Question for the "Bisexuals"

[B_Hung Muscle]

Back in the 1980s, in Torch Song Triology, Harvey Fierstein observed that he is yet to meet a bisexual man who has a live-in boyfriend and keeps a secret girlfriend on the side.

So, my question is: how many self-proclaimed bisexuals here (especially the ones who identify as 90 percent straight and 10 percent gay) are honest about their attraction to men with people in real life. For example, does your wife or girlfriend know you come on here and other websites and comment on gallery pics and men's cocks? A self-respecting homo can't drool over the gallery these days and fail to notice the number of horny comments left by 90 percent straight guys.

I'm not insinuating bisexuality does not exist so don't flip out. I'm simply wondering if Harvey's observation still holds true today -- that bisexual men basically sneak around with guys while keeping firm footing in more traditional and socially acceptable relationship. Or, has the discussion of same sex marriage changed that.

 

[Nucklez]

I think a big part of it goes back to the fact that bisexuality is still such an ambiguous term in modern culture. Probably what will have to happen is that the marriage pendulum will have to swing heavily towards gay marriage, and then you will see, as the pendulum hopefully swings back to a more middle point, more men coming out with a boyfriend or girlfriend. There is still a large perceived difference between being 'straight' and being 'gay,' so much to the point that some men feel that, if they were to come out with a boyfriend they would never have the same kind of opportunity with a girl (me being one of them with this kind of mentality) if for no other reason than it still feels like you had to 'come out' in a way.

I think you have an accurate understanding of the situation at this point, but hopefully that will change.

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

The NY Times magazine yesterday had a cover story about the banalities and ordinariness of gay married life in Massachusetts. Maybe some of the married guys in Boston will eventually take on a mistress, and we can really be a country of equals.

 

[vince]

I lived for two and a half years with my first male lover. We were 21 when it started and for the first six months or so, only two girls knew that we were more than just roommates. My brothers and sister found out about it because the youngest one walked into the house and discovered us asleep on the same bed completely naked. They were pretty shocked, especially my younger brother. But they had known Jeff for a year already and liked him, and accepted that it wasn't really any of their business.

My mum figured it out somehow, she talked to my sister about her son's relationship, but she never brought it up directly with me. She would sometimes drop hints, like one day Jeff came back to town from a trip and need a lift from the bus station. He phoned my parents house looking for me and then she told me, "there's a present at the bus station for you" I went huh?? and she said "yeah, he has curly blond hair and blue eyes" LOL

We chased girls together and fucked them together a few times. He eventually fill in love with a girl he married and that was the end of our sexual relationship, but we still keep in touch.

I have a girlfriend at the moment who knows I'm bisexual. We check out guys together. Funny we both like the same type. Another woman who I see, doesn't know that I'm bi, but I don't think she'd mind too much, as her son is gay and she has totally accepted that.

Very few other friends know that I like men as well as women. I don't flaunt it or talk about. Not because I feel there is something to be ashamed of, but because I don't want to deal with their reactions and the effects it could have on the friendships. It's kind of like, it none of their business anyhow and I just can't be bothered.

I think a lot of str8 guys sneak around on their wives or girlfriends with other men, or would like to. I know because I've fucked a few and have been hit on or checked out by many others. It makes me think that the percent of truly 100% str8 men is not very high.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I suspect that many men who act as bisexuals but classify as heterosexuals are more like me.

My only interest in men is the cock... the sexual act itself...

I do not crane my neck to look at men, I do not have any interest in them as romantic prospects.

For me my interest is directly traceable to the conditioning I got as a kid. The molestation was purely about sex. There was no affection, no, closeness....

My interest accurately reflects the programming that got stuck in there at an age when brain structures were taking permanent shape.


SO I suspect that a lot of the men who live normal hetero lives and sneak out for homo liasons are very probably acting out some script that got stuck in their heads as kids.


Especially such men as Ted Haggard and Senator Craig...
Whenever I see men who publicly denounce and revile homosexuality... and then get caught engaging in homosexual activity... I would be willing to bet solid cash that these men were molested as children and are having a hard time dealing with the effects it can have on their adult sexuality.

( and, no, I am not saying ALL persons who are molested have the exact same issues, nor am I saying that this means molestation is hunky dorey---)

 

[B_boynextdoorkpt]

I am the opposite, I love looking at a vagina and love touching them, but I have no interest in having a romantic relationship with a girl, but deep inside, I want to have great sex and a grea romance with a man.

 

[B_The Greek Dude]

I identify as bisexual because, when I was 12, I developed a huge crush on a girl. When I was 14, I developed a crush on a guy and I felt just the same way. If i'm attracted to someone, i'm capable of being with them regardless of their gender. If I ever happen to be in a loving relationship, I see absolutely no reason to look elsewhere since that would be squandering something that people fight all their lives for.

The only reason I hide my bisexuality in real life, is because my family is NOT tolerant of it at all, and if you've been through what i've been through. . .you'd hide it, too.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I am the opposite, I love looking at a vagina and love touching them, but I have no interest in having a romantic relationship with a girl, but deep inside, I want to have great sex and a grea romance with a man.

Where do you think the non-romantic interest in vagina came from?

Can you ascribe it to any event in your life?

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

My wife knows that, before she and I started dating, one of the people I was involved with was another guy. She doesn't know that I look at online porn.

I look at both men and women when I surf porn. I like amateur straight vids the best when I'm using porn to masturbate with. I feel like I'm getting real people, and both sets of equipment that way.

 

[califpat]

I agree with the original post. I am bi, closeted, have been in great relationship with a girl for 3 years, love her...but like to look at gay porn, get naked in the shower and check out dudes at the gym...I have just accepted that I am into guys, cocks, etc...but have no interest in dating, or romantic feelings, etc...

 

[B_The Greek Dude]

People always insist that i'm gay, but ashamed to admit it. If that were the case, why am I NOT repulsed at the idea of having sex with a woman? Gays talk about adoption, or in vitro fertilization because they don't want to have sex with a woman, but if I want to have a baby? I can do it the old fashioned way.

 

[D_Bemeslay Bugthorpe Boobtube III]

My only interest in men is the cock... the sexual act itself...

Thats very interesting. I am the same way and I always wondered if it made me bisexual. I was molested as a child. It didnt really bother me but later in life I was involved in an orgy and saw another mans penis erect. It looked nice and for some reason I wanted to grab it. I had another experience, by choice, switching hands with a man and jacking each other off and it was enjoyable. I didnt feel guilty or upset about it at all, but I still consider myself straight. To this day I still occasionally get together with other guys and jerk but thats it. Never had any interest in oral/anal/kissing etc.

In relation to the convo Ive also noticed bisexual men typically have gay porn and not straight porn.

 

[B_The Greek Dude]

In relation to the convo Ive also noticed bisexual men typically have gay porn and not straight porn.

Well, I enjoy sex but I don't really enjoy porn, if that makes sense to you. I've tried to watch many straight porns over the years, and to see a woman putting her leg up and hump a guy, to loudly gag on a guy's dick and to let her cum in her eyesocket does NOT turn me on.


AT ALL.

 

[unabear09]

I suspect that many men who act as bisexuals but classify as heterosexuals are more like me.

My only interest in men is the cock... the sexual act itself...

I do not crane my neck to look at men, I do not have any interest in them as romantic prospects.

For me my interest is directly traceable to the conditioning I got as a kid. The molestation was purely about sex. There was no affection, no, closeness....

My interest accurately reflects the programming that got stuck in there at an age when brain structures were taking permanent shape.


SO I suspect that a lot of the men who live normal hetero lives and sneak out for homo liasons are very probably acting out some script that got stuck in their heads as kids.


Especially such men as Ted Haggard and Senator Craig...
Whenever I see men who publicly denounce and revile homosexuality... and then get caught engaging in homosexual activity... I would be willing to bet solid cash that these men were molested as children and are having a hard time dealing with the effects it can have on their adult sexuality.

( and, no, I am not saying ALL persons who are molested have the exact same issues, nor am I saying that this means molestation is hunky dorey---)

man...thank you for posting that! I to was molested by a male family member....and i have the same feelings about my sexuality.....its all about the penis.....no desire what so ever to have anything more than a bit of fun with another man.....don't really check guys out (though if a guy crosses my path wearing very revealing clothing, i will look). i have never been able to put into words what you said here. again, thank you so much for posting that, and i'm so glad i'm not the only one out there who feels the way we do. Josh

 

[Phil Ayesho]

you're welcome...
thank you for appreciating it... I got pretty harshly reamed for saying pretty much the same thing in another thread....



Its funny... but the day I started to really get over my own molestation was the day it occured to me that my sexual response to cocks was purely pavlovian...

No deep seated confusion... no secret gay trend...

It ceased to be about "me" at all... about my thoughts and preferences... and became more like an old scar...
y'know, there, a permanent change to my physical self.... but nothing any more serious or personally telling than an old scar from something that hurt me once, long ago.


That perspective... that it was something about the structure of my brain... and not my innermost self...
Just enabled me to relax about the whole thing.

Afterward, If the opportunity to suck cock came up... it wasn't some tug of war in me between some powerful and unbidden urge and my catholic shame... it was no longer an issue of want versus ought.

It became something where I could think... hey, I did not CHOOSE to be conditioned to respond to dick... but I was... and, because I was... I CAN respond and simply enjoy this thing rather than hate myself over it.


I still can not discuss this with most people... if they have not been thru it, like you and I... they simply do not understand.

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

I lived for two and a half years with my first male lover. We were 21 when it started and for the first six months or so, only two girls knew that we were more than just roommates. My brothers and sister found out about it because the youngest one walked into the house and discovered us asleep on the same bed completely naked. They were pretty shocked, especially my younger brother. But they had known Jeff for a year already and liked him, and accepted that it wasn't really any of their business.

My mum figured it out somehow, she talked to my sister about her son's relationship, but she never brought it up directly with me. She would sometimes drop hints, like one day Jeff came back to town from a trip and need a lift from the bus station. He phoned my parents house looking for me and then she told me, "there's a present at the bus station for you" I went huh?? and she said "yeah, he has curly blond hair and blue eyes" LOL

We chased girls together and fucked them together a few times. He eventually fill in love with a girl he married and that was the end of our sexual relationship, but we still keep in touch.

I have a girlfriend at the moment who knows I'm bisexual. We check out guys together. Funny we both like the same type. Another woman who I see, doesn't know that I'm bi, but I don't think she'd mind too much, as her son is gay and she has totally accepted that.

Very few other friends know that I like men as well as women. I don't flaunt it or talk about. Not because I feel there is something to be ashamed of, but because I don't want to deal with their reactions and the effects it could have on the friendships. It's kind of like, it none of their business anyhow and I just can't be bothered.

I think a lot of str8 guys sneak around on their wives or girlfriends with other men, or would like to. I know because I've fucked a few and have been hit on or checked out by many others. It makes me think that the percent of truly 100% str8 men is not very high.

I agree, I seem to gravitate towards the bi men, some of them admit it, some have hid it, but i always know somehow, its hard to explain really, Its not black and white like people want to believe, I think you just love who you love for as long as your with them.

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

man...thank you for posting that! I to was molested by a male family member....and i have the same feelings about my sexuality.....its all about the penis.....no desire what so ever to have anything more than a bit of fun with another man.....don't really check guys out (though if a guy crosses my path wearing very revealing clothing, i will look). i have never been able to put into words what you said here. again, thank you so much for posting that, and i'm so glad i'm not the only one out there who feels the way we do. Josh

That took a lot of courage for you guys to admit that, its much harder for men to admit being molested by other men, i was molested by a female babysitter when I was a child, I hook up with woman when i feel the need, but I dont want anything else from them. I've never felt like i was gay, I love men and would never be romantic with a woman.

 

[liberia]

Although most people think of themselves as normal, the majority of human beings, worldwide, have mental hang-ups of one kind or another. The chief causes of mental illnesses are religion and sex. The fact is, all humans, male and female, are bisexual to some degree. Even well-adjusted bisexuals are often forced to hide their true identities most of the time because of the attitudes of society.
If anyone wants to gain true happiness and spiritual enlightenment, they have first to realise that ALL religions are bad. The Buddha and even Jesus Christ were anti religion. They were trying to tell people to open their minds.
I don`t have room here to write a book, and I know it`s going to take many more centuries of education before we can all throw off our shackles.
I give thanks to some of my present day heroes such as Richard Dawkins, John Lennon, David Attenborough et al.

 

[Nucklez]

its quite...relieving and moving to see you share your stories. I have the had the fortune of not having trauma in my childhood like molestation, for example, and yet your experience still provides comfort. My thing was always being called a faggot and all such other things when I was little. I wasn't even thinking about sex at the time, and yet I was labelled by my peers. That has been the ultimate source of why I don't confide in my friends sexually.

Also, I thought I was strange in that I am also just focused on physicality. For example, I am really bothered by the image of two men kissing, yet the idea of male-male sex is a major turn on. I have only ever sought romance with girls, and out of choice. It strengthens me to see that others have the same sort of attraction that I have. Thank you all for sharing.

 

[dudepiston]

Actually, the concept of all humans, male/female being bisexual to some degree is NOT a given fact! Drives me BONKERS when people make up facts! I have a sneaking suspicion that there are many more bisexual people in the world than we really will ever know about due to the stigma of it all, but that doesn't make it a "fact."

Now, back to the gentlemen who said he was molested as a youth, and that he was now conditioned to love cock. What he said made some sense & I think that's how it is for some people. But I wasn't molested, I didn't choose to love guys as well as girls, it is just how it is. I'm like Greek Dude, I had tremendous crushes on girls & boys as a youth. Now I've settled into crushes on guys only, because I think it's because that's the one thing I've never EVER had reciprocated. But I've come to a time when I refuse to feel shame or "wrong" about it, it just is what it is but this doesn't mean I'll tell everyone in my life about it. It'd be more mentally healthy if I could.....but it could also be damaging so I don't.