Question for the guys regarding embarrassment, from a girl.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Sweety101, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. Sweety101

    Sweety101 New Member

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    One of the main reasons I joined this forum was to learn more about some of the negative sides to having a large penis. I've sort of touched on this before in a different thread, but I just thought to ask it more directly. I've seen a few other threads that kind of talk about it, but figured it would be alright to ask again.

    For anyone that knows, what sorts of issues can a guy run into if he's significantly above average size? Not sexually, like having trouble with the mechanics of sex because of it, I kinda can figure that one out easy. But like, social problems.

    I ask because my boyfriend has on more then one occasion shown embarressment and possibly shame over the size of his penis. I originally thouhgt it was kinda strange because guys put so much importance on size, and love to be considered hung usually. I know that the main reason for this is from teasing or bad reactions he recieved previous to meeting me. He was treated badly by two previous girlfriends over his penis size, one running scared and calling him a freak, and another who treated it like a sort of trophy. I've personally heard members of his own family teasing him in front of me about his size, and arguements that started because of it.

    I think I can understand the feeling, I'm a bit busty and I had plenty of teasing or unwanted attention paid to my chest when I was younger. Is it anything like that? Or somehow different because it's a symbol of masculinity, maybe more so then breasts for girls? :confused:

    I'd appreciate any help or comments.
     
  2. FreshOnTheScene

    FreshOnTheScene New Member

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    I know a common problem is finding the right clothing to not only be discreet when a man wants to but to also be comfortable and have the necessary support. Your boyfriend should really sign up on LPSG, we may be a bit sarcastic... well more often than not, but when it comes down to issues we are all here for a common goal and I believe that is:

    To provide a group of like-situated men who can personally relate to problem(s) regarding a large penis and sharing our knowledge when we are called upon.
     
  3. Ganymede

    Ganymede Guest

    As can be seen in my (hopefully somewhat artistic) gallery, I'm not "big" by any stretch of the imagination, so I can't offer any insight from my own experiences. But I can offer from my friend and from what I've read.

    I read a book a while back called "The Male Body." It is written by a woman, but there is a whole chapter about penis size. The gist of that chapter is that penis size is a double-edged sword for men. On one hand, men with small penises often feel like they are less of a man than men with big penises. On the other hand, men with big penises often become known for that big penis, and as a result they become sexualized -- only. People come to think of these men as sexual objects, nothing more. People therefore tend to think that men with big penises are not intelligent men.

    So, yes, it sounds akin to what women with big breasts may go through. I remember hearing that some women with big breasts have had to have reductions because they felt no one would take them seriously with big breasts.

    My best friend is very well endowed. I have talked with him about it, often pressing for insight into how wonderful it must be to be so large. I have finally accepted that I have to drop the issue, and most likely never talk about it again. The reason? It occurred to me that it has hurt him to have been seen only as a sexual object by so many women. The stereotype is that men are just sexual animals. The truth, though, is that men are human beings; sexual, but with more than just sexuality. There is more to my best friend than his big penis.

    So, maybe it can all be summed up in this: men with big penises sometimes think that others believe that there is nothing to them but the big penis. Maybe it's like people with a lot of money who can never be sure if their friends like them for themselves, or for their money.

    On the other hand, I have to admit this as well. Men DO want their penis to be big. Though my best friend wants others to know there is more to him than his big penis, he has also made it clear that he has enjoyed the hell out of that big penis and is proud of it. He has said, however, that he'd rather receive compliments on something that he himself had to work for and earn, rather than something he was given by an accident of nature.
     
  4. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

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  5. Ganymede

    Ganymede Guest

    I think some of us average guys can fantasize about how great it would be to be well endowed, because it remains a fanatasy only. But when it is a daily reality, I'm sure that's another issue. I'm sure all the jokes, all the comments, all the requests to see it, and being passed around like a, well, piece of meat, can be tiresome. On one hand, it sounds great. On the other hand, while talking with my friend about all of this, I could see it embarrassed him. Actually, he outright told me that he was getting embarrassed and self-conscious about the topic.

    Suffice it to say that being objectified in any way gets tiresome. I don't have a big penis, but I'm handsome, more handsome than the average guy, I think. I've actually worked as a model. (I've been told I look like everyone from Jason Bateman to Tom Cruise.) But I am tired of being told I'm good looking. I'd rather be told I'm intelligent. A world famous photographer once told me I am handsome. I look back and realize that a compliment that was. But at the time I was up to my neck in that compliment, and all I did was groan when he told me; a groan of being tired of being told that.
     
  6. Ganymede

    Ganymede Guest

    PS: With my best friend, I finally realized that one thing that happened to him during his teens and early 20s was that he felt he had to live up to his big penis. He felt he had to live a life that justified having such a big penis, and he therefore engaged in a lot of meaningless sex. The irony with him is that he is the most sentimental, gentle, caring man who longed for a close loving relationship. To meet him, most would never guess he is well endowed. He is almost the polar opposite of any stereotype of a well endowed male. But I think he felt he had to live up to the stereotype for a while there, and I realize that had some very, very damaging consequences for him.
     
  7. Vestigial

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    I hear ya there, we are often judged on our appearance... which is why the internet has been comforting, even if others are incapable of grasping my form of intelligence. Personally, I never took much/any credit for all my inventions over the years, and my artwork was often destroyed or unpublished (unseen would be a better term).

    If you want to be seen as an intellectual... you will have to be _seen_ as one. Even if this involves discussion, you will have to look like you know what you are talking about... as though other people mightn't grasp your higher trains of thought, they will see you as confident and immediately believe it to be true.


    Intelligent-looking sunglasses, reading a thoughtful book on the train (aka wrap that porn magazine with a Philosophy Now cover), tactfully crossing your legs while doing so (this is one lovely advantage of a smaller scrotum), and keeping that deep-in-ones-mind musing look.

    Then when they approach you about the subject material in your hand, feel free to discuss your thesis on the kama sutra ;)




    Sweety101: Could be Jealousy, or just a way to take stabs for other reasons. If you care about it you should show him how to stop hanging himself and just let himself be hung.

    They will try to turn the argument in their favor regardless of truth,.. just like how male sluts are studs, and female studs are sluts.
     
  8. Vestigial

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    Sounds like he lost sight of himself, and emulated a stereotype in his mind. Society is currently tending to head this way, I feel I know why but I must travel the world more in order to ascertain my thoughts.

    Anyone can stick a big dildo between their legs and use that instead. Instead of use himself like a dildo,.. he should use himself like the sentimental, gentle, caring person that he is.

    He became as meaningless as the sex he provided. Though all is not lost, it's gonna be a climb back up... and one that you should try to find enjoyment in.



    Personally I feel any such act, even if it's just a one night stand, should be a positive experience that helps lift and carry you both through the rest of your lives...
     
  9. musclebare9

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    I have been treated like a trophy in the past. When I was out at parties, an X-girlfriend would rub my cock through my pants and get me semi-hard just so she could show her friends my size. I am proud of my size and don't mind showing it off but it became old after a couple times. If I am in a relationship, I want to be more than an object for show-and-tell for her friends.
     
  10. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    I think some of the older posts would give you insight, but I don't know how to link them. In a way its like a woman with large breasts, but with a major difference. A woman with large breasts is VERY noticable at first glance. Unless you want to tape yourself down you can't hide it well. For people to know a man has a large penis, he has to be seen unclad in front of a person at some point. Either he is spotted in the restroom, lockeroom, etc or someone he knows intimately shares the knowledge.

    For me, it has happened several times in places others wouldn't have found out. Apparently, some women tell their friends that the man they are with has a penis a certain size. Some men tell their friends about sex too. My first girlfriend told hers, and soon her friends were hitting on me. In a way I wish I had been less loyal and slept with them because she turned out to be a cheater. I am glad overall that I was the loyal of the two of us.

    The next time, my wife and I went to our doctor to ask for help since we couldn't have comfortable sex. As I've mentioned in another post, one of the nurses heard from our docs nurse what our "chief complaint" was, and decided to take it on herself to announce it to the world. As a member of the health professions in our town, that was embarrassing.

    Yes, hung men encounter women who only want to find out if the big dick is true. It sucks to get ready to have sex and have the woman say, "God I didn't believe when I heard it was so big... no way am I doing it." It also sucks to find someone you love and then be unable to have sex without causing pain. I've been refused and passed around in the past both. Sure its fun to have sex with another woman, but you want to make love to the woman you are devoted to.

    I can change my haircut, hair color, eye color, and weight, but I cannot change my penis. I sympathize with your boyfriend and hope he can learn to love himself for the way he is. Surgery can make a penis bigger, but can't make it smaller. Sorry for another long post. No pun intended.
     
  11. LeeEJ

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    I was going to say something about a similarity to large breasts, but you got it even better than what I was thinking.

    Everyone knows about a girl's big tits. It's fairly obvious that total strangers would see such a woman as a sex object. Your point about big penises, though, got me to realize that if someone you don't really know -- a colleague, or a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, or whatever -- mentions it or treats you differently because they know about it, then they had to hear about it through gossip, and from someone you've already known intimately.

    It must be like a sort of secret identity being "declassified". If you had wanted those people to know, you'd probably show them (since they wouldn't believe it if you only spoke about it)... but you didn't. They've found out about your intimate details without your knowledge, and probably without your permission.
     
  12. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    A penis can be really difficult to find decent clothes for, even if you don't care so much about showing or not. Makes things very, very awkward if you're generously proportioned anyway.

    Interestingly enough, as you correctly said, penis size is often 'secret' unless very obvious, it depends on how you hold it in, methinks.
     
  13. ONB

    ONB Member

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    perfect example... was when i joined the swim team in high school. it was my first experience to see what it's like for girls with large breasts... and for a guy there's just no preparation for that. that first meet where you walk out... and the whole girls swim team is there... female friends from school... your parents... your friends parents. :eek:

    it took a while to adjust to putting it out of my mind and just swimming... but eventually i just got use to it. and it made for a lot of funny stories amongst friends years later... and even to this day.
     
  14. 2Bo

    2Bo New Member

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    I must admit that during my puberty and later in my early 20's it was easy and comfortable to be popular among those that knew my lenght, depth and stamina of a constant sex-mood. I grew up and sometimes compared my size with a close friend and very soon it came out that his size was 'only 6 inch' where mine was topping 7 inch at 16-18 years of age. I recon that due to my puberty and very long 'experimental' period my sexdrive is next to none and my wife often tells me that I could've easily become a porn star. I am carefull to brag about it, but I can fuck any time of the day with 10-20 minute interval, up to 10x per day. ( if it's more then that wich is quite possible I tend to forget due to the fuzz induced in and by my body )

    Because of that and my larger size it now has become a challenge as people that I know well ask to have sex with me for this or that reason.... and every time it's embarrasing and hard ( and sometimes getting harder ) to say 'no'

    So what was my advantage earlier in life has now become a 'luxury problem'.
     
  15. Big Del

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    Well I would rather have my cock size than something average or small, but the other guys who wrote about being a sex object were right. Also as I am black I get the whole mandingo thing where I satisfy 2 fantasies in women - balck and hung - I used to revel in that when I was younger, but now I want to be regarded as something more than big dark meat
     
  16. fatunicorn

    fatunicorn New Member

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    yeah its really complicated. I've had women who went crazy (all the ones that I've had intercourse with), and even ones who havent don't stop talking about my huge dick, even after years. I've also 2 cases where girls said I was too big, one later apologized after she discussed it with her friend, and the other one is a deadbeat in bed (I never had intercourse with either, but I was pretty intimate with the first). Unfortunately this hurt me a lot because I really liked one of the girls, but EVENTUALLY I got over it (that combined with other factors in my life crashed me down for a while).

    Then theres the fact of being a sex object, Yes I know its erotic and stuff, but sometimes its true and it confuses things. I've had women be all nice to me and praise it. However sometimes an ex girlfriend will want me back (actually all mine have 3 out of 3) and I'm not sure if its for the sex or starting up a relationship again. Sometimes I'm not sure if they want my personality or just my dick.

    Anyways I wouldn't trade my dick for the world, even if I need frenuloplasty because my frenulum hates me. But I DO enjoying making women go crazy and I consider it a great asset in relationships.
     
  17. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    Of course everyone wants to be appreciated for more than just bodily attributes.

    In a way I can relate to what well endowed guys say on objectification as I have the chest size I have. They're out there, whether I like it or not and combined with the otherwise slim body I have it tends to make me a teenaged (and also not so teenaged) boys wet dream (understatement of the year... ~*wry smile*~).

    But just getting the same old "nice tits" or someone's eyes constantly wandering to my chest during a 30-minute conversation gets kind of worn after a while. Guys and girls will look, I know that, I'm used to it and I expect it - but if it only stays at that and their only expectation is that I'm a carnival on two legs or just their for their erotic pleasure I get tired.

    I'm articulate, I have a personality too, my brain is well functioning and can certainly go beyond 1+1=2 in logical reasoning - much more than just two breasts on legs.
     
  18. shrinkage

    shrinkage New Member

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    I think you hit the nail on the head. In my experience, I felt like it was something private (which can quickly turn embarrassing if it comes up in a public or social setting) coupled with the fact that you know there are only so many people that info can originate from. Sometimes it is welcome, but more often than not it feels like a betrayal.
     
  19. thirdlegmeat

    thirdlegmeat Member

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    There was an entire documentary that focuesd on primarily on this VERY ISSUE. It aired on UK Channel 4 (World of Wonder) and was called, "World's Biggest Penis." Last I checked there were clips available on the internet (I don't know if they are still there, since it's been awhile). I have a dvd of the program, since I was one of the participants. The producer interviewed all of us extensively on the negative side of being large.
     
  20. Ganymede

    Ganymede Guest

    I remember hearing about this program being in production. Please provide a link to more info about it. Wow. Amazing. This program would NEVER run in the United States, not even on member supported PBS stations. In the US they even blur out the genitals of native peoples of New Guinea.
     
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