Question - Passion slow down in marriage

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by adam1177, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. adam1177

    adam1177 New Member

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    Just a question that's been on my mind...obviously, when I met my wife, things were all very exciting, and we wanted each other all the time and I was always hard...even after masturbating not but a couple hours before.

    Now I can get hard looking at pornos here and not even cum, but a few hours later, not be able to maintain an erection. My wife tends to blame herself for this, and in all honesty, while she is an impossibly sweet person and cute, but fairly overweight, as she was when I married her. I also have a past dabbling with men.

    So the question is, for you married guys, particularly any that have had same-sex experiences, how long was it before the passion wore off for you? Should I still be hard as a rock 2 years later every single time she wants me? Is it normal that I'm not? It worries me, because I want her to be happy, and I want to be hard all the time for her, but I'm simply not.

    Any comments or advice are welcome.
     
  2. amygdala

    Verified Gold Member

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    Does your wife know about your past "dabbling experiences?" If so, perhaps you can talk about spicing things up in the bedroom for both of you by inviting another guy into the mix? Just a thought.
     
  3. idaho69

    idaho69 New Member

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    Some slow down in desire is normal.

    However, I suggest you "save" yourself for her. No porno or masturbation. Forget the bi stuff and the internet for now. You need to be focused on her, not on this site.

    In a sense you are being unfaithful to her even though you are not involved with anyone else, your mind is elsewhere. And when you get around to giving her a turn, your desire has been spent somewhere else.

    Maybe some guys can do what you do and still get it up for the little lady, but it isn't working for you. If you're serious about your marriage, give your wife the attention she deserves and get away from the porn.
     
  4. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Passion has various manifestations. If you have come to think of sexual activity strictly in terms of "getting off" you are building yourself a cage that will bring disappointment and doubt down the road.

    IMHO you should be hard after having anticipated a session of "sex as it used to be" and finally getting to bed with your beloved. The foreplay doesn't all have to be in the bedroom. Let her know that you are passionate for the closeness you anticipate. I would think that this would be very true if you have not had the kind of sex you long for for a few days.

    As for down the road, let me say that someone videotaping the couple in love a few years after the wedding will notice differences. We hope the man has learned a few things about how to go about pleasing his dear lady. And, the dear lady has let him know what it is that pleases her most. Of course, the same is true about the lady's part in it all. We still learn best by doing. Partners in love are first and foremost eager to please each other. The scene after a couple of years may appear calmer, but that does not mean that the passion is any the less.

    One partner at a time , please! The suggestion above that you bring in another man is one to be ignored. That is a recipe for trouble. Question for the OP: Do you and your wife talk about these matters and honestly level with each other? I personally found that the afterglow of any happy session with my partner was the time for telling the partner what I found particularly great in our latest joint venture. I hope you don't have to resort to masturbation too often. Do you make sure that the two of you enjoy the fulfillment which comes when you are mindful of the wonder we express as "the nearness of you" ? Keeping the romance alive really ought not to be a chore for two persons who really love each other.
     
    #4 Corius, Sep 15, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2008
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