Question for ladies re: bisexual men

MickeyLee

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he can be both.

he is a straight male.
he has sadistic desires.
that's his sexuality.

...the world is full of guys like that who don't become rapists. full of them. they have consciences, they either resist entirely or use BDSM as a way to get off. controlled sadism with a willing partner.

he is a rapist.
that's a violent criminal.

...you need to distinguish between desire and action. if desire were a crime, i would be locked up as the biggest serial killer in history! but i have a conscience with prevents me from acting on my desire to kill the stupid arseholes who park on the pavement, block the supermarket aisle, neglect their kids, etc, etc, etc.

maybe that is the difference. i wouldn't classify him as heterosexual, his orientation has been render null and void. he's sexual impulse/desire is based on pathology. he's a sadistic rapist.

is the same case with paedophila. they have no orientation. whatever caused it, their sexuality never developed. all sexual desire has been pushed aside by their phillia.
 

MickeyLee

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not at all.

heterosexuality is an orientation.
heterosexual rape is illegal and, if convicted, rapists face prison. even though desiring a woman is in his nature, inflicting that desire upon the unwilling is wrong.

a child cannot consent.
ever.
whether you class it as an orientation or a pathology, they are still performing an illegal act for which they can be convicted.
sex with a child will still be wrong, illegal and obscene.

the crime is in the act,
not in the desire.

i'm not saying desire is a crime.
i'm just saying pathology is not orientation.
sexual crime is sexual crime no matter what arrangement of genitalia is involved.

i am saying there is no healthy expression of paedophia. is just not possible. since there is no healthy expression paedophilia can not be classified as a sexual orientation.

heterosexuality, bisexuality and homosexuality all have healthy expressions.
can be acted out between two or more consenting peoples.
is like a gold rule of sexuality.

eta: now i have to read back cuz i am pretty sure i missed something.
Ms. Dolfie, would ya wanna switch over to PMs or another thread? i am feeling kinda bad about my off the topic rail thang.
 
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dolfette

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the pathology is not having the mental checks & balances to prevent them abusing people.

the rapist is hetero. he doesn't stop being hetero because he rapes.
 

dolfette

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now the hijack seems to be over, i would like to apologise for using 'he' and 'his' to describe all the types we've been discussing.

there are female rapists and pedos out there too.

it was merely my own laziness preventing me from typing 'he/she' throughout every post.
 

MickeyLee

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what "she" said :tongue1:

on topic....

don't really see being in a relationship with a bisexual man as any different than being a relationship with a heterosexual man.

other than i could probably butt ogle more successfully with a bisexual dude.

is it terribly and objectifying to say i would consider a bisexual partner a bonus?
 
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dolfette

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what "she" said :tongue1:

on topic....

don't really see being in a relationship with a bisexual man as any different than being a relationship with a heterosexual man.

other than i could probably butt ogle more successfully with a bisexual dude.

is it terribly and objectifying to say i would consider a bisexual partner a bonus?
i ogle* women more than i do men.
many a pleasant hour has been frittered away over the years, soaking up the sun and watching the hotties go by with the man of the moment.
it's nice to have things in common.

(*subtle enjoyment, not offensive leering)
 

MickeyLee

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i ogle* women more than i do men.
many a pleasant hour has been frittered away over the years, soaking up the sun and watching the hotties go by with the man of the moment.
it's nice to have things in common.

(*subtle enjoyment, not offensive leering)

yeah, but you is a chica :biggrin1: womangs are a bit more comfie with the idea of commenting on the jiggly bits of other womangs.

straight dudes don't really have a reputation for same-sex ass commenting.

eta: example - the boy will say Jared has a great upper body. my be-fri will spend the whole SPN hour lusting over Sammich's ass. merits of floppy hair vs behind the ear tuck. and not a once, ever :frown: have the boy been willing to get in depth about such topics as "is Jared better in bed than Sammich", "is Dean a better lay than Jensen?"
then ya have the no-go on who is a Top and who rocks power bottom status.

maybe my ideal opposite sex partner is a bisexual fanboy.. an bisexual, leather otter, fanboy *drools*



meself, i am an equal opportunity ogler.
would also be okay with you going all leery on me.

last eta: my attraction to men has been heavily influenced by leather men/BDSM, bear culture and nerd-queers. so i my taste could color opinion.
 
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Intrigue

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i ogle* women more than i do men.
many a pleasant hour has been frittered away over the years, soaking up the sun and watching the hotties go by with the man of the moment.
it's nice to have things in common.

(*subtle enjoyment, not offensive leering)

Subtle ogling is the way to go. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not dead, my wife probably catches me peeking a quick look, but I move on pretty quick. Look, appreciate, move on. But most of the time I'm polite enough to either make it not noticible or just not do it in her presence.

On topic: I agree with Femme. No matter what you call yourself, if your honest with your SO and faithful then there shouldn't be a problem. I do know of a few women who, through discussions, have said in no uncertain terms that it would be a deal breaker. Their reasoning was that they couldn't satisfy him fully. Now I wonder is that true? Can a bisexual male be truly happy in a purely hetero relationship? Or will they need to include some form of expression for his sexuality so he doesn't feel stifled?
 

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what "she" said :tongue1:

on topic....

don't really see being in a relationship with a bisexual man as any different than being a relationship with a heterosexual man.

other than i could probably butt ogle more successfully with a bisexual dude.

is it terribly and objectifying to say i would consider a bisexual partner a bonus?

is it terribly and objectifying to say I think I love you?? :kiss:
 

longhorntx

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Wow. Lotsa quick comments. I'll throw my two cents in. I know plenty of women who are all "liberal pro gays" etc...but when it comes to dating a bi guy they won't do it. Why? Because they aren't enough of a man or they are worried about past OR future promiscuity. Just the way it is. I'm not sure if this is an American thing. I seem to think European women aren't so up on having "macho" men, but that's just speculation on my part.
 

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On topic: I agree with Femme. No matter what you call yourself, if your honest with your SO and faithful then there shouldn't be a problem. I do know of a few women who, through discussions, have said in no uncertain terms that it would be a deal breaker. Their reasoning was that they couldn't satisfy him fully. Now I wonder is that true? Can a bisexual male be truly happy in a purely hetero relationship? Or will they need to include some form of expression for his sexuality so he doesn't feel stifled?

I think each relationship has to stand on it's own. My last one, with the most incredible man in the world, didn't need the presence of anyone else to satisfy my "need" for women or his "need" for men. For myself, I "play" with women, I have never had an emotional relationship with a woman (it just hasn't happened), so I didn't think it was a big deal; but for him, he was capable of emotional/sexual bonds with both men and women. But together - we needed no one else. At first I worried, was I enough? He worried, was he enough? And the answer was that we were each more than enough. He was more man than I could ever want or hope to want. And for him, I made him feel that he was enough - he didn't need anyone else - just me. We were comfortable ogling men together and ogling women together. I wasn't threatened at all. He may have been 50% gay or whatever - he was 100% mine and I was 100% his. Bisexuality only made us closer, I think. I found that it made him more erotic to me. And it had nothing to do with why we are no longer together.

If he were here, I'm sure he would tell you - I never made him feel stifled.
 
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B_henry miller

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and sexual attraction is what defines sexuality.
just because i can see that a painting is beautiful, doesn't mean i have sexual desires for it and a canvas fetish..

Again, the problem is that this differentiation is one that many people cannot make. Many straight males would never admit to thinking another man is attractive, and would certainly never use the word "beautiful" to describe another man, because that would seem to imply sexual attraction. As a male, you aren't even really supposed to see other guys in that context, one where you appraise their good looks.

On another topic, I remembered something today. I took a dance class a while ago which was led by a male teacher who had a wife and child, so I am assuming he is heterosexual (or perhaps bisexual; don't know; didn't ask). He said there have been studies done that show that even among heterosexual males there is a pleasure response to seeing another male body in action -- whether that male be an athlete or dancer or whatever.

Whether that "pleasure response" is of a sexual nature, I don't know. But many straight males would feircely deny that it exists.
 

dolfette

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He said there have been studies done that show that even among heterosexual males there is a pleasure response to seeing another male body in action.
the studies i have seen/heard of showed that a high number of straight guys showed no sexual response at all.
 
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B_henry miller

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Well, promoting/accepting the concept that sexuality may change during life would put a damper on the LBG community's position with regard to constitutional rights and being a protected class what with sexuality being a matter of biology, not environment.

(Please note this comment simply points out why people may have a vested interest in squashing the notion of changing sexuality and not a statement of my politics regarding the LBGT community [politics which are fully in support of said community])

And this is exactly what the lesbian woman said to me. She said she believes that sexuality changes, but that many in the LGBT community don't want to admit that it does -- because admitting such a thing would make it harder to gain legislative protection for the community.

Come to think of it, this may be precisely WHY bisexuals get such a bad rap. We make it harder for the LGBT community to appear to be a stable category. If I, as a bisexual male, am with a woman -- I appear straight. If I am with a man, but let it be known that I am bisexual and am still interested in women, then what it probably really looks like to others it that I'll just have sex with anything, right? lol (Not true, by the way.)
 

B_henry miller

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the studies i have seen/heard of showed that a high number of straight guys showed no physical response at all.

Let me clarify. He said "pleasure response in the brain." He didn't say that straight males got an erection at the sight of another male's penis, etc. He said that pleasure response, in the form of chemicals in the brain, have been traced when males do things like watch other male athletes.

This is probably a rather obvious point, that straight males find pleasure in seeing other male bodies -- or else most straight males wouldn't have lives that revolve around sports (male bodies in action, often male bodies that are nearly naked), and straight male porn wouldn't include naked males.
 

B_henry miller

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Thanks for the response. Interestingly, if I don't tell girls I'm bisexual, they don't assume so. I suppose I'm masculine enough. Click on my pictures as see that I have a very masculine build.


Wow. Lotsa quick comments. I'll throw my two cents in. I know plenty of women who are all "liberal pro gays" etc...but when it comes to dating a bi guy they won't do it. Why? Because they aren't enough of a man or they are worried about past OR future promiscuity. Just the way it is. I'm not sure if this is an American thing. I seem to think European women aren't so up on having "macho" men, but that's just speculation on my part.
 

B_henry miller

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Makes me feel good to hear that. thanks.

what "she" said :tongue1:

on topic....

don't really see being in a relationship with a bisexual man as any different than being a relationship with a heterosexual man.

other than i could probably butt ogle more successfully with a bisexual dude.

is it terribly and objectifying to say i would consider a bisexual partner a bonus?
 

dolfette

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Let me clarify. He said "pleasure response in the brain." He didn't say that straight males got an erection at the sight of another male's penis, etc. He said that pleasure response, in the form of chemicals in the brain, have been traced when males do things like watch other male athletes.

This is probably a rather obvious point, that straight males find pleasure in seeing other male bodies -- or else most straight males wouldn't have lives that revolve around sports (male bodies in action, often male bodies that are nearly naked), and straight male porn wouldn't include naked males.
there's a pleasure response from fine wine, good food, children playing, petting dogs and looking at art too. that doesn't indicate a sexuality.

the tests used apparatus that could detect even minute changes in blood flow around the genitals, not just raging boners. they could detect arousal levels so slight that even the subject himself would be unaware of it.

it was fascinating to see the demonstration test. the woman was reacting physically even though she didn't feel any desire or attraction towards the stimulus. i mean...bonobos??