Question for mom’s with daughters

EllieP

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Interesting question, and a matter I did not broach with my daughter. The whole Clinton-Lewinsky thing happened when she was young, but it would have been an opportunity to discuss exactly what constitutes sex. Everyone has their own views on the subject if it's considered sex or not.

In any case it's a form of sexual intimacy, but should that be a part of the talk?

It all depends on how much detail a parent wants to delve into. In my case it was sperm plus egg equals baby.
 

MickeyLee

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There are sexual health issues related to receiving and giving oral sex. The Herp, HPV and a few other STIs that are transmitted through oral sex. Outside of "you still need to use some type of barrier protection when engaging in oral" I would leave it to answering any questions she felt inclined to ask.

I have had "the talk" with a few young people. I covered the medical side "do not get/get anyone pregnant. Don't get/give an STI" The emotional side "yes, it's totally okay to have heaps of feels and it's okay to not have heaps of feels." And the societal/individual pressures side "don't let anyone guilt, coerce, force you to do anything you don't enthusiastically want to do". The sex talk is a mother fucking multi-sided die. Sex education is more than how not to make babies these days.

Which one of you wants to tell her about oral sex? And what information are you inclined to impart?
 

MickeyLee

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Oh, I wanna add. It's really important not to shame young people about their sexuality. Everyone should know that as long as they are not harming anyone or themselves, and it's between consenting persons of a similar age, there ain't nothing wrong with what you wanna do nekkid or who you wanna do it with.
 
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Everything MickeyLee has said in this thread. I agree with all of it. I've not given the talk to a daughter, but I gave a talk to a female cousin. She's actually older than I am, but completely inexperienced. She wanted to ask things she wouldn't have asked in Sex Ed, her mother, etc. I focus on safe sex practices, consent, communication, and being open minded. Condoms, dental dams, lube, and getting yourself screened regularly, especially if you're being intimate with multiple people. Be extremely clear on what you consent to and don't fool around with someone at the very least for the first time when either of you is under any kind of influence. I've lost out on getting laid, because I wanted completely clear headed judgement calls from everyone involved. Oh well, there's other times or if there aren't, it's a good thing you waited. Just because one person's kink isn't your kink doesn't mean it's bad. Sex isn't something to be ashamed of. Choosing to be other than monogamous is perfectly okay, so long as anyone you're involved with knows what's up. Monogamy isn't for everyone. Poly isn't for everyone either, though. Jealousy and feelings happen, it's how you handle them that's really important.

Edited to add: I rambled, but given I mention dental dams, yes, I at least briefly discuss oral sex.
 
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LaFemme

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I don’t believe in “the talk”. I educated and answered questioned at the age appropriate level from the beginning. I wanted them to focus on relationships, not biology, so that’s where my energy went. The biology is easy. As they grew older, the openness of our communication allowed them to ask more specific questions, so yes, oral sex, anal sex and various kinks were discussed without embarrassment on anyone’s behalf.

A good discussion about sex imparts the family values without imposing them, answers questions with facts (look them up if you need to), leaves the door open for further discussion and is appreciative of the fact that the discussion took place.

All mine are adults now with a healthy respect for their sexual relationships, their partners and themselves.
 

AlteredEgo

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My parents didn't leave anything to chance. They gave me the knowledge I needed to enjoy the body they gave me responsibly.

I would do the same if I was a mother.
This was my mother's approach. We didn't have A TALK. We had many over the span of our life together. Each talk was age appropriate, and increasingly clarifying. Outside of safety matters, our one discussion of oral sex followed a joke a friend had told me, after I was grossed out by the punchline. She told me about all the weird slang for the act, and made sure I knew they were not literal. Do not bite. You don't literally eat it. You also might consider not literally blowing on it. The main point was that I might not find it so disturbing a concept one day, and that would be fine with a loving, respectful partner, to whom she would prefer I be married. So, that was pretty much it. And believe me, I needed to know these things. I read so often here (or see in offline life) risky practices, partners who think of oral sex as gross, or immoral, something of which to be ashamed. My mother armed me with the knowledge I needed to be an open, attentive, playful partner, and to make good choices. I would do the same if I had a daughter.
 

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I taught my lesbian daughter how to love herself and respect herself stand up for herself and be who she is I also told her about dental dams for oral sex. By the end of the conversation I learned a thing or two from her. By the time you're thinking of the talk it's probably already too late.
 

sweetlucky12

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I didn’t include oral in “the talk.” Then months later I was driving my daughter home from volleyball practice when she asked “mom, do only sluts give blow jobs?” I almost swerved into a tree. We had a nice talk after mommy got the car going in the right direction again.
 

Holly Doors

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My daughters far to young for the talk yet although my boys are approaching that age and it's just as important to give them the talk also.
As a family we're very open about sex, it's something that should be embraced, after all it's the greatest pleasure and entertainment of our lives.
I certainly think every aspect of sex should be taught, not just the biological parts of reproduction, when they're old enough they should be taught about their bodies, what's good, what's not, how to pleasure a partner etc all along with safe sexual practice. X
 
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Scarletbegonia

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I didn’t include oral in “the talk.” Then months later I was driving my daughter home from volleyball practice when she asked “mom, do only sluts give blow jobs?” I almost swerved into a tree. We had a nice talk after mommy got the car going in the right direction again.

I’d have had far more to say on slut than blow job.

How did you handle it?
 
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sweetlucky12

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I’d have had far more to say on slut than blow job.

How did you handle it?

My daughter was really upset about the whole situation because it was two of her friends fighting about something stupid. The mean one said the other gives blow jobs because she’s a slut. It was a good conversation with my daughter. She came away with an understanding that giving a blow job doesn’t make you a slut and calling someone you disagree with a slut for the simple fact that you’re upset with them is bad for everyone involved. For the record, it didn’t sound to me like the alleged blow job even happened - just said to make the other girl look bad. Kids SMH.
 

Scarletbegonia

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My daughter was really upset about the whole situation because it was two of her friends fighting about something stupid. The mean one said the other gives blow jobs because she’s a slut. It was a good conversation with my daughter. She came away with an understanding that giving a blow job doesn’t make you a slut and calling someone you disagree with a slut for the simple fact that you’re upset with them is bad for everyone involved. For the record, it didn’t sound to me like the alleged blow job even happened - just said to make the other girl look bad. Kids SMH.

Yeah... part of my last name is slang for a sexual body part. Kids sucked in the 70s and they’ve only gotten meaner, it seems.
 
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