087
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    I tired that, it doesn't work. :wink::biggrin1:
     
  16. Kimahri

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,291
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bel Air (MD, US)
    Well, with my track record of bad bfs, I really shouldn't say anything. But, I've found that the best way to meet a guy is to do what you would normally do and keep an eye out for "him". A lot of times, you'll find someone that has similiar interests as you and that will help things along.

    Whatever you do, don't jump at the first guy that "bites". I did that. BIG mistake.
     
  17. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    Number one, especially in SoFla, is to be yourself. I've lived in Ft Lauderdale for the last six years, and I met a lot of pretenders, phonies and hypocrites, and one or two really nice guys, though for various reasons, no real partner material.

    My advice, especially down here:

    1) Be open to different types from your standard range of age, ethnicity, race, body type and/or interests.

    2) Listen very carefully in the first few minutes/hours of conversation. Very often those are some of the only times he'll be completely open and honest without guile or guard.

    3) Take things extremely slowly. Rushing into things will cloud your judgment or make you overlook something that you really should have been paying closer attention to.

    4) Keep communicating: do not assume anything, ever.

    5) Where you meet guys will determine where the limits are on any budding relationship. Guys down here compartmentalize a lot: if you met on a hook-up website, do not expect it to go any further than sex, or you will be disappointed.

    6) Do not presume a lack of interest if he doesn't follow up; if you're interested in seeing him again, call him.

    7) Be prepared for drama and skeletons in the closet. People move down here for a fresh start, but frequently lug their crapola down with their clothes. Don't say you weren't warned.

    8) Even if it's not drama, be prepared for people with whom you have little or nothing in common. I've lived in "magnet cities" (Boston, New York, Paris) all my life, but I've never met so many people who are utterly unlike anyone I've ever met before.

    9) Educate yourself about drugs, especially Crystal Meth. It is an enormous problem down here that affects guys whom you'd never expect to have a problem, including lawyers and business people of all ages. Look for the signs of his "disappearing", especially for more than a day or two, or sudden mood swings: these are both real signs of trouble. Do judge anyone by their "nice, normal" friends: guys with Meth problems compartmentalize their "partying". Never presume that you'd be able to instantly recognize a Meth addict by his appearance or affect.

    10) Be extremely wary of anything having to do with money: do not lend him any, do not make purchases for him, do not co-sign anything ever. Equally avoid guys who are throwing cash around like it's nothing but who live with odd frugalities (overly cheap apartment, old car) or their opposites: the guys with Jaguars and high-rise condos who never have any cash to split a pizza or go to the movies. If it seems to good to be true, then something's wrong. Never never never discuss your finances, especially small windfalls like a bonus or a tax refund, and never never never discuss any annuities or inheritences you might have until you have known someone a long time (I'd say more than two years).

    I have had direct experience in all these things, and some others, too. I never considered myself a fool, but spent several years being played for one, and I'm in my late 40s. A guy in his 20s in good health has much more to lose than me. Trust me on this.
     
  18. Witlof

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2006
    Messages:
    341
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'm definitely from the don't try too hard school. I always find that relationships happen when I least expect them. If you are looking, and especially if you are coming across as desperate about it, guys will run a mile away.
    I met my current guy online while looking for nothing more than a casual encounter. We did the casual meet-up and got chatting afterwards and discovered we had a lot in common. We immediately arranged a second date and it's been going great since then (2 months or so).
    My advice would be to sort out in your own mind what you want (which may depend on who you meet) and be honest about that. There are plenty of guys out there looking to fall in love, but some of them have pretty fucked up ideas of how to do that. If you're honest and up-front with your intentions, chances are they will be too disarmed to play games.
    Good luck.
     
  19. OCMuscleJock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,292
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    908
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    I have not really had to go thru the gay dating drama...I met my partner 2 months after I started messing around with guys...and kept him. We're going on year 12 now. As far as dating goes...I think the person you want to have a relationship with should be your friend. A good friend knows you very well and still likes you. :) Mabye you've met your destiny already but they are just disguised as one of your friends. Just something to think about....
     
  20. slcnewlife64

    slcnewlife64 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2008
    Messages:
    139
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Salt Lake City
    I think you could start working on yourself first from inside out, sometimes a successful relationship is more than finding the right person - it's also being the right person.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted