question for the mums...

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, Mar 6, 2010.

  1. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    how receptive are you to male attention when you have your children with you?
    and at what point does a man's behaviour become inappropriate when your kids were there?

    .....

    today i saw the sexiest man!
    and as we passed we both looked, and looked, and smiled.
    we kept eye contact until we passed each other.
    sexy as he was, i was glad he didn't say anything while my kids were there. it would have just made me uncomfortable and i would not have been receptive while they were with me.
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    I'm cynical, I was always wary of male attention when I had my kids with me, my instinct told me a guy would run a mile at the thought of hooking up with someone who had two kids in tow. If I'd been single when I had small kids and I'd felt the urge to take out a personal ad for a guy I'd have hesitated in mentioning I had kids, in case he was a pervert (the bad kind of pervert not the good kind). Of course kids are cute, and even the hardest heart will melt when they do something sweet and men, women and couples will compliment you on your kids, but I don't think any sort of attention from a stranger that could be construed as sexual is really appropriate when one's kids are there. Also, if you've got kids with you it's a fair supposition that you're with someone so the kind of guy who'd hit on someone with kids with them is likely to be a big ball of sleaze.
     
  3. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    yeah, that pretty much sums up my feelings.

    kinda sad really.
     
  4. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    I can only agree. But mainly it is from caution about
    1) whether the person is a threat to my cubs

    2) whether my kids catch on and go ---ewwww, mom!
     
  5. Ramsey

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2008
    Messages:
    1,172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Verified:
    Photo
    No, I'm not a mom, but to give you some male mind input, when I see a mom with kids whether or not she is attractive my brain instantly goes into instinctive respect mode (i.e knowing the difficulty of raising a kid and the old school person in me thinking that her and her kids are the first ones to protect should something bad happen).

    At most, in my head I may say "wow, she's really attractive", give her a pleasant smile, and be on my way. I never have any flirty motivations and if she flirted with me (which I've had happen) I immediately wonder if her man is around or if I'm going to get stuck or screwed (haha) into something and get in trouble. I may have missed some opportunities with a truly single woman but I would rather play it safe. I've dated a woman with a child, so her having a kid(s) isn't an issue for me but in that case I knew the details ahead of time.

    Sadly there are many sleazeballs out there that would be all over the poor woman like nerds on free pizza at an anime convention.
     
  6. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    that's good to hear!

    it doesn't happen very often, but when i get comments/whistles when i'm with my kids i get very angry. it's great that you respect the parent/child dynamics and don't do anything to upset/confuse/embarrass either.
     
  7. L_Lynn

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2009
    Messages:
    517
    Albums:
    7
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Oregon
    Verified:
    Photo
    OMG- I am so hot for you now, Ramsey! (And I can say that because my child is not in the room! :biggrin1:)

    I haven't been approached by a stranger when my daughter was with me EXCEPT a couple times when I was at the playground with her and it was by single fathers. Somehow, single dad talking about parenthood with a few flirtations thrown in felt comfortable.

    It is kind of a bummer when your eyes meet a stranger's and there is a spark there, but so are your kids and, therefore, nothing happens. I think though, that if a sparking stranger were to come up to me and say, "Hi. I'd like to meet you for coffee sometime but I don't want to come on with your daughter here. Call me if you like. Here's my number." I would be amenable to that.
     
  8. Not_Punny

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2007
    Messages:
    5,542
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,204
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    California
    I absolutely HATE it when guys say/do things when my kids are present. Luckily, most men are polite and refrain.

    Helgaleena is right, kids definitely give it the ewwwwww.

    That being said, I met my current squeeze at a party that my kids were also attending. Male attention in that sort of setting is OK because the whole thing is social.

    But in a public setting and a complete stranger? No!!

    If a guy said "Excuse me, ma'am, I think you dropped this," and then gave me a business card or slip of paper and walked away, it would be better.

    Aren't we supposed to be teaching kids not to talk to strangers??!!
     
    #8 Not_Punny, Mar 7, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2010
  9. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    10,730
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    That twinge in your intestines
    I keel them. I keel them with an iron boat paddle.
     
  10. D_Czarova Zucchini

    D_Czarova Zucchini New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    503
    Likes Received:
    0
    there must be a way to make innocent small talk: asking for directions or some request for assistance followed by exchange of numbers or email.

    the art of conversation dead? what about the art of flirtation?
     
  11. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    not with my kids in the room there isn't.
     
  12. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2009
    Messages:
    7,846
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,730
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    My ex gave my daughter and me a great gift by leaving when she had just turned 3. Asshole. For ten years I was single and planned to spend the rest of my life that way. I knew two things at that time - I'm a human being with desires and protecting my daughter from that fact was going to be a major chore.

    She grew up hearing catcalls and inappropriate comments in restaurants and other public places, and I think it made her better prepared for life. She's now absolutely gorgeous and I have no doubt that she can handle herself in just about any situation.

    I am an unabashed flirt myself, and she is the same way. She can bat her eyelashes and swing her hips and get anything she wants. She brought quite a few boyfriends home over the years, and Cap always said he should warn them in some way - it's the guy code.

    All in all, it's a lesson in real life. Yes, I would have love to protect her from all the bad things in life, but then she would be absolutely unprotected later on when real life rudely intrudes.

    I'll admit at first when I was dating Cap that I was wary to show overt affection to him in front of her, but after a while it was normal. He has a habit of coming behind me in the kitchen and hug, more often than not cupping my boobs. It's an "us" thing, you know. I bet a hundred dollars if she came in the kitchen now and saw us she'd come behind Cap and hug him, and then cup his boobs which always cracks us up!
     
  13. D_Czarova Zucchini

    D_Czarova Zucchini New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    503
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'm sorry, truly.

    i was raised by a single mother who basically chose to be a martyr.

    different situation as i was in my teens and she well into middle age. part of the reason was she didn't want the complication of bringing in a stepfather (sex outside of marriage was unthinkable for her).

    i think now it would've been best for the both of us if she had at least tried to find somebody.
     
  14. B_crackoff

    B_crackoff New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2010
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    0
    In which general area of the UK do you live. I feel like a bleedin' innocent. I've never seen any of this type of behaviour, & can't imagine what kind of cultural background these guys have - & I live in an area that's supposed to be rough!

    Personally, if a woman's alone & out with kids, I only see the kids, unless it's a social setting. Might seem harsh, but she's got enough to do with dragging shopping & keeping an eye out for them. It's also unfair & embarrassing for the kids if mum's chatting & flirting.
     
  15. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    i meet guys. just not when i'm with my kids.
    and i wait a while before i introduce them to new men.

    my own mother exposed me to some very unsuitable men.
    one of whom was more interested in me than her from the start.
    fortunately i was old & mean enough to threaten to kill him in his sleep.
    lesson learnt.

    there's no need to play the martyr but caution is a must.
    i live in a nice, reasonably affluent, rural area.
    the comments are invariably from construction workers.
    ...maybe hard hats have brain numbing properties?
     
  16. AbeFroman

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    182
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC
    Verified:
    Photo
    I couldn't fathom approaching a woman in a sexual or even a romantic fashion with their children around. Its disrespectful and just the idea of it seems uncomfortable.
     
  17. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    3,291
    Likes Received:
    6
    Well my youngest child is 16,a boy,so he'd say euwwwwwwwww mum! if a guy chatted me up just like he said that when his mates called me 'Milf'.

    My other 5 are older and all girls and they are used to guys flirting with me and chatting me up as i tend to go shopping/nights out with them and it doesnt bother me.

    However,when they were younger i scuttled off if a guy flirted with me or tried chatting me up.I was married then anyway but even so i didnt want guys intruding on my time with my children.If the guy/s pestered i'd tell them to booger off!
     
    #17 D_Sparroe Spongecaques, Mar 8, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2010
Draft saved Draft deleted