Question for the Celibate: Voluntary or something else?

killerb

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...and after some time being celibate passes, getting your mojo back becomes more difficult. You do begin to question your desirability, and your ability. It does become MUCH easier to say "to hell with it all" and thereby making it a none issue and something that you don't have to stress about. And is that such a bad thing? You don't have to share the bed, deal with snoring, or get woken up to someone else's schedule. You get to eat what you want, when you want it. No nagging, no bartering, no dealing with suspicions or infidelity. So yes, in some ways it does make life easier and safer by making things simpler and logical. That's a trade-off some are willing to take.


very interesting...good points
 

B_Jordan85

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isn't voluntarily, its not ED, and it isn't identity problems. If you want to know PM me and I will explain. people can be idiots on this site, I like to avoid insults.
 

blondbabygirl

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I was celibate for 4 and a half years and not by my choice. My husband made it for me by shutting down altogether. Most of our married life I had no sex drive. Did we have sex? Yes and on average 2 or 3 times a week but at the time my husband was a sex addict with too high of testosterone. Sex was always awesome and it only took a deep kiss from him and I was wet. Even after having our two kids which virtually killed my thyroid. The probems arose after the kids were a few years old and my staying home to raise all four kids and being tired ALL the time. Many years later I found out my being so tired was from my having fibromyalgia. We were never alble to connect on any level that last year of '05 and we never communicated well which made things worse because it would end in a HUGE fight and us both saying things that hurt the other too much to forgive without time to heal. The begining of Feb. '06 was the last time we had sex before it was over. I adored my husband and hated him too and neither of us were ever able to make it on our own financially so we stayed together as roommates and best of friends. I can honestly say that I cried my self to sleep most every night and felt so very alone and depressed for the first 3 yrs. I did alot of self reflection and have done so much work on myself that I'm not the same person anymore. This is what helped me to start dating again and last Feb. I did. I had seen the other guy twice before I received a 12 page letter from my husband. I cried the entire day until he got home and he read my letter to him. We hugged, kissed and actually talked for the first time in more years than I can remember where it didn't end up in a fight. We are now trying to make our marriage work and it's wonderful. I have always loved him and the funny thing is, now that my thyroid is perfect, I'm the horn dog. He on the other hand is starting testosterone theropy next month so he can be normal again in most aspects of life. He is disabled which was the original reason he lost his sex drive. The meds he takes took it from him and he never knew because he had stopped everything. Use it or loose it really is true, it can and does happen. We have lived together for over 17 yrs. and I haven't killed him yet so I think we might just make it.
 

helgaleena

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I feel for you, babygirl. I was in a sexless relationship for seven long years once just because I had to be, for economic reasons. How wonderful that you and your husband are learning to communicate. I never did, in that situation; we split when we could afford to. But there were no kids. Kids have to come first.
 

D_Ricky Dickardo

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I have not had sex (with another person) since September 25, 1999. Before that, I was very sexually active.
I have many many reasons why I am celibate including trust issues, diseases, availability to prospective partners and that I am fat and ugly.
 

dolfette

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i could find sex easily.
i could get a boyfriend easily.
i just don't have the inclination to do either.
every year or two i arrange a little sex to get it out of my system, and then i happily tick along without it again.
i'm slim, curvy and beautiful.
 

D_Lee_Iacuckold

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For me, its been almost two and half years since ive had sex. Ive never been into sex really ever in my life, so this is almost the norm for me. The idea of sex is fun, but the actual action, for me, isnt something I crave. So I guess its a choice based on my needs. I might even go as far as saying that im homoromantic.
 

kiltiesf

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"...and after some time being celibate passes, getting your mojo back becomes more difficult. You do begin to question your desirability, and your ability. It does become MUCH easier to say "to hell with it all" and thereby making it a none issue and something that you don't have to stress about. And is that such a bad thing? You don't have to share the bed, deal with snoring, or get woken up to someone else's schedule. You get to eat what you want, when you want it. No nagging, no bartering, no dealing with suspicions or infidelity. So yes, in some ways it does make life easier and safer by making things simpler and logical. That's a trade-off some are willing to take. " Second this statement!!

Also, as one ages and one's self image takes a continuous beating:, from being told that they don't date people with thinning hair, or that you're too white, or that they're not attracted to red heads, or that you're too short, or skinny, or that you're too old (I'm 46), and its not as though I'm a chicken hawk - I date within 10 yr +/- my age. I realize that I'm not Hollywood handsome, but people running out into the streets screaming, "My eyes! my eyes!" I feel the gay community has gotten too superficial rates a person solely upon their looks and how big their cock is, versus a person's soul,moral and inner beauty. Don't they know that over time looks fade, and ED will eventually set it, but having someone with whom you can talk to, laugh with, are traits that will sustain a relationship way long after the physicalities of a relationship has wained?

To also add, when you hear your friends continuously complain about their significant others/spouses and how bad their relationships are, and compare it to being single, you begin to see that it isn't such a bad thing.

I'm celebate by choice, in that I'm not actively looking to date. I, like many others was hard hit by the recession and job loss, moved in with friends after years of living alone; talk about an adjustment period. I started a contract job, not my ideal job, but a job no less to close the gap on my resume after being out of work for 11 months. I am constantly in job search/networking mode, as I need/want a better paying job with benefits. The last thing I need is the distraction of dating someone, as I'm focused on getting myself totally debt-free in the next 7 months.

And besides, of the few dates I have been on, the more I've dated, the more I love my cat!