Question for the Celibate: Voluntary or something else?

[killerb]

I'm curious about this. I have a couple of male friends who have both told me that they haven't had sex in a really long time. It's been 3 years for one and I'm not sure about the other, but he hasn't had a girlfriend in many years. They both say that they want to get married & have kids, but they haven't been dating anyone for quite some time.

My question to those who are celibate, is it because you WANT to be, or is it just that you haven't met anyone of interest?

 

[D_Ben Twilly]

I'm not celibate at this time, but I have been. Sometimes it may be because you're not seeing anyone you're interested in, but celibacy is always a choice on some level. You can always go find someone to get laid with if you really wanted to.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

For me it's because of all the diseases out there so I just choose to keep em closed. But it's also because I'm fat & ugly and no one wants me. That's about it.

 

[tigolbitties]

Sometimes guys just really want to wear robes and dresses and they have to take certain vows in order to be able to do it and be respected in public.

 

[killerb]

Sometimes guys just really want to wear robes and dresses and they have to take certain vows in order to be able to do it and be respected in public.

robes? dresses? vows?
care to elaborate?

But it's also because I'm fat & ugly and no one wants me.

i highly doubt that

You can always go find someone to get laid with if you really wanted to.

i agree...i guess if it was just a sex thing, they could find SOMEONE to screw around with...that's what makes me think there's more to it...

 

[willow78]

Not only am I celibate, but I am also still a virgin.

Is it by choice?

Yes and no. I am looking for someone special but it's not as though I've been offered otherwise. I'm not deluded and expecting a fairytale romance but I want to be friends with a guy first and be dating for a while before doing anything. I'm too emotional to do the NSA hook-ups. If it was just about 'losing it' or 'getting laid', I would go to a male escort.

In simple terms, I'm looking for love, not just sex.

There are other factors involved as well. I'm very shy and withdrawn so I'm not comfortable going out and meeting people and it makes me difficult to relate to. I'm not what you'd call a 'looker'. I don't think I'm 'ugly' but I'm plain and I certainly don't fit the 'scrawny blond twink' image that seems to permeate gay media. Being gay makes it difficult as well. If I lived in the city I'd have more options for meeting other gay men, but I live in a small coastal area. It's not ultra-conservative, but there aren't as much opportunities as city-life.

 

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

I'm curious about this. I have a couple of male friends who have both told me that they haven't had sex in a really long time. It's been 3 years for one and I'm not sure about the other, but he hasn't had a girlfriend in many years. They both say that they want to get married & have kids, but they haven't been dating anyone for quite some time.

My question to those who are celibate, is it because you WANT to be, or is it just that you haven't met anyone of interest?

other...

 

[HungThickProf]

Celibacy gets in the way of my sex life...

 

[Zeuhl34]

Though I've made great strides in improving my social skills since I've come to college, I'm still a shy, nervous wreck when it comes to girls I'm interested in. I can be friendly and conversational and all that good stuff, but when it comes to actually making a move, I seem to completely lack guts. Furthermore, I'm sure that my complete inability to read body language doesn't help.

So, no, my celibacy isn't voluntary. I'm just not good at meeting girls or expressing that I'm interested.

 

[tigolbitties]

robes? dresses? vows?
care to elaborate?

it was a priest joke.

 

[Pierced1953]

I was for years while I cared for my ex-wife who has extreme RA. I knew I couldn't commit to any relationship and didn't want to hurt anyone or be hurt. This was my choice as she would have never known and it wouldn't even had been cheating. It mad me very sad and sex was far from my mind.

 

[airc3]

I am virgin celibate, never even had a bj and I've only been kissed twice.

A little bit of both. I used to be really fat and hairy (back) and never even bothered asking anyone out, never mind sex. I've since lost a lot of weight and had laser hair removal, but I still see myself in the mirror as that fat, ugly person. I find it hard to believe anyone would want me. I mean, no one's wanted me this far, right? It's kind of like, it hasn't happened yet, so why bother trying anymore? At 27, I fear it's just too late for me.

If I REALLY wanted to, I'm sure I could get laid by SOMEONE. And it's not like I'm waiting for a "special" someone, because I think that's stupid. After years, you just lose desire. Also, after being alone for so long, you get set in your ways and you don't want someone coming along messing up your life.

There's also the issue that I would probably suck at sex since I am like 10 years behind. I would be a bit embarrassed.

Maybe it will happen someday. If not, oh well.

 

[ryan25yo]

it was a priest joke.

and not funny to boot.

 

[D_l7b8o78o7u]

I am virgin celibate, never even had a bj and I've only been kissed twice.

A little bit of both. I used to be really fat and hairy (back) and never even bothered asking anyone out, never mind sex. I've since lost a lot of weight and had laser hair removal, but I still see myself in the mirror as that fat, ugly person. I find it hard to believe anyone would want me. I mean, no one's wanted me this far, right? It's kind of like, it hasn't happened yet, so why bother trying anymore? At 27, I fear it's just too late for me.

If I REALLY wanted to, I'm sure I could get laid by SOMEONE. And it's not like I'm waiting for a "special" someone, because I think that's stupid. After years, you just lose desire. Also, after being alone for so long, you get set in your ways and you don't want someone coming along messing up your life.

There's also the issue that I would probably suck at sex since I am like 10 years behind. I would be a bit embarrassed.

Maybe it will happen someday. If not, oh well.

You're missing out on life, it's called being apathetic, your feelings are paralyzed. I know a couple of people like that. I know that some of them met people online on dating websites. people have different needs, and even if you the are not the most beautiful person around you are probably the cool, laid back humble guy that others long for. So don't think less of yourself and go out there and find somebody i know you want to.btw I also know this one neighbor who is really hairy (really thick hair in back, ass, belly and shoulders) and fat and never shaves, but his wife is adorable and loves him.

 

[august86]

I am virgin celibate, never even had a bj and I've only been kissed twice.

It's kind of like, it hasn't happened yet, so why bother trying anymore? At 27, I fear it's just too late for me.

If I REALLY wanted to, I'm sure I could get laid by SOMEONE. And it's not like I'm waiting for a "special" someone, because I think that's stupid. After years, you just lose desire. Also, after being alone for so long, you get set in your ways and you don't want someone coming along messing up your life.

There's also the issue that I would probably suck at sex since I am like 10 years behind. I would be a bit embarrassed. :redface:

Maybe it will happen someday. If not, oh well.

Ditto, somewhat. Add the fact that I'm quite religious too, means that I have certain moral expectations that I place on myself.

Body image is a tough one, and I think nobody ever really overcomes it. Acceptance, and sometimes affirmation helps one move past it though.

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

Not going to say "nobody loves me" or some other bullshit!
Although it warms my heart to see how many people are so fucked up and in relationships!

Makes me feel like I've dodged a sugar coated, arsenic laced bullet.

 

[airc3]

I suppose. I don't even know how to approach anyone. I'm also still confused if I'm gay or straight, and at 27 I feel like I should have this figured out. I don't think I'm ugly at all, at least not when I look in the mirror or at pics of myself. But then I think that no one has ever wanted me, so I must be ugly, right?

Not only do I not know how to ask someone out, I wouldn't even know what to talk about during a date. I am usually all business and steer clear of personal issues with people, so I'm afraid it would be more of a job interview than a date. Also, like I said, I haven't the first idea how to have sex, so I think it's just better if I live my life alone.

And I refuse to use internet dating.

You're missing out on life, it's called being apathetic, your feelings are paralyzed. I know a couple of people like that. I know that some of them met people online on dating websites. people have different needs, and even if you the are not the most beautiful person around you are probably the cool, laid back humble guy that others long for. So don't think less of yourself and go out there and find somebody i know you want to.btw I also know this one neighbor who is really hairy (really thick hair in back, ass, belly and shoulders) and fat and never shaves, but his wife is adorable and loves him.

 

[killerb]

it was a priest joke.

gotcha!

 

[killerb]

I suppose. I don't even know how to approach anyone. I'm also still confused if I'm gay or straight, and at 27 I feel like I should have this figured out. I don't think I'm ugly at all, at least not when I look in the mirror or at pics of myself. But then I think that no one has ever wanted me, so I must be ugly, right?

Not only do I not know how to ask someone out, I wouldn't even know what to talk about during a date. I am usually all business and steer clear of personal issues with people, so I'm afraid it would be more of a job interview than a date. Also, like I said, I haven't the first idea how to have sex, so I think it's just better if I live my life alone.

And I refuse to use internet dating.

i think it's kinda impossible to have figured out your orientation if you have no experience with either gender...

asking someone out isn't hard...just ask her/him if they'd like to go out for coffee/a drink/ or dinner...the hardest part is accepting the risk of rejection...that's something we all have to deal with...

first dates can make you nervous, but if you just go into with no expectation other than having a nice meal & getting to know someone, it makes it easier...keep the conversation simple & just ask a few questions that aren't TOO personal & then talk a bit about some of your own interests...

regarding sex, no instructions are needed...when the time comes, your body will tell you what to do...a more experienced partner can also help...

my question to you is this: do you WANT to be with someone? or is it just EASIER & SAFER to remain alone?

 

[killerb]

Though I've made great strides in improving my social skills since I've come to college, I'm still a shy, nervous wreck when it comes to girls I'm interested in. I can be friendly and conversational and all that good stuff, but when it comes to actually making a move, I seem to completely lack guts. Furthermore, I'm sure that my complete inability to read body language doesn't help.

So, no, my celibacy isn't voluntary. I'm just not good at meeting girls or expressing that I'm interested.

Just take the plunge...it actually gets easier the more you do it...sure, you might get shot down, but you won't die & she just might be into you...I bet there are girls you know right now who wish you would make a move or show some interest.