question for the straight guys.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by schwulboy1989, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. schwulboy1989

    schwulboy1989 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    470
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Huntersville, NC
    Why are straight men, as a general rule, so afraid of appearing gay? So much so that many of you try to be macho, alpha dog, chiefs who emasculate and belittle other people around you...

    I've just noticed what I can only assume is insecurity or fear of being outcast?

    Part of me wants to understand this behaviour; part of me wants to complain about it; and part of me wants everyone to understand that as long as people continue to look down on homosexuality as a "defect" or as "something that is less than...", it will continue to be something to avoid being perceived as, and will thus draw out the fear/misunderstanding/hatred.

    I put this in "discrimination" because that's what it is, and I want this post to stay civil. I merely want this to be a discussion of reasons. I want this to be a place where heterosexual men can talk about their hang-ups about homosexuality and their perceived masculinity.
     
  2. MrHangman

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2009
    Messages:
    679
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City
    Verified:
    Photo
    I am tolerant, accepting, and supportive of homosexuals, but I am not one myself. The only reason I get peeved when people assume I am gay because of this is because I feel the ignorance of society. I hate the way that they think that you can not be okay with gays unless you are one yourself. I want them to know I am a completely secure straight guy who can have a gay person as his best friend, coworker, or family member and be completely fine with it.

    But sometimes I get peeved with the gay community too because they are all like 'oh so you're fine with anyone else being gay but you can't be gay yourself, because you think being gay is so bad right?' or something. Sometimes I feel like they don't believe that I can just accept them without being gay myself. I apologize that I don't like men, but stop egging me on with things like 'you won't know until you try it' and then when I try it being all like 'oh huh you tried it? so much for being 100% straight right?' It's just really annoying. All of the double standards and all of the inabilities for anyone to accept anything.

    I don't even know if I responded to your question. But I'm sure you'll get a variety of responses from a variety of people. Take care.
     
  3. schwulboy1989

    schwulboy1989 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    470
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Huntersville, NC
    I appreciate your response!

    I totally understand the "you never know unless you try" annoyance. I've been told the same thing myself, despite the desperate hope that I am never face-to-face with a vagina. I might vomit.

    I cannot apologise for others' actions, but I am sorry anyone has ever implied that you cannot be accepting of without being a homo.

    I am also sorry that people can' accept that you're open-minded. I think it makes you a wonderful person, and I think you should follow your heart and not the crowd :)
     
  4. Rowan Ravenseed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    500
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St Kilda East, Melbourne, Australia
    Verified:
    Photo
    HERE HERE!!

    I agree 100% i would like to see a str8 guy when asked if gay turn around and simply say "No, but doese it really matter, or would you like to date me"

    On the issue of Gay being seen as something undesirable I would just like to re-enforce my previose statements that people who use the word GAY as a derrogative (such as "Your so gay" or "i hate that song its so gay") are re-enforcing the negative imagery of homosexuality.
     
  5. Barely Big

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2005
    Messages:
    123
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Verified:
    Photo
    It's really just a pet theory of mine, but I can remember on the playgrounds one of the worst things to call someone was a girl (if they were a boy). The stereotypes persist that boys are daring, brave, want to go scuffle and eat mud, while girls are prim and proper. As a society these gender roles are still reinforced in our upbringing.

    I think as children start to understand that there are physical differences between the sexes, and they are introduced to the idea of a "boy" who would want to kiss another "boy" it can act as a strong pejorative for those who think it's an inherently female behavior. It's the same thing as being a pussy, a wimp, a coward, whatever else, therefore less of a man, inferior, etc. Not that this is ACTUALLY true, but I think it serves the same function. Something like "you're so much a girl, you want to have sex with men".

    I would again like to make it clear that these aren't my views, since I don't think there's anything inherently cowardly or brave about any sex, gender, or sexual preference.

    I could easily write much much more on this, and other ideas, but I'm up waaaaaaay too late, I'd be surprised if this is coherent.
     
  6. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,442
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra, Australia
    I avoid emasculating and belittling the people around me, but by nature I am an alpha male who is very much turned on by success. This is me, it's the way I am, and it's been the thing that women have found most attractive in me over the years. Success, confidence and power are aphrodisiacs to women, and even when you're married, they keep your wife interested in you as the decades pass. Interested in a very sexual way.

    It's certainly not a case of being afraid to appear like something; it's just a case of many of us appearing that way because that's what we are.
     
  7. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    11
    I'd like to echo what Barely Big said.

    I think there's a lot of pressure in society for guys to be macho ... strong, unemotional, large and in charge.

    How much does homosexuality have to do with it? Some, maybe ... if you tenderly fall in love with another dude, it sort of flies in the face of what Typical Men do.

    But ... when we guys act this way (stuffing our feelings, being macho, alpha dogs) it's not really out of discrimination against gays, it's trying to live up to unrealistic standards.

    Also, I think the more extreme alpha-dog behavior comes from younger, more insecure guys who haven't lived enough and become comfortable in their own skin.
     
  8. glowfish

    glowfish New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    There's a strange almost innate discomfort men seem to have with homosexuality in our society, I've never been 100% why. I make a lot of jokes to people, but I'm definitely not gay, I don't really have too much of a problem with people assuming I am (I think people generally think bi rather than gay).

    I think what makes the difference to most people is having a person close to them in their lives who is gay, a friend or sibling, and understanding that a person's character is independent of his or her sexual orientation. This seems obvious, but when people refer to "the gays" or say things like "I don't mind as long as they don't try to have sex with me" it's like they're talking about a different species of human.
     
  9. D_Bemeslay Bugthorpe Boobtube III

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Most of the times the macho, alpha dog behavior isn't due to homophobia, its to pick up women, and in the modern age, it still works.

    As far as the men who are homophobic, I think there's a number of factors attributing to this: societies view on homosexuality (not just mens. imagine if a guy told his girlfriend he was bisexual. See you later buddy), men who have been molested or have had male on male contact that was unfavorable, general ignorance, and of course, a rather sizable portion of males in the closet.

    The internet has made having a homosexual encounter even easier and most accessible to most men, and I am convinced as divorce rates continue to be high, as women hit menopause, or as men just continue to be sexual horn dogs (whether alpha or not), the number of men experimenting will be higher than ever.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted