Question for Shy Guys...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Fiona_Farvel, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Do you prefer a potential partner take the lead when first meeting/dating?

    If no, are you comfortable leading with the right person/connection?

    If yes, is it just about initiating enough to make you secure in his/her interest, then you bloom, or does initiating always present as a struggle?
     
    #1 D_Fiona_Farvel, Feb 10, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2012
  2. robinson1991

    robinson1991 Active Member

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    im kinda shy..and i want to meet a girl who takes the lead..maybe a experienced one...probably im lookin to feel secure if shee really likes me...
     
  3. hairynyc

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    Quick answers?
    Maybe.
    Yes.
    Yes/No.

    I guess it depends on the situation.

    I am very shy and anxious when meeting new people. That being said, I don't necessarily need that person to take the lead. All I really need is to feel comfortable being in a person's presence. Once that happens, I can be very flirty and even sort of forward.

    When a person is forward with me it actually makes me feel really shy. I mean, even if I really want to kiss someone, if they initiate it I will blush like crazy. Same if they start paying me compliments. This is not to say that it's a turn off because it isn't. It just sort of takes me aback. I think one of the hard aspects of shyness is not being sure how to handle attention, even when it's positive.

    This--is it just about initiating enough to make you secure in his/her interest, then you bloom--is very much true for me. Make me feel at ease and it all comes out.
     
  4. SR_Dee_Zasther

    SR_Dee_Zasther New Member

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    I'm mostly on the same page as hairynyc. I overcame my shyness once I got some more self confidence, but it's still there, and when the other person is initiating and showing interest that's a huge confidence boost and it makes me feel more comfortable being more forward because I don't have to be afraid of accidentally overstepping boundaries that I perceived to be there. In high school, I had an almost victorian-eque level of prudishness and was always terrified of coming off as some insensitive misogynist to any woman I was with or interested in; it took a long time for me to realize that women want that attention from me. Obviously this is my experience and perspective and it won't apply to every guy. And sometimes a guy being withdrawn just means that he's not that interested and he has a hard time saying that for whatever reason, so it can cut both ways.
     
  5. rbkwp

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    and i was 29..........
    that was the fn age i was, and very SHY, regarding my 1st full on sexual experience
    (admittedly made up for it in the subsequent years)
    But
    it was to such a degree, that the partner i had, 10 years younger than me, and damn well experienced, i am quite sure, was getting pissed off with my hesitancy
    re grabbing his dick
    he actually said sort of angrily / maybe impatiently
    'i said yes, you can touch it'
     
  6. hud01

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    When i was younger it was about 50/50, but some of my best nights were when the woman initiated the sex. I really don't care who takes the lead. Some days I want to ans some days I let the girl do it, but I have to say now it is more my choice of who leads.
     
  7. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Initiating is almost always a struggle for me. Obviously it's much easier with aggressive women, because they make it much more clear what they want.

    I think most shy guys probably appreciate/like when a woman is aggressive.
     
  8. D_Dick_S_Lapp

    D_Dick_S_Lapp Account Disabled

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    I do appreciate when a woman is aggressive but it is dependent on the meeting. And yes it is a bit of a struggle.
     
  9. D_Luke_DickStalker

    D_Luke_DickStalker New Member

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    I guess I'm kinda shy but for me it's just about the initiation.
     
  10. D_JuanAFock

    D_JuanAFock New Member

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    If a girl, or anybody, makes the first initiation then I can lead/follow the rest of the way. I am shy about that very first initiation, mostly because I am uncomfortable in a very public setting. But, if a girl starts it first then I can usually block everything else around me out and go with the flow.

    EDIT: This is in regards to conversation. I have no damned clue how to lead into sex, so she will have to initiate that part.
     
    #10 D_JuanAFock, Feb 10, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2012
  11. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Thanks for the insight guys!

    It seems like Athos, Hud, Mr. Kenobi, and Hairy would be able to respond in kind after the person makes it clear there's interest, which offers a nice balance to the beginning where most everyone feels a bit shy.

    But for the guys who would need a bit more time, what could someone do to help you feel more comfy?

    How did you make the transition? Was it more experience bringing confidence or something else?


    Just saying, that sounds flipping adorable! Even though shy, it still kind of shows you have an interest.
     
  12. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    If not too personal? Does this mean you have never initiated sex or never experienced sex due to shyness?

    If you'd prefer to PM a response, please do. :)
     
  13. D_JuanAFock

    D_JuanAFock New Member

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    You would be right, I have not had sex yet. I am working on it though :)

    I am not shy about things online, thankfully.
     
  14. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Does that mean IRL the right lady would just have to pounce on you? :biggrin1:

    Do you think building a relationship with the online buffer first will make it easier to translate to RL intimacy in the future?
     
  15. Adomfg

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    When it comes to initiating conversation with women or asking them on a date etc. I'm extremely shy. In fact, I've never been on a date / kissed / held hands / had a girlfriend. I've also never had friends - I'm a loner by nature.

    Other than that, I'm an extremely confident person and go after what I want (excluding women ;) ).

    I've had sex with a few prostitutes, but still can't seem to approach "real" women...

    To be honest, I find submissive women FAR more attractive than an assertive women :p

    I would feel comfortable if they took the lead at first, I'm sure I'll come out of my shell soon enough :D But ye, I've never initiated anything, only stared and hoped, lol :(

    My fear of intimacy and women stems from my mother... long story :D
     
    #15 Adomfg, Feb 11, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2012
  16. D_JuanAFock

    D_JuanAFock New Member

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    If the right lady pounced on me, I think I would be in heaven :D

    In regards to intimacy, I think it just comes down to nerves when in person in public. If it is some place private, I would have no issues being intimate, but having a bunch of people around me makes it more difficult for me to act. I can also be pretty bad at reading what girls are thinking, so if they are subtle I might miss the hints, which makes it difficult to get to those private settings.

    EDIT: In regards to friendship, I generally have a fair few friends (I have moved around a lot lately, so friendships are lost)... for some reason people trust me a lot and are very open with me. I dont approach them, but somehow something happens and they end up approaching me and friendship happens. I dont really understand it.
     
  17. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Love relationships and friendships involve picking up in a lot of subtle emotional cues - I see nothing wrong with preferring one-on-one or small group contact. When meeting a potential intimate partner for the first time I prefer a quiet spot together as well, but then I'm also ultra talky, so... :08:

    I won't ask about your mom issues, but find it really interesting you prefer subby women. Especially since you know you'll have to take the lead to bring one into your life as a partner.

    Oh women, they make you do all kinds of unnatural feeling things, whether domme or sub. :09:
     
  18. Molins

    Molins New Member

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    I'm not sure if I would be labeled as shy.
    I don't initiate contact with people in public that I don't know. But I'm usually in control once we start talking. It's just that initial meeting that holds me back. I don't really understand why.
     
  19. StatusQuo

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    I dont need a girl to take the lead, but being overly dependent on me is one of my biggest turn offs.

    I have lead in the past when I thought something was there. It is a struggle being shy. It kind of sucks in a way, but once I think I share a connection with someone it makes it much easier.
     
  20. rtg

    rtg
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    I'm pretty shy...I like the guy to make the first move as in kissing..but when it comes down to sex, I want to be the one who makes the first move..that way we will have sex when I am ready and I'm not pressured into it. My bf was like this...he is incredibly shy and we were dating on and off for a few months, and it wasn't until the 3rd month or so that we had sex for the first time (I initiated it). It was great being able to go at my own pace.
     
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