Question: is he Straight?

unknown_rican

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Hi Everyone,

So, there is this guy I met at a event about six weeks ago. I meet so many people so often through networking - I never keep in touch. He randomly messaged me asking me - if I wanted to have dinner and if I was into owning my own biz.

He gave me his number then he sent a smiley when I responded. :) He told me he had no dietary restrictions and it didn't bother him - where we would eat. Eventually, we met for the second time at this restaurant. I got straight to the business trying to figure out if this was a biz dinner. Eventually, we just started chatting and he was informing me that he was actually in a long term relationship (ex wife) that ended over four years ago. He mentioned at the dinner he was heterosexual. He declared that verbatim. He has since been struggling to pick up the pieces.

He has been living in this city now for two years and he is looking to network and get back out on the scene. Mind you, he volunteers at two great organizations. One of which tons of women attend and go to - he use to date one of the girls but it didn't work out. He tells me that he is looking for friends a close group. He told me he would like for his friends to chill at his house and even spend the night at his house - if they want too.

So, I am in question. I am not sure if he is gay or not. I mean, I don't want to over think it. I am going to let you all sift through this. I am not the most masculine guy on the block either.

One of my gay friends told me they believe he is curious, interested or intrigued by me. They said he used his side business to start a conversation but that he might actually find me interesting in more than one way.
 

Popyuu

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If he doesn't believe in labels then you'll never know. haha but no your best bet is to take his word for it. That way you don't get hurt if he decides to play hop scotch over the gay straight line.
 

invisibleman

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Hi Everyone,

So, there is this guy I met at a event about six weeks ago. I meet so many people so often through networking - I never keep in touch. He randomly messaged me asking me - if I wanted to have dinner and if I was into owning my own biz.

He gave me his number then he sent a smiley when I responded. :) He told me he had no dietary restrictions and it didn't bother him - where we would eat. Eventually, we met for the second time at this restaurant. I got straight to the business trying to figure out if this was a biz dinner. Eventually, we just started chatting and he was informing me that he was actually in a long term relationship (ex wife) that ended over four years ago. He mentioned at the dinner he was heterosexual. He declared that verbatim. He has since been struggling to pick up the pieces.


If a guy tells me he is straight...I will believe him.:cool:

He has been living in this city now for two years and he is looking to network and get back out on the scene. Mind you, he volunteers at two great organizations. One of which tons of women attend and go to - he use to date one of the girls but it didn't work out. He tells me that he is looking for friends a close group. He told me he would like for his friends to chill at his house and even spend the night at his house - if they want too.

So, I am in question. I am not sure if he is gay or not. I mean, I don't want to over think it. I am going to let you all sift through this. I am not the most masculine guy on the block either.


Why is it a concern? Are you afraid that he will try something with you? Or you want things to happen with that man?

One of my gay friends told me they believe he is curious, interested or intrigued by me. They said he used his side business to start a conversation but that he might actually find me interesting in more than one way.


If I were in your predicament...I wouldn't bother the man. I don't question...I don't bother straight men. If he wants to do something with you...he will let you know.


I don't waste any time figuring out straight dudes or even bisexual men. If they thought I were worthy...they would open up about themselves. If your straight friend wants you...he would be man enough to say something. Be upfront.


If you are worried about him coming on to you...and you don't want that...you have the power to define YOUR boundaries. You don't have to go to his home and spend the night, IF you don't want that. You can define YOUR relationship with him.

 

LaFemme

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I don't know, but I generally take someone at their word. I don't know, but is it different for straight men being friends with gay men? Can't that happen? I'm straight and I have a bunch of lesbian friends. We go out to dinner, talk, see a movie or whatever just like I would with any friend. Any one of them could crash at my house without fear of being molested.

Can't gay and straight men be friends?
 

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Based on what you've observed, I'd say straight.
I really don't see anything to lead me to believe he's gay... and there are really clear signs that he's straight.. like.. HE TOLD YOU SO....& ... HIS PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN WITH WOMEN.
It sounds like he's just trying to get a social life back on track.
 

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He sound just like a guy that needs some close friends since hes getting over his last relationship. I really don't see what would make you think he was gay from what you wrote he never cane on to you he told you about women he was dating and he flat out told you he was straight so I don't see what lead you to question him. He just sounds like a guy who's getting over a rough time in his life and needs some good friends
 

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If he told you that he is straight, then he is straight. Just be a good friend to him. It seems that that is all he is looking for. If he wants more, he will let you know, until then be his friend.
 

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He's straight.

It sounds like it could be difficult for you, but just put it out of your mind.

Are there other possibilities around for you?

** sorry, re-reading this ... **

Are we sure that you are straight yourself?

I don't think straight men who are with other straight men worry about this, do they? What's the point ?
 
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erratic

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He sound just like a guy that needs some close friends since hes getting over his last relationship.

Exactly.

The exact details of his sexual orientation don't seem to be at all relevant here. He's not hitting on you or anything, after all.

This sounds like a guy who's hurting after the end of a marriage and is looking to put together some kind of social group to support him in a way that, I'm guessing, his marriage didn't.

Also, unknown_rican, you mention that you're "not the most masculine guy either." Never ever confuse stereotypes of masculinity for signs of heterosexuality. Trust me.

I don't know, but I generally take someone at their word. I don't know, but is it different for straight men being friends with gay men? Can't that happen? I'm straight and I have a bunch of lesbian friends. We go out to dinner, talk, see a movie or whatever just like I would with any friend. Any one of them could crash at my house without fear of being molested.

Can't gay and straight men be friends?

Absolutely yes we can. Most of my closest friends are straight men and there's never been any kind of weirdness - no homophobia from them, no me perving on them - just like you and your awesome-sounding lesbian friends. (That said, I've had to curtail an unfortunate number of potentially great friendships with straight guys because of incessant "you're not going to hit on me, right?" kind of bullshit.)
 

bigbucky

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if he is straight, he seems terribly insecure. most of the time when I meet men say thru a mutual friend no one blurts out "hey, I'm straight." or "hey, I'm gay." it's something that doesn't come up right away.

I'd be careful. lots of games and hustlers out there. see if you can get in touch with his ex-wife. a lady friend of mine found her husband had been cheating on her with a gal they both knew. the affair ended and she had a hard time forgiving him, then after a couple of years she found that he was bisexual. she was on the fence about a divorce, but that fact help set the record for the world's fastest divorce. lol
 

unknown_rican

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if he is straight, he seems terribly insecure. most of the time when I meet men say thru a mutual friend no one blurts out "hey, I'm straight." or "hey, I'm gay." it's something that doesn't come up right away.

I'd be careful. lots of games and hustlers out there. see if you can get in touch with his ex-wife. a lady friend of mine found her husband had been cheating on her with a gal they both knew. the affair ended and she had a hard time forgiving him, then after a couple of years she found that he was bisexual. she was on the fence about a divorce, but that fact help set the record for the world's fastest divorce. lol

I don't believe it was wrong for him to say he was straight. But, I do believe it stood out to me that he wanted to highlight that mainly - because, it was me. I do believe he is a little insecure and slowly is trying to put himself back out on the market. Which I still find odd tho?

I believe the real root is he wants me to help his business.
 
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Straight... seems like the only thing he is guilty of is trying to establish a good friendship with you. The fact that he announced his sexual orientation upfront was most likely to rule out the possibility of you asking this question.
 

unknown_rican

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Straight... seems like the only thing he is guilty of is trying to establish a good friendship with you. The fact that he announced his sexual orientation upfront was most likely to rule out the possibility of you asking this question.

That's what I am assuming too. I have straight friends though - who never did or have done that. They just say they have a girlfriend or talk about a girl and then they are done with it.
 

lafever

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Hi Everyone,

So, there is this guy I met at a event about six weeks ago. I meet so many people so often through networking - I never keep in touch. He randomly messaged me asking me - if I wanted to have dinner and if I was into owning my own biz.

He gave me his number then he sent a smiley when I responded. :) He told me he had no dietary restrictions and it didn't bother him - where we would eat. Eventually, we met for the second time at this restaurant. I got straight to the business trying to figure out if this was a biz dinner. Eventually, we just started chatting and he was informing me that he was actually in a long term relationship (ex wife) that ended over four years ago. He mentioned at the dinner he was heterosexual. He declared that verbatim. He has since been struggling to pick up the pieces.

He has been living in this city now for two years and he is looking to network and get back out on the scene. Mind you, he volunteers at two great organizations. One of which tons of women attend and go to - he use to date one of the girls but it didn't work out. He tells me that he is looking for friends a close group. He told me he would like for his friends to chill at his house and even spend the night at his house - if they want too.

So, I am in question. I am not sure if he is gay or not. I mean, I don't want to over think it. I am going to let you all sift through this. I am not the most masculine guy on the block either.

One of my gay friends told me they believe he is curious, interested or intrigued by me. They said he used his side business to start a conversation but that he might actually find me interesting in more than one way.
Ok, so what if anything came of owning your own business? It sounds like he was baiting you. He's weighing(measuring) you, it's what someone does while they're fishing(looking for a way inn). Also, whenever someone tells me they're out to network all my red flags go up. He told you he's heterosexual because he can't stand the thought of you touching him but yet it's ok for him to go after the friends you've worked so hard to get. Get rid of him ASAP, he's the kiss of death when it comes to the relationships(friendships)you already have.
C.
 
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unknown_rican

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Update:

I should've probably added that he text messaged me - stating that he was looking for "friends to hang out, chill with and even spend the night at his house with." Mind you he is 30 years of age and a working professional.

Sending this to another man that he literally just met for the second time. :confused: He would also send the occasional smiley ":)" after misc. conversation.

I invited him to a brunch he found a girlfriend of mine attractive. I invited him to another invite and he texted me and told me he wouldn't mind dropping the girl off unless she was "putting out."

So, I am not sure if he is or isn't bisexual. I spoke to two close friends whom both are women. They both said no grown straight man regardless of his circumstances - who has been single for four years and two years in a mainstream city should be sending another man a text message stating "I am looking for friends to hang out with and they can spend the night sometimes." They both thought that was a bit off. They did say there wasn't anything wrong with another man crashing at another mans home. But they felt that he presented that opportunity a little to early.

He also said he was looking for really great friends with the same interest. He didn't tell me what those interest were when I asked.