Question for ladies re: bisexual men

MysteryMahn

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Labels don't really work, its ridiculous how often 'Straight' guys post about wanting to meet other 'Straight' guys to jack off together while watching porn. This is clearly not straight behaviour, anyone with a desire to be in intimate situations with men is not straight. It doesn't make them gay, but should it make them Bisexual? Should everyone who wants to be flexible be labeled as Bisexual, even if their preferance mostly sticks to one gender? It doesnt make sense and sexuality can not be defined by a single word.

I still doubt anyone is truly 100% Gay or 100% Straight, and Bisexuality is so vague its also difficult to classify. The world would be a better place if everyone dropped all pretense of sexuality and just fucked whoever they feel like, regardless of gender.
 

MysteryMahn

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that 'everyone is secretly bisexual' bullshit is just something spouted by bi people to make themselves feel more 'normal'.

and, yes, i'm bi.


Everyone is Secretly Bisexual is not as accurate as the saying that everyone has the capability to be bisexual, I believe everyone has the capability for bisexual behaviour, all dependant on the persons psychology ofcourse.
 

B_henry miller

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that 'everyone is secretly bisexual' bullshit is just something spouted by bi people to make themselves feel more 'normal'.

and, yes, i'm bi.

Well, I wouldn't even put it as "bisexual." I've read that "everyone feels an impulse toward their own gender." This "impulse" takes the form of attractions that can simply result in friendships, etc. All relationships at some level are based on attraction -- but they don't always result in sexual activity. THAT'S more along the lines of how I mean it.

And I think that this is where the homophobia comes in. For some people, it's hard to know that attraction of any kind exists toward others of the same gender -- even if it's just admiration.

I'm not necessarily saying everyone is "bisexual." Not everyone has relations with people of both genders. What I'm saying is that all people have an "attraction" to others of the same gender, though that attraction may not be ultimately sexual, or may not be consciously sexual, or may not have a sexual result.

I've thought a lot about this. lol :cool:
 

dolfette

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Everyone is Secretly Bisexual is not as accurate as the saying that everyone has the capability to be bisexual, I believe everyone has the capability for bisexual behaviour, all dependant on the persons psychology ofcourse.
the capability?

not everyone has any desire for bisexual sex acts.
and desire is what it's about.
 

B_henry miller

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That's pretty much what I'm trying to say. Labels are so vague.

By the way, while it's awful that straights discriminate against bisexuals, one thing that really surprises me is the discrimination from gays against bisexuals. I go to a club where before a show the MC askes, "Let me hear the gays! Let me hear the straights!" She never askes to hear from the bisexuals (or the transexuals for that matter). Maybe I should make a statement about that. lol

Labels don't really work, its ridiculous how often 'Straight' guys post about wanting to meet other 'Straight' guys to jack off together while watching porn. This is clearly not straight behaviour, anyone with a desire to be in intimate situations with men is not straight. It doesn't make them gay, but should it make them Bisexual? Should everyone who wants to be flexible be labeled as Bisexual, even if their preferance mostly sticks to one gender? It doesnt make sense and sexuality can not be defined by a single word.

I still doubt anyone is truly 100% Gay or 100% Straight, and Bisexuality is so vague its also difficult to classify. The world would be a better place if everyone dropped all pretense of sexuality and just fucked whoever they feel like, regardless of gender.
 

dolfette

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Well, I wouldn't even put it as "bisexual." I've read that "everyone feels an impulse toward their own gender." This "impulse" takes the form of attractions that can simply result in friendships, etc. All relationships at some level are based on attraction -- but they don't always result in sexual activity. THAT'S more along the lines of how I mean it.

And I think that this is where the homophobia comes in. For some people, it's hard to know that attraction of any kind exists toward others of the same gender -- even if it's just admiration.

I'm not necessarily saying everyone is "bisexual." Not everyone has relations with people of both genders. What I'm saying is that all people have an "attraction" to others of the same gender, though that attraction may not be ultimately sexual, or may not be consciously sexual, or may not have a sexual result.

I've thought a lot about this. lol :cool:
sexuality is about sexual desire.
admiring or liking a person does not equate to sexual desire.

you might as well say we're all varying degrees of paedophiles, because we can appreciate the beauty of kids and enjoy their company. it's just daft.

sexual desire defines sexuality.
 

B_henry miller

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But the human mind is so complex. There is so much in there that we don't know about. And, as someone once told me, sex isn't really between the legs; it's between the ears.

Not everyone has the "conscious" desire for bisexual acts. But maybe it's there on some other level.

Sorry if I'm sounding like Freud here. Sexuality itself is just so interesting.

the capability?

not everyone has any desire for bisexual sex acts.
and desire is what it's about.
 

B_henry miller

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sexuality is about sexual desire.
admiring or liking a person does not equate to sexual desire.

you might as well say we're all varying degrees of paedophiles, because we can appreciate the beauty of kids and enjoy their company. it's just daft.

sexual desire defines sexuality.

But admiring or liking a person DOES equate "attraction," though perhaps not "sexual attraction."

For some people, it is difficult to admit to any type of attraction or admiration of someone of the same gender. Many men have trouble admitting that another guy is handsome, for example.
 

MysteryMahn

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the capability?

not everyone has any desire for bisexual sex acts.
and desire is what it's about.


You aren't understanding me.

I am not saying everyone has the desire for it, nor am I saying everyone is a little bit bisexual. I am just saying sexuality isn't set entirely in stone and everyone has the capability for their sexuality to change/evolve depending on life experiences and their effect on human psychology.
Everyone also has the capability to enjoy sex with both genders, as pleasure is not directly tied to the psychological aspects of attraction.

Not everyone has bisexual tendancies, but people are not genetically hardcoded to be straight, bi or gay with no exceptions, as there are a lot of psychological elements to take into account.
You should look into some of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Kinsey's research on Innate Bisexuality, can be quite interesting.
 
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B_henry miller

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Sorry to butt in. But I think a thing you're saying is that sexuality is "fluid." I knew a lesbian woman who was not attracted to men at all, but suddenly fell in love with one man in particular -- the only man she claims to have ever been attracted to. She referred to herself as "a lesbian partnered with a man," then later reluctantly took the label "bisexual."

I know a woman who was entirely heterosexual (no prior experience with women), and who later in life fell in love with a woman -- claiming this was the only woman she was ever attracted to. She refused to take the label "lesbian" because she said she was not attracted to women but men, but simply fell in love with this one particular woman.

You aren't understanding me.

I am not saying everyone has the desire for it, nor am I saying everyone is a little bit bisexual. I am just saying sexuality isn't set entirely in stone and everyone has the capability for their sexuality to change/evolve depending on life experiences and their effect on human psychology.
Everyone also has the capability to enjoy sex with both genders, as pleasure is not directly tied to the psychological aspects of attraction.

Not everyone has bisexual tendancies, but people are not genetically hardcoded to be straight, bi or gay with no exceptions, as there are a lot of psychological elements to take into account.
You should look into some of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Kinsey's research on Innate Bisexuality, can be quite interesting.
 

MysteryMahn

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Sorry to butt in. But I think a thing you're saying is that sexuality is "fluid." I knew a lesbian woman who was not attracted to men at all, but suddenly fell in love with one man in particular -- the only man she claims to have ever been attracted to. She referred to herself as "a lesbian partnered with a man," then later reluctantly took the label "bisexual."

I know a woman who was entirely heterosexual (no prior experience with women), and who later in life fell in love with a woman -- claiming this was the only woman she was ever attracted to. She refused to take the label "lesbian" because she said she was not attracted to women but men, but simply fell in love with this one particular woman.

Fluid is also a good way to put it, yes.

Also, its quite common for sexuality to change in people following sexual abuse, the trauma and its psychological effect can turn people away from the gender of the abuser.
 

AlteredEgo

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Thank you. Something that has occurred to me lately is the following.... I think that, in fact, all men (and maybe all people) are a little on the bisexual side. Most men, however, who have bisexual inclinations do not come out and declare themselves "bisexual." I've known a lot of men who are bisexual who have girlfriends and wives who do not know.

I suppose this is one reason that bisexuals are hated by some gays: many bisexuals assume a straight identity to the outside world.

I sometimes wonder if I should do the same, because discrimination does still exist against gays. Maybe just keep the same-sex attractions on the "down low."

It's just that "bisexual" is such a vague concept. If I am with a guy, then people say I'm "gay" If I'm with a woman, people say I'm "straight."

I think ultimately labels maybe just don't fuckin work at all. Maybe it's time to be post-sexuality. lol

Anyway, thanks for the support. :biggrin1:
I think that this part I made bold is prejudicial thinking. You are bisexual. That doesn't mean all men are. My husband is not. An ex who I convinced to experiment a little is not. Lots of men on this site are not, and when other men insist they are, it is straight-bashing and gay-bashing all at once. I think this is a form of projecting. It might be that as you struggle to accept yourself more, it makes you more comfortable, makes you feel more masculine to consider that perhaps all men are bisexual as well. It just isn't true though, and out of respect to those who are straight and gay, you will have to self-validate another way.

You are probably right about labels not working well. When people stop caring about the attractions of others, we can move on.
 
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dolfette

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But admiring or liking a person DOES equate "attraction," though perhaps not "sexual attraction."

For some people, it is difficult to admit to any type of attraction or admiration of someone of the same gender. Many men have trouble admitting that another guy is handsome, for example.
and sexual attraction is what defines sexuality.
just because i can see that a painting is beautiful, doesn't mean i have sexual desires for it and a canvas fetish.
You aren't understanding me.
don't be so nauseatingly patronising.
i understand exactly what you're saying. i just think it's bullshit.
we are all capable of killing, bestiality and taking up a career as a clown. that doesn't mean we're all murderers, dog fuckers and closet coco.
your genes aren't hardwired against kiddy fiddling, racism or converting to islam either.
 

dolfette

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It might be that as you struggle to accept yourself more, it makes you more comfortable, makes you feel more masculine to consider that perhaps all men are bisexual as well.
i think that's it exactly.

some docu i was watching showed an interesting test.
one man, one woman, each self defined straights, wired up to measure arousal levels when watching gay male porn, hetero porn, a woman masturbating, and bonobo apes fucking.
the man had not a twitch of excitement until the naked ladies were shown.
the woman twitched at them all.
there was no way to fake his lack of interest. he just got absolutely no sexual response from seeing other men.
the less said about the woman getting wet over apes the better!
 

dolfette

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LOL Getting turned on by the carnality of it doesn't make her interested in the apes themselves! Or maybe she wants to fuck primates, I don't know her. I didn't see the film.
lol, yeah, i think it may be that women getting turned on would reduce the risk of injury perhaps.
but the interesting part was that the man had zero arousal response to seeing naked men.

The Sex Researchers - 4oD - Channel 4
^^for any brits, i'm pretty sure this was the program.
i could be wrong though.
 

justacynic

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wow. That's actually what the first lady said to me, that something people don't want to accept is that sexuality changes.

Well, promoting/accepting the concept that sexuality may change during life would put a damper on the LBG community's position with regard to constitutional rights and being a protected class what with sexuality being a matter of biology, not environment.

(Please note this comment simply points out why people may have a vested interest in squashing the notion of changing sexuality and not a statement of my politics regarding the LBGT community [politics which are fully in support of said community])